when to rescind offer of meetup?

[NotSorry]

Couple A emailed us on 3/18 saying we share interests and would probably get along, and we should let them know if we're interested. They're free members with cute pictures and a nice profile. We wrote back on 3/20 saying we're interested, we'd like to get back to them in a few days when we can give them potential times to meet up. We worked out a babysitting weekend and so on 3/25 we wrote them again to ask about getting together on 4/17 for a dinner or coffee meet 'n' greet (we also mentioned Sunday afternoon 4/19 as a possibility if the 17th didn't work).

We haven't heard anything from them since their initial email. We're usually on every day and have been keeping an eye on their "last online" status. They've been on a few times since, but not every day.

We've got the babysitting plans all set up for the weekend (we've hopefully got a hot date on 4/18), so we'd like to go out - we've got a few couples we'd like to do initial vanilla meetings with (just not enough time for them all). There's another couple that we've been talking to by email... so if Couple A can't do it or never gets back to us, we'll ask Couple B about that date.

The question here is... at what point is it socially acceptable (assuming you think it is) to send a polite "sorry the 17th didn't work out, just let us know if you're still interested in meeting up sometime" note to Couple A? We want to give Couple B enough time so that we're not asking them last minute... but giving people a narrow window to respond is lame too.

(Just as an afterthought, we're not stressing their lack of response or jumping to conclusions - there's a million different reasons why they haven't gotten back to us, and there's no point trying to interpret it)

[The Fuse]

Hi there,

I started a thread a lot like this a couple of months ago, and there was some good advice. It's here: http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...her-plans.html.

After reading the advice on the thread, I've come to the conclusion that even if you've asked someone about such-and-such date a few weeks down the road, if they haven't replied at all in spite of having been online, then you should be free to make other plans after the offer's been out there long enough for them to have seen it, with maybe a day added on for politeness.

If we made other plans in this situation we'd then just write to Couple A and say "Hey, since we didn't hear from you, we made other plans, hope to see you sometime soon." Then either of you could bring up another date. I think this is what you wrote in your OP.

I've also come to the conclusion that this applies even more when you haven't met the people in person. Many people say "Hey, we'd love to meet you soon", but when you throw out a date they don't respond. Pretty often these are the ones who are writing to you at 9 PM on a Friday night wondering if you can go out. That works for some people, but if you need prior arrangements then it is a pretty big incompatibility factor.

I hope my rambling semi-formed opinions were a little useful to you.

[JustAskJulie]

If it's been more than a week (and it has) I would assume they aren't replying and move on. If you hear from them after that, I'd just reply back that since you hadn't heard from them you made other plans.

There's really not reason to write them and rescind the offer to meet. I'd just take this as yet another case of people who don't reply, or aren't really serious about meeting, etc.

[realcplub2]

We are a bit different. we prefer to take things slower.. its a situation where emails are just the beginning of the process we use..

By the very nature of how we do things communication back and forth CAN be a longer drawn out process.

We do on occasion fall out of touch for a short time anyone can fall out of touch christ LIFE happens..

HOWEVER we never make plans to meet, and then cancel at the last minute or want it to happen to us.. But it does happen. Disappointing sure, but we just use the time to enjoy each other. Then we send an email to ask what happend.. if we get a reply we depending on the situation give another chance or tell them as far as they are concerend we have simply put things on the backburner.

[JustAskJulie]

NotSorry - after their initial email to you expressing interest, have you ever heard from them again? Did they reply back to you after you expressed a return interest and request for time to get some dates together to meet?

[NotSorry]

Nope, we only heard from them with the initial email.

I went ahead and sent an invitation to Couple B.

Despite the advice that I didn't need to actually rescind to Couple A, I went ahead and told them that we no longer think that the 17th will work, but that we're still interested... so they can get back to us if they have a date that works or if they like to take things slower and just let us know how to proceed.