How did you know?

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-07-2002, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Bi-sexuality is not something in which a switch just flips on. It is a mutual desire, attraction and apprecitation of the same sex. Should you ever engage in any activity with someone of the same gender, in the heat of the moment, so to speak, it would not be considered as being bi-sexual, it would just be considered as being "highly sexually charged at the moment".

Ok reading this post from OhioCouple got me thinking about how I discovered that I was bi.

I never would have considered myself bi at all or even attracted to women. Then one day a good friend of mine told me that she had been having dreams about us together. We started talking about it from there and a few months later she was my first. So in those few months I would say i was definately bi-curious. Once I crossed that line and we had our first experience together I was definately bi.

Prior to that I never would have even considered the thought of beign with another woman. The idea was not a turn on. However, I could very easily look at other women and say "hey she's hot". I would even hang out with the guys I worked with and we would judge women as they walked by.

So for me, in a way a switch did one day just flip when the right woman came along. I am to this day extremely picky about those women I am willing to be with. Much more so than I am with men. For women their looks do have to turn me on. For me I look more for personality and they have to get to me mentally. With a woman I'm not looking for some emotional connection, basically just a woman that turns me on.

So now the question for those of you ladies who do consider yourself bisexual. What was the turning point for you where you went from being a straight woman only interested in men, to being a bisexual woman who was turned on by the ideas of being with another woman?

MagicEnigma · 10-07-2002, 03:37 PM

I major in graphic design, there are a great many bay and lesbian and bi people in my major and those like it. Not sure why, never really thought about it. I had a few women who were either lesbian or bi in one case. They were friends, I hung out with them, even going downtown to a particular bar that has a “alternative lifestyle” friendly night. I heard “war stories” from my friends, talked a lot, even flirted with girls sometimes. That is what got my mind thinking about it, and the more I did, the more I figured maybe there was more of an interest that I realized. The guy I was with at the time was pushing for a threesome with a women, I was pushing to have a second guy, we had a standing compromise that we’d do the other for the other, if we got around to be comfortable with it. (that actually lead to my first group experience, though I hadn’t started thinking about that yet) That sat in the background for months. I thought about women a bit more and during a road trip down south, I roomed with a lesbian friend, and only semi-discreetly watching she and her date romp in bed, I realized I wanted to be with her. She and I came home alone the next night, and that is when I had my first time. I knew then that it wasn’t just something I was curious about, I really got into it fully, and haven’t looked back. That opened the door to my agreeing to a threesome with my then boyfriend, which got him to arrange to meet the couple we had our swap with, and that has lead me to swinging. Outside of that, I’ve not actually gone out with guys since, and find myself the girls now, not that I’m not going to see guys too. I not sure I could or would want to try not having women in my life sexually now.

Quin · 10-07-2002, 05:46 PM

From as early as age twelve, I can remember being *attracted* to women. Not necessarily in the same way I was to guys because with guys it was mental as well as sexual attraction, but with females it seemed to be just a physical sexual attraction.

I think all women judge all women on their physical appearance such as: 'She's a hottie', 'She's ugly', 'She's got a huge behind', 'She's got no breasts', 'She's fuckable', etc etc. Men don't do this nearly as much as females do because it would, or they think it would, put a big question mark on their 'heterosexual manhood'. [ROFL]

I remember listening once to two of my brothers making remarks about one of their friends who happened to be well endowed and they were discussing it as if it were disgusting but I knew that they really were jealous...had one of them said something like, 'Yeah he's got a big cock...but, damn, man I bet he can really please with that big thing', my other brother would of probably beat the crap out of him and called him a homo. It's just taboo for men to judge other men as us women do other women.

But back to the topic at hand, I found myself *tingling* when looking, seeing or being around some women. I never acted on anything for being too scared probably and in all liklihood never would have that early in my life had it not been for my college roommate in my freshman year. College was a new freedom for me...I was finally able to relax and really be okay with my body, whereas at home that wasn't allowed. One night I had come back from the shower and was in the room with just a pair of panties on, settling back on my bed reading a textbook when my roommate began asking me questions. She was very small breasted and here I was with these big things. The questions began very innocently...did it hurt my back, did guys gawk, did they try to grope, and then she came over on the bed, sat down and said that she had been admiring them and would I let her touch them. Well, one thing led to another and that was my first experience. It was my first experience as well as hers...and believe me, we had many many more experiences throughout our four years of being roommates.

