Pet Peeves in Personal Ads

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by MrkLin

LOL! You noticed that too? I wonder how many people don't realize that Swing Lifestyle doesn't update your ages automatically. You've been a member for 6 years, and you're still 22 - that's a good trick...

All of our info is current. I don't like to be misled, so I try to stay up to date on our profile so I'm not misleading anyone else. Heck, I was proud of getting back down to 175lbs, and couldn't wait to change that stat!

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look? For example, I look ten years younger than I am. I also look about thirty pounds lighter than I am because I'm dense (and not just in the head!).
Jen looks like she's twenty pounds lighter than she is (strong girl

I have mixed feelings about not being completely up front about those stats. On the one hand if someone posts that they are 40 and they look 60, I feel deceived. If they post that they are 40, look 35 and are actually 45, I don't really care that much. On the other hand, we're just looking for friends and playmates, not life partners, so I accept that there will be a lot of things that I don't know about the other people, and things I don't plan on telling them either. On the third hand, if you never tell, and look and act your age and weight, what's the difference?

I'll also echo the previous multiple sentiments about poor spelling and grammar. A major turn-off. An occasional mistake sure, but not so many that it's distracting. I see too much textspeak and I don't even try to decipher it.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look? For example, I look ten years younger than I am. I also look about thirty pounds lighter than I am because I'm dense (and not just in the head!).
Jen looks like she's twenty pounds lighter than she is (strong girl

I have mixed feelings about not being completely up front about those stats. On the one hand if someone posts that they are 40 and they look 60, I feel deceived. If they post that they are 40, look 35 and are actually 45, I don't really care that much. On the other hand, we're just looking for friends and playmates, not life partners, so I accept that there will be a lot of things that I don't know about the other people, and things I don't plan on telling them either. On the third hand, if you never tell, and look and act your age and weight, what's the difference?

The problem is that many, many people are under the impression that they look younger and like they weigh less than they actually are and do.

Most of those people are mistaken. I know several of them. They are really convinced that they still look like their decade-old pictures, and that they look slimmer than the scale indicates.

Once in a while you get someone who looks younger than they are. But the ones who say so the loudest, are usually full of it. I don't want to set aside a night to meet them, when I could have been doing something else.

Especially in the case where Mr. Fuse and I have made plans with someone we think we'll be attracted to, and they walk in and are clearly older, heavier, and shorter than they said. I am annoyed because they got me there under false pretenses.

To claim you look thirty pounds lighter than you are, and that a woman looks twenty pounds lighter, is pretty tough to believe in most cases. Maybe in your case it is true. The odds are against you.

I would really rather see someone's real age and weight on their profile, to know they are not telling a big lie. If you really look younger and thinner, your pictures will clear that up! Believe me, people look at your pictures before they look at your stats. Make sure your profile says clearly when your pictures were taken, especially if you think there is a big difference in how you look and how you "should" look based on your age and weight. Better yet, meet people at meet and greets and let them be surprised if they find out your real stats later.

Sorry for my sour tone, but I've really heard the same line so many times. It usually comes out the mouth of someone who is clearly not seeing the same thing the rest of us are.

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look? For example, I look ten years younger than I am. I also look about thirty pounds lighter than I am because I'm dense (and not just in the head!).
Jen looks like she's twenty pounds lighter than she is (strong girl
I have mixed feelings about not being completely up front about those stats. On the one hand if someone posts that they are 40 and they look 60, I feel deceived. If they post that they are 40, look 35 and are actually 45, I don't really care that much. On the other hand, we're just looking for friends and playmates, not life partners, so I accept that there will be a lot of things that I don't know about the other people, and things I don't plan on telling them either. On the third hand, if you never tell, and look and act your age and weight, what's the difference?
I'll also echo the previous multiple sentiments about poor spelling and grammar. A major turn-off. An occasional mistake sure, but not so many that it's distracting. I see too much textspeak and I don't even try to decipher it.

