Do people actually ask people out on dates?

[NednWendy]

We have had our profile up and running for a week or two now and have gotten a few nibbles but nothing either of us are too excited about yet. We have gotten a few messages that moreless say, "hi we like your profile and think you sound like us. Please take a look at us and let us know what you think" I am paraphrasing a lot but that is basically what people have written.
Some of them we have written back to and said that they seemed interesting and asked them to tell us more about them and we either haven't heard anything back at all or they have said something like, " we are an easy going couple that likes to have a good time now and then" and then we hear nothing else.
Are we supposed to do something else at this point? Are we supposed to ask them out or since they wrote us first are they supposed to ask us out? We did write to one couple first but they haven't wrote back at all.
Back when we were dating (many years ago) if you wanted to go out with someone you asked them if they wanted to go out on a specific night and do a specific activity and either they said yes or no. I guess we were kind of expecting the same thing here although noone has asked us out or actually ask us to get together at all.
I guess this whole online thing is new to us and we aren't sure what we are supposed to be doing. We have gone to an off-premise club and have met some nice people and have even fooled around a little bit but we don't seem to be doing so good online. Any words of advice on how to actually make something happen?

[IvoryTowers]

Welcome to the SB!

We've usually found that after the first contact (hi, we like your profile, check us out) and reply it's helpful for one couple to say something like, "what's your usual next step? Drinks? Dinner?" If you want a response, it's helpful to actually ask a question. Sometimes people on-line seem to think that leaving statements hanging means their work is done.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by NednWendy

I guess we were kind of expecting the same thing here although noone has asked us out or actually ask us to get together at all.


Any words of advice on how to actually make something happen?

If you find someone you're interested in meeting...ask them out. Don't wait for someone to ask you out.

Make contact and if there is interest on both parts, say something along the lines of..."We'd really enjoy meeting you two for drinks one evening. We are free _____ and wondered if you are also".

Teresa

[jjtrindc]

One of the oddest things for us about getting into the lifestye was that it did almost feel like you were back out there dating again. Remember the old phrase, "does she like me, or does she like me, like me"...lol...??!! So after 20 years of being off the market, many of us are back in and it really isn't all that much easier now than it was back then. So, just as it was back then, people will have different approaches. We get emails across the spectrum from those who just want to chat or comment on our profile, to those who just want to get right down to it. Some sites we are on have things like "winks" or "flirts". The best advice we can give you is that if you see a couple you like, just ask to get together. That place could simply be coffee or dinner, or at a club. We've found if you wait you will miss opportunities with interesting couples. So get on out there!

[twoforone100]

We would say you are not asking enough questions. Read the couples profile and ask some questions they can not be answered with a yes or a no. How did they get started? How long have they been playing? What do they like to do? What else do they like to do other than sex? What are their rules? The more questions the better.. after you hear the things you want to hear.. yes you ask them out... always for drinks never dinner.... and you go from there.... either you like them or you don't. If you do you might ask them what they think? Or what they want to do next.

Hope it helps

[NednWendy]

Originally Posted by twoforone100

We would say you are not asking enough questions. Read the couples profile and ask some questions they can not be answered with a yes or a no. How did they get started? How long have they been playing? What do they like to do? What else do they like to do other than sex? What are their rules? The more questions the better.. after you hear the things you want to hear.. yes you ask them out... always for drinks never dinner.... and you go from there.... either you like them or you don't. If you do you might ask them what they think? Or what they want to do next.

Hope it helps

That sounds like good advice but why not ask someone out for dinner?

[PB&J]

Start with drinks, then if you find that you're just not into the couple, you can say thanks, and move on. But if you do like 'em, suggest that you then proceed to dinner. We've been lucky not to have a disastrous dinner date, but friends of ours got "trapped" at dinner in a restaurant that they really liked with a couple who were just not their type- and the husband was loudly talking about what various activities he'd like to indulge in with our female friend. Since then they always suggest drinks, and if that goes well, they then suggest continuing the conversation over dinner (which they did with us, with delightful results!) But it's a cautionary tale worth noting.