And while we were both novices that first time, what to do just came naturally somehow and it was much more relaxed than it ever has been with a male for the first time.

So it isn't something I did because a man wanted me to do it, it isn't something that came to me later in life, it wasn't something I sat and thought about and decided I wanted to try. It was just always a part of me, I suppose.

This is where it may become confusing. While I may desire women (and yes, I do have a certain body type that is a turn on and there are certain physical attributes the woman must have in order for me to desire her), I don't go beyond and have no desire to go beyond a friendship level with them whereas with men, I can go beyond that level and care/love them as a *mate*. Hope that makes sense, I'm at a loss for words on exactly how to explain it effectively.

Quin
[Smiley_sex]

ddrewd · 10-09-2002, 08:58 AM

Quin, I was both touched and turned on by your desription of your first time with a woman. If only everyone's 'firsts' could be as sweet, sex would finally shake the 'dirty' label that puritans keep pinning to it.

Drew

RnKin Fla · 10-11-2002, 04:59 PM

It's interesting to see this topic here. My sister asked me the other day, after "outing" ourselves to each other, just how long I'd known I was bisexual.

I guess I've known ever since I was sexually aware. I've always been attracted to BOTH men and women. And it is not attraction because one is a man or one is a woman. I am attracted to the individual person.

Personally, I'd never trade this orientation for the world, either. I am having way too much fun.

Lorrelei · 10-11-2002, 06:50 PM

Quote:

It's interesting to see this topic here. My sister asked me the other day, after "outing" ourselves to each other, just how long I'd known I was bisexual.

I guess I've known ever since I was sexually aware. I've always been attracted to BOTH men and women. And it is not attraction because one is a man or one is a woman. I am attracted to the individual person.

Personally, I'd never trade this orientation for the world, either. I am having way too much fun.

You took the words right out of my mouth!

ga_cpl_frknit · 07-12-2003, 11:35 PM

This question is for anyone who is bi. When did you know you were bi? Was it any particular moment? Or did you just "decide" one day that you were bi?

My story:
I was 17, a senior in high school and found myself attracted to one of the cheerleaders (I know, how cliche

) I was confused, I was scared....I was facsinated. How could I be so attracted to her and yet still be attracted to men? (ummm, okay... at 17, we'll call them boys, LOL) I began to have fantasies about being with her, and would masturbate while I was thinking about her. I hid this from anyone I knew because (at that time anyway) no one would have understood.
Anyway, I didn't have my first bi experience until a yr and a half later (unfortunately not with her

) and decided then that I really liked it. I don't know that I "decided" to be bi-sexual...that's just the way I am.

So, I was just wondering how anyone else "knew"???

~Tracy~ (who still has a "thing" for cheerleaders...go figure)

St. Augustine · 07-13-2003, 02:06 PM

(Cathy)

I seriously didn't realize I was until just before I started coming to visit this Board.

I have always looked at other woman. Loved looking at them as far back as I can remember. Woman have beautiful bodies. Don't get me wrong men do also. I also look at men.

It wasn't until I bought a book with Erotic stories about 1 year ago and read one of them that was about two women that I started having fantasies about it. I was brought up very, very Catholic. My first reaction to these fantasies was to freak out and read my bible. LOL.

Sometime last fall Mike and I watched this soft porn and when I saw the scene that had 2 women making love it turned me on no end. Needless to say, Mike and I have amazing sex afterwards.

About 2 weeks before Mike and I joined this Board I finally opened up to him and shared with him my fantasies about having a 3some with another woman. I wasn't sure of his reaction, but of course, he was all for it.

