women-oriented question re: online swingers' sites

[Ripley & Ender]

Just curious if it's just me, just newbie stuff, or if this is normal...

We've been looking and messaging and occasionally meeting people through websites, mainly SLS.
Through photos/profile, I can easily weed out people I'm not interested in: "He looks like a jerk!" And I can easily pick out people that look like they'd make great friends.

But there's NO spark. I mean, I can look at these photos and think, "Okay, so what do you think about getting it on with him?" and my mind is just...whatever. Doesn't sound like a lot of fun. I'm not excited, I'm not feeling anything close to at the thought.

It starts to make the whole let's-swing experience feel lopsided. Ender finds the female half of the couple attractive (at least she usually looks like me...) but I just find the male half acceptable or maybe like someone I'd like to have as a friend.

Is it normal to not have any chemistry-type feelings until you meet the guy? Is this a new-swinger kind of thing?

Ripley

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Ripley & Ender

Is it normal to not have any chemistry-type feelings until you meet the guy? Is this a new-swinger kind of thing?

Ripley

I hear you on this one! And I don't think it's strictly a newbie thing. While I have found that chemistry with some folks via chatting, it's always MUCH better in person. But just as often, there are folks we meet in person first that we totally groove with but if we'd read their profile/chatted with them first, wouldn't have given a second thought to.

This is why a lot of foks prefer clubs to meeting through sls. But it's also why a lot of us go on "dates" to see the the other folks in person and size 'em up, see if the chemistry is there.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[cocpl2007]

It is a newbie thing, which afflicts many within this part of the swinger community. Some very sexually exciting people just are not all that photogenic. As well, some very sexually provocative photogenic types are less than appealing between the sheets. In our experience, generally, we are so bombarded with tabloid photos and commercial quality photo shoots we are lead to believe the folks depicted in these shots are utopian individuals. Nothing could be further from the truth.

SLS does not seem to be so overt with the posted photos as AFF. The latter seems to range from the raunchiest photos (many cum filled pussy shots, or penal implant shots) to some which do appear to be professionally created. The people behind these shots are better viewed, in our view, by the tone of the photo posted rather than the body parts depicted.

[JustAskJulie]

I think it's rare to really spark with a photograph. I have found 3 women EVER (and no men, sorry guys) that I've seen a picture of and been like "I gotta have that". Getting to know people and know if you'd be interested in them takes more than just a picture and words on a page (especially in a profile). Profiles RARELY display a persons personality, and most often they are written by one side or the other of the couple making it even harder to get a feel for the personality of either or both. All you can really do is use the profile as a starting point... not to decide if you'd "fuck em" but to decide if you even want to meet them.

[theboy]

My wife will get 'sparks' from some photos, but it's usually for guys who are completely different than me. If someone's the complete opposite from me, she'll tend to like them more. I'm a pretty average, desk-job sort of guy. Tattoos and piercings and so forth are something she really digs, for example. It's all about the variety

[havefuninsun]

Pictures never do it for me ... they will occasionally make me raise an eyebrow (like "HMMM") but the true chemistry is always in a meeting.

[lustylearning]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Pictures never do it for me ... they will occasionally make me raise an eyebrow (like "HMMM") but the true chemistry is always in a meeting.

Agreed - for me the picture really only serves as an initial screen - am I flat out not attracted to these people or do I know them. That's it. It takes meeting someone to really know whether or not you'll clique.

[Chris&Amelia]

We have yet to actually meet anybody through SLS. We've found it to be a good communication tool, but nothing more.

It's nice to troll SLS and look at the pictures, but for purposes of actually meeting anybody... eh.

[sunrise_sunset]

we havent met anyone in person through SLS or PS either. We have been very lucky finding couples to swing with at the parties, however. Seems as though arranging local dates on any of the pay sites can be much more time consuming than just going to a on prem club or hotel take over every once and a while.

[graygo98]

The difference between you and your husband is that he's a guy. Guys respond much more to visual cues. A picture of a lovely breast, hell, any breast, and he's already half way there. Heck, I would probably meet with at least half the people that contact us.

Women (at least the one I share a roof with) don't respond that way. While physical attraction has to be there, its only table stakes. The words in the profile are important, too. The sense she gets of the couple. Do they sound interesting? Even then, its likely to be a much more tentative response than a guy usually gives.

And, I agree with what someone up above said. We have met couples at clubs that we never would have looked twice at online and really connected with them. They are alive and interesting in a way that a bunch of pixels can never be. (And some people with great profiles just didn't do it for us, also.)

So, online can be fun and it can be very productive. But, there are no guarantees there will be any "click" until you meet. And don't put all your faith in pictures (have you seen what Photoshop CS3 can do?) look to the words. If a person isn't at least half interesting on paper I don't expect them to be much more so in person. YMMV.

[Pepper & Drew]

No, it's not just a newbie thing. It's the precise reason why meeting online is our least favorit way to meet new people. I venture to say that we would not have played with a single one of our playmate friends if we only had their profile and pictures to go on. People are 3 dimensional. I can't tell you how many times we've met a couple, played, and then went and looked at their profiles and thought, wow, they look better in person, or are so much more witty than their profile lets on.

Pepper