Not so flattering pictures...

[Spoomonkey]

Mrs Spoo and I were cruising around Swing Lifestyle and we got into a discussion about one picture in particular. It was really not good. If there was ever a picture that revealed a woman's flaws, it was that...

We rely a lot on pictures to decide if there is any attraction, and looking at the rest of the pictures - all with clothes on - the woman was quite attractive. In truth, if she were at a club, I would definitely approach her - and in a play situation, I'd have had no problems whatsoever with what is really just the "toll of being human".

But the picture... It almost made us move on...

We didn't because the truth is in a face-to-face environment, like the club, we would not have moved on. And we all have flaws when the clothes come off (excluding me, of course).

Do we put too much stock in ad pictures? Is it easier to "walk away" from someone you have only seen online? Or do we try so hard to be "sexy" in our pictures that we are actually hurting our chances?

What do you think?

Spoomonkey

[NCfuncouple98]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Do we put too much stock in ad pictures? Is it easier to "walk away" from someone you have only seen online? Or do we try so hard to be "sexy" in our pictures that we are actually hurting our chances?

What do you think?

Spoomonkey

Yes, I think you are right, and 2 personal situations come to mind.

1. The first couple we played with we met at the club, though it was months later before we got together. Had we seen just pictures online, we may have passed. Not they they are unattractive by any means, just not what we would have thought to be our "type". But really what we learned is we don't have a "type". It only matters that we all hit it off, and have a great time together.

2. We recently were contacted on Swing Lifestyle by a couple that we had told in December that we weren't interested. Mind you, in December we were still brand new with no experience yet, so perhaps we were quite picky.

When they contacted us a few weeks ago, we re-read their profile, looked at the pictures, and decided that other than the fact they are slightly out of our "ideal" age range, it could be a good match. However, they are both attractive and we like a lot of points in their profile. We are meeting tomorrow for drinks!

I think pictures can help, but they can also hurt.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by NCfuncouple98

1. The first couple we played with we met at the club, though it was months later before we got together. Had we seen just pictures online, we may have passed. Not they they are unattractive by any means, just not what we would have thought to be our "type". But really what we learned is we don't have a "type". It only matters that we all hit it off, and have a great time together.

I've had the same thing happen at the club. In one case, it was with a couple who's names we still don't know.

She was not what I would "look for" - but the chemistry between us was amazing, obvious to everyone playing pool and irresistible. And quite frankly, she was mind-blowing in bed and I'd be with her again in a heartbeat if the stars so aligned.

Julie said something in another thread about the internet becoming the center of the swinging world. I've never known it any other way - and the internet has never been kind to us. But I wonder if that is really our fault. Chances are we've shrugged off some couples that we would have ultimately hit it off with really well.

Something I am definitely thinking through as we are getting back in.

GOOD LUCK tomorrow. Hope you guys have some really tasty drinks and... ummm... whatever else

Spoomonkey

[bbarnsworth]

My wife and I put little stock in photos. There's a variety of reasons.

• One, photos can me modified using commonly available tools. People can be readily made to look like something they are not.
• Two, photos are hand picked by the sender, showing only what they think are the best. What's the whole picture? You don't have it.
• Three, photos are poor, two dimensional representations of three dimensional people. They say little or nothing about personality, magnetism, sexual energy, mannerisms, humor, and a long list of other aspects of a person.

I could go on for a while here, but I think you..ahem..get the picture An in person meet and greet takes only a little time and answers every question.

[Spoomonkey]

That's true about photoshop. One of the ways I have kept myself busy over the past year and a half was learning as much as I can about photo work.

I could give myself tentacles, a tan and a penis the size of Boston. And while I have never done anything more than filter work (which is readily obvious in the pictures I've doen that with) we are guilty of putting up the pictures that we think show off our best side.

That part makes perfect sense to me and I think everybody does that.

But I like what you said: "three dimensional people". People forget that on the internet.

Spoomonkey

[The Fuse]

There are definitely those people we passed on based on their pictures, and then made a pass at them in person . I almost want to just open my mouth and say "Can I take a few pictures of you for your profile? The ones on there don't do you justice!"

We have been pleasantly surprised in person, probably as often than unpleasantly. Usually it's because once people are animated and showing their energy, we find them more attractive. A smile and an enticing attitude are worth a lot.

I think it's not that easy to really capture in a picture what you want to capture. We have been hearing lately that we look better in person too. Kind of a bummer because I'm not sure how to do better with our pictures... and we don't really enjoy taking them for their own sake.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

We have been hearing lately that we look better in person too. Kind of a bummer because I'm not sure how to do better with our pictures... and we don't really enjoy taking them for their own sake.

Honestly, I was surprised you responded. I can not imagine what a woman like you would know about less than flattering pictures. If you have any, I've not seen them - and I've perved your profile plenty...

And if you look even better in person... I am so there!