July 5th we went to our first off-premise club and I played in the pool with 2 other women. This isn't just a fantasy for me any more. I discovered that I really enjoyed this experience and want more. I can't wait to have my first real 3some experience with another woman. I want to experience it all. Not just what an off-premise club calls --legal-- behavior in the pool.

facelick

twopeople2 · 07-13-2003, 02:41 PM

St Augustine Cathy - parts of your story sound very familiar. I was raised Southern Baptist which would make it a religious tragedy to be bi. There are numerous preachers on both sides of my family. I also always looked at woman as well as men. I realized it recently more as pillow talk when my husband would tell me he'd like to see me with another woman. After a while, I admitted to him this was actually my fantasy too. Now we're open about it with each other and are just looking for the right couple.

St. Augustine · 07-13-2003, 04:52 PM

(Cathy)

I hear you... I was uptight for years... afraid to masturbate and afraid of my own nudity because of the preachings of the Catholic churches and having been educated in catholic schools.

It took a special man to bring me out and open myself to pleasure. That having pleasure with your own body or with someone else's is not a mortal sin and will not damn you to the eternal fires of hell.

Since I have learned this acceptance about being bi and sexually attracted to women as well as men this has opened up a whole new sensual side of me. I must admit that sex is far more hot and pleasurable than ever before.

Glad to know there are other women out there with similar experiences.

Silkywt · 07-13-2003, 10:36 PM

Wow great posts girls

ya know.. for as long as i can remember I've always been attracted to girls(first) and just MAD about women ...... I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby i'm coming out .... hehehe
pam

St. Augustine · 07-14-2003, 07:37 PM

(Cathy)

------------------
I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby i'm coming out .... hehehe
pam
-----------------

At least you didn't hide from it under you were 45 like me! lol

Silkywt · 07-14-2003, 07:40 PM

At least you didn't hide from it under you were 45 like me! lol

Cathy, I"m going crazy enough as it is right now... STill a virgin in that area... lol... I might be 45 before it ever happens.... waiting for the right opportunity lol.... how sad.. lmao

OhioCouple · 07-14-2003, 07:56 PM

Having had a couple of soft experiences in my pre-teens and then another in my early twenties, I think I knew it then.

Funny thing about it though after being able to test the waters fully in my 40's, it is no longer a huge passion for me and it won't happen again unless that magical person sparks my interest. Really no different than what it take for a man to.

So, yes, I am bi, but I won't be bi for just anyone.

If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

ga_cpl_frknit · 07-14-2003, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OhioCouple
If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)

I like. I like very much!! Mind if I borrow it? *bats eyelashes*

~Tracy~

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10-07-2002, 05:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	From as early as age twelve, I can remember being attracted to women. Not necessarily in the same way I was to guys because with guys it was mental as well as sexual attraction, but with females it seemed to be just a physical sexual attraction. I think all women judge all women on their physical appearance such as: 'She's a hottie', 'She's ugly', 'She's got a huge behind', 'She's got no breasts', 'She's fuckable', etc etc. Men don't do this nearly as much as females do because it would, or they think it would, put a big question mark on their 'heterosexual manhood'. I remember listening once to two of my brothers making remarks about one of their friends who happened to be well endowed and they were discussing it as if it were disgusting but I knew that they really were jealous...had one of them said something like, 'Yeah he's got a big cock...but, damn, man I bet he can really please with that big thing', my other brother would of probably beat the crap out of him and called him a homo. It's just taboo for men to judge other men as us women do other women. But back to the topic at hand, I found myself tingling when looking, seeing or being around some women. I never acted on anything for being too scared probably and in all liklihood never would have that early in my life had it not been for my college roommate in my freshman year. College was a new freedom for me...I was finally able to relax and really be okay with my body, whereas at home that wasn't allowed. One night I had come back from the shower and was in the room with just a pair of panties on, settling back on my bed reading a textbook when my roommate began asking me questions. She was very small breasted and here I was with these big things. The questions began very innocently...did it hurt my back, did guys gawk, did they try to grope, and then she came over on the bed, sat down and said that she had been admiring them and would I let her touch them. Well, one thing led to another and that was my first experience. It was my first experience as well as hers...and believe me, we had many many more experiences throughout our four years of being roommates. And while we were both novices that first time, what to do just came naturally somehow and it was much more relaxed than it ever has been with a male for the first time. So it isn't something I did because a man wanted me to do it, it isn't something that came to me later in life, it wasn't something I sat and thought about and decided I wanted to try. It was just always a part of me, I suppose. This is where it may become confusing. While I may desire women (and yes, I do have a certain body type that is a turn on and there are certain physical attributes the woman must have in order for me to desire her), I don't go beyond and have no desire to go beyond a friendship level with them whereas with men, I can go beyond that level and care/love them as a mate. Hope that makes sense, I'm at a loss for words on exactly how to explain it effectively. Quin
	__________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

