Just had my first IM chat!

[freshcream]

I was perusing SLS and recieved an IM invitation. We've only been posted for a day, so that was unexpected and happy. It was the female of the couple and she was very friendly and open. She only had pictures of herself, and not her SO, but we agreed to exchange more pics later.

Hers were graphic, and we're not ready to share our racier ones yet, but that's ok, right? It was her choice to send us nude shots, and we don't have to do the same if we want to get to know them better first, I'm assuming?

As I understand it, it's all about comfort levels and going as fast as the slowest runner. Is that a commonly understood rule?

Well, anyway, it was all very exciting, and I know I'm probably coming off like a typical newb, but I'm pretty thrilled.

The cute part: Even with all the compliments she had about me and my body/looks, the one that thrilled me most was when she said Fresh was "very hot". That's a really good sign that I'm ready for this, I'm quite sure.

K - thanks for letting me share. I'm done.

~Cream

[LikeMinds321]

Hi freshcream!



The first IM is thrilling to receive. It can be from someone you may eventually meet. But I feel I should give you some things to think about that could keep you from being misled by some IMers.

Originally Posted by freshcream

She only had pictures of herself, and not her SO, but we agreed to exchange more pics later.

Hers were graphic, and we're not ready to share our racier ones yet, but that's ok, right? It was her choice to send us nude shots, and we don't have to do the same if we want to get to know them better first, I'm assuming?

You DO NOT have to send them any pictures at all, especially nude or graphic ones. And I suggest you don't.

I took a look at your SLS profile and didn't see any pictures of Fresh. Did you e-mail pictures of him, and even more of you to this person?

In your profile you say:

...We will not be posting nude or face pictures here. We would be more than happy to share face pictures with someone in private email. Once we chat with a couple a few times, we could probably be easily convinced to share some of the MANY naughty pics we have. Remember, it's all about building trust...

Because of this statement in your profile I feel you are inviting cheating married males, or single males who set up a couples profile (so they can't be blocked by couples who don't want to receive IMs from SM) to contact you.

They will IM or e-mail you ONLY to get the many naughty pictures you have.

You have no idea if this is a woman you are IMing with. Any man can say that. The fact that there are no pictures of "him" in the profile also bothers me. You do play with men and I would think a picture of him would be of some importance to you. If this was a real couple with her writing, would you want to finally see a picture of him only to realize you can't stand his looks and then have to reject them? If looks don't mean much to you when selecting playmates this might not be important. Still, being sent graphic pictures of her immediately sounds like this person is trying to get you to do the same. I think this person is a pic collector and is schmoozing with you to get you to open your graphic pics.

Newbies are great targets for people who want to collect pictures.

I could be all wrong here, but my instincts tell me otherwise and I want you to be cautious.

Good luck and keep us posted.

LM

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by freshcream

I was perusing SLS and recieved an IM invitation. We've only been posted for a day, so that was unexpected and happy. It was the female of the couple and she was very friendly and open. She only had pictures of herself, and not her SO, but we agreed to exchange more pics later.

I don't want to scare you away from talking IM to anyone, but, are you SURE it was the female of the couple? You can't even be sure it was a couple, can you? BE CAREFUL!! Sometimes men (and women) pose as the opposite sex on IM to get what they want. Be it pictures, or whatever. If something doesn't feel right or they seem too pushy, they probably are.

Hers were graphic, and we're not ready to share our racier ones yet, but that's ok, right? It was her choice to send us nude shots, and we don't have to do the same if we want to get to know them better first, I'm assuming?

Until I met these people IRL, I wouldn't share any face or racy pictures, and they are your pictures, you don't have to share them if you don't want to. Even they want you to really bad, you always have the option of saying NO!!

As I understand it, it's all about comfort levels and going as fast as the slowest runner. Is that a commonly understood rule?

YES! Only go as fast as the slowest person is comfortable going.

Well, anyway, it was all very exciting, and I know I'm probably coming off like a typical newb, but I'm pretty thrilled.

The cute part: Even with all the compliments she had about me and my body/looks, the one that thrilled me most was when she said Fresh was "very hot". That's a really good sign that I'm ready for this, I'm quite sure.

