Why are you so rude to people on your profile?

[realcplub2]

Ok.. as far as the confederate flag debate that went on, sorry I am getting in on it late..

Each and everyone of you is right about the lack of respect shown by some people, However, since the early 80's the confederate flag has come to represent, what it truly is, a REBEL FLAG.. set your wayback machines to 1982, Billy Idol, REBEL YELL.. wearing a confederate flag T shirt..

For more than a few they have displaced the true meaning of the flag to allow it to represent, a rebel attitude. Down here its even one or two steps beyond that, there are t shirts out down here, that have the stars and bars, all over them with REDNECK this or that..

In much the same way the SWASTIKA was perverted by the NAZI regime, taking it away from its true history, As was already commented on by bbarnsworth. Much of the Nazi regime took NORDIC symbols to apply to whatever they wished forgeting the true History behind it. From the SS lightning bolts to the Hammer of Thor, twisting it to represent the image or idea that they were purporting it to mean in the arian image.

Wanna bit of a challenge? Look for a DVD, called CSA: the confederate states of america.. its a mock documentary from the point of view that the south WON the war.. taking a look at the current state of america if they HAD won. And pay particular attention at the very end.. as they explain the imagery used in the film.

Now its time to ruin MY image to many here who have at least listened to a rant or two, read a post or two of ours..

As I asked set the way back machine to 1982, I am sure there are still photos around somewhere, of the 17 yr old kid, looks a hell of a lot like me, wearing a rebel flag sleeveless t shirt, black jeans and boots, Spiked wrist bands, and yes a mullet.

we all learn from whats past.. but to be honest, with the PUNK rock stuff, and the HEAVY METAL stuff I used to wear, never gave much of a thought to WHAT it meant, until I got older.. at the time it was in style, just like the BONZI wear was.. and SHOCKER, I wore that stuff too..

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by Willing29

Actually I never noticed this until you pointed it out. I just saw a profile yesterday that stated 'no fat people'. Now that's just plain rude and uncalled for. I understand some people have different things they are looking for but just so 'NO' or disregard the invites. No need to be rude.

NO people from New Jersey! Eww! And for god sakes no people with plaid school girl miniskirts!!! Yeeeeucky!

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

NO people from New Jersey! Eww! And for god sakes no people with plaid school girl miniskirts!!! Yeeeeucky!

Hoosier? What the heck is a Hoosier? Just kidding somoene from Indiana once explained it to me.

[jojo5555]

I still believe in the law of attraction, no matter a person's size, sex or color. Everyone's idea of "hot" is different. Mine certainly is. I'm an acquired taste and a work in progress, for crying out loud. Humans also have ability to look good on paper, or in that couple's case, not looking so good on paper, weeding out us undesirables. I don't know about the rest of you, but that kind of negativity is not my style.

[JustAskJulie]

That's the great thing about profiles, they allow you to learn a LOT about the inner workings of people before you ever meet them.

On the other hand, most people would never represent themselves the same way in person. We've encountered this as well, where we've met a couple in person first and had a good time with them only to read their profile later and think there's no way we ever would have met them based on what they said in their profile (and yes it was a derrogatory comment towards a specific group of people), and thanks to reading their profile we never met them again.

[The Fuse]

Hi everyone. My first post in a while.

The OP brings up a good question. Mr. Fuse and I sometimes look at profiles and wonder why, even if someone really does feel that way about body size, race (especially race, in our area), cock size, breast size or what have you -- why crow about it in your profile? If those people write to you, for heaven's sake, just politely turn them down. No need to announce your shallowness or low-mindedness to the entire community. Unless, of course, you are proud of it.

Just yesterday we got an email from a couple whose profile says "we are good-looking and we only want good-looking people". Comments like that make me less motivated to get off my ass and go meet them, because I think they will just be snooty in person too. By the way, they are fairly good-looking (especially her), but maybe not as good-looking as they think (especially him). Sigh... isn't that always the way? {grin}

We also got email from a couple we don't find attractive from their pictures. So I just wrote back and said I didn't think there would be an attraction, but it would be nice to meet at a party or meet and greet, since we have a lot in common. No need to say, "We think you're unattractive". Who knows, if we met them in person, they might get us hot. But we won't go meet them if we think it's unlikely. Am I going to put a line in our profile that says "If you're ugly, don't write to us"? No... because it's rude, and just as importantly, some "ugly" people are pretty sexy.

However, I can understand a certain stridency I see in some profiles, because I recently noticed it had invaded ours... I got a bit whiny about a pet peeve or two that I have (no pictures of the guy). I revised again, and now I think the negativity is gone. No need to advertise my annoyance when I'm trying to be alluring.

