Not sure about this email...

[lovemonkey#1]

hi all,

not sure if this falls into the "General Swingers Stuff" category but for now i'm going to assume it does

anyways, we got an email on AFF from a pretty decent looking couple with an equally decent profile. now the problem is, the message they sent us looks a little too...um...... cookie cutter? it basically looks like a message that they could have sent to anyone but with a few minor adjustments so it would pertain to us personally. they go so far as to tell us about all of their experiences on the site so far and that they don't like to play games.

i have to admit, the email seemed somewhat impersonal and it turned me off a little bit. but, again, they had a nice looking profile and they're somewhat attractive.

so i guess what i'm getting at is i'm not sure if this was a mass email thing or if was directed at us specifically. if it was a mass email, i don't know how i feel about the wide net approach. if it WAS meant for us specifically, i'm not sure how i feel about them telling me about their previous experiences. am i reading too much into this? what's swinger etiquette say about the mass email approach or telling a potential partner about previous experiences? is it tacky?

dunno...

[sexcupid]

Well, if they had changed it enough to 'aim' the message at you, that might not necessarily fit the mold of sending a mass email to any couple in the area.

I mean, seriously...most people say almost the same thing in every message they send. If they have it saved and just tweak it for each person they send it to...that's just being efficient I guess.

As for listing previous experience, I don't know how specific they were being, but perhaps that is in the message to get the point across that they are not newbies? I honestly don't know that there is an etiquitte for this sort of thing...lol

Personally, if it was someone we would have sent a message to/be interested in meeting, I wouldn't mind the 'cookie cutter message'.

[Malachista]

Since they seem nice enogh to you, why don?t you write back and ask some unique things?
Even if it was a slightly modified standart mail they have to become more specific in futher contact.

First mails often sound the same, they serve after all to show you that the couple wants to see what you think of them

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Since they seem nice enogh to you, why don?t you write back and ask some unique things?
Even if it was a slightly modified standart mail they have to become more specific in futher contact.

First mails often sound the same, they serve after all to show you that the couple wants to see what you think of them

[Opportunists]

it's not necessarily 'mass email'... but if they sat down and emailed five different couples they saw an interest in, i'm sure they didn't write the same thing five times... it's cut and paste and change the names/tweak.

we had a single male once email us one that was obviously cut and paste... he lived five miles away, but his email said something like 'maybe we can meet when i hit your town'.

we actually called him on it... wrote him back and asked 'admit it, that was cut and paste'... we started emailing after that and eventually hooked up!

if you think they look interesting, we say follow up! online dating isn't easy...

[realcplub2]

Ok, lets flip this around..

Since you are on AFF, do you tailor each email, to someone that interests you, and make each one completely original???

Since your issue is the fact that it seemed like the letter was "cookie cutter" like.. the best thing to do, is since they INTEREST you.. write them BACK.. and see how the next one or two letters come back to you..

If the "canned" letter issue is going to be your one stumbling point, then its simple.. Over look it, and get to know them..

As far as originality.. How many ways can you honetly say the Paris Hilton line.. Your Hot.. we liked your profile, we happend across your profile, Your profile came back as one of our MATCHES.. or we came across you on our hot match.. or better yet, we saw you browsed us..

Canned messages go with the territory.. Ask for ORIGINALITY when the clothes come off..

[good times]

I have to say that while I have seen questions like this and have talked to people about it before, I really don't understand why so many people seem to put so much importance into what people say in an email. In our experience we have met a lot of people that we first emailed on one of the swinger dating sites. Not once has our impression of them based on their email been correct, the only way we have ever been able to determine if we are compatible with someone is to meet in person. So, in my opinion, who cares what their email says? Based on their profile, do they seem like someone worth meeting? If so, go for it, if not, politely decline. I really thin people over think this kind of thing and make it way harder than it is.

