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The Swingers Board FAQ

Here you can find answers to questions about how the board works. Use the links or search box below to find your way around.

Aren't Diseases a problem?

STDs are a major concern in this lifestyle to everyone, and that alone can help reduce the risk. By choosing to participate in this lifestyle, you accept that there is a risk of contracting an STD. The fact that people are thinking about it, helps us to take precautions. But we must keep in mind that even a condom doesn't completely eliminate the risk of most STD's. You will need to decide just how far you want to go to minimize your risk of contracting an STD from swinging. The best way to reduce your risk is to use condoms.

It is also very important that if you have a sexually transmitted disease that you tell your potential partners before engaging in ANY sexual activities. Even if you had it previously and think it's gone... many diseases stay with us for life, even though we show no symptoms. Check out our STD info page for more info on the various diseases and your risk.

Is it normal to be jealous the first time you swing?

Yes. It is even normal to be a little jealous every time you swing. We have dedicated a whole page to this topic, please see Dealing with Jealousy.

What kind of people are swingers?

All kinds of people. Swingers come from all walks of life, all races, all incomes. One common bond is that they are interested in exploring sexual fantasies, they are honest with themselves and others, and they tend to communicate better with their partners than the average couple.

How do I convince my partner to swing?

This is probably one of the most common questions we see on the message board. Basically, you DON'T CONVINCE your partner to swing. Swinging is not for everyone, and it might not be for you and your partner. Before you think about trying to convince your partner to swing you should first look at yourself and examine the reasons you wish to swing. Are you wanting to swing so that you can "get more action", if so, then don't bother. This is not the lifestyle for you. If, however, you want to swing because you want to help your partner live out fantasies while living out your own, or because you want to share the most special part of your life (your partner) with others, then you can start looking at how to talk to your partner about swinging.

You may not even need to convince your partner. They may already be more than willing, all you have to do is let them know that you are. On the other hand, they may not have ever thought about it. Communication is the key to opening all of the doors here. The first thing you need to do is talk to them about your fantasies, perhaps leave a swinger mag lying around for them to find to stimulate a conversation, or have them look through Swingers Board with you. Be open to any questions that they may bring up and be prepared to answer why you want to do this.

If your partner lets you know that they have no interest in the lifestyle, then back off. Pushing them will get you nowhere. However, you can mention your fantasies to them, if you can get your partner turned on to your fantasies then you will have a much better chance of opening the lines of communication again and the chances of taking things further will increase.

Another take on this question.

What do all these terms I see in ads mean?

You can find the means for most of those acronyms in the Swinger Dictionary

What is soft-swinging?

Soft-swing is basically a variety of swinging that encompasses everything except actually having intercourse with other partners. Many swingers choose to save the actual act of intercourse for their own partners but will play with others for the "fore play". They opt for this for a variety of reasons including less risk of STD's, or just saving that special thing for their partner. Some swingers also prefer to just watch others have sex or to be watched, this also falls into the category of soft-swinging.

Why is it so hard to find a single female to join us?

The answer to this question is fairly simple; supply and demand. There just aren't many single females in the lifestyle. Most females that are in the lifestyle are half of a couple and many couples don't like to split up to play. The other side of the problem is that single females (bi in particular) are the most sought after portion of the swinging population. While there are more than enough single males to go around, most single females either don't know about the lifestyle or just aren't interested. Most of those that are involved in the lifestyle were brought in by a previous boyfriend or husband.

So are the couples who want a single female completely out of luck?

Don't give up, and consider opening your options. If you are looking for a single female to play mainly with the female half of your couple, then perhaps you could look for a couple with a bi-female and a husband who doesn't mind watching. But remember, this won't be fun for long... eventually people start to feel like they are being left out, of course that doesn't mean you have to swap partners. You could always let the women play together then when they are done the guys can enjoy their own partners. However, if you are looking for a female so that you can have a threesome, then you will just have to be patient. It happens but you may have to wait a while. The best advice I have heard when it comes to finding a single female is to look at those single females that you already know. It will be much easier to talk to a friend and possibly get them to join you for some fun, than it will be to find a stranger. Also, if you are an out-going couple you might consider just checking out the local night clubs you may find a female or two there willing to go home with you for a night of fun.

Is swinging just for couples?

Swinging is a lifestyle that couples enjoy to help them live out their fantasies with other adults. Singles can be involved in the lifestyle, and are involved, since many couples are looking for either an extra male or female to help them live out a threesome fantasy. What singles must remember when they are lucky enough to be involved is that it is a privilege and they must treat it as such. Swinging involves the utmost discretion, which is very important to remember. If you are a single simply looking for another single then you are not looking for swinging. If you are married and looking to cheat on your partner then you are not looking to swing. Advice for Single Swingers

I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle?

With Luck. As I have mentioned before, as a single male, if you do manage to get involved in the lifestyle then it is a privilege and requires the utmost in discretion. There are couples out there who are looking for single males, those are the ads you should answer. Don't answer ads that aren't looking for single males. If you are good-looking, clean, honest & discrete you will have the best chance.

