Hello does not equal I want to fuck you

[JustAskJulie]

I was going to add this to the Swinging Soapbox thread but I decided I'm sure it's a common enough issue that it deserves it's own thread.

Just because I said hello does not mean I want to fuck you!

So I was on Swing Lifestyle and I went through the list of those who were signed up to be at the Swing Lifestyle party. I went through and emailed several couples (admittedly it was for the most part a copy & paste email), I added a little bit to a select few that really looked like people we would want to get to know. The base message was this:

Saw you on the list for the Splash Party. We will be there as well. This will be our first time at this particular event and we are looking forward to meeting lots of great people. Check out our profile and we look forward to meeting you in a couple of weeks!

So the response I get from one couple, a couple who doesn't even have a photo on their profile (which begs the question why I even bothered messaging them... and at the same time proves my point that it was not any attempt to "hook up") was this:

sounds like a plan..we prefer full swap..but dawn is
very much into sexy women so we can handle some soft
soft because there are many other couples there,

At what point did I mislead this couple to believe that we were interested in them?

This same issue has come up many times in reference to clubs/socials and the idea that people worry that just speaking to someone will mislead them to believe they are interested in hooking up (and the fact that it does happen). So I know it's a pretty common issue in those situations.

So evidently it applies to the ad sites as well.... don't even bother saying hi to someone unless you want to screw them, because that is what they are going to assume (evidently).

[VegasLee]

Just like in real life, there are a lot of people in this Lifestyle with little to no common sense.

Remember, your a swinger, you will do anyone!

[iapr]

Well I didn't get an invite at all from you so I guess I'll take that as you don't want me at all

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by iapr

Well I didn't get an invite at all from you so I guess I'll take that as you don't want me at all

Well, she did post this thread for you to reply to, so I guess she wants it from you after all.



We've seen this on occasion as well. It is funny how some jump to that conclusion just from a message, while others, like myself, almost have to have it spelled out (in a big font) before I really believe they want to play.

[socolais]

Unless there is some significant portion of the emails missing, I see things a little differently. At least you DID get a response!!! And they highlighted their play preferences and implied that you appear to be a sexy woman. I think (based on their response) that they are not regulars here and don't know you from anyone else. If I read between the lines correctly, they indicate that even though play preferences don't necessarily match, there could still be an opportunity for some fun time. So apparently you didn't completely repulse them. Play your cards right and you might get lucky - nothing is ever gauranteed (except rejection).

[sweet_tna]

Now see . . . unless I was one of the organizers, I wouldn't even think to send an email to anyone I wasn't hoping to meet and possibly hook up with. Maybe it's 'cause I'm a newbie and just missing something . . .?

That said . . . Had I received one of those emails, I would not have assumed anything since the message was not specific. I would have kept my response friendly but non-commital. Something along the lines of, "Hello! The Splash party looks to be a fun event, we look forward to seeing you there, too. "

=)

[fun4Ds]

Its confusing sometimes I'll agree.

Ill admit though, when we are contacted by someone on Swing Lifestyle, we presume they are interested in possible sex .

However, in a meet and greet situation, I would think this is just to know what we look like and lets get acquainted. It is confusing

Unless they state in their profile (and we do check) That they are looking to become friends first, and maybe sometime, down the road, in time, if things click, and the chemistry is good between all parties involved, some soft swapping, maybe more...Well, those people are pretty much the ones we know we are just going to meet and chat with . Other wise, what can I say we do have hopes.

Its so easy to misunderstand and take things the wrong way. I know I do it quite often. But I'm learning

Here is a bad example, but an example none the less of me taking things wrong as usual.

We were at a club and I ask a woman "would you like to dance ?" She says "No thank you" and smiles. So I say "Well I guess sex is out of the question then" She didn't say anything just smiled. I was thinking, well I just dumbassed my way out of that possibility.. Later she came up to me and said "Ya know, fucking is not out of the question.. I just really didn't want to dance" Well, I probably could have been slapped in the face for what I said. But she caught the humor in my conversation and things went great. She didn't want someone that was unsure about what they wanted to do.

It is confusing sometimes figuring out if some one wants to or not. I would rather have a direct "no thank you" than a misunderstanding. Its what I have learned this far. Not everyone wants to have sex with everyone.

Someone has to ask or presume... As for me, I am full of HOPE .

[toomuchfun]

while I don't really care for the way they worded their reply I don't think it was out of line at all.

Swing Lifestyle, AFF, etc are hookup sites, we only send messages to people that we might want to hook up with. There has been a rare occasion when I will send a message off to someone just because I think they have an outstanding profile or an amazing photo or something. But I always clearly state, that the purpose of my email is just friendly.

