Certifying couples on Swing Lifestyle

[Sweet_Candy]

This is from our profile on CT

"Our thoughts on validations - we don't expect them. If you know us, you know they are not necessary."

We've discovered validations to be nothing more than a who knows who contest. Many people who are validated on CT dont play with others but they make all the events and parties. Being a social butterfly doesn't make a couple real. When we first started we recieved and gave many validations but after being in lifestyle for a while we discovered the sad reality of validations. Also many people come and go in the lifetstyle and because of this attrition we went from over 10 validations down to our current 2.

[SW_PA_Couple]

This question still confounds us a little even after being at Swing Lifestyle for a while. For people having no certification, we send a certification accompanied by an e-mail note saying that it carries no obligation on their part to accept the it. One couple did, in fact, decline a certification. For people having a certification, we wait for them to ask. Nobody has even felt slighted. We have met people who have sent us no certification.

We do not hestate, incidentally, to send messages to people who are not certified.

Michael

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

Maybe I'm wrong, but....I thought the purpose of validating was just to ensure that the person(s) is/are real, and not fakes!

Right. You are just saying hey, this is a for real couple. Its not necessarily saying you played with them, but just that they are really a couple and not fakers.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy

We've discovered validations to be nothing more than a who knows who contest. Many people who are validated on CT dont play with others but they make all the events and parties. Being a social butterfly doesn't make a couple real.

This is SO true! This is a perfect example of how little the certifications can really mean. Around here, among people we know, many of the validations are between people who know each other socially at the events and as friends, but haven't played together. We know of a particular very social couple who really do not play, except perhaps on very rare occasion, yet they've got several certifications from friends. They're the social flirt type. They're "real" in the sense that they'll show up at the parties, they'll meet you, she'll flirt with everybody, but it's highly unlikely that sex will ever happen with them.

Because of this, we don't certify social friends, we only certify people we've actually had sex with. It seems that many people certify their social friends, though.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy

This is from our profile on CT

"Our thoughts on validations - we don't expect them. If you know us, you know they are not necessary."

We've discovered validations to be nothing more than a who knows who contest. Many people who are validated on CT dont play with others but they make all the events and parties. Being a social butterfly doesn't make a couple real. When we first started we recieved and gave many validations but after being in lifestyle for a while we discovered the sad reality of validations. Also many people come and go in the lifetstyle and because of this attrition we went from over 10 validations down to our current 2.

This is true and we see this on LL more than Swing Lifestyle but i'm sure its there too.

I think we now have a good 'feel' for a profile if they are players or posers and based on who did the certs we have a good idea. We have 2 certs as well, its a good number.

[NCcuriouscpl]

Being new to the lifestyle, we were 'tickled' to get our first certification. So was the couple we played with that day, as they were also new. We certified each other. We've since not pushed for additional certifications, as it really isn't important to us to 'collect' them. Since then we have certified a couple of couples we have played with if they asked, and if we felt they were 'genuine'. Almost ALL were either new to the lifestyle, or new to Swing Lifestyle. None were paid members, we received no certification in return and didn't care.

We've found in our short experience, that sometimes certifications are not 'bogus' but possibly 'given' to others just to be nice. We have met one couple that had certification, but had been 'removed' from every singles group in the area for 'inappropriate' behavior....they 'bad mouthed' everyone, including the couple that had certified them!

So sometimes you can't tell by a certification. And, sometimes you'll miss meeting some lovely couples if you look for that 'certification' before you consider the couple as 'worthwhile'.

Just like anything else, you simply have to 'go with your gut' in most instances, try to make good choices, and chalk it up to experience when the 'gut' simply is off track.

Ms. Curious

MrVan and I do not use the certifying alot of times. We do not feel it as being an advertisment but think that this let's an us know whether or not the couple or single is ligite. We had a couple we played with who gave us a cert and therefore we felt like we needed to do the same for them, so we did it. We do not do them much but we do like to check them out on a profile to see if there are any mixed messages from those and the profile.

We have come across profiles that are marked as a couple but when you read the cert's it is either for the wife or husband..So that makes us wonder if it is truely a couple or if it is a single posing as a couple.

I think having the certs lets people know that the profile they are checking out is real and the people are real.

MrsVan

[FlaPlaya561]

the new groups are pretty cool ...

[NCcuriouscpl]

They are cool, and there is a group in our area that is for 'Certified' Swing Lifestyle folks!

