when should face pics be shared?

[graygo98]

Some pretty horrific experiences begin with the words "You won't be disappointed." Some guy or some couple won't send you their face pics because of their "important job" or "position in the community". But honest, "you won't be disappointed". You go expecting Dennis Quaid and Randy shows up. Not that looks are everyting, but hey, we aren't talking about picking a life partner here. Physical attraction is important.

So, its a given that we will never meet anyone without seeing face pics first. But, when should face pics be shared? Do you send them with the first note, or is it "you show me yours"? We have generally done the later but we are starting to change that to the initial note if we think there is some real potential, and ask for the same in return.

Because when things go the other way there is a real potential for uncomfortable scenes. Have any of you corresponded back and forth three or four times, maybe set up a meet, and then when they finally send the face pics one or the other of you, or both, say "There's just no way"? At that point, though, if you say, "On second thought maybe we aren't such a good fit" they know exactly why. If you get the pics out of the way first either side can say it doesn't look like a fit and it could be for a whole bunch of reasons.

Thoughts? (Other than the obvious: you are just so shallow!)

[N8ture Girl]

There is nothing wrong with asking for a pic up front. Our profile says it, if you want to contact us we want to see a pic first. If they dont then to bad for them. There is nothing more uncomfortable than meeting someone that has seen your pic but you havent seen theirs, they show up and they may introduce themselves they may not. They may change their mind and leave with you sitting there unkowing and waiting...Then worse case the uncomfortableness of zero attraction. Ask for a pic up front.

I can understand those who wish not to, but I have a somewhat high profile job too but the pictures I send out are G rated typical pics, so what if someone non-swinger sees it.. what are they really gonna do with the pic, send it to the media? "This person is a swinger!" Yes some people do have to becareful with their pics, but for some I think its just used as an excuse to avoid sending their pics.
Ok sorry for the rant.

[arvcpl]

If you were at a club or a party and someone who was wearing a maks or a hood came up to you and said that they thought you were interesting and wanted to get to know you better, at what point would you ask them to remove their mask?

Vice versa, if you were to go up to someone in a club wearing a hood over head and you started talking to people how far do you think you would get?

I realize that is a little extreme and unrealistic but the principle is accurate. People want to SEE who and what they are dealing with and they want to see who they are talking to.

If you do not exchange clear and current face and general body pictures in the first couple email exchanges you are setting yourself up for trouble. If you chat with someone for two weeks and find you have all this stuff in common and build a rapport with them and then find out they look like quasimoto and you decline to go any further, it will be obvious you are rejecting them on appearances alone.

Same thing if they do that to you. If you have been hitting it off great and starting to get excited about the prospects but once you show them a picture they disappear off the planet then you have to deal with the fact they did not find you physically appealing.

It doesn't matter how much people claim to not be judgmental or to pick people based on looks, the truth is physical appearance IS paramount.

If you were in the market for a new car would you buy it based on looking at the spec-sheet alone or would you want to see it with your own eyes first? If you were going to buy some fresh produce from a grocery store would you buy a piece of fruit by just looking at the nutrition label or would you want to see it with your own eyes? It's the same with sex. Spec-sheets and labels can only go so far but the real determining factor is how someone looks.

[JustAskJulie]

Our face pics are on our profile AND open. It is stated in our profile that if you contact us we expect a face pic of both of you. SO, when we are contacted and there is no face pic, we don't feel bad replying back and asking for that before we continue.

If we contact a couple that doesn't have face pics of both, we are the ones choosing to take that risk. We don't do it often and the rest of the profile (and pictures) have to be pretty appealing to take that risk. We feel that if they reply back to us at that point and don't open their pics we've already chosen to take that risk. Typically, however, we prefer not to meet (one on one) a couple that we haven't met at a social or group environment already.

[The Fuse]

For us, it depends totally on our level of comfort, and also on my feeling that the couple who expresses interest first should pony up the face pictures first, in general.