Gotta agree with Fuse here. Tell the truth in your stats and let your pics show the evidence. We all wear our weight and age in different ways, but we all wear them nonetheless. Be real in your stats, it may slightly reduce the number of contacts you make, but it will make those contacts you do make that much more pleasant (imagine how happy they'll be when they see that you are much slimmer and younger looking than they expected!).

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look?

How about when someone looks older than they are? How many of us see ourselves that way? There are some people who do... but would they own it?

Are they supposed to post their age as 55 when they are only 48? I doubt anyone would actually do that, even if they thought they looked older. The truth is on their side; why would they handicap themselves? Nope, nope...

[TheLorax]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

The problem is that many, many people are under the impression that they look younger and like they weigh less than they actually are and do.

Most of those people are mistaken. I know several of them. They are really convinced that they still look like their decade-old pictures, and that they look slimmer than the scale indicates.

Very true. I don't look anything like my ten year old picture, but whenever I've told people how old I am I get disbelief. Whenever I've asked those people to guess my age it invariably comes in 6-7 years low and the response is usually somewhere along the lines of "well, you act much older than that, so I guessed high." Jen and Liz usually have fun asking people that question. Same with how much I weigh (usually the surprise there comes from a hug or a wrestling match (the fun kind).

The reason I asked is not that I really have any investment in my actual age or weight, I'm very comfortable with who I am. At a young age I took on adult responsibility and grew up early, but my genetics are such that most people in my family live a long time and age well. I ask because I am surprised at how *old* some people look who are my age. I take care of myself, I exercise, don't smoke or drink, and wear sunscreen religiously. I've watched my close friends over the years and some of them age rapidly, and some of them never seem to age. The last person I played with outside of my partners was 15 years my senior and looked my age. Both of my partners are younger than I am, 12 years in Jen's case, but people assume all the time we're similar age.

So, sure, when stats posted don't match the image it's a problem. But I've actually had the reverse problem of being accused of being too young for some people, people who were looking for people "their age" when I was in fact the same age as they were. Hence my question.

Really though, I'm not into collecting, so the people I/we play with will be friends anyway, I was just curious to see what people here thought.

[good times]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look?

I can't really ad much to what Fuse said above except to say that I personally find my interest in someone peeks quickly when their pictures indicate they look real good for the age or weight they posted. On the other hand, it is an immediate turn-off if they look ten years older or 20 pounds heavier than they claim to be.

As far as people guessing you are younger than you look goes, reducing the age you think someone is by 6-10 years when you guess their age is basic "age guessing 101", isn't it? So if people are guessing my age or weight low by 6-10 years or 10-20 pounds, it is no surprise to me, and would tend to indicate to me that I look pretty much like what I am. It has been my experience that while a lot of folks think they look younger or look like they weigh less than they do, very few actually do, especially once they lose their clothes.

[NCfuncouple98]

We had some issues a while back with someone NOT posting their real age & weight and actually questioned it. She claimed to be my height (5'1", and 140 pounds (25 pounds lighter than me)). Ummm, the pictures did not show anything close, so I actually asked if the pictures were current. I got "no, I've lost weight since then". Ok, well if I lost a lot of weight I would be quick to post new pictures. In conversation, not just for that fact, it just wasn't a match.

Saw her at our local club. The pictures didn't lie, the weight in the profile did. Yes we carry weight differently but trust me on this one, it wasn't possible.

My point? We honestly stopped looking at weight on profiles not long after this, and a post I had about it on here. We go for the pictures, period. Age and weight aren't the deal breaker. It starts with the pictures.

So be honest in the profile, and post your sexiest, best-face pictures. Those are what count anyway.

Mrs NC

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

It has been my experience that while a lot of folks think they look younger or look like they weigh less than they do, very few actually do, especially once they lose their clothes.

exactly.

I've been told just how young I look to the point it actually hurts me in what I do. Guys barely older than I am think I'm just a new kid on the block its almost amusing.

