No Response...

[DE_BBC]

I've recently became a paid member on Swing Lifestyle, and I've sent some very respectful emails out to a few folks in my area that I thought I'd be a match for and vise-versa, and I'm always very careful not to send emails to couples not looking for single men.

What I've been noticing is a lack of response to my emails...and the thing about Swing Lifestyle is that you can see when a person has read your email...now I realize that everyone's not going to be interested in me...but I thought that more folks would at least have the decency to reply...."thanks but not interested" Perhaps I was expecting too much.

Thoughts?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by DE_BBC

Perhaps I was expecting too much.

Thoughts?

Yep, and its pretty normal in lifestyle contacts. If they are not interested they ignore you. Its not just a single male thing, it happens to couples all the time too.

[ItTakes3]

Our Swing Lifestyle profile clearly states her desires...single, tall, with hair on head and not on face. Last week, we got an e-mail from a married guy who was 5'8", bald and wearing a mustache. He thought he fit what she was looking for!!!

Since he obviously hadn't read our profile, he probably wouldn't read our response, so we didn't waste time responding. Those types of letters are quickly deleted, but all others receive a polite reply.

All I'm saying is to carefully read what the ad says before writing.

[wpafuncpl]

Originally Posted by ItTakes3

All I'm saying is to carefully read what the ad says before writing.

I'll second this advice. We seem to get lots of email from SMs that say that they read our profile and think that we will be a good match. At that pt, I know that they didn't really read the profile because it clearly states that we will initiate contact with singles (M or F) if we are interested. When they contact us, I just delete the email and don't even bother to reply.

And the other posters are correct too. The same thing happens to couples. If we contact someone, and I see that they have read our email and haven't replied, I take that as a "thanks, but we're not interested" response.

[bbarnsworth]

Lack of response is not unusual. Just last week, we contacted a couple that was, based on their profile, a perfect match for us. Our profiles could have been written by the same couple, it was that close. What they were looking for matched us to a T. But, no response. Oh well.

Keep in mind: with a couple especially, they might have one person read a message and then the other wanting to read it or to talk about it before responding. This is easier with singles. For example, I keep my wife fully informed of everything that goes on. I don't advance things with a couple or single unless I've had a chance to talk with her to make sure we're on the same page. So, sometimes we do read messages and it might be a couple of days until we respond.

And yes, do CAREFULLY read profiles. Don't necessarily self-exclude yourself if you're uncertain.

Oh, and one more thing; after reading your profile, I think my wife would be very interested and we'd definitely respond (any chance you can come visit Indiana? )

[DE_BBC]

Originally Posted by ItTakes3

Our Swing Lifestyle profile clearly states her desires...single, tall, with hair on head and not on face. Last week, we got an e-mail from a married guy who was 5'8", bald and wearing a mustache. He thought he fit what she was looking for!!!

Since he obviously hadn't read our profile, he probably wouldn't read our response, so we didn't waste time responding. Those types of letters are quickly deleted, but all others receive a polite reply.

All I'm saying is to carefully read what the ad says before writing.

thanks, but I ALWAYS read the entire profile and only write if I think we'd be a match based on what they have already written.

[DE_BBC]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Lack of response is not unusual. Just last week, we contacted a couple that was, based on their profile, a perfect match for us. Our profiles could have been written by the same couple, it was that close. What they were looking for matched us to a T. But, no response. Oh well.

Keep in mind: with a couple especially, they might have one person read a message and then the other wanting to read it or to talk about it before responding. This is easier with singles. For example, I keep my wife fully informed of everything that goes on. I don't advance things with a couple or single unless I've had a chance to talk with her to make sure we're on the same page. So, sometimes we do read messages and it might be a couple of days until we respond.

And yes, do CAREFULLY read profiles. Don't necessarily self-exclude yourself if you're uncertain.

Oh, and one more thing; after reading your profile, I think my wife would be very interested and we'd definitely respond (any chance you can come visit Indiana? )

thanks....I'm sure we could have fun, don't know when I'll be thru Indiana anytime soon though, LOL...look me up if you're ever in Delaware(like Delaware is a place you'd just be happening to visit...lol)

[realcplub2]

One other point to bear in mind, Summer is winding down, Kids are either back in school, or headed there.. And Labor day is this coming weekend..

Sometimes people get busy in thier Vanilla lives, and stop or suspend thier adventures for a short time.

Personally, dont take the lack of response as a negative, Some might be a blessing in diguise, If they cant be bothered to write back, maybe they werent worth the effort to begin with

[DE_BBC]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

One other point to bear in mind, Summer is winding down, Kids are either back in school, or headed there.. And Labor day is this coming weekend..

Sometimes people get busy in thier Vanilla lives, and stop or suspend thier adventures for a short time.

Personally, dont take the lack of response as a negative, Some might be a blessing in diguise, If they cant be bothered to write back, maybe they werent worth the effort to begin with

this is very true.

[sexcupid]

The thing is, even if you feel you are a match based on what you are reading...they may read your profile and not feel that you are a match. I just went and read your profile...and "we can meet for drinks beforehand...it's up to you"? I don't know...maybe we just haven't been lucky enought to meet the people that want us to just come over and drop trou before meeting/conversing. We've had some great online contacts that totally fall flat in person. Plus you state you are looking for a ticket into clubs/parties (the ticket being a SF...but who's to say you might not ask a couple to sponsor you in as well)...even though you may be exactly what we are looking for, we may pass you by because of that. The pic is nice, but a little male stripper-esque for my tastes...but I do like the fact that we can see what you look like, not just your cock...so it's good.