If I really like someone's profile and pictures, especially if their profile is written in such a way that I think they're a real couple and have put a little effort into it, I'll send a face picture with the first message. That way they have a better feeling that we're real. It also makes us more real to them, and would give people one email-round less time to get distracted and forget about us.

If someone else writes us and asks if we're interested, and doesn't send a face picture, then I just go with my gut. Depending on their non-face pictures, profile text and what they said in their email, I might write back with a face picture. Recently I even responded to a "wink" on AFF with a face picture, because I knew something about the couple (friends of friends), and their profile was extremely well written and said they wouldn't meet without face pictures. So I just skipped any intermediate steps.

If someone writes us with a short email "Hey, we're interested, you?" and doesn't have much in their profile and may or may not be attractive to us, I ask for face pictures first. In those cases I am wondering whether someone is just jerking off and wants the face pictures to help, with no intention to meet.

We have met a few couples who refused to share face pictures beforehand. One of them actually did write, "You won't be disappointed". Well, guess what? We were.

Basically we are friendly and send pictures pretty easily if we think there's a chance we might like someone. But people have to respond in kind or at least give us a good reason to think they are okay as people for us to do it.

I don't buy the "my job is too sensitive" thing. Most of the time that comes from the guys, but we've had it from one woman too. I will supply a yahoo email address, and they can send a G-rated face picture there. If they won't do that, chances are they're not worth the effort of going further.

[PB&J]

I've gotten into the habit of saving face pics for msn display pictures, rather than having them in online profiles. I don't like to send them cold to people who might or might not be interested enough to chat (and yes, there are job considerations for some of us). Actually, lately we haven't even made first contact with anyone because people keep contacting us, so it hasn't even been an issue. Once I've started chatting I'll show pics, not after three conversations or anything. We've met some people without sharing pics first (computer problems or something, just worked out that way, none of this "you won't be disappointed" stuff) and wow things went fine. Really fine.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by graygo98

Some pretty horrific experiences begin with the words "You won't be disappointed." Some guy or some couple won't send you their face pics because of their "important job" or "position in the community". But honest, "you won't be disappointed". You go expecting Dennis Quaid and Randy shows up.

We have recently received a message from people having an on-line profile completely devoid of pictures. But in their description of themselves they have, "we are Ken and Barbie." Curiosity is killing us. We are going to try to meet them just to see.

~Michael

[Speed & Trixie]

Hmm... this is a good question! I just exchanged a couple of emails with a woman who doesn't have a face pic in her profile. We contacted her (liked the body pic, the profile and emails are intelligent and well-written) but now I'm like, WAIT! I don't even know what you really look like!

I feel like it's almost too late to ask for a face pic. In the last email, I mentioned my usual days off (so we could set up a meet). Now maybe I can say "it would be easier to recogize you if I saw a face pic," but it just seems a bit awkward.

So my advice would be "the sooner, the better!" Sigh, newbie mistakes....

Trixie

PS. SW PA couple: you MUST report back to us! Ken and Barbie have no eyelids -- what will it be like to meet a couple who doesn't blink?!

[dodgechevy]

How does anyone meet without first seeing face pics? Hell we won't even start talking before we see face pics.

I would think too many things can go bad if 1 or both parties go in blind.

Also as a courtesy, we always open our pics if we write someone.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

We have recently received a message from people having an on-line profile completely devoid of pictures. But in their description of themselves they have, "we are Ken and Barbie." Curiosity is killing us. We are going to try to meet them just to see.

~Michael

Yeah, we have to hear what happens, please! Either they are gorgeous, or they think they are gorgeous. Or the third choice... their names are Ken and Barbara.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by dodgechevy

How does anyone meet without first seeing face pics? Hell we won't even start talking before we see face pics.

I would think too many things can go bad if 1 or both parties go in blind.

Also as a courtesy, we always open our pics if we write someone.

My wife and I do not share face pics online. In fact, we don't even share pics at all on our profile. We're happy to exchange some pics in IM or the like before meeting, but they do not include face pics.

