Leery of truely bisexual women?

[MagicEnigma]

I'm asking because its been a topic I've been asked about a few times, which makes me wonder what the outside view (of me) might be.

I came out as bisexual before I got into swinging, or having had my first group encounter. And I was very sure my attraction to women and enjoying sex with women was a permanent addition to my life. Since coming out, I enjoy and want sex with men as much as ever. But after swinging a few months I stopped having sex with guys I dated. And I would say I'm almost exclusively dating other women at school now, most of whom are lesbian not bi.

Has anybody ever noticed any feeling among women that swing, of being leery of women that have more than just a passing interest in women. That is, I don't ever see not having men in my life sexually, period. But I'm enjoying dating, even limited relationships with women, and worry maybe there are some women that feel uneasy with other women who arn't doing it simply as part of swinging.

I'm not sure if I've fleshed the question out well. Maybe the point gets across, but I'm interested in hearing women's views about the topic.

[Roxysbayou]

I am definitely leery of a woman that wants more than a sexual encounter and maybe a casual friendship. I am very secure in my relationship with my husband and I am not looking for a girlfriend or a boyfriend for that matter.

I met a woman on a bi site that had invited another woman into her marriage. It soon turned into something strange. At least to me. She was in the chat room asking what to do because the lover starting seeing another woman also. And she was VERY upset about this. They were having quarrels and the whole nine yards. The lovers new girlfriend was harrassing her. Just like a high school love triangle, only with a 45 year old woman.

I am not looking for that kind of drama. Just an occasional playmate for sexual gratification. I have all the love that I need right here.

[MagicEnigma]

I'll add that I'm not looking for relationships within swinging, I'm not really looking for that at all, its not why I do it.

I'm refering to my personal preferences outside of the lifestyle, my dating habits, which are rare it seems being single and female, are either drawing some odd thoughts, or maybe somebody is wondering what I'm looking for again.

Just pondering things aloud. When I'm at parties I'm really very male-centric. When I'm with couples alone, away from a party, I spend much more time with the woman if she's in the mood. Outside of either, I almost an exclusively dating women now. But I'm very deffinetly not trying to push relationships with women while swinging.

Its kinda the reverse of my concerns when I first went swinging, that the women would worry about my intentions towards their men, now its their concerns about my intentions towards them.

Maybe its nothing.

[EternallySingle]

Your situation is exactly what married couples are often afraid of when it comes to single men. Fortunately you have recognized something is a little off (I won't say wrong...I only know what you wrote). Unfortunately I've seen this with a friend and its one of the things that turned me off to couples and bi women for a long time. You said that you still like men but are romantically attracted to women and you feel other women, I guess mainly married women, find that disturbing? You have also said that you don't have sex with the men you date, but almost always do with women (I might have read that wrong). My guess is you are putting out the vibe that many married men feel single men are putting out...that you are trying to steal the wife away from their husband. You may not consciously be doing that, but if you feel romantically attracted to women than to men, you are sending out those vibes, whether you know it or not. You are going to have to look at yourself HARD and figure out where you feel your relationship life is going. If you are one of those bi women who have sex with men and relationships with women, you need to set some personal limits on how close you become with married couples. They ARE married and they have decided to trust you to share their sexual lives with them. You can't move in or think you are better than the husband (or the wife in some cases.) I've seen many people get hurt because the single woman a couple decided was special to them became too close and the couple eventually had to cut them loose. That never happens with single men. We are never allowed to get that close so it never becomes an issue. But like I said, I had a friend I ended up watching for three weeks because a couple she had know for over two years said she had become too close to their children. No, it wasn't a sexual thing, she just started becoming too familiar and too involved with the family routine and it was raising questions about their personal lives and the welfare of the children.

I see so many single women getting into swinging (and not just bisexuals) because they don't want the emotional baggage that dating a man brings, but EVERY type of relationship brings emotional baggage. You just have to decide how much you can carry by yourself and how much you will ask someone else to carry, and who you want to carry it.

By the way, I'm not saying you should try and become romantically linked with a man (unless its me, of course hahaha), but that YOU are responsible for what you show people. They are not obligated to see what you show them.

[Vjklander]

Most of the singles we have met with have been very respectful of our relationship. The only problems were a couple single guys who were fairly transparent. We much prefer bisexuality in the femaleswe meet with, singles or couples. First, they are soooooo much fun towatch Second, hey, two or three good pops and I'm dead. Same with the guys we've been with. If the girls can play with each other, that gives us geezer guys more time to recharge, and we don't have to have the stamina of a 21 yo.
J

[OhioCouple]

I think EternallySingle pretty much summed up how I feel. You may not know that you are putting these vibes out, but quite likely you are. Especially since you seem to be mainly focused on women.