Something else that will help you is if you can get a girlfriend that is willing to swing with you, then you would be a couple. Many couples look at it as "if he can't even get a girlfriend, why would we want him". There are couples out there that are looking for single men. Guys that are open and honest and not just out looking for an easy lay will have the best chance at being accepted by these couples. I suggest that if you really want to get involved in the lifestyle you try contacting couples in your area that are seeking single men, and let them know that you are interested. There are many tips throughout the Swingers Board to help you in how to respond to an ad as well as in placing your own. However you will probably have a much better chance by responding to other people's ads. There are many sites out there with swingers personals and you should check out the various ones as different people place ads on different ones. You can find a list of many of them on the Swingers Board links page. You should also check the club listings for swinger clubs in your area that accept single males.

Please do not consider trying to get into the swinging lifestyle if you think this will be an easy way for you to get laid. That is not what this is about. This is about couples enjoying their sexual fantasies with other people that can not be acted out with just the two of them. Since there are many couples that desire MFM 3-somes or where the husband enjoys seeing his wife with another male there is a place for single males in this lifestyle, as long as the single male in question realizes what it is. Check out these articles for more information on Single Guys in Swinging. Also note if you are married and looking to cheat on your partner (your partner does not know and/or approve of your actions) then you are not SINGLE and you are not swinging.

How do we meet others who are interested in the lifestyle?

There are several ways to find others interested in swinging. The two most prolific ways are through personal ads and swinger clubs. On our Personal Ads page you will find several great sites for swingers personal ads. All of which will allow you to post your own ad for free as well as allow for limited free browsing and answering of others ads. You can also check out our Club Listings for info on clubs near you to visit and meet other like-minded couples and individuals.

What is the difference between an on-premise club and an off-premise club?

Off-Premise Clubs
Going to an off-premise club is often like going to a wedding reception, and often held in the same places. Most off-premise clubs are held in local banquet halls (Knights of Columbus) or other large places that can be rented out. Some are held in hotel ball rooms. Those held in hotel ballrooms afford an extra convenience in that if you do decide you want to play you don't have to go far. Since no sexual activities take place "on-premise", if you want to play with someone you meet you need to go somewhere else, your place/ their place or a hotel room. Usually they are BYOB, providing food/ snacks and setups (soft drinks/ mixers). Off-Premise clubs give you a good opportunity to get to know other swingers in a pressure free environment. You can dance, talk, flirt without feeling like something has to happen. Where the club socials are held, dress requirements, and memberships vary from club to club, so you will need to contact the particular club you are interested in for all the details.

On-Premise Clubs
On-premise clubs provide space for people to engage in sexual activities. They may have private rooms, themed rooms or only one large rooms where everyone plays. Each club is different and provides different features, so it is very important to check out the clubs amenities before attending. Contact the club host/ administrator and get all the details on the club and if possible a tour of the premise.

Private Parties / House Parties
As many states are trying to create laws against swing clubs, private parties are becoming more and more popular. These are usually held in someone's home and those who attend are invited by the host couple. Most often these parties are couples only.

Conventions
Many of the larger clubs hold annual conventions. Most often the hosting club will rent out a hotel for a weekend, providing a large amount of privacy. During the day there are usually typical "convention" type events such as discussions on issues, guest speakers, etc. Throughout the weekend activities are planned to give you plenty of time to get to know other people in attendance. Price range on these events vary and we will provide you with as much info as we have on our events page. In recent years there has begun to be a lot of overlap between different types of parties. You may find a hotel party where the main party is off-premise but there is also a take-over of a floor of the hotel that could be considered on-premise. It is always best to ask the owners what is allowed at their party and where.

So, how do we get started?

That depends on how ready you are, and what you are comfortable with. If you want to just jump in, then you might want to try visiting a local club in your area. If you just want to get a feel for what kind of people are in the lifestyle, then you might want to try an off-premise club. This will give you a chance to meet people without feeling any pressure to participate. If you are really ready to jump in and don't mind a little help, then you could try an on-premise club, there you can not only meet other swingers but you can actually participate in swinging activities, not that you will be required to, but you get the idea. If you prefer things a little more one-on-one (or two-on-two) then you might want to stick to placing and answering ads. You can meet great people this way and you will have a chance to get to know them better through communication before you even meet them face-to-face.

What's the best way to meet people? Clubs or Ads?

This really depends on you. Swinger clubs are a great way to introduce yourselves to the lifestyle, you can meet lots of people in one night and not feel tied to any one couple or person. Clubs can also be a bit smoky and loud (depending on the club) and for some may be cost-prohibitive (costs vary from club to club).

