Problems With Swinger Etiquette

[tinceltoes]

My husband and I love to swing. We have young children under the age of ten. Which means we need to find a sitter. When we plan a tentative date with old and new couples. Some couples tend to put things last on their list.

Also, mind you the couples are well aware that we need at least a weeks notice for finding a sitter and also if they are unable for any reason they can not make the meeting let us know asap so we can get back to re- arranging our schedules again and not have her hanging on what time to come over etc.

Every so often we are coming across couples who still say it is a go ahead and they need to get back to us on a time. We are now stuck hanging.

Hub and I finally get to the point that we will just write a note because their phone # is always on leaving messages So we attempt for one last time on e-mailing a plea telling them that we need to know the time so we can call the sitter. Before she has plans. A few days later, (day before a meeting) some couples decide to write and tell us that After talking it over "That day", At the last minute they decide they do not want to go.

Where do you draw the line on people who are not courteous and have been with them for awhile?

Tinceltoes

[danc694u]

You draw the line by putting a time frame together. Simply state that you can not be last minute, and ALL meetings must be carefully planned.

If they are unable to comply, then they & you need to seek other paths.

We do a lot of last minute stuff here ourselves. But, when we have something planned, it is generally planned well in advance, and all parties are informed.

We tried a last minute get together this weekend. Had to back out, simply because time ran out on us. A 6 o'clock get together kinda falls apart when you can't get away from work until 8:30

[OhioCouple]

I can certainly understand your frustration. Having young children at home makes swinging (or anything else for that matter) complicated unless you have a relative or a good friend that will keep them at a moment's notice.

While we do not have children at home, we do have aging parents that need care. Sometimes we do have to cancel at the last minute and fortunately we have never had anyone not understand as they knew this upfront, but they also are in the same position that we are.

In my honest opinion, be more selective about those you choose to meet and let them know in advance (if you already haven't) that you have children and making arrangements for their care is difficult and needs to be done well in advance. If they burn you once, I agree with Danc69 "They and you need to seek other paths."

After all, if you are disappointed in their lack of courtesy once....it's highly likely you'll be disappointed in them intimately.

My two cents...for what it is worth.

Ms. 'O'

[Roxysbayou]

If it is that much trouble an danguish over trying to meet with a particular couple, then I would move on. It's not worth the hassle. Plus you would go into it already a bit peeved.

[EternallySingle]

I am not married and don't have kids, but I take care of my grandmother and she can't be left alone at night because she can't walk. That means I have to tell her when I'll be going somewhere and how long I plan to be gone so she can have someone come and stay with her for that time.

A lot of people think that because I'm a single male I can just pick up and go when they say they are ready and then start calling me a liar and a cheater when I say I can't come play without at least a 3 days notice or travel more than 100 miles without a weeks notice.

[Misty&Todd]

I understand your frustration, although we have no children and do alot of things on the fly, we do understand otherpeople that do have kids or are on a schedule . We are very willing to work with people, unfortunately some people are just not considerate. Come to think of it I have notices a staggering lack of manners and common courtesy in my day to day dealings with people. What happened?

[alabamafuntonig]

ah children we have 2 get toghethers for any thing can be taxing...some of our solutions include a niebors teenage daughter who we pay a premium for short notice babysitting services...if its planed its x amount of money but she aggreed if its a 1/2 aday or less notice we pay a bonus usually a pizza etc...we worked this out with several girls in the niebor hood ..
we also never use our parents for minor events that are planed becouse they make great last minute babysitters...as far as people canceling we never understand but if it happens we go out any ways its about having fun...

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Simply, we don't have patience for last minute people. We have three kids at home, we both work and we are both in school, so nothing gets done with out planning and coordination.

We try to plan several weeks in advance when ever possible. The week before we are to meet we confirm. The day before we meet we confirm. Every now and again something happens and things get canceled- that's just life.

If a couple cannot confirm a meeting with us a week in advance, we will probably move on to someone who can.

One of the most precious things that we have in life is our time, and as we get older, we have less of it.

There's nothing wrong with the folks that have the time to be impromptu- it's just not us. Maybe in another 10 years

[Michcouple]

We currently don't have any kids. However, we are always aware of those that do. It can be frustration for us to cordinate with other couples with kids. A few weekends ago we had plans with another couple and we had to be canceled at the last minute. This was after they had gone thru the trouble of finding a babysitter. We felt terriable, because of all the trouble they had gone thru. So my solution was to offer them dinner on us the next time we can make plans.

[alabamafuntonig]

sounds like you respected that couple very much dinner on the house with achance for desert who could resist.....

[OhioCouple]

For one couple that we have swung with regularly, in which their home is where we always play since they have a hot tub and we don't , We are always sure to provide the majority of whatever meal we decide on, if we are cooking out and if we are dining out, on occasion we have bought their meal as a courtesy. We look at it such that:

a) we aren't far from home,
b) maintenance on a hot tub isn't cheap and is time consuming
c) the fuel they have to buy to keep the area warm in the winter d) we get to enjoy the benefits of the hot tub
e) we aren't having to pay for a motel room

All in all, I'd say it's a pretty fair deal. They appreciate and go out of their way to make specialty desserts and stock our favorite beverages, which are completely different than their tastes.

[alabamafuntonig]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
For one couple that we have swung with regularly, in which their home is where we always play since they have a hot tub and we don't , We are always sure to provide the majority of whatever meal we decide on, if we are cooking out and if we are dining out, on occasion we have bought their meal as a courtesy. We look at it such that:

a) we aren't far from home,
b) maintenance on a hot tub isn't cheap and is time consuming
c) the fuel they have to buy to keep the area warm in the winter d) we get to enjoy the benefits of the hot tub
e) we aren't having to pay for a motel room

All in all, I'd say it's a pretty fair deal. They appreciate and go out of their way to make specialty desserts and stock our favorite beverages, which are completely different than their tastes.

what a deal (see there are nice people out there) some of the people we have met would not go so far out of there way thats why our cpl experience is far and few between ...i must say when we entertain singals..we do provide for them we figure we will feed um as long as they provide desert lol

[JustAskJulie]

I have found it to be generally true that if a time/date/place is not set from the beginning plans are much more likely to fall thought. Rather than wait for them to decide on a time, make the plans and go regardless. Even if the other couple doesn't show up then having a sitter lined up gives you a night out with your hubby and you can have fun regardless. I'm sure you don't get enough of those anyway

[Roxysbayou]

I agree Julie. Our time is precious, we will make the best of it no matter what.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Yes, excellent advice!