First bi-fem time.... your hints and experiences appreciated

twinkletoes · 04-20-2002, 11:00 PM

HI everyone - we are relative newbies to the lifestyle, and have enjoyed ourselves with some MFM scenarios. We are ready to start meeting some couples, and I admit to being in the "bi-curious" camp here..

Now, as we have talked about how we want to meet people, and what tpes of relationships/friendships we want to develop, we naturally begin to fantasize about the sexual aspects of the playing. And I begin to get ..... well..... "nervous"

Quite frankly, I have been having sex with men for over 20 years now, but never did anything sexual with a woman. What if I don't know what to do? What if I embarrass myself? (hahaha -- i know it sounds sort of silly, but it's what I think of...)

So........ I would be interested in hearing about other women's experiences. How did you feel the first time you played with another woman? Did she have some bi experience? If she didn't, do you wish she would have? What types of hints and suggestions can you share with me?

Thanks for your insight.

***JustAskJulie*** · 04-21-2002, 11:37 AM

Ohhhh This is a question I would think every bi-fem would have an answer for of some sort and I would love to read those answers.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I've been bi for several years with many f/f encounters I am still a little shy and nervous every time I'm with a girl.. a little worried that I'm not doing it right. I think the biggest problem is that most women are not vocal enough with what they want and what feels good.

Anyway, my first time luckily was also with another first-timer. I don't think she ever reciprocated tho

That's one suggestion I have for you, don't just sit back and take it, reciprocate. Seems so many women try to say they are bi when all they really want is to sit back and take it but never give

.

Since then I have also been a first time for another girl (knowlingly), in that situation I tried to give her guidelines for what to do (that feels good, not there, over a bit), to help her out. Despite the rumors just because a woman is a woman doesn't automatically mean she knows how to please another woman. Every woman is different in regards to what turns her on and gets her off, so it still takes some effort to figure out what that is with the woman you are with.

My biggest advice is to be honest with the woman you are with for the first time and let her know it's your first time, also make sure that the woman is someone you are really into (not just someone you are doing cuz you want to do a woman), it will make it much more enjoyable.

ciscosv · 05-15-2002, 06:22 PM

I don't know if I consider myself bi yet but i have definately had experiences. The biggest thing to rememberis that you know how you like it and that will probably please someone else too. Don't be afraid to ask them to do things justlike it was a guy. We went to our first on premis social party the other day and the woman that I went down on couldn't tell the difference between me and my hubby. probably becasue I do it how I like it and he does it how I like it too.

just remember to have fun, that is what it is all about.

anandjeff2 · 05-15-2002, 09:54 PM

I don't think I ever will not have a little case of butterflies the first time with a woman I have met. I am truly Bi and have known it for years and I really enjoy that aspect of my sex life. Whenever I have been with a woman I will usually start with gentle massage and go from there..if she is uncomfortable I will back off..I don't want to make a woman feel bad about anyhting she is doing. It is a thrill to be with a new woman and I find it the most exciting thing about being in the lifestyle.

I do what I lke doneto me but I am always open to suggestions..have not had any compalints though..the most important part about it is you have to feel comfortable and relaxed..tenseness does not lend to a greta experience..I was once with a a woman who I feel was a passive Bi but had major problems with her sexuality..I dont care to ever repeat that expereince!! I found out that there are others who truly just lie there like a fish and do not give back...my attitude is why bother??I wonder if that is how they are for sex with a man as well..makes you wonder...

If you are Bicurious be honest and open and find someone you really like for your firt tiem..my first time I was with another woman who was also her first time we had a ball and we both got into it..sadly we have moved and are now a far distance from them and now must explore new venues to find friends.. I feel being bi isnt a lifestyle choice it is something you are or aren't..one of the women we have chatted with had a couple approach to be their "public" girlfriend to brag about..she was amazed at how the lifestyle has become to some people a "thing to do"

An

OhioCouple · 05-16-2002, 01:58 AM

quote:
Originally posted by twinkletoes:
Quite frankly, I have been having sex with men for over 20 years now, but never did anything sexual with a woman. What if I don't know what to do? What if I embarrass myself? (hahaha -- i know it sounds sort of silly, but it's what I think of.

I fully understand your thinking. Although I had some "soft" experiences in my youth, I too was concerned about embarrassing myself. Fortunately my husband was gracious enough to understand my concerns and I met with another first timer alone, (with both of our hubbies consent) so that we could, I guess you would say test the waters. It was a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but the more we talked and got to know each other everything just sort of fell into place. The experience took me from being "curious" to being able to refer to myself as BI.

