Just want one night stands but don't want to lie

zeph and cell · 05-28-2002, 01:32 AM

my wife and i have been thinking about swinging for a while now, but we really dont want to make a lifestyle out of it. we are trying to fulfill each others fantasies and that is hers. we think that we want to do it once or twice but we dont really know how to initiate a one night stand without lying. any advice would be appreciated

***JustAskJulie*** · 05-28-2002, 10:56 AM

While most people refer to this as a lifestyle, I think that really a very small percentage of those involved in swinging live it as a lifestyle (meaning that it's something they have to do every week or every day). I think for most it's an enjoyable past time, something they do on occasion for fun. So what you choose to make it is really up to you.

As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more.

Just be up front about what it is you are looking for (just sex). You might want to check out an on-premise club on occasion (when the desire hits you) as a way to fulfill your fantasies in an immideate fashion without having to go through all the meeting and getting to know one another process first. Even still tho, do be up front when you hook up with people that you aren't looking for anything long term. This will keep anyone from having hurt feelings that they didn't hear from you later.

M&B · 05-28-2002, 06:26 PM

I read this and, then, read it again. I thought: How can anyone confuse lifestyle in the context with swinging, an occasional thing (to some!) and a lifestyle, a way of living!

But, then, having read Juile's response, I had to admit that I could have had the exact same question, had it occured to me! Then, the word "some" was used. That's how one sums up all of human kind's behaviors and peoples' ways of making choices- some do and some don't.

Bottom line is- never mind what some do or don't do. It's your preferences that matter. Of course, be honest with those that you explore your preferences with.

Now, maybe this would be a good poll question: How many consider the "lifestyle" to be a lifestyle and how many look at it as just an occasional thing. Hmmmm.

M

***JustAskJulie*** · 05-28-2002, 10:11 PM

Sounds like a plan. Just so you (and everyone knows), anyone can start a poll, so if you ever get the urge, feel free to do so

K2 · 05-28-2002, 10:27 PM

I think the terms "Swinging" and "Lifestyle" are really outdated myself. I prefer "Couples Dating" as it is more on target. To me, "Lifestyle" means more of a situation like Polymory.

What really jerks my chain though is that society still regards "Swinging" as nasty sex. It can be some of the most rewarding sensual experiences you can ever have if you spend the time to find people who all get along. Some people luck out and find compatible couples in a week. Others I know have been looking for over 2 years.

Gays are fully accepted in society and have legal rights, but swingers still get shit on. When we try to rent facilties and book hotels for events people still treat us with disrespect.

Good luck with your adventure into "The Lifestyle" and if the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.

***JustAskJulie*** · 05-28-2002, 10:35 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by K2:
I think the terms "Swinging" and "Lifestyle" are really outdated myself. I prefer "Couples Dating" as it is more on target. To me, "Lifestyle" means more of a situation like Polymory.<hr /></blockquote>I think that your terminology implies that the couples involved are looking for more than sex. Which is true for many but not for all. I know many couples who are involved in swinging just for the sex and who DO live it as a lifestyle, to the point where (IMO) it overshadows things that should really be more important (like kids, family, etc).

When using term lifestyle for swinging to me it is in the realm of more of a lifestyle choice (bisexual lifestyle, homosexual lifestyle, swinging lifestyle). When you find a listing for swinging sites on the net you will find it in the lifestyle section of a directory site usually for that reason. To me calling it a lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that it is something you are involved in every single day, but whether or not you are involved in it every day... you are still a swinger every day

.. you just aren't necessarily swinging

frisson · 05-29-2002, 09:58 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more.

<hr /></blockquote>Looking primarily for one-night stands doesn't necessarily mean that you are interested only in the sex.

We have been swinging for five years, and our experience is mostly in group scenes and brief encounters, occasionally hooking up again with those to whom we're attracted. Yet looking back, we would both say that the greatest value we've gotten out of swinging has been our personal growth--increased intimacy and love within our marriage, and the knowledge and experience we have gained about sex and relationships and life in general.

We swing the way we swing in part because we don't have time to devote to a serious friendship. But even if that weren't the case, I doubt that we would pursue long-term friendships based on swinging. We like the fact that sex can be totally physical and non-commital and without deep feeling. That's a lesson everyone should learn--there's too much confusion between sex and love in "straight" life. Sex can be deep and meaningful and emotionally fulfilling. It can also be just sex, and that doesn't make it any less valuable an experience.

