Giving Out Contact info at Parties

[JamesTKirk]

Let me tell you your advice about how to open up and mingle at parties was a complete success. We arrived early Saturday and just started mingling and had a blast. We didn't play but I had to drag my wife out of there when we closed the place down

Here's our problem, though. Two couples and a single gentleman want to get to know us better outside of the club. One couple we really like socially but they are not in our "demographic" if I can put it that way, and the others are not folks we probably want to socialize with outside of the club or play with, but they again were a blast to hang out with at the party. All asked for our contact info at the party and we obliged because we didn't know how to handle the situation otherwise.

I would appreciate advice as to how to manage this. My thought is to be very polite, as I always try to be anyway, but also to be direct about us not being compatible sexually, so as to not mislead or annoy the others involved. Can someone help us?

[Alura]

Originally posted by JamesTKirk
Two couples and a single gentleman want to get to know us better outside of the club. One couple we really like socially but they are not in our "demographic" if I can put it that way, and the others are not folks we probably want to socialize with outside of the club or play with, but they again were a blast to hang out with at the party.

Lori is indeed special, isn't she, JamesTKirk? Yea! Lori! You go, Girl!

But I don't understand the problem here, James. If you really like (socially) one couple and the other couple were a blast to hang out with, and both are interested in y'all, what's the problem? Have fun!

Perhaps you could explain how they are not in your "demographic"?

Mr. Alura

[JamesTKirk]

Hi Mr. Alura,

Thanks for your post. I appreciate your feedback. The idea I was trying to get across, and I may not have been clear enough, was that we believe, with reasonable assurance, that these folks think we're sexually compatible with them, and we feel we're not, so we wanted to know how to make sure we don't give them the wrong impression by being upfront about that. Regarding the "demographic" issue, I meant that the couple was older than we prefer for purposes of swinging, that's all.

And yes, Lori of OhioCouple kicks butt

[Roxysbayou]

Just be upfront and honest. You don't have to sleep with every person that you talk to at a swing club and most know that. Make sure they know your rules and boundaries. Emphasize to them that the only way that you 2 will play, is if you both agree totally. Don't be afraid to say that you just don't think you are compatible.

[OhioCouple]

I must say that I nearly had a the big one, seeing my name and our screen name listed as a title in the posting. I was afraid to even open it up....lol

First off I would like to say that the information that I passed on to you which assisted in meeting people at a club, was a direct result from others on this board that suggested that we do the same some 14 months ago. It just goes to show that the sharing of information helps us all. I am pleased that it worked out for you and am happy that I could pass down some information that was helpful.

Now for your follow up posting...

we believe, with reasonable assurance, that these folks think we're sexually compatible with them, and we feel we're not,

Having learned the hard way, it is in your best interests to let this other couple know that you have no interest to persue a sexual relationship. As hard as it is to do, especially if you are like me and don't want to hurt anyones feelings, find it within yourselves to end the contact. We learned the hard way and trust me the hard way is not the right way.

We have since learned that it is much easier to end any sexual contact very early on, rather than wait until it gets to a point where we feel like we are obligated. We have been pleasantly surprised at the acceptance from other couples by our honesty.

Again, the way to handle a situation similar to yours was recommended by others who had many more years experience than us. And, again they were right. We have yet to be disappointed or felt led astray by any of the members here on this board. Bare in mind that not everyone's situation is similar to yours but you will see a pattern of suggestions that may work for your particular situation.

Lori

[JamesTKirk]

Hi Lori,

I'm thinking about Fred Sanford right now with his hand on his chest yelling "It's the big one. Elizabeth, I'm coming home!"
Sorry, I'm a child of early 70's TV. Didn't mean to raise your blood pressure, Lori.

Thanks again for your perspective, and thanks to everyone else who posted on this thread. You have all reaffirmed what I thought we should do.

A big hug to you all

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by JamesTKirk


I'm thinking about Fred Sanford right now with his hand on his chest yelling "It's the big one. Elizabeth, I'm coming home!"

And poor Lamont trying to make sense of it all! Let's not forget Grady (with little or no teeth) either, or Aunt Esther.....(do you think she was a drag queen?). (Can you tell I am a child of 70's TV also?)

Seriously, keep posting and reading. You won't know until a situation occurs, but you will have had a variety of advice and opinions that will help guide you and perhaps save you from the same mistakes that we have had.....better yet, your advice and explanations might just save someone in the future from falling into the mistakes that we did in the past!

Best wishes!

Lori

[Alura]

I lived in Europe all during the seventies. Who is Fred Sanford?

Mr. Alura

[JamesTKirk]

Mr. Alura,

This should help.

http://timvp.com/sanford.html

[babydragon]

A easy way would be to wait for these people to make contact and to say to them something like, " we really enjoyed meeting you, and look forward to seeing you again at the club, but as it stands we'd prefer to keep it to just a social friendship.
Goodluck with your search.

Honesty and politeness is a must, you never know that couple might know a couple who would be perfect for you, then again you might know a couple for them.

I always reply nicely to any emails I recieve and have made so many friends, I kinda feel like a dating agency some times

[kycpl4bifem]

You also never know when it might be your bosses brother or an IRS auditor! Polite is not only best but safest!

[Alura]

Thanks for the link, Kirk. I never saw that show but remember Redd Foxx from the sixties when he made risque "party records." He was a real revolutionary at the time; sorta like George Carlin. I'm sure he was funny, but I've never been a fan of situation comedies.

Mr. Alura

[JamesTKirk]

Kycpl4bifem and Babydragon,

Thanks for your perspectives. Babydragon, that's a great approach you suggest. I'll remember that one!

Mr. Alura,

Thanks for the info on Redd Foxx's 60's career. I wasn't aware of that. BTW, I'm not a fan of 80's or 90's sitcoms either. But some of the best primetime television ever consisted of some of the sitcoms from the 70's, such as All In The Family, Bob Newhart, and Mary Tyler Moore - comedy that was actually clever and didn't rely on profanity or juvenile humor for laughs. Check these out on video or DVD sometime if you missed them while you were in Europe.

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura tells me she was a fan of Mary Tyler Moore in particular and agrees with you on the other two and seventies sitcoms in general. We seldom watch prime time TV now. We used to watch The Practice until they changed it from Sunday evening to Monday. Now it just doesn't fit into our schedule. I'll check out Blockbusters. Thanks for the tip.

Mr. Alura

[ciscosv]

I believe in being honest. You should not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. I can attest that there are couples ready to hop in the sack upon a first meeting at a club. Our motto is 'freinds first". Our feelings may or may not change later down the road, hence the door is not fully closed.

The freinds first specifcally states what you are about. We, like you, go to dances for the purposes of meeting and socializing with like minded couples. (Not to meet and head back to the room for the night)

Glad to hear you two have been having a better time.