As far as mass mailing goes, isn't the whole point of the add site to meet folks. The most efficient method to that end is to mass mail as many folks as possible, it seems to me. So, what is the problem with that. We get obvious mass mailed emails all the time. If we think the sender is hot, we try and set up a meet, if not, we don't. Seems pretty simple to me.

In all honesty though, I will freely admit, that in the early days for us, we put a lot more meaning into emails than I do after the experience we have had with it. Now days, if somebody sent us an email that said nothing more than "hi there", if they were hot, we would be willing to meet them. Furthermore, not once has anyone ever said something in an email that would have made us consider them if we aren't impressed with their profile.

[gatorvol64]

Standard emails from an ad site seem the norm to me. We've even got a few ourselves. If I thought they'd taken the time to make a few changes to make sure the email was directed at you, and I were interested as you seem to be, I would at least email back with an interested and see where things went from there.

Vol

[lovemonkey#1]

hi guys,

thanks for all the responses. the reason i was curious about this is because out of all the emails that we've received in the past (and we've received many), this one was the first that i'd encountered that appeared to be so "canned". it was very long winded (like 5 paragraghs) and extremely detailed so i just didn't quite know what to make of it.

to answer Good Times' question, the mass email thing bothers me a little bit because that's not something that we personally do. we have very little time to play so we have to be very discriminate about who we play with. typically, we only usually pursue 1-3 couples at any given time. we shoot out a few personalized emails, wait for responses and go from there. if they don't write back, we choose another three and repeat the process. if we sense that a couple is sending out the same email to countless other couples then it appears that they're playing the numbers game more than them being genuinely interested in us. that's a little bit of a turn off and i liken it to the guy at the bar who goes up to each woman there and asks to sleep with her not because he likes her but because he knows that eventually someone will say yes. i'm not judging anyone who does that but i can say that that's certainly not for me.

yes, the point of the websites are to meet people but we prefer quality over quantity. we'd rather make a genuine connection with a few couples than try being with a bunch that we don't really like. we've been somewhat lucky with that in the past so our standards have become very high (and perhaps even a little unrealistic). what a person puts in their email tells a lot about who they are and what their motives are so that's why we consider it when we are looking at potential playmates. i don't think we're trying to make our lives more complicated but it's just another way to filter out the couples that we don't like and focus on the ones that we do. if it appears that they are somewhat intelligent, attractive, and have actually READ our profile then their chances are much greater than someone who sends us the dreaded "YOUR HAWT" emails.

to realcplub2: our method of contacting a couple is to simply let them know that we liked their profile, invite them to check out ours and then if it clicks we can chat some more or arrange to meet. so, yes we do try to tailor each email to each couple and we don't have a word document saved that we cut and paste into our messages. but please keep in mind that we only really swing about 4 or 5 times a year and we usually play with our partners more than once. we're pretty exclusive with the friends that we have so we don't go looking for new playmates all that much. i suppose our method would be different if we sought to play with more people more often so i can see your point.

bottom line, we're intrigued by the couple but their first email was a new experience for us. we most likely will contact them back but i was just curious what others thought.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

so i guess what i'm getting at is i'm not sure if this was a mass email thing or if was directed at us specifically. if it was a mass email, i don't know how i feel about the wide net approach. if it WAS meant for us specifically, i'm not sure how i feel about them telling me about their previous experiences. am i reading too much into this? what's swinger etiquette say about the mass email approach or telling a potential partner about previous experiences? is it tacky?

If they took the time to personalize it at all then it was aimed at you. Do you care that much how many other people they might have messaged as well? Do you not feel special if you feel like you weren't the only one they contacted that day? or that week?

Originally Posted by Malachista

First mails often sound the same, they serve after all to show you that the couple wants to see what you think of them

Exactly. Our initial emails are typically VERY short and unless there is just something in their profile that I can latch onto they aren't typically very personalized either. Actually, our first email looks something like this:

"We saw your profile and we like what we see. Please take a look at ours and let us know if you are interested."

