How to tell someone they smell bad?

[customhardtail]

Fri- night we had a couple over that we have played with a one other time. Hubby was playing with her and everyting was going fine then he went soft and didn't play anymore.

Well, after they left he told me that her pussy did not smell right. She had a bad smell. My allergies are so bad I can't smell a thing...

Any way, how to you tell someone that they don't smell right and that they might have something wrong in that department? She could since that something wrong when hubby stopped playing. We want to be honest, but don't want to hurt anyones fellings either. She didn't smell like that when we played before.

I think she has bacterial vaginosis. I've had it before and know it doesn't smell good. It's not contagous, so I'm not worried about that, but it doesn't go away without medication.

Help....

[Miss_Piggy]

Tough one.

Maybe you could have a talk with the women (one on one) and be very gentle and honest about it.
It's hard for a woman to smell her own vagina
The only way she can know that there is a problem is if someone tells her.
Personally, I would rather know and be able to deal with it.
If you do choose to tell her I would be careful to be as non-threatening about it as possible. Be sure to let her know that you are only telling her because you want to help and that you have no intention of insulting her.

[angihay]

I agree with Miss piggy completely on this! Hope all goes well!

[wrnakedru]

This situation is a toughy all right - and no easy answers seem obvious.

I suppose you could just decide these are not folks you will be spending time with again and leave it at that.

Chances are, no matter what path you choose to get the information across the same result may occur - that these are not folks you are going to see again. So it's up to you to decide if the information needs to be told.

Should you decide that it does, I think this is one of the few times when "directly" is not the way to go. For the news to come from either of you is not something she will be able to easily overcome and not feel self-conscious anytime she is with you.

I would suggest instead that your hubby call the other fellow and without giving any idea as to the topic, ask for him to meet for a beer and a private conversation. If you have to tell him something, the hubby could indicate he needs some advice of a sensitive nature. Then both of you go to the meeting. This keeps it being from coming off like one guy criticizing the other guy's wife - that could get extremely touchy. With the two of you there, it more genuinely comes across as a matter of caring concern.

You can tell him of your quandry about what to do, whether to say anything. But as the female, you can tell him all you kept thinking is you would want to know. But then agree that you would be embarassed to receive such information, even though you would want to know. And felt that the best way to hear it would be from her husband, as if it is coming from him - not through him from others. If he talks to her, gently and caring - questioning her general health, admitting perhaps a lack of knowledge about possible causes but concern about her health, and him to offer to accompany her to the doctor to find the cause - and the solution to it.

I think he will be more receptive to the topic when it is done with care and concern for her self-esteem, and her health. And I think if you are careful you can keep it from being anything he gets angry or defensive about. I believe he will see the wisdom of him being the one to discuss it with her - and although you are not encouraging dishonesty, in this case it is the better choice. It is best she never know where the information came from, believing it to be private between the two of them.

Even handled with kid gloves, you may find the situation is just too touchy for any of you to behave in the future as if this didn't happen. Only time will tell. I just think she will feel way too embarassed if she knows this came from you two.

And think about it - isn't this the way you'd rather it were handled if it were you?

[Brit_Pair]

Agreed. It's a horrible situation to find yourself in, but all you can really do is try and be honest in the most gentle and sympathetic way you know how.

Good luck.

[Elusive BiFem]

There's no doubt this would be one hell of a situation to be in. What to do!?!

First...some rhetorical questions/comments. Did your husband actually say she smelled as if she might have an infection? Different women, at different times during their menstrual cycle, have unusual odors and sometimes rather foul odors. These odors are dependent upon hormonal cycles. Vaginal odors can be influenced by foods we consume (garlic especially). Stress can also play a role in vaginal odors. Has she been on antibiotics recently? You mentioned you've played with this couple once before. Do you want to play with them again? You didn't mention that one way or the other. If not, I would not mention anything. Outside of playing, what is your relationship with this woman?

Now I'll grant you that most often, vaginal odors of the sort that would turn a fully aroused male away are most often caused by infection, but I find it odd that a woman would have that sort of odor and not be aware, nor would her own husband. Most women are acutely aware of their own odors, and particularly when it comes to playtime.

Quite frankly, the way I would handle it would depend entirely upon my relationship with this woman and whether I wanted to play with her again. With everything else being in place, I would handle it the way I would want it to be handled if I was the one with an odor. Directly. Woman to woman. And yes. I would be embarrassed, but I would also feel that almost every female on earth has gone through this at least once and would have a far better understanding of the situation and my feelings about it than men. (Men to include my husband.) Sometimes it is far better to come right out with something rather than attempt to pussy-foot around the subject. Kind of like pulling a band-aid off...you can do it slowly and create a million little hurts as those teeny hairs are pulled out one by one. Or you can pull it off quickly and create one big hurt, but be done with it. Personally, I do best with the quick pull. You know this woman best. Do you think she would prefer a slow pull or a quick pull. And I don't mean to imply it cannot be done with kindness and tact..."By the way...the other night Joe-Bob and I noticed you had an unusual/different odor and I wondered if you had been sick or taking medicine or something?" Something as simple as that will open the door to conversation/communication. She will most likely want to know what type of odor...and even if she denies it, will most likely want to have it checked ASAP.

Just my thoughts......- EBF

[yawanna]

I'm reading everyone trying to handle a rather delicate potentially upsetting situation. perhaps the best barometer of what to do, if anything, is to ask yourselves if you will be or want to meet again with the couple. Will hubby be able to get past the one bad experience? Or will it flash back to him at a crucial moment?