We've also had the read message with no response...we just carry on...sometimes messages get read or overlooked. And as someone else mentioned, if I read it but then would like to talk to my SO about it but since the little birdie is gone, I may forget (or vice versa). Sure it would be a courtesy to say thanks but no thanks (we prefer to respond as well)...but many just don't want to deal with a rebuttal from whoever they are turning down. If you've been in the LS for 5 years then you know it can be an uphill battle.

[Ed & Bunny]

I cant even begin to count the no responses we have had. We just move on and assume no intrest. As for ourselves we try to always respond unless all we recieve is a cock picture and a message saying nice tits. Those we ignore. Even when it is a single guy who fails to read our profile and see the not interested in sigle guys at this time, if the letter is nice we will still reply.

So dont let it get you down it happens to all of us.

[VegasLee]

Something else to remember about "people" on an Internet site, many fall into one of the following catagories.

1. This is fantasy land to them, playing swinger on the Internet but have no intention of ever really meeting anyone. They just like to get the email and play their games.

2. Husbands that have made up a couples profile hoping that maybe one day their wife might get into this.

3. Husbands that have a profile there and the wife has no idea and never will have any idea that she is on a web site.

4. Single guys that have a "couples" profile so that they have better access and don't get filtered out by couples.

5. The Internet has let many people become very rude. They would never ignore someone standing in front of them or on the phone but feel that it is ok to not respond to an email. Most don't seem to think anything of not responding to an email yet those are normally the same people that get pissed off if someone ignores their emails.

We have found that good single men do much better at clubs then they do on the Internet.

Good luck to you.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

We have found that good single men do much better at clubs then they do on the Internet.

This is absolutely true.

Ms.Sunswept coaxed me into the swinging world in 1990 and we were swinging as a couple until her passing in 2001 and we never had a web presence of any sort during that time! After that I was in a transition into being a vanilla single again but after a while I got some chances to swing as a single, that is how I found out about this board actually.

I had a Swing Lifestyle profile up for a while, but I gave up on that, and don't even try to meet people via the internet at all.

Clubs, and other events where swingers are likely to be present are far better ways to meet people. They can talk to you and see you, body language is a huge thing and that is totally absent on the internet. Actual physical presence is worth a million emails, pictures, etc. And as Woody Allen said, 90 percent of life is just showing up.

Here in Seattle we have an erotic film festival and other events like that and those are good places to meet people too. They aren't really like clubs per se, but I think they are better in some ways because any contacts made develop more naturally and organically and tend to be more successful -but maybe not as numerous. lol!

Just get out, relax, smile and be friendly without being overbearing. Talk to people. Clubs are great for that. That's my advise.

[DE_BBC]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

The thing is, even if you feel you are a match based on what you are reading...they may read your profile and not feel that you are a match. I just went and read your profile...and "we can meet for drinks beforehand...it's up to you"? I don't know...maybe we just haven't been lucky enought to meet the people that want us to just come over and drop trou before meeting/conversing. We've had some great online contacts that totally fall flat in person. Plus you state you are looking for a ticket into clubs/parties (the ticket being a SF...but who's to say you might not ask a couple to sponsor you in as well)...even though you may be exactly what we are looking for, we may pass you by because of that. The pic is nice, but a little male stripper-esque for my tastes...but I do like the fact that we can see what you look like, not just your cock...so it's good.

We've also had the read message with no response...we just carry on...sometimes messages get read or overlooked. And as someone else mentioned, if I read it but then would like to talk to my SO about it but since the little birdie is gone, I may forget (or vice versa). Sure it would be a courtesy to say thanks but no thanks (we prefer to respond as well)...but many just don't want to deal with a rebuttal from whoever they are turning down. If you've been in the LS for 5 years then you know it can be an uphill battle.

good thoughts...but in my defense, the "ticket"(your words) is in the fantasies/desires section...what single guy wouldn't desire that?...hell, a lot of couples are in search of that unicorn as well.
..and what's wrong with being a male-stripper????

it's no big deal if folks don't reply...I understand...I was just curious as to what folks around here thought...I find the posts here to be valuable.

..and being who I am(single black male) YES: I've had quite a few folks who were not into the chit-chat...they wanted to get right down to business.
Hey, I'm not one to judge...but I did think that by putting that line in there(about meeting for drinks) that perhaps folks would know that I'm not expecting them to just jump right into the sack(not that I'm against that...lol) ..but I know a lot of single guys expect that...or at least that a complaint I've heard/seen.

...but your thought were/are great, thanks.

[qreskupl7476]

All good responses, but VegasLee hit the nail on the head. A LOT of people on the internet are fakes in various ways. It's just too easy to cook up a phony identity these days.

Take it from a real couple however, it's EXTREMELY easy for a single male to come off creepy, not saying that you are, just that you might seem such to some people and not even know it. Not only that, but a vast majority of the single males that we HAVE met at meet and greets and such, HAVE been creepy, so we tend to be a bit cautious in that respect. However, what one person finds creepy, someone else may find sexy as hell, so don't give up whatever you do. We've also met some extremely polite, kind, and respectful individuals, and hopefully that's the category you fit into.

The best contact we've ever received from a single male (even though our online profiles state that we're not actively seeking single males) simply introduced himself, said that he'd read our profile and liked it, and asked that we check out his profile and let him know if we were interested. We sent him back a response reminding him that we were not seeking single males, however we also thanked him for contacting us so respectfully, and told him a place we commonly hang out so that if he wanted to meet us, he could in a relaxed, no pressure atmosphere. If nothing else, we could've easily introduced him to other couples that may or may not have been interested. Then we never heard from him again . . .

We ALWAYS respond to contacts, and we feel that it's the polite thing to do. The only person we've ever ignored was a particularly creepy individual that contacted us repeatedly in spite of being told several times that we weren't interested. He eventually went away, but he was an exception to the rule. Normally we'll always at least chat someone up a bit before deciding that we're totally not interested, and we always respond to at least the first message.