profiles

[lovinher]

We have recently started taking SLS somewhat seriously and I have to say it has been very interesting to say the least. I have to wonder what some people are thinking when they set up their profile because some of them are quite comical, strange or just downright strange. Although I'm no expert in profiles I thought I would give some tips and observations those of you who, well, need it. Our profile is nowhere near perfect and I wish someone had told me when we first put ours up.

Besides, I’m laid up for a day or two and needed something to do.

Taking a pic of what looks like your woman pissing in the woods is not sexy.
Neither is a XXL Nascar T shirt. Man or woman.
"We are real" OK, I was wondering about that.
If your boobs hang down to your belly button you probably shouldn't show them. There are exceptions to this.
If I can’t tell if you are wearing panties or not, there’s a problem.
What's the cucumber for?
If you need two profiles, you are probably going to get turned down twice as much.
If you are 5'-1" and 175 lbs you are NOT HWP.
Bragging about your looks. "Hot looking, physically fit couple looking for same-but we're not bragging". ooook!
Requesting pics "or don't bother contacting" in their profile and then not having any of their own! WTF!
Showing pics with many years between them. I could care less what you looked like 10-15 years ago.
That is, unless you were naked.
Showing a pic of yourself next to your friend Barbie does not help.
I want Barbie!
Showing pics of yourself 30 lbs ago. If you are going to do that at least get rid of the fat pics.
No time for E-mails-"it may take several weeks to get back to you"
In several weeks I won’t care.
Any naked guy with his legs spread looks gay, always!
So does leather pants. (on a guy)
Guys, if you are straight, get rid of the pic of you and your buddy.
Know what I mean?
Guys again. If you dress like one of the Village People for some pics...oh never mind.
Having a kid(s) in your profile pics is not cool.
Neither is your grandma.
What the hell is THAT THING?
See Ya!
Cartoons don’t help either. Very creative though.
You cannot fake the biker look.
You cannot fake the construction worker guy look either.
If you try you look gay.
I speak from experience.
Posing with a dog! What the hell are you thinking? I don’t care how cute it is.
Same goes with a horse.
Why are the best profiles from people 250 miles away?
“We don’t look our age”....uhhh, yes you do.
"We act younger than we are"....let's hope so.
I was guilty of those two.
“If you are rude and pushy don’t bother contacting us” DAMN!
I actually saw one that said “don’t contact us” as their tag line.
“No drama” NO SHIT!
“Not a size queen but she likes them at least 9” jeeeeeeze
“We are looking for couples so the girls can play while the guys watch”
Sounds like fun. I'll bring a book.
“Gorgeous couple not stuck on ourselves” Riiiiiiiiight.
I’m a smoker but loose the cigarette hanging from your mouth Betty Sue.
“Not into hugging, kissing or caressing”
OK, I’ll bring two books.
Some vaginas are best left NOT IN A PROFILE!
Penises should NEVER be in a profile.
“Has some performance issues but working on it” Wow!
And finally....Why is hell is everybody "laid back"?

I’m sure there are plenty more. Especially if you look at the single guys. That would take way too much time.
Sorry to those of you I missed.

All in fun.

[socolais]

I didn't read the instruction book either - I had no idea profile pics were SUPPOSED to be 10 years old ;-)

[BiloxiCouple]

I like boobs hanging down to the belly button.

In the missionary I can throw them over my shoulder and under my arms and I am strapped in!

[Mr. HW Sharona]

Don't forget 'Must be D&D free'

Ya think?

Honestly, who's looking for a drug addicted, STD havin' couple/woman/man?

Is that statement even really needed? Would a person who was on drugs, or had an STD (or both) read that in a profile and say to themselves "Damn! Just when I thought we found the perfect couple they had to put that clause in there!"



Do people out there really think that if someone had an STD they would tell you? Of course you would Hope they would, but just because you put in your ad 'Must be D&D free' and someone responds, doesn't mean they fit the bill.

That one always kills me. I never understood putting that in your profile. It's like saying 'The man must have a penis and the woman must have a vagina.'
No shit.

Has anyone ever read a profile that said 'Drug addiction or STDs acceptable.'

[cubnamy1995]

Originally Posted by Mr. HW Sharona

Don't forget 'Must be D&D free'

Ya think?

Honestly, who's looking for a drug addicted, STD havin' couple/woman/man?

Is that statement even really needed? Would a person who was on drugs, or had an STD (or both) read that in a profile and say to themselves "Damn! Just when I thought we found the perfect couple they had to put that clause in there!"



Do people out there really think that if someone had an STD they would tell you? Of course you would Hope they would, but just because you put in your ad 'Must be D&D free' and someone responds, doesn't mean they fit the bill.

That one always kills me. I never understood putting that in your profile. It's like saying 'The man must have a penis and the woman must have a vagina.'
No shit.

Has anyone ever read a profile that said 'Drug addiction or STDs acceptable.'

Ha-ha. "We are a young, fir couple looking for some needle-sharing heroin addicts. Not bathing for a couple of weeks a plus."

I also like the one, "must have chemistry." Yah for me! I had Chem 101, 102 and Organic Chemistry. I got a C in the last one though. Am I still attractive?

I know I really prefer having sex with people I am uncomfortable and awkward with.

[Chicup]

Bad profiles are important.

Saves you time in weeding people out.

[WesternSwing]

Tonight I saw a profile from a young couple (early 20's) and one of their public pics is the wife with her two bridesmaids AT THE WEDDING without even as much as blocking-out the bridesmaid's faces! I had to wonder about the thought process surrounding that one.

Mr. WS

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by westerswing

Tonight I saw a profile from a young couple (early 20's) and one of their public pics is the wife with her two bridesmaids AT THE WEDDING without even as much as blocking-out the bridesmaid's faces! I had to wonder about the thought process surrounding that one.

Maybe they helped to consumate the marriage?

[des1re06]

Ohh this is fun!

I actually went over to our profile to make sure none of the "peeves" were on it.

OOps! We did put "no drama". I'm leaving it because it's a sticking point for us. Jealousy is an ugly thing.

Mrs. D

[ShellyM]

10 year old pics annoy me. Also, if you have gained 50 pounds since the pics PLEASE let us know!

Shelly

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by lovinher

“We don’t look our age”....uhhh, yes you do.

Well, it ain't in our profile, but I don't think my spouse looks like he's 50... That's probably why it is not in our profile... "That's what they all say!"

Originally Posted by lovinher

"We act younger than we are"

We don't have this in our profile either. I don't want to admit that my spouse acts like he is 12 at times!


My peeve:
30+ pics of the wife in various poses and states of undress.

Not one picture of the husband!!!!

[twoforone100]

Well the only thing we have is about a 3 to 1 picture ratio. Which out of a hundred is not bad. We do have three pic's with dogs and you know what so what. It keeps the cat people away. And We like the pic's. But the rest of the list we are right there with you. Patrick Pattie

[lovinher]

It keeps the cat people away.

Well that's OK then!

Still, a couple I've seen creep me out.

[WesternSwing]

Okay, another pet peave in profiles: single guys and dead animals. It seems in our area that there are two types of pics on single guy's profiles, cock shots and them with a dead trophy fish, buck, mountain goat, cougar, bear, etc. I guess Real Tree camo and dead animals are a turn-on for women... Who'd a thunk it?

Mr. WS

[havefuninsun]

OMG That was hilarious! Thanks for posting!! If Jeff Foxworthy were ever going to do a "you know you're a redneck swinger when" show, please be sure to send him this list!!

And no dissin' the cat people. Some of the coolest people I know are cat people. And besides, folks we've met seem to really like my kitty ... (LOL!!)