Is it typical that people meet right off the bat?

[Mr. Truelove]

Since our first experience, Mrs. Truelove and I have been putting off contacting new people due to our vanilla lives being quite crazy lately. However, during this downtime we have still been keeping our profile open, and I guess being open to meeting people as long as it was flexible.

So basically we haven't had any activity outside of some nice mail we recieved last week. Our last couple was quite a distance away and we didn't meet them through an ad site nor at a club. So this is a new experience for us to be presented an opportunity to meet with someone that is not only local, but conveniently our age and attractive.

So last week a couple mails us saying that they are new to this and wanted to say hello. Seeing as they were new (and likely don't have the experience of having a great message board like this) Mrs. Truelove and I decided we would just keep talking to them through the mail answering whatever, and asking questions to learn about them until they were comfortable enough to take it to the next level. We traded pictures and all of that, and everything is cool so far.

Well, apparently everything was really cool because they want to meet already and it just took Mrs. Truelove and I off guard. Mainly because our last couple was so far away that we had a large amount of chatting time leading up to the big day. And that gave us plenty of time to get comfortable and get to know them.

Now we don't know much about this couple and suddenly we're being given the opportunity to skip the chat phase and go right to meeting them. I'm okay with that as long as nothing is expected. Mrs. Truelove has a little bit more reservations about meeting them until we chat more and know more about them.

Is it typical that people move to meeting right off the bat, especially considering how new this other couple is? Should we be alarmed at the quick pace? I felt that requesting to chat online more would drag things off into "endless email and chat" that many people dread. Any insights or comments are welcome. I'm just kind of thinking out loud here and pondering the whole, how fast is normal, typical, or expected ideas.

Thanks,

Mr. Truelove

[lovinher]

You have been E mailing and trading pics. If it is too fast for you then just tell them. But you really can't blame them for wanting to take the next step. They are probably just excited about their first encounter and want to get the ball rolling.
A week would probably be a bit too fast for us also so I see where you are coming from. But if I felt comfortable about it I'd meet them while making them aware that it is just a meet up and nothing more.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Is it typical that people move to meeting right off the bat, especially considering how new this other couple is? Should we be alarmed at the quick pace? I felt that requesting to chat online more would drag things off into "endless email and chat" that many people dread. Any insights or comments are welcome. I'm just kind of thinking out loud here and pondering the whole, how fast is normal, typical, or expected ideas.

Thanks,

Mr. Truelove

We are quick about meeting face-to-face, for a whole variety of reasons. (We only have utilized ads for meeting locals.) After a handful of nice get-to-know-you emails and picture exchange, that's plenty for us to be able to determine if we want to go to the next step - saying "hi" face to face in public. We usually meet them at the local vanilla club to hang out & dance, or we meet for a drink that might lead to dinner if all are comfy. This meeting isn't about sex, it's about getting to know them in the "real" world and seeing if there's any real chemistry.

Mr. Tybee and I used the vanilla dating sites when we were single, and it's how we met each other. I've been on countless blind dates. I've been involved in email/chat "relationships" that went on for some time before meeting, and learned in the first few minutes after meeting face-to-face that the person was not at all what I expected! For us, it's just not real until it's real. All of the emailing and the IMing in the world can't make up for in-person meetings. So, having this past vanilla experience under our belts regarding internet dating, and then going into the lifestyle together later after we were married and now using internet "dating" once again, we knew how to handle it and knew how it worked. In fact, it's exactly the same, except that it's 2-and-2 instead of 1-and-1 dates. We meet people, and within minutes we get a vibe that we like them and want to continue this evening to get to know them more (not necessarily sex), or we know we're definitely not interested, there is no personality connection happening here, no attraction, and after a polite amount of time, can call it an early night. This can save you (and them) from wasting weeks and weeks of precious time!

[LikeMinds321]

I got the feeling from your post that you have only played once before? And let me guess, you played on the first meet?

IF this is the case, maybe you're hesitant because this new approach - meeting on line - is unchartered territory. Since you don't know this couple like you got to know the first couple, you haven't yet established the relationship with them as you did with your first couple.

I'd say go for the meet sooner than later, and as loveinher suggested, you can let them know (through e-mail) that it is a social meet, not a play meet.

A disadvantage to lots of e-mail and chatting over weeks or months before you meet is that you may get along great through writing, and feel you've developed a bond with them, even a friendship, but when you meet you may discover there isn't the sexual connection in person that you expected. THAT is when it's really tough because you (or they) have to reject someone. For this reason it can be a good thing to meet as soon as you feel a couple fits all (or most) of your criteria for meeting.

When looking for new playmates I always feel there are two 'tests' that need high scores, the first is how well a couple fits what we're seeking and how our communication online goes. The second is if we click when we meet, which is what ultimately determines if we will play.

I wouldn't be alarmed by their wanting to meet. Yes, they are probably eager, nothing wrong with that. You will learn so much at a meet. It will sharpen your skills and help you become wiser swingers.

I say go for it!

LM

Edit: Tybee and I were posting at the same time. After reading her post I realize I didn't emphasize something that she said that I think is important, and that is that we don't spend much time chatting before meeting and prefer to meet in person sooner than later. We've had couples write us on Friday and we met for drinks and pizza that same Saturday. Things went great.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Any insights or comments are welcome. I'm just kind of thinking out loud here and pondering the whole, how fast is normal, typical, or expected ideas.