I don't mean to sound cold-blooded. We always approach our swinging encounters with consideration and respect and sincerity; we always like the people we connect with, otherwise we want no part of them no matter how physically attractive they might be. Yet when the time comes to hug, shake hands, and go our separate ways, none of us feel any twinges--certainly not rejection or bruised feelings. I guess we can speak only for ourselves, but I'm pretty confident that our playmates feel the same way.

There are many ways to find genuine value in swinging, and many paths to get there. Our encounters may be brief, and individually they may be insignificant. But taken together, they have great meaning for us, and they have certainly changed as as people.

***JustAskJulie*** · 05-29-2002, 01:30 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by frisson:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more.

<hr /></blockquote>Looking primarily for one-night stands doesn't necessarily mean that you are interested only in the sex.

We have been swinging for five years, and our experience is mostly in group scenes and brief encounters, occasionally hooking up again with those to whom we're attracted. Yet looking back, we would both say that the greatest value we've gotten out of swinging has been our personal growth--increased intimacy and love within our marriage, and the knowledge and experience we have gained about sex and relationships and life in general.

<hr /></blockquote>By primarily looking for sex, that is what you are looking for with the people you swing with. Even if it's not the only reason you are swinging. While your relationship with each other grows you aren't establishing relationship with others.

I agree that people need to learn to seperate sex from love... and I think that that is something that most swingers have managed to do (if not they are probably heading for either trouble or polyamory).

Close Encounters · 05-29-2002, 02:22 PM

To quote Dr. Robert McGinley, founder of The Lifestyles Organization [TLO](tm)"The swinging lifestyle is NOT about a sex act. It is an attitude"

Quin · 05-29-2002, 03:14 PM

I am so beginning to hate the word lifestyle. I have never been particularly fond of it but as I age the word just gets to be more ridiculous with each passing day.

I live *MY* lifestyle, Quin's lifestyle. And that lifestyle contains a vast spectrum of things: being a single mother, an entrepreneur, being a daughter as well as an aunt, being an avid jetskier, being a stain glass artist, being a swinger, being a gardener, being an avid reader, and so many more things. Just one of those things does not define me nor will one ever define me and to classify me as any one of those puts me into this stereotypical mold that society has created which is more often not the case than is. People are so much more complex than to live in a singular *lifestyle* and have their being defined by it not to mention it would make for a quite boring person and life.

Julie, have to disagree with ya, hon, on something you said in one of your posts...being homosexual/gay is not a choice nor is there any *homosexual* lifestyle that homosexuals/gays choose to indulge in. I truly don't think gays choose to be gay...why would someone intentionally choose to be something that would, at various times in their life, bring them ridicule, hurt, and harrassment, not to mention being NOT accepted by so many of Americans? Just as I didn't choose to be bi-sexual...it's something that was always probably a part of me, it just had to be brought out and to my attention at one point of my life. And being bi-sexual is, once again, just a teeny part of what makes up me.

Some of you might say, Yeah, the theory is good but doesn't work in the real world. Wrong. It does work in the real world; if it doesn't work in the real world it's only because it's not encouraged by others. And by remaining silent and allowing all *those* to classify someone's lifestyle in one category without speaking up just endorses and reaffirms that *they* are correct.

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

zeph and cell · 05-29-2002, 07:29 PM

quin, i honestly didnt mention the word lifestyle to bring out a discussion like this at all, but... on that note, i believe that everyone who is gay has chosen to be. but i want to touch on what you said about ridicule and harassment. im from a very stout Christian family. in this day in age it is easy for people to ridicule others in ways that hurt us as a society, like Christians are for being who they are. i do agree that people dont choose to humiliated because of their lifestyle. i know that if my family ever found out what sort of lifestyle my wife and i lead we would be harassed and looked down upon, i did not choose my lifestyle to gain acceptance from everyone and their horse. i lead this lifestyle because i want to. i do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle but i am not going to ridicule or humiliate or talk bad about them, im going to say my piece and move on.
thanks everyone for your help.
zephoria

Quin · 05-30-2002, 10:57 AM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by zeph and cell:
quin, i honestly didnt mention the word lifestyle to bring out a discussion like this at all
zephoria<hr /></blockquote>Oh, I know you didn't, zep. The tide of the thread turned even before I responded.

