Need advice on how to deliver a first contact message

[arvcpl]

I am curious as to how most of you make a first contact message when you write to a new couple that catches your eye. We have been in an online slump lately and I am just wondering what works for other people because whatever we are doing here lately just isn't working. (ok, I'll admit it, we are in a dry spell again and we'd really like to get out of it)

Usually if we come across a profile we both like we will send a little introductory message and say that we both saw their profile and thought it interested us and we often point out a thing or two that specifically caught our eye and then we invite them to take a look at our profile and let us know either way if they are interested or not. We usually state that if they are interested that we can talk more and see where things go. We then often ask for a simple 'thanks but no thanks' if they are not interested.

Here lately we send out messages and don't get a thing in return at all. We have been on a variety of sites for a couple years so it's not like we are greenhorns or freaking out over a few dead-ends here and there. But what I am wondering if instead of pussyfooting around and trying to be all nicey-nice if maybe we should be a little more direct and state that we would be interested in meeting them and suggest a somewhat specific time and activity (ie next weekend for dinner/drinks etc)

Normally we meet people at local club parties but there are a lot of nice people out there that do not do clubs. I am just wondering what kinds of approaches have been the most successfull for you in real life?

We feel that our profile is well written and have decent pictures ( no graphic nudity or play pics) so I don't think our profile is a turnoff. I can't help feeling we are doing something wrong in the approach.

What seems to work best for all of you?

[BiloxiCouple]

We have a thread on "couple's profile reviews" Couples Profile Reviews If you want some critique of your profile.

Also if you want to leave your last contact message here I am sure we can help critique it.

For the message I would suggest some brevity and make it personal according to their profile. Mention something that is in the profile or maybe the picture that you like. That way they know it is not spam or just a copy and past message. I really dislike those.

[jjtrindc]

It sounds to us like you are doing all the right things...at least how we like to approach and be approached. You could be more direct in terms of saying that if they are interested in you that you would be interested in meeting. I would avoid trying to suggest times/places unless you have a tight schedule or there is an interesting party coming up. Otherwise you might seem pushy. We know what it's like to be in a "slump" lol...but all slumps come to an end.

Don't adjust your profile or approach to please others. At the end of the day you want to meet couples who are interested in you for who you are as a couple. If you start changing your approach you may find that you are attracting couples that aren't necessarily your type. Keep at it, there are enough couples out there and you'll eventually connect.

In the meantime, try parties or meet n greets. And for all of you "non-responders" out there, please be courteous. We always always always respond. We really hate it when others don't.

[good times]

We have found that it doesn't really matter what one says in the initial email. If a couple finds you hot, they will reply back with interest, if not, they won't, or will send a no thanks.

I used to think what was said in the initial email was important, but then one day I realized I generally only criticized lame emails if we wouldn't have been interested anyway. The fact is, we have gotten some emails that said nothing more than "Hi there", that we pursued because we looked at their profile and were interested.

[arvcpl]

Originally Posted by good times

We have found that it doesn't really matter what one says in the initial email. If a couple finds you hot, they will reply back with interest, if not, they won't, or will send a no thanks.

I used to think what was said in the initial email was important, but then one day I realized I generally only criticized lame emails if we wouldn't have been interested anyway. The fact is, we have gotten some emails that said nothing more than "Hi there", that we pursued because we looked at their profile and were interested.

Good point. although now I'm really kinda bummed because now I'll interpret all the dead ends are because we suck At least beforehand I could have blamed it on that I said the wrong thing.

[arvcpl]

Originally Posted by jjtrindc

.

Don't adjust your profile or approach to please others. At the end of the day you want to meet couples who are interested in you for who you are as a couple. If you start changing your approach you may find that you are attracting couples that aren't necessarily your type. Keep at it, there are enough couples out there and you'll eventually connect.

In the meantime, try parties or meet n greets. And for all of you "non-responders" out there, please be courteous. We always always always respond. We really hate it when others don't.

Those are good points too. We do attend clubs and parties and that is where we meet most of the people we know. There are a lot of really nice folks out there that don't go to clubs and we really aren't partiers or bar-type people ourselves so we are open to meeting people privately in more personal settings. What has prompted me putting up this thread though is we have written to several people lately that seem like we should be great matches but haven't heard back from a one. When you come up with a dead end again and again and again you can't help but wonder if you are doing something wrong.

