Couples Profile Reviews

[Rahul_Neekita]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Looks good. I recommend using the word hypocritical rather than the word Hippocratic.

~M

Thanks for suggestion.

[clit pro poet]

Julie, LikeMinds, SW_PA...
We've begun an Swing Lifestyle profile, 2GoodCompany (Real Swingers Home Page. 2GOODCOMPANY)
Could you have a look when you get a chance, and let us know your thoughts, suggestions?

Thanks!

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by clit pro poet

Could you have a look when you get a chance, and let us know your thoughts, suggestions?

Well, I guess it has become apparent that this forum is one of my favorites. I can't help myself. Editorial review is one of the major activities of the employment I have had for the last eleven years. I do not, however, want to discourage other members from leaving comments here. Please, it's not just Julie, LikeMinds and SW_PA_Couple.

The thing that comes to the top of my mind is no pictures. Don't take this personally. I tell everyone else the same. If you do not want the world to see you faces at a sex Web site, post some private ones. No excuse in being a non-paying member. Either you are earnest in your pursuit or you are not; You will have to decide. If not private pictures, have some taken with your backs to the camera. Saying Rubenesque is fine but show people; Rubenesque is sexy. You and I know it is.

~Michael

[clit pro poet]

Oh, oops, forgot to mention - just registered and building. 'Haven't yet surveyed what people are doing or looked through what we have in stock. We appreciate the suggestions of how to shoot, public or private.
We're still in the free area too. It's sort of an early work in progress for us. I (he) is doing most of the writing or editing. Thanks for noting the absence of photos. Sorry to divert you. 'Sounds like at least the verbal bit is in the ball park OK.
More soon.
- d

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by clit pro poet

Julie, LikeMinds, SW_PA...
We've begun an Swing Lifestyle profile, 2GoodCompany (Real Swingers Home Page. 2GOODCOMPANY)
Could you have a look when you get a chance, and let us know your thoughts, suggestions?

Thanks!

Thank you for asking me to review your new profile. A profile is exciting to write and can be challenging. During the weeks to come, you will probably find yourselves making changes every time you look at it.

My overall impression is that you seem most interested in developing longterm friendships with couples and hope sex will be a part of it. If this is the only way you will consider playing with people, then you are sending the correct message. If, however, you are open to finding a great couple, playing with them without knowing if you'll ever play again, or if the relationship will continue, then you might consider finding ways to compose your profile to reflect this.

I felt there are a number of places where your sentence structure and grammar could confuse readers. One example is this:

"We're happy to entertain at home sometimes."

You mean sometimes you're not happy entertaining in your home? I presume you mean, We're happy to entertain at home when we can.

The last section confused me more than helped me, most of it seemed superfluous, but there are some things that would be good to share. I would suggest going through it carefully. Do you want to travel to meet people for sex 100 to 400 miles from where you live? Is that what you meant? Or is travel just something you do as a hobby? Things like this left me wondering what you are trying to convey.

You close with "Work, family, community activities, a host of vanilla friends, and...raising our child occupy us, but we'd love to find time to share with you!" This left me feeling that you are so busy, and although your intentions are good, you may never have time for those who contact you.

I liked the first two sections. You sound interesting and full of life.

I agree with Michael that pictures will really help your profile and I'm glad to hear that you intend to add them.

Wishing you both success with your profile!

LM

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by clit pro poet

Oh, oops, forgot to mention - just registered and building. 'Haven't yet surveyed what people are doing or looked through what we have in stock.

Oops. I failed to notice the membership date on your profile.

I'll look forward to watching your "work in progress" as you go ahead with it.

~M

[clit pro poet]

Wishing you both success with your profile!
LM

LM, I missed your post last night (had just a moment to look and saw Michael's.) I/we and really appreciate the comments! Funny - about the last section - it was a chatty afterthought. You noticed that it didn't fit so well with the earlier parts. It'll get an overhaul.

And we're getting some pictures...

With gratitude,
- d
PS - anyone else, PLEASE PILE ON

[clit pro poet]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

Oops. I failed to notice the membership date on your profile.

I'll look forward to watching your "work in progress" as you go ahead with it.

~M

Again, thanks. We haven't thought about making flattering pictures since our wedding (when someone else was doing it, of course), and are looking forward to trying out our hand. The anonymous ones will be fun . We have travel coming up pronto and will get on it right after.
Meanwhile on to some edits in the verbage...

Later...
'Just had another go at the write up - mostly to shorten and clarify, esp. that last section.
'Appreciate the time.
Always interested in thoughts from SB folk.

[Rackir]

Hey all, I would love some feedback on our profile. If you have a moment, please check it out and let me know what you think. What do you think works, what doesn't etc. We've gotten a few responses to it already after just having it up for a less than a week now, but I’m really curious about the opinions of people that aren’t looking us up for potential playmates.

Link to your left.


<--------

[clit pro poet]

Originally Posted by Rackir

Hey all, I would love some feedback on our profile. If you have a moment, please check it out and let me know what you think. What do you think works, what doesn't etc. We've gotten a few responses to it already after just having it up for a less than a week now, but I’m really curious about the opinions of people that aren’t looking us up for potential playmates.

Link to your left.


<--------

It’s quite a revealing narrative. It seems that you wish to share the experience of your reemergence with your readers. That it isn’t economical or concise maybe says something about yourselves in the context of socializing and sexual play with others: that this is something you thought through as a couple and relish writing and talking about.