K - thanks for letting me share. I'm done.

~Cream

Just be careful, OK? Sometimes people online are not who you think they are.

I'm not saying that this one particular person was a fake, but you just never know. Play it conservative for a while.

When someone wants to exchange explicit pictures the first time we talk, it makes us want to run!!

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- I'm just going to come out and say it: You were being chatted up by some guy who is a pic hunter. He is simply trying to get nude photos of your wife or sex photos of you together to add to his collection. He is a she, you'll never meet them. There will always be excuses as to why. He will tell you anything to achieve his goals. He will send you photo after photo and insist that you share in kind.

If we are ever interested in a couple, we ask for a video chat or a phone call with BOTH of them. This settles things very quickly. I'm really hate bringing bad news to nice people.

[freshcream]

Oh wow... I feel like such a dolt right now. This is all very common sense information, and I totally allowed the thrill of the moment to overshadow my own intuition and understanding of the internet darkside. Shame on me.

LikeMinds321 - There are two pictures if Fresh on our profile - one of his very sexy (but shirted) chest, and then the one of us together (faces blanked out). I feel awful, though, because I did send the IMer a few face pictures. Thankfully nothing more than that, though, and our aversion to posting face shots is simply the nature of the website - they are pictures we have posted on regular non-swinger websites. It still sucks to get duped so quickly, though. Certainly knocked me down a few pegs, but it's better to have a foot on the ground.

LFM2 - You are absolutely right. I will be sure to play way more conservatively from this point forward. We will withhold all racy pics until we know for sure if people are who they say they are.

Ed - Oh, please don't feel bad! I would rather feel embarrassed for a few minutes than continue doing something stupid because I'm too excited and uninformed! I really appreciate you looking out for me/us.

Thank you all for setting me straight, and coming to our aid with this information so quickly. I'm going to go tweak the profile again to remove the bit about naughty pics and I will NOT be sharing anymore with the IMer.

~Cream

[Chris&Amelia]

Don't feel too bad. The mistakes were relatively minor ones, and nothing that will result in a disaster.

I will just add a note that everything said above was true. Always assume that the other person you're talking to is a single guy looking to get his rocks off until proven otherwise. We were talking to a new couple on IM who said "Hey... don't take this the wrong way, but do you guys have a webcam? We just want to see the both of you together." We weren't the least bit offended.

I'm not saying to shut yourself off... just be careful.

[jjtrindc]

Don't be dismayed! Lots of good advice here about being careful and taking your time. Go at your speed and if something just doesn't "feel right" then listen to your instincts. Understanding couples will hang in there with you, fakers will bolt. If you met this person through SLS, you may want to consider "reporting" this person. One report will not get them removed, but if your report matches others then they will have reason to remove this person. Shows how important it is for all of us to look out for each other. Just remember 99% of those you meet in the lifestyle are GREAT people. Have fun.

[fun4Ds]

Then there are people like us. We started keeping a file of people we chatted with in the beginning. It got pretty complicated keeping track of who's who. And what the heck did they look like again ? The chat list can grow quickly. Then, I would get home and Mrs.fun would say "Oh, I chatted with so and so on SLS today" My usual responses would be " Oh really, what did they look like" click.. click.. "Ohhhhh Wow, what did they say" We also save all our instant messages in the archives. So we can catch up on any missed conversations, while either were away. I guess that makes us picture collectors.. As we have quite a collection.

Preferably we share G rated first. The same picture we use on yahoo is also in our sls private gallery. It us sitting at a table together. If someone we are chatting with opens their pics, and we open ours. The proof is in the pudding. You see us both together and seperate on SLS.

We are pretty sure we were fooled in the beginning also. We just hope someone somewhere is masturbating to those pictures

We like the cam method where both people are sitting together... Just a wave will do. Butt..... I can appreciate a woman masturbating. They just never do for me And we like to give a call so we can all verify our intentions.

And then...... We got the naughty pictures also. I hate to say it, but we like sharing the nasty ones sometimes. We certainly have allot of friends who like to show off their stuff... With those, we definitely either cam or talk on the phone now first to strangers. To playmates..... Well, what do ya want to see