[The Fuse]

NedNWendy, thanks for starting so many good threads lately!

twoforone100's advice is good, in my opinion. Definitely ask the other couple if they'd like to get together. We have evolved from arranging dinner to sticking mainly with drinks as well, for several reasons. We're not against eating (grin), and we'll usually end up ordering something to eat if it is near a mealtime and we're enjoying the company. However, if you invite someone to drinks it is a very good way to limit your time and buckage outlay if you decide you don't like the other couple enough to want to eat dinner together.

Mr. Fuse and I don't eat out a lot at all except for social occasions. In fact, months go by when the only restaurant charges we have are for swing dates. The occasional dinner with vanilla friends is thrown in. So what I'm trying to say, though not very well, is that if you go out to a couple of "date" dinners a month, the money starts to add up. A couple of drinks is usually less expensive.

[twoforone100]

Agreed drinks are a shorter length of time.. and easier to get out of.... We also learned from a friends experience. Dinner if you don't like the company could be the longest hour or more of your life. YMMV But what fuse said as well cost does factor in to it as well..

[JustAskJulie]

Someone has to take the step. Our usual first contact email is more along the lines of "we like what we see in your profile, take a look at ours and let us know if you'd be interested in meeting for coffee or drinks sometime" - not quite that clunky but along those lines. It puts it out there that we do want to meet if there is interest. If based on their profile we still have questions, we ask those questions in that first message.

Sometimes you get a response and sometimes you don't. Sometimes it feels like youare playing an endless game of email tag... and every great once in a while, you get someone who is actually ready to meet and you set up a meeting... only to find out it was a waste of time....lol (ok, not always).

I think a lot of people throw the "we like your profile take a look at ours and let us know if youare interested" thing out there to put the ball in the other couple's court (so to speak). No one wants to be pushy and I know we've found that some think we are pushy just by asking about actually meeting in the first message. In our opinion, that's why we are there to meet... not play endless email tag and do online chat for 3 months. Either you are ready to meet or you aren't.

What we've found tends to work best for us on Swing Lifestyle is to use the lists of who's attending the various socials that we attend. If we are planning to go we send a message to those listed that we find interesting with a simple "hey we see you are signed up to attend..... we look forward to meeting you there.". SOmtimes it sparks a back and forth. Sometimes it simply opens a doorway to make it easier to walk up to a stranger at a party and say "hey we emailed you guys, you had that profile pic where she's.......".

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

What we've found tends to work best for us on Swing Lifestyle is to use the lists of who's attending the various socials that we attend. If we are planning to go we send a message to those listed that we find interesting with a simple "hey we see you are signed up to attend..... we look forward to meeting you there.". SOmtimes it sparks a back and forth. Sometimes it simply opens a doorway to make it easier to walk up to a stranger at a party and say "hey we emailed you guys, you had that profile pic where she's.......".

We've done this too, and also been on the receiving end. I think it's a great and classy way of letting someone know you are interested. Very flattering and involves little to no extra effort or anxiety, since if the couple who received the email is not interested, all they have to do is be polite but not take it any further.

[NotSorry]

When we email someone we typically propose a meet up right away. We figure that since the way someone comes across online is so different than in person that it is better to jump straight to the face to face in order to see if we seem to be a good match. I don't know if this scares some people off or not but I'd rather get right to the point rather than dance around for who knows how long...

Don't wait for people to email you. Email the people you are interested in. At first we were rather timid about sending out emails for (a silly) fear of rejection but we have since toughened up

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by NotSorry

Don't wait for people to email you. Email the people you are interested in. At first we were rather timid about sending out emails for (a silly) fear of rejection but we have since toughened up

I agree with NotSorry here. If you're interested in someone based on their profile, go ahead and e-mail them. Sure, you might get turned down a time or two - everyone does - but you'll never know whether or not someone will turn out to be that special couple if you don't at least make contact with them.

If you wait for other people to make the first move, you're going to spend a lot of time waiting. Some will make the first move, and others won't. Why wait? If they seem interested in you, and you're interested in them, then by all means, feel free to ask them if they'd like to meet for drinks or coffee. Remember; they may be just like you - waiting for someone else to make the first move. So make it. The worst thing that can happen is they say, "No thanks." If you've had more than one e-mail from them, and things seem pretty positive already, I doubt they'd turn you down.