Wife is not intrested in bisexual women

[47funathome]

We are newbies but very interested in making up for lost time. One MFM experience many years ago. Then it was family first until now We are excited to meet new friends but nearly every couple we are interested in or seems interested in us includes a bisexual or curious woman. Now, I don't mind that, being the male half of the partnership, but she is not interested in more than maybe touching and kissing another woman. No intimate contact.
I have explained to her that no one will push anything on her that she is not interested in but don't seem to have convinced her. There are several couples that I am interested in and she seems interested in the man but doesn't want to mail them because the lady is bi-sexual or bi-curious. We have had several couples initiate contact with us that I would enjoy meeting but again, she is scared off by the bi.
This is only my guess but it seems 90% plus of profiles on Swing Lifestyle indicate the female half is bisexual or bi-curious.
She will read this. What can I tell her to convince her it is ok?

[Chicup]

There are in general three kinds of 'bi' in swinging.

There is the bi-curious, bi-friendly females. They may enjoy some bi activities, but its not what its all about for them. If there is no bi-contact they are not going to complain at all.

Then there is the true-bi. These women could go either way, they enjoy women very much.

Then we have the bi-furious. These women really could care less about the men (including their own quite often). These are basically closet lesbians, and can be very pushy about it.

The first group (of which there are more then you would think by reading profiles) you won't have any issues with. The second would only be a problem if their reason for swinging was her 'bi side'. The third you want to avoid at all costs.

Just explain the situation to the other couple. Most of the couples that 'require' bi activies will bow out.

[TNT]

Well...bi means that you enjoy the sexual contact of both male and female bodies. However, it does not mean that you will jump on someone that is not bi. Most people respect other's preferences/sexual orientation.

Even though I am bi, I NEVER touch another woman unless I have first asked her if it's okay. If she says no, that's fine, no problem. Rules of play should be discussed before play ensues.

As long as your wife lets it be known up front that she is not interested in bi play there should be no problems. No means No in swinging.


Teresa

[good times]

I agree with with what the others have said. My wife is straight and is not interested in playing with other women and I will admit that, while she didn't start out that way, she has become a bit leary of couples that list the woman as Bi in the profile. The reason for that is that we have run into a lot of what Chicup referred to above as the "Bi-furious" women, (we call them the married lesbians). Now days our approach is like Teresa suggested above, if someone lists themselves as Bi, then before we even meet them, (usually in the first email) we make it very clear that we aren't interested in Bi activities at all and if that is their primary interest, then they need to pass on us.

One thing to keep in mind when looking at internet adds is that their is one more class of Bi/Bi-curious person listed on these sights that Chicup didn't mention. These are the couples that the husband would really like to see his wife have sex with a woman but the wife really isn't interested in it at all. In our experience about 1/4 of the women listed as Bi-curious fall into this category. I can't even count the amount of times that when we have stated our no-bi activity preference to a woman, she replies with something like, "oh good, that is just a fantasy of my husbands anyway, I don't really like it myself but might do it to please him".

So basically you will need to talk to each couple to find out for sure if your wife really has anything to worry about or not. As far as their being something you could tell her that would result in her not having this worry at all, I couldn't do that. In my opinion, her worry is a valid concern, and it just needs to be addressed on an individual couple by couple basis.

[iapr]

Everything that the previous posters has said is good info. I will also add that we went through this as well and mrs iapr was (and to a certain degree still is) more afraid of females coming on to her and pressuring her than males. It took going to several parties and several private meets untill she realized that the women weren't going to pin her down and lezborape her.

We have been with a number of couples where the women were very bi and not one ever tried to lay a finger on her. We were always up front with everyone that showed serious interest in us that if fem/fem contact was important to them that we were probably not for them and while some did say thanks but no thanks and moved on, most of them said they couldn't have cared less if she was bi, straight or whatever as that they are only bi with those who are also interested in that and only when the mood is right.

As long as you are upfront and honest about your preferences you will be fine. And if someone says that they won't try and "convert" her and then when the clothes come off they do, then just leave and cross them off the list and move on to someone else.

No truly bi woman is going to try and do anything against someones will or consent. It is the bi-furious (I love it, I learned a new term) and the husband-induced bi couples that can give the others a bad name and they are definately out there. They are usually pretty easy to spot though and they will also easily spot you as well and they usually won't give a straight/straight couple the time of day so you really shouldn't lose any sleep over them either.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by Chicup

There are in general three kinds of 'bi' in swinging.

There is the bi-curious, bi-friendly females. They may enjoy some bi activities, but its not what its all about for them. If there is no bi-contact they are not going to complain at all.

Then there is the true-bi. These women could go either way, they enjoy women very much.

Then we have the bi-furious. These women really could care less about the men (including their own quite often). These are basically closet lesbians, and can be very pushy about it.

The first group (of which there are more then you would think by reading profiles) you won't have any issues with. The second would only be a problem if their reason for swinging was her 'bi side'. The third you want to avoid at all costs.