[slevin]

Couple of small things:

DO:

- keep pointing out something in their profile that caught your eye
- ask them a question, perhaps about something in their profile (doesn't have to be major or of a screening nature, just a question)

Dont:

- Tell them to send a message if they aren't interested (this comes across as defeatist from the start, it's almost offering them an out right off the bat)
- Tell them to email you back if they are interested (of course they will respond if they are interested)

My opinions on the matter lol, not that I'm an expert though

[JustMrsJ]

JustMrJ and I usually send the person or persons we are interested in a e-mail and if they are interested they will send us an e-mail back. Then after we make plans to meet them for dinner when they are able to make it. JustMrJ and I haven't been to clubs yet.

[quivers4me]

One thing I find that really turns me off from some emails are the one that appear to be *cookie-cutter* emails. You know the ones that look like the person sent the same thing to as many people as possible to get maximum results. As a single female I tend to get several of these each day. I feel if the person can't take the time to read my profile and send a message just meant for me, I don't need to answer.

OP-I'm not saying you do this, but it may appear that way to those who receive your messages. Like some others said, use points in their profiles so they know you at least read the profile and are really interested in communicating with them.

[bunzzzcpl]

just do it!

[JoCoCpl]

We're fairly new, but we've had good reply success with a basic but personalized e-mail. I think correspondence in this situation is just like anywhere else - just be yourself. We try not to get too detailed or too wordy - our profile provides the info on us. The intro e-mail is about our interest in them. We make certain that we address them by their screen name, mention what caught our attention in their profile, and invite them to check ours.

I suppose it's "cookie cutter" in the sense that we follow the same basic outline, but we're certain to take the time to ensure that we do personalize it for the couple we're writing.

I don't know that I would be direct with a "we can meet here" type of message unless they specifically state that kind of directness in their profile. Again, be sure to maintain your personality the best that you can.

There are simply some people who don't write back when they are not interested. Personally, I think it's rude - I'd much rather receive a "thanks but no thanks" reply than nothing at all. Unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way.

Good luck!

M.

[ownerspet]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

What seems to work best for all of you?

We typically don't have one approach? However most of the people we meet, we meet at a club or social. I know it's not the easiest way to meet people, but you do get a better feel for someone's personality and there true appearance.

Although, I have to agree with Goodtimes: That if we receive an email from someone, we at least look at the profile. Then if we're interested, we're interested, and it doesn't matter what was in the email as long as it doesn't read like an abreviated text message. Sometimes though if we see too many negatives, such as "no this, no that, and absolutely none of this, and no etc... " listed in the profile, it sort of translates to unnecessary drama that we don't want to deal with. Not just for you, but everyone should be sure to keep a balance of positive and negative when developing an online profile and including dis-interests. If I had to guess, a response to an initial contact is probably 80% determined by the profile, not the email (assuming it is a polite freindly coherent email by someone who can write halfway decent grammar).

However, in initially contacting a couple we tend to read the profile sometimes and figure out if we might have something in common. But most often, it start's something like: "We saw your profile, and thought it looked interesting." If they're interested, they write back. If they're not, they usually don't or they give the "no thanks."

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

Usually if we come across a profile we both like we will send a little introductory message and say that we both saw their profile and thought it interested us and we often point out a thing or two that specifically caught our eye and then we invite them to take a look at our profile and let us know either way if they are interested or not. We usually state that if they are interested that we can talk more and see where things go. We then often ask for a simple 'thanks but no thanks' if they are not interested.

This sounds about like what we send when we contact profiles that interest us. However, I don't ask for a "not interested" email, I just assume if we don't hear back they aren't interested (or like occasionally happens to us, they got busy and forgot to write us back). My contact emails usually say something to the effect of "we are interested in meeting you. Take a look at our profile and if you are interested as well, we can set up a meeting" or something like that. We aren't into the back and forth emailing, we'd just as soon meet and get it over with. Which is probably why we prefer just meeting couples at clubs/socials over doing the email thing and then meeting.

Our best luck has actually been with using the "who's attending" list on the clubs section at SLS. This allows you to see who's attending the next social (or at least who's planning to) and we then contact those we are interested in prior to the social and say hello and that we look forward to meeting them. This establishes interest and makes it easier for everyone to go up and introduce each other at the actual party.

Originally Posted by good times

We have found that it doesn't really matter what one says in the initial email. If a couple finds you hot, they will reply back with interest, if not, they won't, or will send a no thanks.

I used to think what was said in the initial email was important, but then one day I realized I generally only criticized lame emails if we wouldn't have been interested anyway. The fact is, we have gotten some emails that said nothing more than "Hi there", that we pursued because we looked at their profile and were interested.

Good point. That said, too often I've found that when we've responded to an idiotic email because we thought their profile was hot, usually it turns out that our first instinct in response to their email (before looking at their profile) proves true.