Reading your base message, unless there was more to it, I would assume that you found us to be interesting and were trying to perhaps get to know us a bit before the party so that we could get together at the party.

[JustMrJ]

Well, being a newbie here myself, I guess my take on all this is...

They have made a contact... they obviously want to at least get a response and possibly meet to get to know us.

I could have, I admit, read more into a few of the mails we received on Swing Lifestyle so far. But only if they did just say "Hello" and nothing else, because then I would be forced to assume that everything in their profile is what they want to contact me about. Only one came close to doing that.

Everyone we have mailed on Swing Lifestyle has been very kind and friendly. Especially when they have to listen to me...

We have a nice dinner date planned with a couple on the 9th at our favorite local restaurant and we hope to not only get to know them better and possibly become fiends, but we may even eventually play together... time will tell.

When that happens... I'll definitely have a new thread on here...

[Additude]

It's you with one thought (Hello) sending them an email. It's them with one thought (Lets have Sex) replying to your email. I don't think they were out of line. I believe we receive emails on Swing Lifestyle from people that are interested in having sex with us. Just because they don't "spell it out" doesn't mean it's not what they are thinking...or even if they did spell it out they wanted to, it doesn't mean it is going to happen.

I guess someone needs to write a book on Swingers Social Etiquette.

Send them an email back. "Thanks for the reply, maybe we'll see you there with everyone else..."

[Malachista]

I would be a bit weirded out if I would get such a mail.
Why are these people writing me to say the will be there if they don't include that they want to meet ME especially?
Are they desperate? Do they just want me to be impressed by the pictures they have in their profile? (On the plattform I usually am you can rate pics, so mails with people who ask to vote for them is nothing unusuall)? How many other people got this generic C&P mail also?

So no, I would not asume that you would want to play with me, on the other hand I would also be unlikly to aproch you on the event itself...

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

So I was on Swing Lifestyle and I went through the list of those who were signed up to be at the Swing Lifestyle party. I went through and emailed several couples...I added a little bit to a select few that really looked like people we would want to get to know.

You probably were considering them with potential interest in playing. And I would imagine you didn't write to couples who you had no interest in meeting, so, when sending a note like you did it started the ball rolling.

However, I agree that this couple missed a few steps and jumped waaay ahead. Some people are comfortable receiving a response like you got, but we wouldn't be, and I can understand why you weren't. It comes off as presumptuous on their part. But who knows, you may meet them and be crazy about them.

From their P.O.V. I can see where they may interprut a friendly e-mail like yours as a show of interest to play. I have had similar experiences from a different angle.

We have been the recipient of e-mails like yours, we respond with a friendly thanks - we are going to be there with friends - maybe we'll get a chance to say hello at the event if we see you.

We show up at the club, see the people and walk up to introduce ourselves, and what do we discover? The wife has no idea who we are or that an e-mail exchange ever occurred because it was her husband that sent it without mentioning it to her. She has a blank face, doesn't say much, while her hubby acts like it's going to be a hook-up with me/us that night. He acts like a drooling dog and follows me around the evening trying to get what he thought was a sure thing...all because of that simple e-mail exchange.

You never know how people are going to take something as simple as a friendly, little "Hello."

LM

[Thron&Thor]

Yeah, but, in the lifestyle world a "hello" implies the possibiliity and many people only need the mere thought of the possiblity to turn "hello" into a "done deal", happens to us all the time on Swing Lifestyle. So many are starved with the "hunger" that any morsel is a meal.

[iapr]

[QUOTE=two4youinswva;321759]Well, she did post this thread for you to reply to, so I guess she wants it from you after all.



QUOTE]

THAT'S RIGHT!!! COOL!!!!!

We don't do girl/girl and I don't do anal Julie, but about anything else is good. I prefer kind of a modified missionary position with your legs over my shoulders. What's your favorite position? I am kinda kinky and love a good footjob now and then too. Do you want me to bring our vibrators or do you usually bring your own?

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

At what point did I mislead this couple to believe that we were interested in them?

You didn't mislead them, but the signals you were sending obviously got received a different way. Just by sending the email, you were expressing some interest in them. In your mind, it was just to meet someone who's profile you found interesting. In their mind, it was obviously much more. Sometimes you can do something quite normal that 9 out of 10 will respond to in the expected way, but there is always that small percentage that will throw a curve back at you. Nothing you can do about that, people will take things how they want to take them.

We would have been taken aback by their response too, and been turned off that it was too much. Depending on our level of interest, we would have responded back to your initial email with something like "nice to hear from you, maybe we'll see you there" to "maybe we can set up a time to meet for a drink and chat?".

What's your take on this couple's experience? Maybe this is their first time and they have some misconceptions about the lifestyle?