Meeting up ASAP

[Ed & Bunny]

So now that things have calmed down in our lives and we are able to give serious attention to swinging, we are doing our best to meet people. One thing we are trying this time is to cut the chatter and cut to the chase and meet up. We are doing this for two reasons: One we always hear or read about the fakes, posers, and picture collectors pushing the online chats on for as long as possible. Two we have had some chats go on way to long to then find out we are not compatable ( hate wasting all that time). So now we want to try to just meet up as soon as reasonable possible so that we can eliminate the fakes and those who we dont click with and reasure others that we are serious and want to meet.

So my concern is how best to do this without seeming pushy or desperate. There has to be a balance here and we would love some advice from all the wonderfull people here.

[Dave_kat]

In 13 years for us, we've rarely if ever managed to meet someone from online. A few yes, but the majority we meet are at clubs, particularly the Meet and Greets hosted by local groups. You can try those, it lets you get out there and meet others who are actively looking. It does avoid those fake or long winded couples.

[The Fuse]

Sometimes people are really just busy and can't meet up anytime soon after a dialogue is started. That said, when we are pretty sure we'd like to meet someone, we ask them to talk on the telephone. Almost anyone who is serious will do that, though there are exceptions. That weeds out a) fakes and 2) people you will quickly discover aren't for you after talking with them.

But in general, we politely suggest meeting and give a few dates and times when we're currently free. If they dodge that question, we might ask one more time, but after probably two tries, we just ask them to let us know when they want to meet. Usually they just go away after that if they are not serious about meeting. I don't think we've ever had to try to get someone to stop chatting after that, but that's probably because we don't chat often in the first place. So maybe that's the key...

[PB&J]

We've been pretty successful meeting people online in the past year and a half. Once we make initial contact, and chat on msn a few times, we usually meet within a couple of weeks for a drink and sometimes (heck, often!) proceed from there. If after those few chats we don't seem to be getting anywhere, we give up.

[red96]

We usually chat a little on line too then set up a meeting at a public place. We do not like to chat for a long period of time either. It seems that if we chat with someone for long period of time either they lose interest or we do.
We generally try to meet within a week or two of making the initial contact.

[JustAskJulie]

Our attitude is the same way. If we are going to meet you in person, let's do it. However, the few times we've actually met a couple one on one... it ended up being a bust. I can only recall one time that was not (and it was a couple we'd met previously and had obviously had a connection with at the time).

What we've done to get around all the email tag, etc. Is once the contact begins and they've acknowledged any interest. We ask them if they are interested in meeting and start trying to set up a date. If they disappear, we mark them off and move on. If they say they are interested but the date won't work, we keep trying. But, what's worked best for us overall, is our group dinners. We started a group on Swing Lifestyle and invited every couple that we THINK there might be any interest in. Then about once a month we set up a group dinner. Send out invites to everyone. And then make the reservation according to how many say they will be there. Last night we had 10 couples. It works out well as we aren't tied to any one couple, so no awkwardness of not hitting it off. And if they don't like us, there's several other couples that everyone has a chance to meet and talk to. We've met some great couples this way, and some not so great, but overall we've really enjoyed it and others seem to as well.

[Additude]

It's possible you might seem pushy to people that are not serious about meeting, but otherwise, your really looking for people that share the same outlook as yourselves.

What you might consider pushy, would be normal for serious swingers.

If someone says, "Hey, we would love to meet, but our schedule is really taxed right now until the middle of next month...." then thats more serious than "Let's chat later..."

[good times]

Originally Posted by Ed & Bunny

So my concern is how best to do this without seeming pushy or desperate.

I think most missed opportunities are the result of people not asking because they are worried about what other will think of them than anything else.

Don't worry about it, if people refuse to meet you because they think you are to pushy or desperate, they most likely wouldn't have ever met with you anyway.

[Ed & Bunny]

Thanks all for chipping in your advice. From what you are all saying, we are doing it just about right. We know people are busy so the meet may not happen for up to a couple of weeks but we want to at least set one up.