I also know that I hide being fat better than a lot of people. I tend to evenly distribute it, so my gut doesn't get all that big. In clothes most of it is hidden, though people do notice when I've lost.

Take off the clothes though and I still have grey in my chest hair and when I had the weight it showed. Hell it was seeing a video of myself in only shorts a few months back that made me decide it was time to loose the weight.

Really though no one should lie about their age or weight, its just idiotic, they will be caught, and end up looking like a complete tool.

We have only recently been relooking at couples on Swing Lifestyle. Its been 4 years, long enough that our ages make me chuckle a bit as our profile is currently blank except for out old height/weight/ages. Of course we had to look up people we met to see if they were still around. An astounding number were still using the same photos, which were not new when we met them the first time.

Really I wish I knew what people were thinking in this regard.

[TheLorax]

I'll agree that the written stats are mostly useless, but a fair number of people look at the stats over the pictures, and a fair number of people look at the pictures over the stats. I've discussed lying on stats and people seemed to be pretty much against that.

What about lying with pictures? And I'm not talking about old pics or photoshopped pics. What about someone who knows that a particular camera angle pretty much hides that which may be unattractive about them? Or they dress in such a fashion that it conceals them in such a way that someone seeing them naked would most likely be turned off. What about makeup?

Obviously we all want to present ourselves in the best way possible, the way that puts us in the best light. The strongest arguments in opposition to fudging your age and weight stats was that it was misrepresentation, but is a current picture that is taken in such a manner to present the subject in the maximum postive light different? How?

That last question is one I think about as I do a lot of photography. I can make an unattractive subject very attractive, and I can make the most subjectively attractive model unattractive, it's part of my skill. In the end, does it really make that much difference in how your ad physically portrays you? To the folks who say yes, how do you respond to the fact that we each interpret what we see based on our experiences. I may present a picture of myself and stats that indicate I'm a stunningly attractive, well shaped person. If, when you meet me, and your perception of me is very close to how I portrayed myself in an ad, or better, even if it's not scientifically accurate, what's the problem?

(and, just because there are those who will think this is all about my egotism, it's not. I'm not stunningly attractive and I'm not as shallow as all that, these are just questions this discussion stimulated for me)

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

What about lying with pictures? And I'm not talking about old pics or photoshopped pics. What about someone who knows that a particular camera angle pretty much hides that which may be unattractive about them?

My opinion is that if your pictures are recent and not photoshopped, then they are not lying. BUT, "not lying" is not the standard we are shooting for here. We are shooting for showing ourselves the way our bodies look if we met in person and spent some time together, hopefully in an enticing way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to show your best attributes and minimize the worst ones. My main picture has me turned to the side, which is a flattering angle for most ladies. But other pictures show me and Mr. Fuse from different angles, and full-body shots that don't hide major body parts.

An example of how "not lying" can still not help a couple: if I look at a profile and see six pictures of breasts that are very voluptuous and nothing else, I am assuming the woman is fat. She's not lying, but she's not doing herself any favors. If I see only a picture of the guy from the chest up, again I am assuming he is fat. If he is wearing a baseball cap in every picture, I am assuming he is bald.

On the other hand, it's not like I'm going to post a picture that draws the eye where I don't want it to go. Our Swing Lifestyle pictures show our whole bodies, but if there is one that is more flattering, I'll post it over one that is less flattering. This is all common sense stuff and no lying about it.

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Or they dress in such a fashion that it conceals them in such a way that someone seeing them naked would most likely be turned off. What about makeup?

Obviously we all want to present ourselves in the best way possible, the way that puts us in the best light. The strongest arguments in opposition to fudging your age and weight stats was that it was misrepresentation, but is a current picture that is taken in such a manner to present the subject in the maximum postive light different? How?