Although we do not swing with that couple (time and distance plays a part in it), we have met several other couples that we do swing with regularaly, in which the women are BI.

The overall result is one that both my husband and I enjoy as it allowed me to overcome my fears and enabled us to expand more on our sexual desires.

I agree with Julie, re:the tendency for some to sit back and enjoy and not reciprocate..(hope I quoted that right) as we have seen many instances of that since we have been in the lifestyle. Fortunately that has not been a problem for us, as those we swing with are all for everyone having the ultimate in pleasure! [Fun]

I also think too much emphasis and pressure is put on women (mostly self induced) for female bi-interaction. The best advice I can give you is just go with what feels right for you! Don't hesitate to say that you are new to the experience as I believe that most if not all of the "true" swingers you encounter will be sensitive to the issue and will guide you through what ever is comfortable for you.

I apologize for being so long winded, I don't normally post, but I couldn't pass this issue up, having been through this myself.

L The female half

ILcouple · 05-16-2002, 11:02 AM

My first bi exp. was wonderful. Im not the shy type when it comes to sex and can jump in with both eyes wide open and a huge smile on my face.
I thought I would be a lil nervous as the day went on but was surprised that I had no butterflies floating around and was truely at ease with the situtation. She was also new to this and also a very close freind we had discussed this from time to time and finally decided lets do this neither of us was in a relationship at that time and figured if we didnt like it or if it wasnt our thing no one would know but us. Well we liked and it was the thing for us. We Played again from time to time. And for the next few years we were closer than any two freinds could get. She passed away 4 yrs later after being struck by a drunk driver. And that my dear freinds was my first.
Now im a lil older a lil wiser but im still bi and looking for new freinds to play with.

Quin · 05-20-2002, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
don't think she ever reciprocated tho That's one suggestion I have for you, don't just sit back and take it, reciprocate. Seems so many women try to say they are bi when all they really want is to sit back and take it but never give .

My biggest advice is to be honest with the woman you are with for the first time and let her know it's your first time, also make sure that the woman is someone you are really into (not just someone you are doing cuz you want to do a woman), it will make it much more enjoyable.

That is a big problem, IMHO, Julie. Many, many women claim to be bi when in reality, they aren't. Some say it just to please their mate, go thru some minimal action with another female then sit back and enjoy without anymore action or reciprocation. I'm not into that and if I know the female of a couple is like that (and it's easy to tell if you're around them anytime in a club and you watch them interact sexually with others), I generally decline. I also tend to shy away from bi-curious females also for this reason and the fact that unless they're *friends* beforehand, I just don't seem to have the patience anymore for some reason. Yeah, everyone is shy and nervous but get over it already, ya know. LOL I'm always nervous, but my urge to be with that person is almost always stronger than any anxiety I may feel, especially after the first touch or kiss. :p

I totally agree with your second paragraph that I quoted above.

Quin

Quin · 05-20-2002, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OhioCouple:
I fully understand your thinking. Although I had some "soft" experiences in my youth, I too was concerned about embarrassing myself. Fortunately my husband was gracious enough to understand my concerns and I met with another first timer alone, (with both of our hubbies consent) so that we could, I guess you would say test the waters. It was a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but the more we talked and got to know each other everything just sort of fell into place. The experience took me from being "curious" to being able to refer to myself as BI.

I also think too much emphasis and pressure is put on women (mostly self induced) for female bi-interaction. The best advice I can give you is just go with what feels right for you! Don't hesitate to say that you are new to the experience as I believe that most if not all of the "true" swingers you encounter will be sensitive to the issue and will guide you through what ever is comfortable for you.

I apologize for being so long winded, I don't normally post, but I couldn't pass this issue up, having been through this myself.

L The female half

My first experience was with my roommate in college and I totally agree...if you can get it to where it's just the woman and yourself, I think you'll feel much more *at ease* and worry less about embarrassing yourself. I think whether or not you go with another bi-curious or someone who is Bi should depend upon the woman. I wouldn't hesitate to talk and get some dialogue going with the woman whom you think you might want to have your experience with.

I also agree L, with the fact that there is pressure put on women to become bi or indulge in bi-sexual activities. Don't do it because someone wants you to and it's their ultimate fantasy or because you feel you should because *everyone else is*...do it because it's something YOU want to do and experience. If it's not something you truly desire, there will be no satisfaction on anyone's part.