Just explain the situation to the other couple. Most of the couples that 'require' bi activies will bow out.

Bi-furious.. I love it and it is a good descriptive term. The good thing about them is they can usually smell the fear of straight woman and not want anything to do with them or their men so they remove themselves from the selection pool.

I would also add to avoid the husband-induced bi at all costs too. In this case his desire to see a live and in person porno scene will make everyone uncomfortable and ruin it for everyone.

[47funathome]

Thanks for the great feedback, we have already put it to use and it worked as advertised.

[WesternSwing]

Just because a woman is bi, doesn't necessarily mean she is bi in every encounter or with every woman. My wife is bi and she will be the first to tell you that her attraction to other women is like her attraction to men, it is the person, not the equipment. She is no more attracted to every woman in a sexual manner than she is every man.

Also, most all bisexual women I know will not push play upon another woman that isn't interested in it. The Lifestyle simply isn't about that. It is about having fun, and coercing someone to do something they don't want is not fun for anyone. Boundaries should always be respected and you'll find amongst experienced swingers 99.99% of the time they are.

So I wouldn't worry about contacting a couple with a bi-female. Just because she is doesn't mean she plays that way every time.

Mr. WS

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by iapr

I would also add to avoid the husband-induced bi at all costs too. In this case his desire to see a live and in person porno scene will make everyone uncomfortable and ruin it for everyone.

It's so funny because so many men outside the lifestyle have this whole FF thing worked-out in their fantasies, but after you've been in it for awhile it really isn't the thing. I've had guys at parties come up to me excited "Dude, your wife is making-out with this other chick!" These days I'm like "Again?" with a laugh and a wink and go back to my conversation and drinking my beer.

Mr. WS

[NCcuriouscpl]

Originally Posted by good times

One thing to keep in mind when looking at internet adds is that their is one more class of Bi/Bi-curious person listed on these sights that Chicup didn't mention. These are the couples that the husband would really like to see his wife have sex with a woman but the wife really isn't interested in it at all. In our experience about 1/4 of the women listed as Bi-curious fall into this category. I can't even count the amount of times that when we have stated our no-bi activity preference to a woman, she replies with something like, "oh good, that is just a fantasy of my husbands anyway, I don't really like it myself but might do it to please him".

So basically you will need to talk to each couple to find out for sure if your wife really has anything to worry about or not. As far as their being something you could tell her that would result in her not having this worry at all, I couldn't do that. In my opinion, her worry is a valid concern, and it just needs to be addressed on an individual couple by couple basis.

Dito good times has a very good point! There is many a time when we've met a couple, and the female actually acts like she wants to get the 'bi part' over with quickly....she's doing it for her husband! As a bi female I can honestly say that is also uncomfortable for all concerned!!

But let me stress that although I AM 'bi', I would never, ever expect anyone to do anything that they didn't want to....and I've actually STOPPED the play on my own when a female doesn't appear to really want to be involved but is 'doing it for her S/Os enjoyment'. I also enjoy playing with straight/straight couples just as much, and would never be pushy about any 'bi' activity with those that are straight!

No means NO, play is supposed to be FUN, and NO ONE should have to feel pressured to be involved in something they don't want to be!

This is truly no different than saying NO when the chemistry is not there between couples...........hopefully your wife will read all of the comments above and realize that she need not worry!

I hope everyones New Years was fun and SAFE!!

[J & J in CO]

From our experience, it never hurts just to talk to another couple. Even though another woman says she is bi-curious, bi-comfortable, etc. it doesn't mean that they won't "play straight across the board." One of our first experiences was that way. It was MF interaction the whole time and the other female was fine with that. Of course my wife evetually started to get curious and she took her own time exploring. Communication is very important with yourselves and other couples you find interesting. You never know until you ask.

[TheSwingerSet]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

It's so funny because so many men outside the lifestyle have this whole FF thing worked-out in their fantasies, but after you've been in it for awhile it really isn't the thing. I've had guys at parties come up to me excited "Dude, your wife is making-out with this other chick!" These days I'm like "Again?" with a laugh and a wink and go back to my conversation and drinking my beer.

Mr. WS

This so true, I am the same way most of the time, I have watched her with so many other women kissing etc.... that it has become uninteresting for the most part. Now unless they are both really into and the action is real hot I would rather be watching TV while she is "busy" with the other female and just give me a call when its time for me to join in. Part of this is that I am a terrible voyer and would much rather it be a 3,4 or 6 way pile of fun than sitting on the side watching.

K

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by TheSwingerSet

I would rather be watching TV while she is "busy" with the other female and just give me a call when its time for me to join in.

When I feel this way, take me out back in shoot me, cause I'm already dead.

[BruceAnn]

I asked Ann, my wife, if she considered herself bi. She has bi fantasies, have played with women only a few times but does not necessarily look for bi women even if , like she says, at times,it is a real turn on for her.

After thinking she replied that she prefers men by 80 % and a 20 % for women but depending on the moment, her mood and who she meets. She does not consider herself really bi.

I think real bi women are not so common but don't really know.