I would have to say that I would be very leery of someone who didn't seem to have active hetrosexual relationships. Not because I fear lesbians or gays, but because I would fear that one might be looking for more than just a casual encounter in my and my husbands relationship.

I base this on an incident that happened to me in my single years. Although I did not even know that swinging existed back then, I was persued heavily by a 'married with kids mom' for a bi-sexual relationship. Her husband condoned and encouraged this. Although we did end up having one 'mild' bi encounter, I was turned off, yet excited at the same time. The vibes that she emitted though, were way more than just an experimental or pleasure seeking sort of thing, which really freaked me out. She didn't do anything really wrong, but it seemed to be almost obsessive to me at the time. I ran into her several years ago, downtown and we chatted for a bit. I learned that she and her hubby had divorced and that she had moved in with his sister/lover and that they were raising her and hubby's two children together, as parents now, with "C" sharing joint custody.

I don't mean to sound crass or judgemental, but is swinging with the male half just a way of getting to be with the female half?

I have many friends on both sides of the spectrum of lesbian and gay, so please don't think I am being biased, or judging you. Be yourself and who you are, but ask yourself why you swing.

I personally view swinging as an enhancement to our sex lives and nothing more. As bi-sexual as I am, I much prefer a good hard cock in any shape, girth or length any day.

I hope all that made sense and that you don't take it out of the context that it was meant.

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
As bi-sexual as I am, I much prefer a good hard cock in any shape, girth or length any day.

You NAUGHTY girl!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Brit_Pair
You NAUGHTY girl!

I have been known to be on occasion.

Lori

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I have been known to be on occasion.

Lori

NOW you're just being a tease . . . .

[MagicEnigma]

I hear where people are coming from.

The line I'm walking I think is a delicate one. Ohio made note about people not in hetro relationships, and there in lies the problem of sorts. I'm in my early 20s, and I've read and seen the issues single guys bring into this lifestyle. Lots of them, few mature and well grounded. I'd be happy to settle into a relationship with a guy, but try finding one not ten years older than I am, who could also handle my lifestyle, be a part of it, and not muck things up with the friends-albeit a mature group compared to my age-which I've made and enjoy. I'm not ready to give up the lifestyle, and highly skeptical I can find a guy that could deal with it. The guy I got into this with couldn't. And its hard to have a non-sexual romantic relationship with a guy if I'm also then going to Mich. for parties. And simply dating and sleeping with a guys as I might, that creates issues.

I am in no rush to worry about settling down with a guy, family, etc. The women I hang out with, most of those I have gone out with, seem more accepting. So its what I do. And the emotional intimacy I feel doesn't turn me off.

But like somebody else said, I too have to have a man, just can't get away from it.

I should write a book and retire or something!

[GeorgiaCouple]

I am an open bi-female 24/7..... I dont turn it on or off. Although men come first in my life (especially hubby) my husband respects my bi side of things. He knows that I have an interest in women that lies outside of swinging. We have talked about bring a permant bi-female into our marriage, but have not as of yet... but there would be some MAJOR ground rules to live by if we ever decide to do that...

But as of right now.... we normally only play in 3somes mff and if i do play with another female hubby has to be allowed to watch. Being single and bi in this lifestyle would be totally different I guess.... I would have my concerns as well but as long as you keep it honest and upfront... Im cool with it..... I know my hubby isnt going anywhere and he knows Im not going anywhere.... we have an open and honest relationship and he enjoys my bi side as much as I do....

[adventureUS2]

As the male half of adventureUS I think my wife and I enjoy swing when the attention we get is mutual Whether it be a coulple, single male or single female neither of us want to see the other get left out.

[LaStrata]

This is my very first post on this forum, I have been shyly lurking for a week or so, so be gentle with me! Personaly, I don't like to get together with women who are only being bi for the sake of swinging. I want to be with a woman who really enjoys women, as I do! I don't feel that someone who is bi enough they could have a romantic reloationship any more an emotional threat then swinging with the opposite sex - this lifestyle opens the door for all kinds of problems if one (or two!) aren't careful and sure of themselves. I have a tendency to avoid couples when the female half is only interested in me because being with another woman turns on her partner.