I wish the original poster Good Luck in her endeavor and hope that it turns out to be a positive and enjoyable experience for both parties when and if it happens!

Quin

***JustAskJulie*** · 09-27-2002, 03:50 PM

Any other thoughts here ladies? I know there are a lot more bi-fems out there than have posted

FlyBiNiter · 09-27-2002, 04:13 PM

Julie, Quin... EXACTLY !!!!

Honesty, and mutuality are both vital !!! Dont' expect to recieve if you aren't willing to give, and don't claim to be Bi if you're not. It's no fun for the other party/parties involved if you are dishonest about what you want. Also sucks to be the one who gives someone pleasure, and then gets nothing at all in return. Been there, been left in the lurch, and it sucks. [evil]

Quin · 09-28-2002, 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FlyBiNiter:
Julie, Quin... EXACTLY !!!!

Honesty, and mutuality are both vital !!! Dont' expect to recieve if you aren't willing to give, and don't claim to be Bi if you're not. It's no fun for the other party/parties involved if you are dishonest about what you want. Also sucks to be the one who gives someone pleasure, and then gets nothing at all in return. Been there, been left in the lurch, and it sucks.

What's really sad, Fly, is that the people who are being dishonest think they're freakin okay to do what they do. They lie, they mislead, they use and they think they've done nothing wrong. There are people right here on this board who think misleading, using and lieing to people is okay...as long as it gets them what they want...yet then they turn around and tell those of us who would like FULL participation from everyone involved because that's what we've been led to believe will happen, that we're SELFISH. HELLO????

FACT: If a woman will allow another woman to eat her pussy and that woman has absolutely NO desire to return the favor, then she is NOT bi-sexual, she's STRAIGHT. And if lies were told to get a woman between her legs, then they're also liars and users.

I wish these people who lie and mislead will just be straight up and say, 'Hey, my wife won't indulge in bi-sexual activity, but if you want to eat her pussy those legs will spread faster than a nano-second for you.' That's a lot better than telling me their wife is bi and me going into a situation where the wife and I aren't on the same wavelength and playing field.

Quin

4sum · 09-28-2002, 08:54 AM

I think a lot...maybe the majority of couples just getting into this throw in bi or bi-curious as a means of not narrowing the field. The rationale is that since they don't really know, it could be true!

When we were first starting out, we specifically made no claim that K was Bi, or even curious, pretty much for the reason's Julie and Quin have outlined. We didn't want to get into a situation where we would essentially be making liars out of ourselves. We found that this took us out of the running quite often...sometimes oddly enough with couples where they had had no bi experiences....Ha! That just shows the tenacity of a good fantasy!

Ironically, as it turns out, she IS Bi! But that was not a claim we were willing to make until it proved itself to be true. Just shows to go ya, that you can get too bound up in terminology sometimes.

FlyBiNiter · 10-01-2002, 01:59 PM

Well Quin... I couldn't agree more...and on top of that, when I got left in the lurch, it was my first time with a woman. How crappy is that ? I tried to be a good sport about it, but dammit, why did she think I was there ? GAWD !!!! So my advice still stands for anyone new to it.... be honest and don't start anything you ain't gonna finish. If you want a woman between yoru legs, you better be willing to get between hers too. Hey... if it isn't your cup of tea, then don't do it again. That simple.

Quin... did I mention that I like your style ? I read a lot of your posts, and dang lady... you tell it like it is.... [Wink]

Quin · 10-02-2002, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by FlyBiNiter:
Well Quin... I couldn't agree more...and on top of that, when I got left in the lurch, it was my first time with a woman. How crappy is that ? I tried to be a good sport about it, but dammit, why did she think I was there ? GAWD !!!! So my advice still stands for anyone new to it.... be honest and don't start anything you ain't gonna finish. If you want a woman between yoru legs, you better be willing to get between hers too. Hey... if it isn't your cup of tea, then don't do it again. That simple.

Quin... did I mention that I like your style ? I read a lot of your posts, and dang lady... you tell it like it is....

Yikes, that is crappy, Fly. It's so sad that you were used, but I'm happy that it didn't deter you from holding tight and seeking out good, honest people. It's getting to the point anymore where if someone tells me (either the wife or the husband) that she's bi-sexual, I roll my eyes right in front of them and tell them I'll believe it when I see it. Many times, I've been right and she isn't...the hubby or her just want her pussy eaten by some female, I'm not the one. And the times that they haven't been liars and users, I've apologized for my snooty behavior and you know, they understand how a bi-sexual female can become cynical.