I did have a question for you tho. Say you and your spouse fulfill your *fantasies*, but one of you or even both of you, want to continue...it was such a rush, so fulfilling and so enjoyable that, Hey, you want to do it again...and then again. Has that been discussed between you and your spouse? I know it's a *what if...* situation but it's one that could very well become reality for one or both of you.

Quin
<img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />

4sum · 05-30-2002, 06:08 PM

I think that the problem that most of us have with the terminology "lifestyle" and "swinging" is that they are both somewhat archaic terms. The implication is one of illicit promiscuity, in the case of the term "swinging". A sixties kind of debauchery that in the context of today's society is just plain dangerous, if not distasteful. The stereotype of the sixties swinger as an immature party animal or a sexually predatory psychodelic pseudo-intellectual was probably as innaccurate then as it is today, but it does persist.

In the case of the term lifestyle, I think that most of us find it difficult to identify a term with such a broad cross section of society. Certainly even on this board there are people who run the gamut from "softswing curious" to full blown "polyamory" to "chain me to the floor and gangbang me like the slut that I am, fucking", and everything in between. It's difficult, within that broad a range to pin down a single label that everyone would feel comfortable sharing.

I think for most of us, contemplating what we do sexually as defining our style of living is a pretty repellant idea. It smacks of a narcissism that subbordinates the majority of what we are and do as normal loving people, and threatens to define us as creatures ruled exclusively by our own sexual needs.

Now for the editorial part of the message.

Having hung around this board for several years I have some observations. We tend to think of ourselves as open-minded. We also tend to find things in the viewpoints of others that we disagree with on a very fundamental level, and then sometimes attack them for it. Maybe we bring a lot of that on ourselves by not reading between the lines, or not knowing the real reasons for someones particular situation. But we do tend to like our labels and acronyms. And we do tend to perpetuate these as stereotypes by using them until they become cliches. To some degree, we all suffer from the hubris that we attach so readily to the single male, of letting the lingo rather than our intellect do the talking.

Yes, there's a bit of that vain little posturing peacock in all of us. We are not open-minded because we have extramarital sex. But most of us have become MORE open-minded due to the exposure we've had to each other. We are not secure in our relationships because of what we do in bed. But we have become MORE secure from sharing that part of our relationship with others. Sometimes I think we tend to get the cause and the effects mixed up.

I know for certain that there are things that the four of us do that would draw clucks of disapproval from a significant segment of the readership here. I also admit that some of the stuff I've read here, we'd never want to try. But as they say "Different boats, different long splices"!

05-30-2002, 07:12 PM

quin,
yes we have, we have talked about a lot of "what if's". i dont think there is any situation that we have not discussed, but thank you very much for your help.

***JustAskJulie*** · 06-05-2002, 04:41 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Quin:

Julie, have to disagree with ya, hon, on something you said in one of your posts...being homosexual/gay is not a choice nor is there any *homosexual* lifestyle that homosexuals/gays choose to indulge in. I truly don't think gays choose to be gay...why would someone intentionally choose to be something that would, at various times in their life, bring them ridicule, hurt, and harrassment, not to mention being NOT accepted by so many of Americans? Just as I didn't choose to be bi-sexual...it's something that was always probably a part of me, it just had to be brought out and to my attention at one point of my life. And being bi-sexual is, once again, just a teeny part of what makes up me.Quin
<hr /></blockquote>I didn't mean to say that being gay is a choice, I don't particularly believe it is, I think that for some it can be, but in general it is nature.

Anyway, I believe what you were referring to in my earlier post was this:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />When using term lifestyle for swinging to me it is in the realm of more of a lifestyle choice (bisexual lifestyle, homosexual lifestyle, swinging lifestyle). <hr /></blockquote>What I meant by that is the lifestyle that people choose to lead. Some people do live their lives every day as if that is being a swinger is all they are (I know a few, I'm sure most of you do as well). Same goes for those who are gay. They make their whole life revolve around that aspect of who they are.

I totally agree with ya tho Quin, each of us (well most of us) have so many more facets to who we are that not one of them should make up our entire life OR Lifestyle.