If you don't want to meet with them again, then I see no need to get into her personal hygiene. Write them a nice note and say thank you you're great and let them down gently?

Meeting with him behind her back strikes me as not a good thing. I know that if I were her, and my husband was asked to meet him privately for a beer, maybe that's okay. But if his wife showed up, too and they talked about ME, I know he'd stand up and walk out. Plus, he would have already told me the husband had asked to meet him for a beer and we'd be suspicious since we are in this totally 100% together.

I agree with EBF....we KNOW when we aren't 'fresh' or anything else about our bodies that may be less than desirable. Plus our husbands would know, too. Good lord my husband has my cycles tracked, and probably on a spread sheet, too LOL So I don't think you'd be informing him of anything he doesn't already know.

Do you want to see them again and if you do, how far into their personal lives are you willing to go, knowing they may get huffy and storm off?

[fun_pairTX]

You could try concealing a Certs or a Mentos in your cheek till you get close enough to the affected area to place it where it will do the most good.

[M&B]

Assuming that you want to keep the couple as friends, perhaps a show of simple human compassion is in order. Ask if everything is ok with her. Mention that you noticed something, not exactly what, but, having noticed, you are concerned about her health. Could this be best handled by a woman to woman talk?

[Elusive BiFem]

Mr. M&B,
I understand, I think, where you are coming from and your comments are quite similar to mine. However, I just don't see how you could get to the point of defining the problem by just mentioning being "concerned with your health." That type of comment/question would most likely lead down a dead-end street. "I'm fine. Why do you ask." Unless you are willing to be straight up with the problem...what are you going to say? I would hope that if she does have some type of foul odor, she honestly is not aware. I'd much rather think that than think she was aware yet continued to play.

...everything you said...agreed...with just a little difference on the actual subject matter. - EBF

[hfire269]

If I had a smell and i didnt notice i would want some one to tell me straight up.. even that night. I would be more upset by some one beating around the bush to tell me something that might be dangerous to my health. I would want them to tell me even if they didnt plan on playing with me again.

I was on a certain antibiotic that made me smell horrible I couldnt even stand me! While i was on the med and for like two weeks after I wouldnt let my husband near me cause i couldnt stand it!... and didnt feel clean.
Good lUck and i hope you tell her soon:-)
Hfire269(female half)

[bear_n_bunny]

You could always get Bear to tell her. He's never shy about these matters as I can attest. His direct approach can take a bit of getting used to, but a trip to the doctor confirmed I had bacterial vaginosis.

Really, it's like pulling off a bandaid; be quick and to the point. It will sting for a while then it's over. Think of how you'd feel if someone pointed out that you had food in your teeth or TP on your shoe, but only after several hours. If you think well enough of these people to have sex with them, the least you can do is mention she might need to see her doctor. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to be.

-- Bunny

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by bear_n_bunny
You could always get Bear to tell her. He's never shy about these matters as I can attest. His direct approach can take a bit of getting used to, but a trip to the doctor confirmed I had bacterial vaginosis.

Really, it's like pulling off a bandaid; be quick and to the point. It will sting for a while then it's over. Think of how you'd feel if someone pointed out that you had food in your teeth or TP on your shoe, but only after several hours. If you think well enough of these people to have sex with them, the least you can do is mention she might need to see her doctor. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to be.

-- Bunny

Actually, I am rather shy about discussing such things, with Bunny or anyone else, for reasons that should now be all too obvious. There really is no pleasant way to tell someone they have a problem like this. I finally told Bunny about her problem that time because, a. if our roles were reversed, I'd want to know, however embarassing it may be, and b. my past experience has told me than when a woman has an odor like that, there is indeed something medically wrong, and it should be addressed promptly.

The only thing I can suggest is for Ms. Customhardtail to approach the woman, in private, and as gently as possible say "Look, hon. This is very embarassing, but there is something you should know. The other night we noticed you had an unusual odor "down there", which would indicate you have an infection of some sort. It might be a yeast infection coming on, or vaginosis, something, and it would be wise to pay your gynecologist a visit to have him/her check things out."

It's an unpleasant business, and that's a fact. But she really does need to know, as this sort of thing does require medical attention.

-- Bear

[Elusive BiFem]

Bottom line, and assuming I would want to play with this couple again or even be mere friends with them...

I kind of equate this situation with walking out of a bathroom with my skirt-tail being caught in my panties (or a man's zipper being down) .....as embarrassing as it might be for me and thee...

I would want to know and/or I would tell. One moment of pure embarrassment is far better than looking back and just wondering...IMO.

- EBF

Edit: following up on Bear's comments re: medical condition....if you noticed a lump in a woman's breast (or even a man's breast), or the odor of ketones on the breath, a mole that looked cancerous....things indicating non-sexual medical conditions...would you tell. Probably. I hope so.

[M&B]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Mr. M&B,
I understand, I think, where you are coming from and your comments are quite similar to mine. However, I just don't see how you could get to the point of defining the problem by just mentioning being "concerned with your health." .......
...everything you said...agreed...with just a little difference on the actual subject matter. - EBF

Aw, EBF. You know me. I tend to boil things down a bit too much. Being simple minded, I tend to go for simple solutions. I take the same approach to Yankee Pot Roast.

Of course, you are quite right. The discussion needs to be more specific. But, I do think that the approach should come from genuine concern- not favorite flavors.