In several places, you provide enough detail for people to figure out what might be desirable, and what will probably be unacceptable to you.

You even say that you’d appreciate “well written letters” – probably in a style a little like your own. Inevitably, you will make changes, but, if the style consistently reflects how you wish to be introduced in print, and people contact you, then stay with it.

The “describe yourself” section is sexy and funny! You’re not just putting out data, you’re sketching in words. I like it.

As a practical matter, you don’t mention logistics. “Love will find a way”, I guess? No problem.

Typo: in the para. starting “Our ideal” apostrophe missing from “won’t.”

Comment: your first attempt is much better tied together than ours was!

Best,
David

[Rackir]

David,
Thanks for taking the time to review, and give such a nice review of, our profile! You are pretty much spot on in your conclusion that we (well mostly I) relish (thank you for using that word, which has fallen out of so many lexicons) the opportunity to write about our reemergence into the lifestyle. It combines two of my favorite activities, writing and sexual exploration!

What logistics seem to be lacking? Are you referring to how a first date would probably go? I.e. meet for drinks first, etc?

Thanks for pointing out the typo! Gotta run over and fix that now!

Again, thank you very much!

[Rackir]

Originally Posted by clit pro poet

PS - anyone else, PLEASE PILE ON

Never one to refuse a pile invitation..,,

First off, the line “want to seduce and be seduced” is great! It presents a good image of what you are looking for and enjoy, without just spelling it out in boring and overused specifics. Also your tag line is interesting and somewhat thought provoking. In particular the word “engage” brings up (at least to me) many interesting visuals. It indicates to me that you both enjoy the meeting and interacting with people every bit as much as you that sexual play which may or may not follow. The rest of your profile also seems to bolster that idea.

Something I am curious about, is your primary goal to meet other to play with, or to meet other with whom you will become friends? Of course I understand that both would be ideal (“sex that follows naturally on enjoyable company”, what a great way to phrase it), but which is actually your priority? The reason I ask is that your profile seems to be looking for couples with whom to be friends, more so than it is looking for couples with whom to play. The details about your child in college, your political views and the types of people you are friends with all lend to this perception. If that’s your goal, than you are right on the money. If however you are equally (or more) interested in finding couples to play with, than you might want to “sexy up” the profile a little with more indications of the types of sexual activities you enjoy, and what you are both hoping to find in a playmate, and maybe cull a few of the vanilla life details.

An interesting question that your profile brought to mind, you say that you want to be part of group of several couples who get together from time to time for friendship and play (paraphrasing of course). Is this the sort of thing you can advertise for? I’m not sure, maybe it is, but it seems like that type of scenario is the sort that one has fall or happen into as a result of being in the scene and playing with multiple people prior to finding. It sounds like a great thing to be a part of, but I would worry that you are actually pushing away those very people who could introduce you to that sort of thing by featuring it so prominently. How many groups are there like that who are actively looking for new members? For the most part new members are probably introduced to those sorts of groups of friends only after members of said group have gotten to them on their own. Just a thought.

All in all I’d say you do a great job of presenting yourselves in text form, something that isn’t easy to do. Your profile carries with it a great deal of personality, and I think anyone who takes the time to read it will have a pretty decent understanding of the people they are responding to.

Minor technical notes, it looks like you probably wrote this in word first, then pasted it into the Swing Lifestyle profile. Unfortunately the gimpy Swing Lifestyle editor doesn’t always recognize words punctuation tags and translates them as box characters. A number of your apostrophes and one which I suspect is a semi-colon didn’t come through properly. Also I think you are missing the word “is” after “like” in the second paragraph of “we are looking for”.

Looking forward to seeing what pictures you add in the future!

Hope this helps in someway, and good luck!

[clit pro poet]

Rackir, MUCH appreciated. Back to this thread presently. Things around here are a bit tied up here this morning.
Others have caught kindly the ambiguity involving friendship and play (see earlier) and it does warrant further work.
We're all "works in progress" , I guess.

A few hours later...
OK, back to it. I think that you've made us. We love dalliance where a sexual a encounter can enhance us as a couple. Intertwined with this is fascination with people - their lives and views. As a couple, we're not seeking friendship in the sense of implied obligation or (worse) exclusivity. But we're at a point in life where (a friend puts it thus) "we don't want to fuck anyone we don't know." This is not the same way that either of us felt (and acted ) when we were young. We still just want to have fun. It's just that getting to know others, especially couples, seems like more complete fun.

[Sunswept]

Hi Rackir,

Are you into radio?? Like ham,DX or SWL?? I usually do not comment on profiles but could not help but notice the reference to "5X5" and I have not heard that in a long time if it is the old radio signal reception reference. If it is, it's a bit arcane and "ready to go" conveys the thought! (although maybe you do want to attract people interested in radio.)

Also, in the last sentence I think you want to use the word "jiggle" (move) as opposed to the word "giggle" (laugh) although in the sexy and fun image you paint of your sweety both words could pertain I suppose! Anyway, I stumbled over that sentence but got it eventually!

Otherwise in my brief, inexpert opinion -it's a fun, informative and playful profile and I hope you both have good luck getting back in the groove with it!

[red96]

Please review our profile and let us know what you think.Real Swingers Home Page. debchevy