At that point, we don't know if they'd care to know anything about us beyond what is in our profile so why waste paragraphs telling them more that they may not even want to know. We contact, the ball is in their court if they respond they we get more in depth and work towards a meeting asap.

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

hi guys,

thanks for all the responses. the reason i was curious about this is because out of all the emails that we've received in the past (and we've received many), this one was the first that i'd encountered that appeared to be so "canned". it was very long winded (like 5 paragraghs) and extremely detailed so i just didn't quite know what to make of it.

to answer Good Times' question, the mass email thing bothers me a little bit because that's not something that we personally do. we have very little time to play so we have to be very discriminate about who we play with. typically, we only usually pursue 1-3 couples at any given time. we shoot out a few personalized emails, wait for responses and go from there. if they don't write back, we choose another three and repeat the process.

First off, I have to wonder what the heck someone is saying if they are writing 5 paragraph long emails. I'd probably be turned off more by the fact that they were so long winded and (my guess here) felt the need to share their life story in their first email to us, than by the idea that this might be the same email they send everyone with a few tweaks. And if they are sending an email that long out to everyone they contact, I hope it's cut and paste... or they have way too much time on their hands.

Just because someone emails 10 couples at a time, doesn't mean that they are casting the net wide or not being discriminate... it means they are being thrifty with their time. Out of the 3 emails you send at a time, how often do you get a positive response back to even one of those? And how often do you get a response that actually goes somewhere? So why not cast a little wider and hope for better results? If I have time, which is rare, to sit down and contact people we might be interested in I make use of that time and contact as many as possible. It doesn't mean we are going to meet them, hell we'll be lucky to get a response back from 10% of them... so if our odds are one in ten... then I'm going to email at least 10 and hope for one. And keep in mind, that just because a couple doesn't approach things exactly the way that you do, doesn't mean that their approach is bad. As others said, look at their profile, if they look like someone you would have contacted yourself, then go for it and see what happens. I'd base a lot more on a second email (and even moreso on a meeting) than I would on a first contact anyday.

[lovemonkey#1]

hi julie,

thanks for your response. i hope that i haven't come across as being judgmental towards these people or that i expect every email we get to blow us away with its originality and sincerity. i'm not operating under any illusions that people on the websites aren't contacting multiple couples at a time and i certainly don't think it bad if they do. i just know from reading these boards and from my own personal experience that there are TONS of fakes or bedpost-notchers out there and this email was unique to our experience so far. i was simply curious if others have gotten these types of emails and what they thought of them. i wasn't sure what i thought or how/if i wanted to respond to it and needed some outside opinions. i appreciate everyone's thoughts on it and we most likely will end up chatting with them a little more.

thanks!

[Jeepgurly]

I've done the mass e-mailing thing with tweaks added to it to persoanlize it per couple But we are not playing a numbers game and we are not indiscriminate about who we play with as you suggested the author of such e-mails may be... I typically only do this when we will be attending a party or meet and greet where we don't know anyone and normally will do it at least a week or so in advance so that during the week we can chat, call or exchange other e-mails until the event arrives. I'll scroll through the attendees on the events page and look for anyone I may've noticed before but hadn't bothered to write because generally we don't do "dates" where we only meet up with 1 new couple. Or anyone that lives further outside our travel zone that we wouldn't normally run into or heck just anybody that appears interesting. Then we'll send out a few generic e-mails, each tweaked a bit and customized so that when we get to the party we have a few familiar faces to look for. Our first event ever that we attended we didn't do that and had a really uneventful night, we met NO one and we learned our lesson, we never attend meet and greets blindly without doing a little preparty work if its not our normal crowd. We're too shy generally to barge into pre-formed cliques and start conversations with strangers. I don't however just send e-mails to anyone, there is a genuine interest, our intent is never to hook up, there are never any expectations other then meeting and having fun, anything more is a delightful surprise

I think as someone else mentioned though, at the beginning of all this my e-mails were longer and more thought out, now they are light and short, the 2nd e-mail is usually a bit longer.