As the others have mentioned, I don't think it's all that fast. I'm not one to chat much, and I state so in our profile. So much easier to see if things click when you meet in person. But, like you Mr Truelove, I don't expect to play on the first date. And I make sure they understand that there are no expectations other than enjoying some drinks and laughs. This also keeps Tammy from being nervous too. She's more of a "let's see how things progress" kinda girl. Now......once you meet, those expectations may change

So if I were you, I'd meet them for those drinks. Good luck.

Brett

[Mr. Truelove]

Thanks for the replies so far. I guess it was the mixture between us being used to moving along like that and not expecting someone else that is new to want to.

I'm glad to see no one thought that was a red flag on them for being so eager. I had the notion that many of you like to go to meeting couples (or singles) pretty quickly, but I always had it in my mind being the more veteran swingers.

Mr. Truelove

[good times]

We have always, since we first started swinging anyway, been into moving it right along. We are good for about three emails before meeting. first they email us that they are interested and we check out their profile, open our pictures to them and email them that we are interested in meeting them. If we are interested we will usually ask if the other couple is interested in meeting in the first or second email, if we don't we probably never will.

We don't do any type of internet chat, endless emails, or IM because it serves absolutely no purpose that we can see. We have met folks that could converse eloquently through the written word and were absolutely boring or unable to communicate in person and vice-versa. We have also found that we can find out or deduce more about a person in five minutes face to face than we can in countless hours of internet correspondence. So, no, your experience with this couple wouldn't seem fast to us at all.

[VanHlebar]

We are also pretty quick about moving to the meeting phase. For us, we would typically either send off an email showing interest or reply to one that we have received and once mutual interest has been shown, we will then try to set something up either in a vanilla setting or possibly meeting at our local club.

We always let the couple/singles know upfront that the first meeting really is just a get to know you meeting and see if all of us are on the same page. With that being said, we surely wouldn't put off having fun with a couple/single if everything clicked just perfect on the first date.

We don't have any issues with talking with couples either online or via emails since both MrsVan and myself do spend a bit of time online. We have been chatting with 2 or 3 couples for many many months and we still haven't been able to get our schedules to match to actually meet up. This is not the norm for us, but there is great interest on all sides and we just need to get schedules to match up.

Hope that helps.

-Van

[Tybee Swing]

I ditto what Van just said about clash of schedules being a reason sometimes for not meeting as quickly. Sometimes, a great couple emails you during a very busy season for you, and it's a few weeks before everybody can get it together enough to meet on a weekend. It happens for everybody.

[The Fuse]

One additional step I recommend is to talk on the phone before meeting. Not only does each couple then know there are both a man and a woman on the other end, but it is much easier to get acquainted that way and ask a few questions. You also know that they are both aware of what is going on and both interested.

Just recently we weeded out one fake who looked quite real, this way. The woman couldn't get on the phone because she "had strep throat" one night. The next day, the guy IM'd and said they would call that night. I said "sure, we'd love to hear from both of you". No phone call and no follow-up. Buh-bye!

On the other hand, last spring we talked on the phone with a couple whose female half really *was* not feeling well, but we at least heard her briefly when they talked to each other. Everything went fine from there (after she got better).

Sometimes when people want to meet fast I smell a little instability and back off. But a phone call really helps with feeling out a couple's vibe prior to meeting.

[DBL D]

I am very open to anything that seems to work. Fem D needs to take more time with a couple and if they don't seem to want to chat a bit that's a red flag to her. Phone calls are great too. I think some people aren't comfy with cyber chat and just like to meet face to face. It really is the best way to get to know someone. If you feel you won't be too stressed over meeting I'd say to do it...otherwise just let them know you need some more time.

Male D

[NakedInSeattle]

I think meeting soon after first contact has its advantages. Why waste time with emails, telling people about yourself (baring one's soul) and such if there really ain't gonna be any chemistry? Believe me, you really don't know if it's gonna click until you meet. We've had a lot of contacts that seemed ok but upon meeting, there was nothing! Go ahead and check 'em out.

[2TexasTornados]

We're a "meet fast" couple also. Like others have mentioned, I only need a few quick emails/pics to decide if things look OK to check them out in person. I don't have time or interest to email for weeks on end. I need to know right away if chemistry is there, how they talk, how they laugh, what their sense of humor is like, etc. If those things don't really jive with us, no need to waste time. If they do, we're glad we got right into "face time" no matter how long it takes till we're comfortable with "play".

-the Mrs.

[LOL_OMG]

We like to meet pretty quickly as well. It's hard to tell from emails and pics what a person is really like (like Mrs 2 TX said). I guess that would be the reason we mostly like to meet people in clubs as well, we can tell pretty quickly if there's a spark and the whole email thing is just too many steps for us lazy people :p

Mrs

[des1re06]

We agree with TheFuse

One additional step I recommend is to talk on the phone before meeting

Having had situations where the wife was being pressured into it, the phone talk helped determine that situation.

Overall, we love to chat as a way to get to know each other, but are not into cyber sex with cams. Just not our thing.

Mrs. D