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05-28-2002, 01:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
zeph and cell Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2 Location: texas	Just want one night stands but don't want to lie my wife and i have been thinking about swinging for a while now, but we really dont want to make a lifestyle out of it. we are trying to fulfill each others fantasies and that is hers. we think that we want to do it once or twice but we dont really know how to initiate a one night stand without lying. any advice would be appreciated

05-28-2002, 10:56 AM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	While most people refer to this as a lifestyle, I think that really a very small percentage of those involved in swinging live it as a lifestyle (meaning that it's something they have to do every week or every day). I think for most it's an enjoyable past time, something they do on occasion for fun. So what you choose to make it is really up to you. As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more. Just be up front about what it is you are looking for (just sex). You might want to check out an on-premise club on occasion (when the desire hits you) as a way to fulfill your fantasies in an immideate fashion without having to go through all the meeting and getting to know one another process first. Even still tho, do be up front when you hook up with people that you aren't looking for anything long term. This will keep anyone from having hurt feelings that they didn't hear from you later.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

05-28-2002, 06:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
M&B Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 808 Location: Southern Cal Status: quo anti bellum	I read this and, then, read it again. I thought: How can anyone confuse lifestyle in the context with swinging, an occasional thing (to some!) and a lifestyle, a way of living! But, then, having read Juile's response, I had to admit that I could have had the exact same question, had it occured to me! Then, the word "some" was used. That's how one sums up all of human kind's behaviors and peoples' ways of making choices- some do and some don't. Bottom line is- never mind what some do or don't do. It's your preferences that matter. Of course, be honest with those that you explore your preferences with. Now, maybe this would be a good poll question: How many consider the "lifestyle" to be a lifestyle and how many look at it as just an occasional thing. Hmmmm. M
	__________________ EGBOK!

05-28-2002, 10:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Sounds like a plan. Just so you (and everyone knows), anyone can start a poll, so if you ever get the urge, feel free to do so
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

05-28-2002, 10:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
K2 Here to Stay Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 63 Location: Michigan, USA Status: Status Questionable Daily	I think the terms "Swinging" and "Lifestyle" are really outdated myself. I prefer "Couples Dating" as it is more on target. To me, "Lifestyle" means more of a situation like Polymory. What really jerks my chain though is that society still regards "Swinging" as nasty sex. It can be some of the most rewarding sensual experiences you can ever have if you spend the time to find people who all get along. Some people luck out and find compatible couples in a week. Others I know have been looking for over 2 years. Gays are fully accepted in society and have legal rights, but swingers still get shit on. When we try to rent facilties and book hotels for events people still treat us with disrespect. Good luck with your adventure into "The Lifestyle" and if the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.

05-28-2002, 10:35 PM	#6 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by K2: <strong>I think the terms "Swinging" and "Lifestyle" are really outdated myself. I prefer "Couples Dating" as it is more on target. To me, "Lifestyle" means more of a situation like Polymory.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I think that your terminology implies that the couples involved are looking for more than sex. Which is true for many but not for all. I know many couples who are involved in swinging just for the sex and who DO live it as a lifestyle, to the point where (IMO) it overshadows things that should really be more important (like kids, family, etc). When using term lifestyle for swinging to me it is in the realm of more of a lifestyle choice (bisexual lifestyle, homosexual lifestyle, swinging lifestyle). When you find a listing for swinging sites on the net you will find it in the lifestyle section of a directory site usually for that reason. To me calling it a lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that it is something you are involved in every single day, but whether or not you are involved in it every day... you are still a swinger every day .. you just aren't necessarily swinging
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

05-29-2002, 09:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
frisson Here to Stay Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 80 Location: East Central Kansas	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JustAskJulie: <strong> As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Looking primarily for one-night stands doesn't necessarily mean that you are interested only in the sex. We have been swinging for five years, and our experience is mostly in group scenes and brief encounters, occasionally hooking up again with those to whom we're attracted. Yet looking back, we would both say that the greatest value we've gotten out of swinging has been our personal growth--increased intimacy and love within our marriage, and the knowledge and experience we have gained about sex and relationships and life in general. We swing the way we swing in part because we don't have time to devote to a serious friendship. But even if that weren't the case, I doubt that we would pursue long-term friendships based on swinging. We like the fact that sex can be totally physical and non-commital and without deep feeling. That's a lesson everyone should learn--there's too much confusion between sex and love in "straight" life. Sex can be deep and meaningful and emotionally fulfilling. It can also be just sex, and that doesn't make it any less valuable an experience. I don't mean to sound cold-blooded. We always approach our swinging encounters with consideration and respect and sincerity; we always like the people we connect with, otherwise we want no part of them no matter how physically attractive they might be. Yet when the time comes to hug, shake hands, and go our separate ways, none of us feel any twinges--certainly not rejection or bruised feelings. I guess we can speak only for ourselves, but I'm pretty confident that our playmates feel the same way. There are many ways to find genuine value in swinging, and many paths to get there. Our encounters may be brief, and individually they may be insignificant. But taken together, they have great meaning for us, and they have certainly changed as as people.

