Are some "swingers" just married cheaters?

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by newlythree

Well, thanks y'all. There has been a good response to this thread. In the recent weeks since posting this thread we have had to weed out several cheaters. Well, maybe not several, but quite a few. It has gotten easier as it goes. We have gotten to where we flat out ask them in first intial conversation whether that is by phone or chat. If we dont like the answer we tell them thanks for your time and interest but we will have to pass. Most have apprciated our honesty with them.

Glad ya'll are finding it easier to spot the fakes/cheaters and have found a way to deal with them. As with anything, a few bad apples can spoil the bunch. Hopefully, you'll find some genuine folks out there, too.

=)

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by tribbles

I've even found couples who are not married to each other but they are married, yes both of them, to someone else. And in the course of their affair found swinging. So they act like a couple, even feel kinda like a couple but they are both cheaters!

And cheating couples don't just contact couples. I've been contacted by cheating couples and I'm sure many other single males and also single females have been contacted by them, too.

In my case, I was contacted by a couple in which he was divorced, but she was still married to someone else. Before I knew this, I was interested in meeting for an MFM. I had met them at two previous house parties, but we hadn't played. Luckily for me, when we were having exploratory talks he asked if I was okay with the fact that she was married to someone else. I appreciated his candor, but I was a little disturbed at my naivete. I should have asked about their marital status, tactfully, of course.

I turned them down. He accepted my decision without rancor, which I also appreciated.

At least they were polite cheaters.

Thrax

[Opportunists]

for us: if the guy has no profile pic or just wants to meet during the day, he is looking to cheat and we're not interested.

while we have a rule that we absolutely don't play with cheating spouses, it surprises me that it doesn't seem to bother a whole lot of women.

there is a guy on SLS in our area that sports a HUGE cock... he has over 20 certifications dripping with lust of satisfied wives.

eventually, he emailed us and, after a few IM conversations, offered to come to our town and rent a hotel room for some fun.

however, in talking to him, we discovered that he was married and cheating. while we told him that we don't play with married men when their wives aren't aware, obviously the 20+ others that have certified him didn't mind.

[WeUse]

Originally Posted by newlythree

. . . I must be a little nieve but I figured "cheating" people wouldn't be here.

Unfortunately, there are those people who lack the integrity to reveal who they really are. I too, would run the other way. Life is too short to contend with flaks, fakes and frauds.

[newlythree]

Originally Posted by WeUse

Life is too short to contend with flaks, fakes and frauds.

That right there is signature worthy!!!!!

[BIKER1964]

Originally Posted by newlythree

I also have a question. Not sure if this is the right area to post, but hopefully someone will direct me if it isn't. The question is are there people on the SLS area that are married and are just cheating on there spouse. I had a guy today trying to talk dirty to me but his profile said he was a couple. So I asked if was a couple or single. He responded single, so I questioned his profile. The answer was he wasn't supposed to rub it in his wife's face he does this. Then I felt like an intruder to a typical marraige, so I stoped talking to him. I explained I would rather speak to a single or an open couple. Have others ran into this? I must be a little nieve but I figured "cheating" people wouldn't be here.

Yes there are males and females that are cheating on their spouses. But, their are a lot of open couples out there that are seeking singles. We are very selective on single males, we enjoy couples mostly. If they are a couple then you should meet as a couple.

[pingaloca]

Ok, so after lurking on here for quite some time, I feel like I have a little to contribute that may not have already been said.

My wife (R) and I agreed some time ago to some fashion of an open marriage, once we had figured out that neither of us was excited about exclusivity. Now, give us whatever label you want, but we see each other as partners, albeit different than typical or "vanilla" folks.

One of the aspects driving this is that we are frequently apart for extended periods because of having to travel for work on various contracts that extend into several months. Given that I truly want my lady to be happy in every way imaginable, I encourage her to "get some" when she wants to, and she does. I have to say that I am very turned on by the stories she shares with me. We frequently share fantasies about playing together with other couples and in group scenes, but she is still reluctant to make that step. We are planning to do that, but it will come in time. So I can sympathize with the posts about being a married, but lone male, because while I am also encouraged by her to find some play friends, I am also generally regarded as a cheater or liar.

In essence I'm d@mned if I do, and d@mned if I don't let on that I'm married. But I am truthful, and accept that if I'm rejected that it's simply a fact of life and like finding any worthwhile person to spend time with, finding the right kind of play friends requires a lot of patience and diligence. Luckily, I have an adventurous wife that is great fun to be around, in bed, or any other place.

I

[SexyRedmondCpl]

Originally Posted by pingaloca

In essence I'm d@mned if I do, and d@mned if I don't let on that I'm married.

I have to disagree. That's why a lot of couples will ask to speak with your wife to verify... or at least we would. cheaters usually end the conversation right then and there. those who are honestly in open relationships whould have no problem convincing their S.O. to vouch for their status. Couples worth being with will do their due dilligence.

[pingaloca]

SexyRedmondCpl,

Thanks for your post. I believe I understand what you're saying and agree with you in a fashion. What may be a better way of what I was trying to say is that many times in life, you don't get any further with people because they close themselves off at their first perception. That's fine. We're not interested in closed minded people, who many contributors to this board also choose to avoid. But patience is the virtue of my situation in particular, as no matter what, it's not going to be easy to even get to first base, because of those perceptions - even in open minded people. It's not altogether different than vanilla folks that figure swingers have no morals and jump on anything with a pulse, and shun them as a result of their mistaken impressions. So I may resemble a cheater, regardless of my candor, and thus become the stereotype, rightly or (in this case) not, because a great many people won't look any deeper and decide that I must be. Like it or not, most decisions are made on appearances and despite its unfairness, it's part of life.

It's great that you take the time to ask for some kind of confirmation from the partner, but my sense is that this is more effort than most are willing to make and they will move on without hesitation. It is in this way that I feel that no matter whether I was truthful or not, it still going to be a challenge to connect with people. That said, for my own peace (and my partner's) being truthful is the only way to go about it. I'm in this to share a good time, and if it isn't going to be authentic, why would I bother? For the record, my lady is very happy to vouch for me, as I would for her, since we like to share our adventures, vanilla or otherwise. She would want to know. We are partners after all!

I hope that I didn't imply that deceit is acceptable. It's not. Cheating is manipulative, as is lying, and they both make me uncomfortable, at a minimum. If you've ever read the Kite Runner, you'll understand what I mean when I say that I view these things as a kind of theft.

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

You are going to find 1000's of cheaters, both male and female on the Internet.

Many that are single will list their self as couple because many people block singles and they always think they are the one to change a couples mind.

You will find many guys that are married, listed as a couple or single but are married guys cheating, you will find some women that do the same thing.

Cheating is not swinging and way to many people don't seem to understand that. A cheater is NOT a swinger no matter how they try to explain it away.

If someone has their self listed as a couple but is really single, they are a lier and no use dealing with them either. Too many real, great people in this lifestyle to deal with the Trolls of life.

I agree with Lee on this one. I am the male half of a couple. Most of the time I am on the forums without my lady. Once in a while she will get on. We NEVER play on line (Cyber Sex) and I always get her ok before anything is set up. I will evern tell you I have to check with my wife. If anyone wants to meet US, you have to meet US as a couple at the swingers club we go to and then we will see what happens.

[des1re06]

"Do some cheaters think they are swingers"

Sadly, many don't understand the difference, and there is a big difference.