Our problem now is that we have to update our pictures - which will take 1000 to get 1 good one (of me. Mrs Spoo could put up a license photo)... But with a lot of persistence, luck with lighting and a VERY friendly camera we'll get it done.

Spoomonkey

[Ed & Bunny]

This is all the very reason we are looking at getting away from exclusivly using the net for searching out partners. Pics can either:

A. Not be good and fail to show how good looking they really are. We have seen several people in person that look way better than in the photos.

B. Sometimes the pics are the best out of many and seeing them in person is scary.

But ultimately like you said, sometimes its the personality that clicks and that can be hard to capture in a picture. That is why if they are least somewhat close to our tastes and dont live a bazillion miles away, its always worth trying for dinner out with them.

[good times]

I can't tell you how many people we have met that we were surprised at how much better they looked in person than they did in their pictures. Sometimes it is just poor photography or people that are obviously not comfortable in front of the camera. Other times, it is just bad choices of poses.

As an example, It never fails to puzzle me why so many people include a butt shot of the woman when they really should have passed on that one. Fact is, in my case, My eyesight isn't all that good up close any more. So if I hadn't seen their not so flattering butt in living color on my 26" monitor, I would never have notice those flaws in person.

Personally, I think it is a good thing when people try to pick their best pictures for their profile, because so often the people still look much better in person. If they just threw up any old picture (some obviously do), we would probably pass and never get the chance to meet.

Before anyone chooses to point it out to me, yes, I know, I think our profile has every picture of me that has been taken in the last two or three years, and yes, they pretty much suck. I am one of those people that is just not very good in front of the camera. I guess I just need to take a good wiener picture and put it up and leave it at that.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Honestly, I was surprised you responded. I can not imagine what a woman like you would know about less than flattering pictures. If you have any, I've not seen them - and I've perved your profile plenty...

And if you look even better in person... I am so there!

{Grin} Well, I always try to post the most flattering ones. Like others, I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as modifications are kept to cropping, color/contrast and fixing redeye, i.e. no editing out the tummy or blemishes. Upon hearing "you look better in person" a few times I just chalked it up to flirting, but after a few more times with less time in between, I started to wonder.

And if you EVER head this way, we'd love to hear from you.

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Our problem now is that we have to update our pictures - which will take 1000 to get 1 good one (of me. Mrs Spoo could put up a license photo)... But with a lot of persistence, luck with lighting and a VERY friendly camera we'll get it done.

Spoomonkey

I've perved your pictures too, as recently as yesterday. Can't wait for the updates! The camera does indeed love Mrs. Spoomonkey... and you don't look bad yourself, once you take off the purple suit.

One other thing, this one actually on topic (yay!) -- after doing this for a few years now, we are definitely more willing to meet some people now whom we would have passed by earlier because of their pictures. We just know better what to look for, what's a deal-breaker, and what's not. However, we do find we like meeting people through parties and Meet-n-Greets a lot more than we used to.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

However, we do find we like meeting people through parties and Meet-n-Greets a lot more than we used to.

We do out best through our local club and our one party experience was really awful (extremely pushy crowd). But we are looking into some possible house party groups around here and are thinking about trying our luck.

Maybe the picture thing really is about being in the lifestyle long enough to know that you can't judge a book by its cover... Maybe it just means that Mrs Spoo and I are "growing up"

Spoomonkey

(note to self: grab map, draw circles, make plans for eventual road trip. )

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

...after doing this for a few years now, we are definitely more willing to meet some people now whom we would have passed by earlier because of their pictures. We just know better what to look for, what's a deal-breaker, and what's not.

This is us. I can't believe how different people look in real life.

One couple we met recently does not have flattering pictures in their profile, yet in person, she is gorgeous, and he's not too bad himself. We just don't (or can't) rely on pictures anymore. Even with the age of digital cameras and super megapixels, we find they're just not that accurate anymore.

[Chicup]

Ah good Spoo seems to be back for real this time, now I can go back to full time 'badcop'.

While I wish we found pictures to be worse than reality, the truth is its the other way around mostly.

People use the most flattering which is understandable but is often a bit of a lie. My gripe has always been old pictures, though I expect in the next 10 years it will become shopped pictures. I too have been playing with photoshop and the stuff you can do is amazing even with only limited skills.

So yes some people really look a lot better in person, I know I do because of my skin tone being so white I'm always over exposed, but its not been the majority of our encounters.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Ah good Spoo seems to be back for real this time, now I can go back to full time 'badcop'.

I came back to spell you, Chicup. I only left to prove the whole "bad cop" thing was a role.

Originally Posted by Chicup

People use the most flattering which is understandable but is often a bit of a lie.

Some people have a very different idea of what "flattering" means than you and I do. There are people out there that struggle with pics and just don't have an artistic eye.

I am thinking that we need to make allowances for that, you know?

Spoomonkey

[If_You_Please]

A Flattering Picture...

...and all these years I just thought It was a myth...