In going to clubs and meeting various other singles and couples, it's always been blatantly obvious to us that the pictures we see of people beforehand never do the couple or single justice. Further, we've met people whom we did not contact online but met at clubs and found that we would not have played with them if we'd seen pics online + profile. Yet, we played with them...because in person what they were was very much different than what would have been on a profile.

Pictures are very two dimensional. Very. They really do not show very much, and what they do show is tightly limited in terms of actual sexual attraction. You also do not know what you're getting in pics. Is it their best look? Lots of makeup or only a little? Etc..etc...etc...

If you're cutting yourself out of swingers because of lack of pictures, you're cutting yourself off from quite a lot. Each to their own of course. But, for us, lack of pictures has worked just fine.

[twoforone100]

We won't meet with out seeing face pic's.... we don't like the idea of not knowing who we are meeting. Now at a life style event we will. At say vaf... But to be waiting for a couple who knows what we look like and not know what they look like...not going to happen... It is also a safety issue. Everyone has a different level of comfort. This is one of ours. We can live with what it might cost us. Pic's are just part of it... and some people take bad pic's for sure... and some people take great ones. We have found most (if not all) " real" people have pic's. YMMV

[dodgechevy]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

My wife and I do not share face pics online. In fact, we don't even share pics at all on our profile. We're happy to exchange some pics in IM or the like before meeting, but they do not include face pics.

In going to clubs and meeting various other singles and couples, it's always been blatantly obvious to us that the pictures we see of people beforehand never do the couple or single justice. Further, we've met people whom we did not contact online but met at clubs and found that we would not have played with them if we'd seen pics online + profile. Yet, we played with them...because in person what they were was very much different than what would have been on a profile.

Pictures are very two dimensional. Very. They really do not show very much, and what they do show is tightly limited in terms of actual sexual attraction. You also do not know what you're getting in pics. Is it their best look? Lots of makeup or only a little? Etc..etc...etc...

If you're cutting yourself out of swingers because of lack of pictures, you're cutting yourself off from quite a lot. Each to their own of course. But, for us, lack of pictures has worked just fine.

We totally understand of how pics can make someone look either better or worse. We are pretty good at telling what are myspace poses (i.e. pics of people only looking up in order to slim their face) and if some people are just bad at taking pics.

And while unfortunately yes, we might be losing out on meeting some couples, its just too much of a blind jump for us. If they really want to meet we'll let people know what clubs we plan on going too.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

My wife and I do not share face pics online. In fact, we don't even share pics at all on our profile. We're happy to exchange some pics in IM or the like before meeting, but they do not include face pics.

In going to clubs and meeting various other singles and couples, it's always been blatantly obvious to us that the pictures we see of people beforehand never do the couple or single justice. Further, we've met people whom we did not contact online but met at clubs and found that we would not have played with them if we'd seen pics online + profile. Yet, we played with them...because in person what they were was very much different than what would have been on a profile.

Pictures are very two dimensional. Very. They really do not show very much, and what they do show is tightly limited in terms of actual sexual attraction. You also do not know what you're getting in pics. Is it their best look? Lots of makeup or only a little? Etc..etc...etc...

If you're cutting yourself out of swingers because of lack of pictures, you're cutting yourself off from quite a lot. Each to their own of course. But, for us, lack of pictures has worked just fine.

There has been once or twice when we have ruled someone out because of pictures that have not done them justice, upon meeting them later. But dozens of times, seeing pictures has helped us rule those out who would not have interested us. I'll play the percentages.

[graygo98]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Further, we've met people whom we did not contact online but met at clubs and found that we would not have played with them if we'd seen pics online + profile.

While I have a very different view on the main question -- that is, no pics no meet for us -- you raise a very interesting point here. One couple in particular comes to mind. Not hugely photogenic, not the sort of profile we would respond to. But sexy... both of them. Sparks just flew off them. If we had run into them online instead of at a club we would have passed them by.

Does this change my mind? Not in the slightest. We get way too much email a week to even consider meeting with a twentieth of them. There has to be some way to screen them out and first visual impression is one of them. Online "dating" and going to a club are just two different worlds and have different rules.