In short, I think people are rude in their profiles for two main reasons. One, because they think if someone they wouldn't be attracted to writes to them, it says something about the couple receiving the email. It doesn't. (Well, sometimes it does.) If you don't like some types of people and someone of that type writes to you, it doesn't mean you're that type or that someone would mistake you for that type. Some people just don't want to "get any on them". It's very high school. If you're seen talking to someone who's not cool, maybe you're not cool either...

The other reason I think some people are rude in their profiles because they've had one too many aggravating things happen to them, and they are venting. It's just not the most advantageous place to vent.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Hey everybody,
I very much agree with the people who say "go for it" with rudeness in profiles. It's soooo much easier to identify the people you never want to meet in person.
Now, if we just had as easy a way to identify those sorts at parties and socials. That attitude that some people put off that says "I AM THE GODDESS OF HOTNESS. FALL DOWN AND WORSHIP ME. IF YOU MEASURE UP I MIGHT CONDESCEND TO SPEAK TO YOU" gets really tedious. I think we need a new color for the swinger bracelet that means "we are hot and are only interested in super hot people."
The shallow folks would be proud to wear it, and the rest of us could just steer clear.
I'd MUCH rather spend my time with a couple who are older, plumper, but nice people than the young, hot, and shallow.

[paradiseclubcpl]

In reply: There is no excuse for rude behavior.
We have seen the behavior that Jdavisauto is speaking about.We belong to many lifestyle websites, and run a club. Although in the club setting rudeness is less common, in the lifestyle as a whole the rude behavior does show up to often.

We are in a unique position we aren't actively looking for other couples, However In the past we were quite active.
During those active days we have had our moments of weight gain and picture taking techniques that to say the least needed work.

We have been on both sides of the appearance issue. With that said, for us we always take the more polite road in declining an incompatible couples interest.

One of the major reasons people get rude, is the practice of some singles and couples who fail to read whole profile. We have seen this happen to us and it continues even thought we are now in an exclusive Polyamorous relationship. We state this in our profile and still receive mail from interested couples. We also state and have always stated no interest in single males. They seem to write all the time.
Sometimes you wish you could shake them and say read the profile you ass. LOL
Many people just write because they see a nice body or pretty face. Once you read their profile, you see that you have little to nothing in common with them. That is if they have a profile at all.

The bed post notchers, single guys writing couples who are not looking for single guys, and the annoying, open your private pics to us, are way to common. Let us not forget my personal favorite. the people/ guys that send you a picture of their cock and think that is all it takes. Come on now how many of these can one get before getting pissed.

This lifestyle also attracts some very shallow people. The search for great playmates sometimes requires looking at more than a nice picture or hot body.
One must remember than old saying "for every pot there is a cover" and "beauty is more than skin deep".

One of the suggestions that I tell all the newbies that come to my club is, try for a friendship first.

[Cpl2share]

Our profiles have never been rude (I don't think anyway) but we have had to get rude on a couple of occasions with people who contacted us because of our profile. One couple in particular: They contacted us through every site that we were members of. We use the same name for all of our profiles, so they had to have figured it out by the third time. We kept responding nicely that we were not interested. Finally, on the 5th or sixth contact I got fed up and told them flat out: You whine in your profile that no one ever wants to meet up. Maybe it is because you have pictures on the site that show both of you with very poor hygene (greasy hair, dirty clothes, etc.) Maybe it is because you have photoshopped yourselves into exotic postcards to make it look like you travel to expensive places. Maybe it is because your spelling and grammar are atrocious. If you can not take the time to use spell check and you do not know proper grammar it is going to be very hard to have an intelligent conversation with you. Finally, We do know who you are. We see you at (I named both places of work) and we really can not afford to be seen hanging out with you when you make such a desparate show of being in the LS. Rude, yes, to the point, yes. But they did finally quit contacting us.

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by Cpl2share

Our profiles have never been rude (I don't think anyway) but we have had to get rude on a couple of occasions with people who contacted us because of our profile. One couple in particular: They contacted us through every site that we were members of. We use the same name for all of our profiles, so they had to have figured it out by the third time. We kept responding nicely that we were not interested. Finally, on the 5th or sixth contact I got fed up and told them flat out: You whine in your profile that no one ever wants to meet up. Maybe it is because you have pictures on the site that show both of you with very poor hygene (greasy hair, dirty clothes, etc.) Maybe it is because you have photoshopped yourselves into exotic postcards to make it look like you travel to expensive places. Maybe it is because your spelling and grammar are atrocious. If you can not take the time to use spell check and you do not know proper grammar it is going to be very hard to have an intelligent conversation with you. Finally, We do know who you are. We see you at (I named both places of work) and we really can not afford to be seen hanging out with you when you make such a desparate show of being in the LS. Rude, yes, to the point, yes. But they did finally quit contacting us.