If a guy is wearing baggy clothes or standing behind his wife in every picture, I am assuming he's hiding a big belly. I see lots of profiles where the guy is always behind the woman. It's not misrepresentation, but again... I am more likely to assume he's not showing it because it's not attractive. At least if we meet, I don't have reason to think they are lying, though I might be disappointed. That's the difference with plain old deception (putting the wrong age or weight) and just not showing some weak points, which might be a bummer but at least isn't insulting to me.

Nothing wrong with wearing makeup either. I wear makeup when we go out, so I have it on in our pictures. One of our private pictures shows me in stage makeup, but the rest are in "normal going out" makeup or even less. I actually am not sure I should have the one in stage makeup on the page, because it doesn't show me as I'd look if you met me... false eyelashes do a lot for a girl.

[TheLorax]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply, The Fuse.

I think that for me a lot of attraction is simply things that are impossible to describe or picture (as it is for a lot of people I am sure). I don't know if it is an artifact of many years on the net or I've just gotten older and more cynical. The things I pay attention to most are the text and how well they express themselves. Sure, pictures and descriptions play some role in it for me, but that's mostly for broad ranges rather than specifics. I'm going to buck the (admittedly) short trend in this post. If there's stats that they post that aren't 100% accurate, it doesn't bother me at all unless they are so out of whack with reality that it reinforces the other cues I get from meeting people that they aren't who or what they are trying to present themselves as. I think my base assumption is that they are either wishful thinking (a human enough fault), or they are trying to portray themselves as they would be perceived in person. If it's the first, I'll balance it out with other qualities the people might have. If it's the latter then as long as it's inline with what I see, I really don't care if their age or weight is a few years off. If it's just a troll looking to waste everyone's time then that'll be pretty obvious.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by TheLorax

Ah, so what does the group think about posting the age and weight you look? For example, I look ten years younger than I am. I also look about thirty pounds lighter than I am because I'm dense (and not just in the head!).
Jen looks like she's twenty pounds lighter than she is (strong girl

I pretty much agree with what everyone has said.. be honest. But if you think you look younger/thinner whatever then feel free to post that you are 60 but most people think you are 40 (if that's the case). Or if she weighs 150 but wears a size 6 then post that. Things like that help clarify what you look like when there's not a picture to go by. But, just posting a different age as your age because you think you look younger (or people tell you you do) isn't a good idea. Put the real thing in the stats then use the profile areas to expand.

[PB&J]

Here's some input on the age thing. We met a couple at the club last weekend. I'd chatted online with him and he seemed pretty cool, although obviously I wasn't going to make any decisions until we met, and it wasn't a date at the club, just an opportunity to say hi. Now, on their profile his age was well within a decade of mine, and I'm not averse to playing that high up. Some of my best "friends" fall close to if not more than 10 years older than me! However, either this man is really old for his age, or he made a substantial misrepresentation in his profile, and honestly, it's the misrepresentation more than the actual age which really turned me off. Hell, maybe he really feels that he does look that young- but really, honesty IS the best policy with potential playmates.

[SaSsyNsWeEt]

I have a few "profile pet peeves" too, however, most have already been touched on. Personally I HATE profiles that are covered in smiley faces, I think it to be very immature!

[MN Tom]

Horrible spelling is definitely one for us. It's fine if someone messes up grammar a little bit, but failing miserably at spelling really turns us off.

We dad someone like that reply to us today. He spelt every third word incorrectly, and I really struggled to send a reply for the wife since she just couldn't do it.


Another big pet peeve is when we contact a single male (yeah!) and he responds really lamely or not at all (even though he's online daily and we see him in chat or other areas). Then, a few weeks later, we see him in chat or some other active spot, and he proceeds to spam us with mail or requests to meet up like no time has passed.

That is just a huge turn off, it's like why couldn't you at least reply back to us a while ago. We have it obviously labeled in our profile that we have kids and have to schedule. We figure that he was "busy" at the time we contacted him and now he's not, and drop him from consideration at that point. Pretty much we feel that he failed to consider us at first, or just figured we would wait for him since he's soo great and all (haha).