You can find other interests in the groups too, and meld your 'lifestyle' interests with other interests! We have a group called Scuba Divers that Play listing, so we can coordinate a trip of players....that dive also!

MsCurious

[havefuninsun]

We're a minority on this subject. We don't want certifications, and actually stay away from those who have a lot of them. We're out having fun, but don't think of ourselves as "in the lifestyle" -- we're not living and breathing it. And, since we're anti-kiss and tell, the non-certifications work for us. If a couple doesn't want to chat with us because we don't have them, that is their perogative. No harm, no foul.

[riswingcpl]

Originally Posted by rpu3

I don't want to be verified. Whom we meet or do anything with is our business. If someone doesn't want to write or meet us simply because of a lack of verification, that's their business, but I'm not advertising our success or lack thereof. Maybe I'm just weird, and maybe we'll change our minds as we progress.

Rebecca

Dito Couldn't agree more!

M

[riswingcpl]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

We're a minority on this subject. We don't want certifications, and actually stay away from those who have a lot of them. We're out having fun, but don't think of ourselves as "in the lifestyle" -- we're not living and breathing it. And, since we're anti-kiss and tell, the non-certifications work for us. If a couple doesn't want to chat with us because we don't have them, that is their perogative. No harm, no foul.

Same here...exactly. If we were contacted by folks with an armful of certs, we'd probably not be all that interested. We're more into having a very few close regular friends, rather than folks who are out with someone different every weekend. We're not being judgmental about those that swing that way...to each his (or her) own...but that's just not us.

M

[good times]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

What if they're a great couple, who just happen to be pretty new to being listed on the Swing Lifestyle site? It seems that you could be missing out on a lot of great people by ruling them out simply because they're not certified there.

I agree with you here Tybee, in order to not have a book length post I omitted some of the exceptions we might make in the real world. We do take into account the length of time the people have been on the sight. If they have been members for some time and have no certs. we wouldn't spend much time trying to meet them though.

Originally Posted by ShellyM

This is very interesting. Now, when you look at the certs. Are you looking for something in specific, or are you just making sure that yes, they have met other couples and really are alive swingers and for real?

In our area the swinger community is fairly small, most of the regular swingers in our area all know each other. So, it would be really unusual for someone to have several certs and we didn't know at least one of them personally. so, if they had a half a dozen certs and we didn't know any of them, we would be skeptical. We have also found that certs give us an indication of what kind of people the couple is interested in meeting, this can effect our comfort level in meeting them and give us some insight into whether we would hit it off or not. To answer your question more specifically, I think that when we look at the certifications we are not looking for anything specific, and yes, one of the main reasons is to see if they are real.

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

Ok, so here's what I dont get...You say that you wont meet a couple unless they are certified. But then you say that you don't certify people. And then you specifically say that "it just isn't something that is so important to us"...

So I'm confused. If they're important enough that you won't meet a couple unless they are certified, then why don't you certify others?

I didn't mean to imply that we don't certify others, in fact, we are more than happy to give someone a cert and do it all the time. What I meant was we don't just do it automatically like some folks do. Generally, if someone certifies us we will certify them, or if someone asks for us to certify them we will do it. If we meet someone with no certs, we will even occasionally ask if they would like a cert from us, but that is kind of rare because honestly, we usually just don't think about certs much after we have met.

I would also like to add that it isn't that we won't meet someone with no certs, but we usually won't spend as much time and effort to meet them as someone who is certified. The reason for that is that in the four or so years we have been on Swing Lifestyle we have found that often times uncertified people are pretty much a waste of time. Not always the case, but often enough to be a trend. what we usually do when someone uncertified contacts us is write them back expressing our interest and invite them to meet us at one of the clubs we frequent. As we go to one of the local clubs several times a month it is usually is pretty easy for us to give them a time and place. Of the uncertified people we have used this approach with we have had no-shows about 90% of the time, but since we were planning on going to the club anyway, it has minimum impact on our plans for the evening.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--Certs are like anything. They can be part of a verification of legitiamcy, but never THE verification. Personally, we've never asked for a cert and it has not played a role in our success, or lack, in meeting couples. In reviewing many, each one seems to be part of a circle of people that has formed. That has me question their legitimacy beyone a clique of people.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Susan here--Certs are like anything. They can be part of a verification of legitiamcy, but never THE verification. Personally, we've never asked for a cert and it has not played a role in our success, or lack, in meeting couples. In reviewing many, each one seems to be part of a circle of people that has formed. That has me question their legitimacy beyone a clique of people.

Valid point Susan