10-09-2002, 08:58 AM	#4 (permalink)
ddrewd Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 123 Location: On the road in Oklahoma Status: Single Male	Quin, I was both touched and turned on by your desription of your first time with a woman. If only everyone's 'firsts' could be as sweet, sex would finally shake the 'dirty' label that puritans keep pinning to it. Drew
	__________________ Drew Coming to a theatre near you!

10-11-2002, 04:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
RnKin Fla Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 201 Location: North Florida Status: Couple	It's interesting to see this topic here. My sister asked me the other day, after "outing" ourselves to each other, just how long I'd known I was bisexual. I guess I've known ever since I was sexually aware. I've always been attracted to BOTH men and women. And it is not attraction because one is a man or one is a woman. I am attracted to the individual person. Personally, I'd never trade this orientation for the world, either. I am having way too much fun.
	__________________ We like to do things a little differently...

07-12-2003, 11:35 PM	#7 (permalink)
ga_cpl_frknit Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 192 Location: Georgia Status: Couple	*When did you know?* This question is for anyone who is bi. When did you know you were bi? Was it any particular moment? Or did you just "decide" one day that you were bi? My story: I was 17, a senior in high school and found myself attracted to one of the cheerleaders (I know, how cliche ) I was confused, I was scared....I was facsinated. How could I be so attracted to her and yet still be attracted to men? (ummm, okay... at 17, we'll call them boys, LOL) I began to have fantasies about being with her, and would masturbate while I was thinking about her. I hid this from anyone I knew because (at that time anyway) no one would have understood. Anyway, I didn't have my first bi experience until a yr and a half later (unfortunately not with her ) and decided then that I really liked it. I don't know that I "decided" to be bi-sexual...that's just the way I am. So, I was just wondering how anyone else "knew"??? ~Tracy~ (who still has a "thing" for cheerleaders...go figure)
	__________________ Courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy lift us above the simple beasts and define humanity.

10-07-2002, 03:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
MagicEnigma Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 149 Location: Great Lakes	I major in graphic design, there are a great many bay and lesbian and bi people in my major and those like it. Not sure why, never really thought about it. I had a few women who were either lesbian or bi in one case. They were friends, I hung out with them, even going downtown to a particular bar that has a “alternative lifestyle” friendly night. I heard “war stories” from my friends, talked a lot, even flirted with girls sometimes. That is what got my mind thinking about it, and the more I did, the more I figured maybe there was more of an interest that I realized. The guy I was with at the time was pushing for a threesome with a women, I was pushing to have a second guy, we had a standing compromise that we’d do the other for the other, if we got around to be comfortable with it. (that actually lead to my first group experience, though I hadn’t started thinking about that yet) That sat in the background for months. I thought about women a bit more and during a road trip down south, I roomed with a lesbian friend, and only semi-discreetly watching she and her date romp in bed, I realized I wanted to be with her. She and I came home alone the next night, and that is when I had my first time. I knew then that it wasn’t just something I was curious about, I really got into it fully, and haven’t looked back. That opened the door to my agreeing to a threesome with my then boyfriend, which got him to arrange to meet the couple we had our swap with, and that has lead me to swinging. Outside of that, I’ve not actually gone out with guys since, and find myself the girls now, not that I’m not going to see guys too. I not sure I could or would want to try not having women in my life sexually now.