05-29-2002, 01:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by frisson: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by JustAskJulie: <strong> As for one night stands vs. friendship, same thing. There are many people who are only swinging for the sexual aspects and thus look for people to hook up with then go their seperate ways, and on the other side of the coin there are many who are looking for more. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Looking primarily for one-night stands doesn't necessarily mean that you are interested only in the sex. We have been swinging for five years, and our experience is mostly in group scenes and brief encounters, occasionally hooking up again with those to whom we're attracted. Yet looking back, we would both say that the greatest value we've gotten out of swinging has been our personal growth--increased intimacy and love within our marriage, and the knowledge and experience we have gained about sex and relationships and life in general. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">By primarily looking for sex, that is what you are looking for with the people you swing with. Even if it's not the only reason you are swinging. While your relationship with each other grows you aren't establishing relationship with others. I agree that people need to learn to seperate sex from love... and I think that that is something that most swingers have managed to do (if not they are probably heading for either trouble or polyamory).
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

05-29-2002, 02:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
Close Encounters Club Host Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 285 Location: Gulfport Ms Status: Couple	To quote Dr. Robert McGinley, founder of The Lifestyles Organization [TLO](tm)"The swinging lifestyle is NOT about a sex act. It is an attitude"
	__________________ Gail and Pee Wee www.close-encounters-club.com www.coastbiladies.com

05-29-2002, 03:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	I am so beginning to hate the word lifestyle. I have never been particularly fond of it but as I age the word just gets to be more ridiculous with each passing day. I live MY lifestyle, Quin's lifestyle. And that lifestyle contains a vast spectrum of things: being a single mother, an entrepreneur, being a daughter as well as an aunt, being an avid jetskier, being a stain glass artist, being a swinger, being a gardener, being an avid reader, and so many more things. Just one of those things does not define me nor will one ever define me and to classify me as any one of those puts me into this stereotypical mold that society has created which is more often not the case than is. People are so much more complex than to live in a singular lifestyle and have their being defined by it not to mention it would make for a quite boring person and life. Julie, have to disagree with ya, hon, on something you said in one of your posts...being homosexual/gay is not a choice nor is there any homosexual lifestyle that homosexuals/gays choose to indulge in. I truly don't think gays choose to be gay...why would someone intentionally choose to be something that would, at various times in their life, bring them ridicule, hurt, and harrassment, not to mention being NOT accepted by so many of Americans? Just as I didn't choose to be bi-sexual...it's something that was always probably a part of me, it just had to be brought out and to my attention at one point of my life. And being bi-sexual is, once again, just a teeny part of what makes up me. Some of you might say, Yeah, the theory is good but doesn't work in the real world. Wrong. It does work in the real world; if it doesn't work in the real world it's only because it's not encouraged by others. And by remaining silent and allowing all those to classify someone's lifestyle in one category without speaking up just endorses and reaffirms that they are correct. Quin <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />
	__________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

05-29-2002, 07:29 PM	#11 (permalink)
zeph and cell Registered User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 2 Location: texas	quin, i honestly didnt mention the word lifestyle to bring out a discussion like this at all, but... on that note, i believe that everyone who is gay has chosen to be. but i want to touch on what you said about ridicule and harassment. im from a very stout Christian family. in this day in age it is easy for people to ridicule others in ways that hurt us as a society, like Christians are for being who they are. i do agree that people dont choose to humiliated because of their lifestyle. i know that if my family ever found out what sort of lifestyle my wife and i lead we would be harassed and looked down upon, i did not choose my lifestyle to gain acceptance from everyone and their horse. i lead this lifestyle because i want to. i do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle but i am not going to ridicule or humiliate or talk bad about them, im going to say my piece and move on. thanks everyone for your help. zephoria