Attitude, and Goodtimes what you say sounds about what we were thinking but we needed to hear it from somewhere else.

Now lets see if we can meet some people.

[twoforone100]

We perfer to chat some... and the fakes and pic collecters usually will go away... Yes we usually try to set up a meet but we try to have talked ( for more than a min) 3 or 4 times... most times the fakes will have forgotten what they have said and make a mistake...( we save all im's) and will the same question or questions a each time...( sort of like cops do) It works for us... We also tell people where we will be... at a club or something...


As for the rushed " lets meet"... it does send up a red flag to us.. but everyones experiences are different.

[sjsl]

Whenever we read a profile online, we get a gut instinct about them. If we are contacted by a couple, we read the e-mail and the profile and we still go by our gut. Two examples from the last month or so.

1) Couple contacted us, we both liked their profile enough to respond. It took 4 weeks for us to finally meet. They cancelled once and we turned them down twice. We finally met them last Friday, looking forward to spending more time with them.

2) Couple contacted us, she had concerns because the man of the couple sounded like a braggart. It was 2 sentences, she thought it was a red flag for her. Other than that, they sounded nice. After we responded saying there was some interest, things went downhill. He wrote back saying they wanted to meet during the week and we could schedule our playtime for the following Saturday. We hadnt even met and they were planning a night to play. We were told they dont like to "waste" their Saturday nights on meetings. Her gut instinct was right about them.

I think it is all about how you approach the subject. We are not spontaneous but if given a few days to plan it, we will meet. Too many times if we say we are busy on the day they want to meet, we never hear from them again. Why does it seem like their schedule is more imortant than ours? If someone says in their profile that they have been burned by no shows or flakes, we understand. That does not mean we are going to change. If someone plans a meet with us, we are going out either way. If they cancel, we still had our night out together. Lets face it, this is a crapshoot. If you get a good feeling about a couple, put the ball in their court. Dont give up on them but dont get mad if it takes time to meet.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by sjsl

We hadnt even met and they were planning a night to play. We were told they dont like to "waste" their Saturday nights on meetings. Her gut instinct was right about them.
t.

how was her gut instinct right? he was direct and to the point. your not on swinging sites to make friends, or expand your tupperware parties... your there to find playmates.

we're at a similar point. we're sick of chatting for eons, meeting up 3 or 4 times, and not playing... couple 2 sounds like we'd sound... we're in this to fuck, lets meet once and see if there are any objections, otherwise, why waste a weekend?

[sjsl]

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

how was her gut instinct right? he was direct and to the point. your not on swinging sites to make friends, or expand your tupperware parties... your there to find playmates.

What some people might consider direct and to the point, others might call that presumptious and pushy. Her gut instinct was a result of a profile that sounded a little too much like bragging. We have found that braggarts are pushy, in this case he was.
The original poster asked how to say you dont want to take forever to meet without being pushy. I was giving an example of what not to do.
Since we have never met, you are assuming that we are not here to expand our tupperware parties. Maybe we are

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by sjsl

What some people might consider direct and to the point, others might call that presumptious and pushy. Her gut instinct was a result of a profile that sounded a little too much like bragging. We have found that braggarts are pushy, in this case he was.
The original poster asked how to say you dont want to take forever to meet without being pushy. I was giving an example of what not to do.
Since we have never met, you are assuming that we are not here to expand our tupperware parties. Maybe we are

i think it was chicup that said "you wouldn't ask your bbq friends over to fuck, why would you ask your swinging friends to a bbq?

[sjsl]

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

i think it was chicup that said "you wouldn't ask your bbq friends over to fuck, why would you ask your swinging friends to a bbq?

They might be hungry?

You make it sound like there is only one way to do things. Just because we or anybody else does not approach swinging "exactly" like you or anybody else, does that make us wrong? No. It only means we are not the type you would choose and you are not the type we would choose.

I believe it was Cicero that said "to each his own".