Some idiots actually think we're there for their pleasure, for their fantasy. :ROFL: That we should be gracious that they allow us to eat their straight wife's pussy. Yeah, uh huh, next time hire a prostitute at least they'll be getting something out of the situation...MONEY...which is much more than I'll ever get out of them.

You're gonna make me blush, Fly. Thank you for the compliment!

Quin

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04-20-2002, 11:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
twinkletoes Registered Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 9 Location: Louisiana	First bi-fem time.... your hints and experiences appreciated HI everyone - we are relative newbies to the lifestyle, and have enjoyed ourselves with some MFM scenarios. We are ready to start meeting some couples, and I admit to being in the "bi-curious" camp here.. Now, as we have talked about how we want to meet people, and what tpes of relationships/friendships we want to develop, we naturally begin to fantasize about the sexual aspects of the playing. And I begin to get ..... well..... "nervous" Quite frankly, I have been having sex with men for over 20 years now, but never did anything sexual with a woman. What if I don't know what to do? What if I embarrass myself? (hahaha -- i know it sounds sort of silly, but it's what I think of...) So........ I would be interested in hearing about other women's experiences. How did you feel the first time you played with another woman? Did she have some bi experience? If she didn't, do you wish she would have? What types of hints and suggestions can you share with me? Thanks for your insight.
	__________________ "Isn't it good ..... Norwegian Wood?"

04-21-2002, 11:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,245 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Ohhhh This is a question I would think every bi-fem would have an answer for of some sort and I would love to read those answers. I totally understand where you are coming from. I've been bi for several years with many f/f encounters I am still a little shy and nervous every time I'm with a girl.. a little worried that I'm not doing it right. I think the biggest problem is that most women are not vocal enough with what they want and what feels good. Anyway, my first time luckily was also with another first-timer. I don't think she ever reciprocated tho That's one suggestion I have for you, don't just sit back and take it, reciprocate. Seems so many women try to say they are bi when all they really want is to sit back and take it but never give . Since then I have also been a first time for another girl (knowlingly), in that situation I tried to give her guidelines for what to do (that feels good, not there, over a bit), to help her out. Despite the rumors just because a woman is a woman doesn't automatically mean she knows how to please another woman. Every woman is different in regards to what turns her on and gets her off, so it still takes some effort to figure out what that is with the woman you are with. My biggest advice is to be honest with the woman you are with for the first time and let her know it's your first time, also make sure that the woman is someone you are really into (not just someone you are doing cuz you want to do a woman), it will make it much more enjoyable.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

05-15-2002, 06:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 755 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	I don't know if I consider myself bi yet but i have definately had experiences. The biggest thing to rememberis that you know how you like it and that will probably please someone else too. Don't be afraid to ask them to do things justlike it was a guy. We went to our first on premis social party the other day and the woman that I went down on couldn't tell the difference between me and my hubby. probably becasue I do it how I like it and he does it how I like it too. just remember to have fun, that is what it is all about.
	__________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

05-16-2002, 01:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	quote: Originally posted by twinkletoes: Quite frankly, I have been having sex with men for over 20 years now, but never did anything sexual with a woman. What if I don't know what to do? What if I embarrass myself? (hahaha -- i know it sounds sort of silly, but it's what I think of. I fully understand your thinking. Although I had some "soft" experiences in my youth, I too was concerned about embarrassing myself. Fortunately my husband was gracious enough to understand my concerns and I met with another first timer alone, (with both of our hubbies consent) so that we could, I guess you would say test the waters. It was a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but the more we talked and got to know each other everything just sort of fell into place. The experience took me from being "curious" to being able to refer to myself as BI. Although we do not swing with that couple (time and distance plays a part in it), we have met several other couples that we do swing with regularaly, in which the women are BI. The overall result is one that both my husband and I enjoy as it allowed me to overcome my fears and enabled us to expand more on our sexual desires. I agree with Julie, re:the tendency for some to sit back and enjoy and not reciprocate..(hope I quoted that right) as we have seen many instances of that since we have been in the lifestyle. Fortunately that has not been a problem for us, as those we swing with are all for everyone having the ultimate in pleasure! I also think too much emphasis and pressure is put on women (mostly self induced) for female bi-interaction. The best advice I can give you is just go with what feels right for you! Don't hesitate to say that you are new to the experience as I believe that most if not all of the "true" swingers you encounter will be sensitive to the issue and will guide you through what ever is comfortable for you. I apologize for being so long winded, I don't normally post, but I couldn't pass this issue up, having been through this myself. L The female half
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