05-30-2002, 10:57 AM	#12 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by zeph and cell: <strong>quin, i honestly didnt mention the word lifestyle to bring out a discussion like this at all zephoria</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Oh, I know you didn't, zep. The tide of the thread turned even before I responded. I did have a question for you tho. Say you and your spouse fulfill your fantasies, but one of you or even both of you, want to continue...it was such a rush, so fulfilling and so enjoyable that, Hey, you want to do it again...and then again. Has that been discussed between you and your spouse? I know it's a what if... situation but it's one that could very well become reality for one or both of you. Quin <img border="0" alt="[Smiley_sex]" title="" src="graemlins/smilysex.gif" />
	__________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

05-30-2002, 06:08 PM	#13 (permalink)
4sum Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 92 Location: CT Status: Fourple	I think that the problem that most of us have with the terminology "lifestyle" and "swinging" is that they are both somewhat archaic terms. The implication is one of illicit promiscuity, in the case of the term "swinging". A sixties kind of debauchery that in the context of today's society is just plain dangerous, if not distasteful. The stereotype of the sixties swinger as an immature party animal or a sexually predatory psychodelic pseudo-intellectual was probably as innaccurate then as it is today, but it does persist. In the case of the term lifestyle, I think that most of us find it difficult to identify a term with such a broad cross section of society. Certainly even on this board there are people who run the gamut from "softswing curious" to full blown "polyamory" to "chain me to the floor and gangbang me like the slut that I am, fucking", and everything in between. It's difficult, within that broad a range to pin down a single label that everyone would feel comfortable sharing. I think for most of us, contemplating what we do sexually as defining our style of living is a pretty repellant idea. It smacks of a narcissism that subbordinates the majority of what we are and do as normal loving people, and threatens to define us as creatures ruled exclusively by our own sexual needs. Now for the editorial part of the message. Having hung around this board for several years I have some observations. We tend to think of ourselves as open-minded. We also tend to find things in the viewpoints of others that we disagree with on a very fundamental level, and then sometimes attack them for it. Maybe we bring a lot of that on ourselves by not reading between the lines, or not knowing the real reasons for someones particular situation. But we do tend to like our labels and acronyms. And we do tend to perpetuate these as stereotypes by using them until they become cliches. To some degree, we all suffer from the hubris that we attach so readily to the single male, of letting the lingo rather than our intellect do the talking. Yes, there's a bit of that vain little posturing peacock in all of us. We are not open-minded because we have extramarital sex. But most of us have become MORE open-minded due to the exposure we've had to each other. We are not secure in our relationships because of what we do in bed. But we have become MORE secure from sharing that part of our relationship with others. Sometimes I think we tend to get the cause and the effects mixed up. I know for certain that there are things that the four of us do that would draw clucks of disapproval from a significant segment of the readership here. I also admit that some of the stuff I've read here, we'd never want to try. But as they say "Different boats, different long splices"!
	__________________ Champagne for my true friends! And true pain for my sham friends! ~ Oscar Wilde

05-30-2002, 07:12 PM	#14 (permalink)
<zephoriaandmisscellophane> Guest Posts: n/a	quin, yes we have, we have talked about a lot of "what if's". i dont think there is any situation that we have not discussed, but thank you very much for your help.
<zephoriaandmisscellophane> Guest Posts: n/a

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06-05-2002, 04:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Quin: <strong> Julie, have to disagree with ya, hon, on something you said in one of your posts...being homosexual/gay is not a choice nor is there any homosexual lifestyle that homosexuals/gays choose to indulge in. I truly don't think gays choose to be gay...why would someone intentionally choose to be something that would, at various times in their life, bring them ridicule, hurt, and harrassment, not to mention being NOT accepted by so many of Americans? Just as I didn't choose to be bi-sexual...it's something that was always probably a part of me, it just had to be brought out and to my attention at one point of my life. And being bi-sexual is, once again, just a teeny part of what makes up me.Quin </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I didn't mean to say that being gay is a choice, I don't particularly believe it is, I think that for some it can be, but in general it is nature. Anyway, I believe what you were referring to in my earlier post was this: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">When using term lifestyle for swinging to me it is in the realm of more of a lifestyle choice (bisexual lifestyle, homosexual lifestyle, swinging lifestyle). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">What I meant by that is the lifestyle that people choose to lead. Some people do live their lives every day as if that is being a swinger is all they are (I know a few, I'm sure most of you do as well). Same goes for those who are gay. They make their whole life revolve around that aspect of who they are. I totally agree with ya tho Quin, each of us (well most of us) have so many more facets to who we are that not one of them should make up our entire life OR Lifestyle.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

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