07-13-2003, 02:06 PM	#8 (permalink)
St. Augustine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 266 Location: St. Augustine, FL Status: Couple	(Cathy) I seriously didn't realize I was until just before I started coming to visit this Board. I have always looked at other woman. Loved looking at them as far back as I can remember. Woman have beautiful bodies. Don't get me wrong men do also. I also look at men. It wasn't until I bought a book with Erotic stories about 1 year ago and read one of them that was about two women that I started having fantasies about it. I was brought up very, very Catholic. My first reaction to these fantasies was to freak out and read my bible. LOL. Sometime last fall Mike and I watched this soft porn and when I saw the scene that had 2 women making love it turned me on no end. Needless to say, Mike and I have amazing sex afterwards. About 2 weeks before Mike and I joined this Board I finally opened up to him and shared with him my fantasies about having a 3some with another woman. I wasn't sure of his reaction, but of course, he was all for it. July 5th we went to our first off-premise club and I played in the pool with 2 other women. This isn't just a fantasy for me any more. I discovered that I really enjoyed this experience and want more. I can't wait to have my first real 3some experience with another woman. I want to experience it all. Not just what an off-premise club calls --legal-- behavior in the pool. facelick
	__________________ sex is probably updatedb; locate; talk; date; cd; unzip; strip; look; touch; finger; head; mount; fsck; more; yes; yes; umount; make clean; sleep;

07-13-2003, 02:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
twopeople2 Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 51 Location: florida Status: couple	St Augustine Cathy - parts of your story sound very familiar. I was raised Southern Baptist which would make it a religious tragedy to be bi. There are numerous preachers on both sides of my family. I also always looked at woman as well as men. I realized it recently more as pillow talk when my husband would tell me he'd like to see me with another woman. After a while, I admitted to him this was actually my fantasy too. Now we're open about it with each other and are just looking for the right couple.
	__________________ thanks for listening

07-13-2003, 04:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
St. Augustine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 266 Location: St. Augustine, FL Status: Couple	(Cathy) I hear you... I was uptight for years... afraid to masturbate and afraid of my own nudity because of the preachings of the Catholic churches and having been educated in catholic schools. It took a special man to bring me out and open myself to pleasure. That having pleasure with your own body or with someone else's is not a mortal sin and will not damn you to the eternal fires of hell. Since I have learned this acceptance about being bi and sexually attracted to women as well as men this has opened up a whole new sensual side of me. I must admit that sex is far more hot and pleasurable than ever before. Glad to know there are other women out there with similar experiences.
	__________________ sex is probably updatedb; locate; talk; date; cd; unzip; strip; look; touch; finger; head; mount; fsck; more; yes; yes; umount; make clean; sleep;

07-13-2003, 10:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
Silkywt Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 35 Location: texas Status: F of couple	Wow great posts girls ya know.. for as long as i can remember I've always been attracted to girls(first) and just MAD about women ...... I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby i'm coming out .... hehehe pam
	__________________ "Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error.... " GBS

07-14-2003, 07:37 PM	#12 (permalink)
St. Augustine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 266 Location: St. Augustine, FL Status: Couple	(Cathy) ------------------ I kept it hidden until I was 30 years old..(even denied it to myself for years) and still i hide it to an extent. .but baby i'm coming out .... hehehe pam ----------------- At least you didn't hide from it under you were 45 like me! lol
	__________________ sex is probably updatedb; locate; talk; date; cd; unzip; strip; look; touch; finger; head; mount; fsck; more; yes; yes; umount; make clean; sleep;

07-14-2003, 07:40 PM	#13 (permalink)
Silkywt Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 35 Location: texas Status: F of couple	At least you didn't hide from it under you were 45 like me! lol Cathy, I"m going crazy enough as it is right now... STill a virgin in that area... lol... I might be 45 before it ever happens.... waiting for the right opportunity lol.... how sad.. lmao
	__________________ "Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error.... " GBS

07-14-2003, 07:56 PM	#14 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	Having had a couple of soft experiences in my pre-teens and then another in my early twenties, I think I knew it then. Funny thing about it though after being able to test the waters fully in my 40's, it is no longer a huge passion for me and it won't happen again unless that magical person sparks my interest. Really no different than what it take for a man to. So, yes, I am bi, but I won't be bi for just anyone. If you don't 'turn me on' then don't expect me to try and turn you on. (My new motto)
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

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