05-15-2002, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
anandjeff2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 121 Location: Western NY,USA	I don't think I ever will not have a little case of butterflies the first time with a woman I have met. I am truly Bi and have known it for years and I really enjoy that aspect of my sex life. Whenever I have been with a woman I will usually start with gentle massage and go from there..if she is uncomfortable I will back off..I don't want to make a woman feel bad about anyhting she is doing. It is a thrill to be with a new woman and I find it the most exciting thing about being in the lifestyle. I do what I lke doneto me but I am always open to suggestions..have not had any compalints though..the most important part about it is you have to feel comfortable and relaxed..tenseness does not lend to a greta experience..I was once with a a woman who I feel was a passive Bi but had major problems with her sexuality..I dont care to ever repeat that expereince!! I found out that there are others who truly just lie there like a fish and do not give back...my attitude is why bother??I wonder if that is how they are for sex with a man as well..makes you wonder... If you are Bicurious be honest and open and find someone you really like for your firt tiem..my first time I was with another woman who was also her first time we had a ball and we both got into it..sadly we have moved and are now a far distance from them and now must explore new venues to find friends.. I feel being bi isnt a lifestyle choice it is something you are or aren't..one of the women we have chatted with had a couple approach to be their "public" girlfriend to brag about..she was amazed at how the lifestyle has become to some people a "thing to do" An

05-16-2002, 11:02 AM	#6 (permalink)
ILcouple Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 97 Location: Illinois Status: couple	My first bi exp. was wonderful. Im not the shy type when it comes to sex and can jump in with both eyes wide open and a huge smile on my face. I thought I would be a lil nervous as the day went on but was surprised that I had no butterflies floating around and was truely at ease with the situtation. She was also new to this and also a very close freind we had discussed this from time to time and finally decided lets do this neither of us was in a relationship at that time and figured if we didnt like it or if it wasnt our thing no one would know but us. Well we liked and it was the thing for us. We Played again from time to time. And for the next few years we were closer than any two freinds could get. She passed away 4 yrs later after being struck by a drunk driver. And that my dear freinds was my first. Now im a lil older a lil wiser but im still bi and looking for new freinds to play with.

09-27-2002, 03:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,245 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Any other thoughts here ladies? I know there are a lot more bi-fems out there than have posted
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

09-27-2002, 04:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
FlyBiNiter Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 121 Location: Oregon Status: Attached Female	Julie, Quin... EXACTLY !!!! Honesty, and mutuality are both vital !!! Dont' expect to recieve if you aren't willing to give, and don't claim to be Bi if you're not. It's no fun for the other party/parties involved if you are dishonest about what you want. Also sucks to be the one who gives someone pleasure, and then gets nothing at all in return. Been there, been left in the lurch, and it sucks.

09-28-2002, 08:54 AM	#12 (permalink)
4sum Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 92 Location: CT Status: Fourple	I think a lot...maybe the majority of couples just getting into this throw in bi or bi-curious as a means of not narrowing the field. The rationale is that since they don't really know, it could be true! When we were first starting out, we specifically made no claim that K was Bi, or even curious, pretty much for the reason's Julie and Quin have outlined. We didn't want to get into a situation where we would essentially be making liars out of ourselves. We found that this took us out of the running quite often...sometimes oddly enough with couples where they had had no bi experiences....Ha! That just shows the tenacity of a good fantasy! Ironically, as it turns out, she IS Bi! But that was not a claim we were willing to make until it proved itself to be true. Just shows to go ya, that you can get too bound up in terminology sometimes.
	__________________ Champagne for my true friends! And true pain for my sham friends! ~ Oscar Wilde

10-01-2002, 01:59 PM	#13 (permalink)
FlyBiNiter Here to Stay Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 121 Location: Oregon Status: Attached Female	Well Quin... I couldn't agree more...and on top of that, when I got left in the lurch, it was my first time with a woman. How crappy is that ? I tried to be a good sport about it, but dammit, why did she think I was there ? GAWD !!!! So my advice still stands for anyone new to it.... be honest and don't start anything you ain't gonna finish. If you want a woman between yoru legs, you better be willing to get between hers too. Hey... if it isn't your cup of tea, then don't do it again. That simple. Quin... did I mention that I like your style ? I read a lot of your posts, and dang lady... you tell it like it is....

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