Online personal ads allow you to browse local swingers you might be interested in and contact only those that spark your interest. You can then engage in online conversation and move to a meeting in real life (or talk on the phone first, whatever you are comfortable with and they agree to). The downside of online personal ads is they take a lot more time, and sometimes the people you meet aren't what you expected based on their ad. Sometimes you never meet them at all because there are a lot of fakes on personal ads sites (people who are just there to browse and have no intention of meeting, people who only want to collect pictures of others, and people who wish they could swing but their spouse would never actually go for it so they play on the ad sites and live vicariously).

I would suggest doing both. Find a club or a social near you that you can check out and also place an ad on an online personal ads site (you'll find several that we recommend, here). This will give you the best of both worlds and allow you to decide for yourself which route is best for you.

We are going to a club for the first time, what should we expect?

That is going to depend a lot on the club. First off read the above FAQ on the types of clubs and note the differences. Be sure to talk to the club owner/ host prior to attending and know ahead of time what type of club it is. If you are not interested in single males you will probably want to make sure that the club you are attending does not allow single males on the night you are attending. Each club is different with different sets of rules and expectations. Be sure to ask the owner/ host to allow you to come early for a tour and to get to know them a bit. Give them a call and ask them any questions you have about the club before you attend.

What should we ask the club host/owner when we call?

A few questions you might want to ask would be:

What is the general age range at the club? Is there a mix of races? Do they allow single males? What is the price? Do you need to BYOB or is there a bar? Do they provide setups (the soda and juice for mixed drinks)? What is the expected attire?

For on-premise clubs you may also want to ask: Do they provide condoms? Do you need to bring your own towels? Do they have lockers for your stuff? Showers? Soap? Shampoo? Are there clean sheets available?

Especially when visiting an on-premise club you should ask for a tour of the facilities during a time when the club is not open for business (or is not busy). Be sure to note how clean the club is at that time. If it's not clean then you can only imagine how much dirtier it will be when it is busy.

How can we find a club in our area?

For starters you can check out the Swingers Forum club list. This is by no means a complete list of all clubs that exist, but it is the ones that we know about. If there aren't any clubs listed in your area, then you might want to try contacting other swingers in your area, some smaller clubs and private parties don't' advertise any way other than word-of-mouth. You can also post a request for info on clubs in your area in the Club/Party request forum here on the message board.

We are about to meet someone for the first time, where should we meet, what should we do?

Meet someplace neutral, a bar or a restaurant is usually good. Since bars can be a noisy and crowded, restaurants are usually a better choice. This will give you a chance to talk and get to know each other. Remember to set up something with the people you are meeting so that you know who they are. Find out what kind of car they drive, what they will be wearing, etc. Make sure to set up signals with your partner ahead of time, so that if either of you isn't comfortable with the people you meet you can get out without having to flat out say "are you interested in these people". Be yourself, don't wear/do things that you wouldn't normally do to try to impress these people. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.

Read More About The First Meeting

We made it through dinner, now what?

Make plans. You can either invite them back to your place right then and continue getting to know each other, or you can make plans to see each other another day. Invite them over to your place, or if you can't or don't want to entertain make plans for a hotel room or to go to their place. Just remember no matter what that "no" means" no". Even though every thing may look like it's "a go", people can change their minds.

The couple we have met seems to want to move things a little too fast

Things should always move as fast as the slowest person involved. If you aren't ready yet, let them know. They'll either back off and give you time, or they'll decide they aren't interested in waiting. If the later happens, it's their loss not yours. Swinging should be about more than just sex... and if they don't see it that way, then they are definitely losing out. Don't allow yourself to be coerced into a situation where you aren't comfortable. If you are feeling pressured, so "No, Thanks" then if they don't back off, it's time to leave.

I would like to start my own swing club... What do I do to get started?

The first thing you need to do is talk to an attorney in your area and find out what the legal issues are of operating a club in your area/ state. You might want to call a few of the club owners in some of those cities 4-5 hours away and talk to them to see what issues they have dealt with as well. We've had a couple of threads on the message board asking this same question and the responses there from other club owners may help you as well.

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/misc-swinger-questions/11085-want-start-premise-club-sw-mi.html
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/swinging-clubs-parties/8345-how-open-swing-club.html
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/misc-swinger-questions/3572-starting-new-club.html
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/misc-swinger-questions/2747-thinking-starting-private-swingers-club-central-illinois.html

New clubs open and close every month because people don't do the research prior to starting them regarding local laws and business practices. Another thing to remember is that in running a club you give up the ability to play at the club. As the host it's now your job to ensure that everyone else gets to have a good time. As one club owner put it, don't start a club unless you want to stop swinging.

As far getting the word out, that is probably the least of your worries and the easiest thing to do. Hopefully, if you are thinking of starting a club then you already have at least a few couples that you know personally in the area you are thinking of starting a club in. Those few would be your initial base and if your club is good, then those few would tell a few more and so on. Word of mouth is really your best form of advertisement. Other ways such as joining NASCA, and getting your club listed in their book, as well as on other swinger websites and in other swinger magazines can be very helpful as well but won't do nearly as much as good word of mouth.

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