Certifications - are we over-thinking this?

[JustAskJulie]

Ok, I looked and this topic hasn't come up in a while, but it's coming up for us now so ....

Our attitude towards certifications up to this point is that we did not give or recieve them. We actually even have that posted in our profile that we have made this decision for reasons of discretion (we don't feel it's anyone's business who we've played with). If SLS was set up so that certs were anonymous, or even if they weren't anonymous but it was JUST "yes these people are real" and nothing more, we'd be more likely to accept them. But, when the comments become "yes we've played with these people" - which most of them do, it bothers us a bit.

Occasionally we see comments from people that they won't even look at an ad that doesn't have certs attached to it (and in some cases those certs must be from people who are also certified, etc), and it does make us wonder a bit are we missing out on some quality couples by not allowing the certs? Or is it really even worth bothering with? I was reading through this old thread: Certifications on Online Ads and it seemed pretty evenly split between those against them and those who didn't care. I wonder if any of those who were previously against them later changed their mind and said WTF, because it was less trouble than explaining why you declined them.

[des1re06]

When we were new, we had no idea that certifications made us look like "sluts", as some people believe. So, we accepted them, as we thought this was a message that we were real, not fakers. Most of our certs are from people we met at a Meet-n-Greet, not that we actually played with.

Do we look at certs? Yes. Does it turn us off? No

Our thought on this is that we'd rather know if a couple is actually a couple before we contact them. That's how we use the certs.


Mrs. D

[VegasLee]

Certs mean nothing to us at all.

We have been doing this for many, many years, we host at a very busy club, we have been to conventions for over 15 years, 1000's of people know us so I guess if we allowed it we could have 1000's of certs. I guess in some people's eyes that would make us very high risk and very slutty even though we have not partied with most of the people that do know us.

We also don't care if people have a cert or not. We only meet people at the club. If we click, we party, if we don't, we don't. Nothing more simple then that. I really don't care what peoples opinions of others are. Just because you like or dislike a person does not mean we are going to feel the same way.

[AdamInEve]

We are fairly new as well and also state in our profile that we will not give out certs or accept them. We have had people try to cert us and we do feel bad when we decline them but we thank them then remind them that this is stated on our profile. We do not accept them for much of the same reasons as Julie. We just think that who we get together with should be just between us. We do think some couples use the cert system as a badge of honor, trying to rack up as many as possible.

It is ironic though that when considering a couple we do check their certs to see who they have been with. It doesn't necessarily influence our decision but I think it is just more us being nosy. We must admit that if a couple isn't certed and doesn't state in their profile that they do not accept them we do have some thoughts as to whether they are real or not. But it still wouldn't stop us from giving them a go.

We too have read the profiles that state they will not contact people unless they have certs. It doesn't bother us. As far as we are concerned, if that's the case they can just move on.

[gatorvol64]

Gator and I have only given and received one certification. We had reasons for that and the basic ones are; we like single men and we've never had a problem with any of them. The good ones may be hard to find but we think most are just tarred and feathered with the bad brush before given a chance. At least for those we've met. We recommended SLS to one of our single playmates. We gave him a certification and stated how respectful he was with us. The only one we have ever done. I've never asked if he knew if it helped or not. We did accept one from him. Basically, for the same reason. Do we have single men contact us? Yes, but I doubt it is because of the certification. We don't have them blocked. Do not get any more contacts now than we did before.

Vol

[fun4Ds]

We know the reasons people want or have certs, because we did at one time.

Now days they aren't so important.

[Chicup]

Certs do help us make up our minds a bit.

They are not required, but they help.

[widowerman]

I stand corrected!

Certification, funny thought.

I misunderstood that wording. I now understand that it means a desirability to screw with them.
As in, “do you come with references?” Just like a black book idea. That reminds me of the Ken and Barbie syndrome mixed with the dependability factor. Hey, this swinging is just like a blind date. You can always say no to people who do not fit you expectations.

And they can say no to you. My partner and I do not engage in that game of references. If they, the potential playmates don’t like us, highly unlikely, they can say thanks, no thanks. And we never turn down anyone, it is just not right to do so. They are people too!