Sometimes people just don't take No for an answer. You have to get rude toward them to get it through their head that you don't want anything to do with them.

[K&JIntimates]

K and I recently put together a profile on SDC. Thus far there are a couple of things that I'm finding annoying about it. First is the people who emphasize over and over again that they will only respond to or are only willing to play with "fit" or "hot" people. I mean, really, who determines hot and fit since it varies so much from person to person? Examples...."PLEASE don't contact us if you haven't been to the gym in the last week ;-)"
This is just a mild version of some of the things people say. I realize that physical attraction is a big part of swinging and I live in Miami where appearance takes on overblown importance but it still annoys me to see people who give the clear impression that if you don't look like hard bodied models than don't bother to email. The cincher is this.....if you look closely at the photos a large portion of the time thin isn't necessarily fit or only one half of the couple has seen the inside of a gym in awhile. The hypocrisy kills me!
Something that I'm seeing recently in a lot of profiles are the ones that state that they will only respond to couples if both parties are in the photos, and usually say it rather rudely, but when you look at their photos there isn't a man in sight. HYPOCRISY! Grrrrr!

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by K&JIntimates

K and I recently put together a profile on SDC. Thus far there are a couple of things that I'm finding annoying about it. First is the people who emphasize over and over again that they will only respond to or are only willing to play with "fit" or "hot" people. I mean, really, who determines hot and fit since it varies so much from person to person? Examples...."PLEASE don't contact us if you haven't been to the gym in the last week ;-)"
This is just a mild version of some of the things people say. I realize that physical attraction is a big part of swinging and I live in Miami where appearance takes on overblown importance but it still annoys me to see people who give the clear impression that if you don't look like hard bodied models than don't bother to email. The cincher is this.....if you look closely at the photos a large portion of the time thin isn't necessarily fit or only one half of the couple has seen the inside of a gym in awhile. The hypocrisy kills me!
Something that I'm seeing recently in a lot of profiles are the ones that state that they will only respond to couples if both parties are in the photos, and usually say it rather rudely, but when you look at their photos there isn't a man in sight. HYPOCRISY! Grrrrr!

I remember a while back there was a thread here about a club/party website that actually had height/weight scale to help determine if you could attend a party. I guess if someone took that along with some kind of premise that "HOT" could be put on a scale it would save alot of people time in their search and provide them another filter for their searches. And maybe a copy of their gym contract and recent attendance....

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

I remember a while back there was a thread here about a club/party website that actually had height/weight scale to help determine if you could attend a party. I guess if someone took that along with some kind of premise that "HOT" could be put on a scale it would save alot of people time in their search and provide them another filter for their searches. And maybe a copy of their gym contract and recent attendance....

HAH! The gym record still wouldn't help me, even when I was there four days a week . . .

=)

[Chicup]

K&JIntimates - I'm hurt, you quote me in your sig with an attribute

Honestly I don't have much problem with the 'one size only' clubs and parties. First they are pretty rare, its a subset of a subset. There are only so many swingers and even less are going to fit that profile. Odds are not matter what your size/looks it won't affect your swinging one bit.

Back when we were on LL, their was some sort of 'invite only' group based on looks that had big national events. Again I don't recall any of the party names, nor the couple who ran them log on name, but if you were on LL a few years ago you would most likely recall them. Anyways the guy who ran them was a dill weed personality wise, an we never tried to attend any of them. But the fact that his parties existed did not stop us from attending socials or meeting new people.

People who are left out feel hurt of course, and lash out, its human nature, and despite being adults we act the same as 15 year old highschool cliques defending or attacking the practice.

Honestly I wish we had a local group who only accepted couples 'like us' who we would be attracted too. It would be nice to filter out everyone you are not interested in and get down to it when you have such limited time. When we started doing this we had no kids and limited responsibilities time wise, now we might see a club once every few months if we push it.

[K&JIntimates]

Originally Posted by Chicup

K&JIntimates - I'm hurt, you quote me in your sig with an attribute

I wanted to give credit where credit was due but was finding it difficult to cram the whole quote in there with proper credit attached to it.

It was a silly question but your answer cracked me up!