My first experiences with swinging were with my partner and the other couple who just started swinging. They were repeatedly turned down because they were “not the right type”, a.k.a. persons of girth. We still played with them. The wife of the male was very kind hearted. We all had a great time, if I went with the who you had sex with before, I would have missed out a lot.

So no certs for us!

Hope this is more on topic. It’s been a long day!

[jjtrindc]

As a fairly new couple, if we are on the fence about meeting with a couple we do look at the certifications and guage the profiles of the people who gave the certifications. Sometimes it helps us make a decision. Sometimes it's just a gut feeling and instinct.

[2inVT]

We give and accept certs because in our opinion, it simply says, Yes, we met these people, their description of themselves is reasonably accurate, and they are indeed who they say they are.

No more, no less.

Not all our certs, given or received, are from people we've had sex with. And we've had sex with people who have not certed us.

For us, it's just part of the profile. Some people have certs, some don't. We tend to be a bit more skeptical of people who are unknown to us (it's a small swingers community here) who do not have certs - we're less certain they're actually going to show up, for instance. We'd still meet them - we'd just be sure to have a backup plan for what to do that night if they stood us up.

[tittietwister]

Absolutely we give and receive certifications. When you hire someone for a job don't you ask for references? Or if you're looking for a contractor don't you ask your friends about who they have done business with. It's like references - it helps.

Regarding advertising your activities, our experience is that like any other social clique, people talk, certs or not. We don't think it's a big deal and sometimes you can work it to your advantage. For example, a couple noticed we had a cert from another couple they knew and liked. They introduced themselves by saying since we both like couple X it's likely we'll like each other. So in that way the certs facilitate social networking.

[cplnuswing]

We give and receive certs, although we don't have a problem if someone said they preferred not to since it isn't that big of deal for us and we understand the reason why and we aren't interested in keeping score ourselves. Along those lines, we have played with people where no certs were exchanged simply because we met at a club and although both sides knew the other was on SLS, neither cared enough to get the user name just to be able to give a cert.

We do look at them, although just as part of the total package. Mainly to get a feel if they are a real couple, and to a much lesser degree, to help make an early guess on compatibility.

[sweet_tna]

We can take 'em or leave 'em. The certs we have are all from friends, mostly giving a shout-out to us. Doesn't necessarily mean we've played with them. And if we have, so what? Almost all the couples we know go to the same meet & greet, so it's pretty obvious who knows whom. So what? If someone looking at our profile is going to dismiss us based on our certs, then it's their loss.

Do we look at certs? Yes, but mostly out of curiosity. But it doesn't make or break our decision to contact anyone. Besides, we prefer to meet people at parties or meet & greets anyway.

=)

[two42lovers]

If we met people at clubs, certs would be pretty much useless. But meeting people via the internet is another story. We have used certs and consider them very helpful. The best certs are ones from people who have played - the "we've met" certs don't mean much. We would never even consider giving or recieving a cert from someone we did not know very well. Why would we want to attach our profile to someone we hardly knew, and had not even played with?

Yes, we do meet people without certs, but a profile without certs tends to go on our "B-list". We may get to them, after the "A-list" prospects run out. Of course, if the "A-list" prospects don't run out, we may not. It's kinda like a profile without pics...

The impression we have is a greater percentage of couples without certs tend to be more unsure about playing, and less skilled as play partners. Great profiles with good pics and glowing certs - glowing certs from great profiles with their own glowing certs - tend to be more fun. We have had AWSOME fun with couples who don't have certs, but in the big picture, profiles with certs tend to be a better bet, especially when there is limited time available to search.

[MrsVan]

When MrVan and I first got into the LS, we thought that the certs were important because it allowed other couples who may be looking at our profile to know whether or not we were real. We were not really using them for anything other than that. We had many times over and over again when we first got into the LS where we would run into fakes and for that reason when a cert was given by another couple for us we would accept it thinking it would help others to want to contact us.

We have come to realize that certs either way really do not matter. We still have a couple certs I believe on our profile but would have never thought that it would stop someone from contacting us. When we look at profile's these days we really do not pay attention to the certs anymore.

MrsVan