Sexual history

[CanadianCouple]

One issue we had to deal with concerning a couple we were intimate with at one time, was the subject of swinging "fidelity". Specifically, they wanted to know if we were involved with anyone else at the time, and even if we were in contact with other couples.

Personally we felt this was intrusive and over the line. After all, this is about sex, and sex only, even if a friendship is forged along the way.

Just wondering how others felt. Do you feel there is any obligation to divulge to your swing partners your past or present involvment with others?

Dan

[lycioos]

My thinking is that they were more interested in std's rather than fidelty. As we all know the lesser the number of partners the lower the risk. Also, to lower their risk, they may have been looking for a more "exclusive" relashionship with you. Were they new at this? Thats just my thought.

I agree that they had the right to ask you that question. We ask that of our swing partners. It's just a part of our pre-swing discussion. We ask because of STD's, and that's the only reason.

CyberHusband

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by lycioos:
Were they new at this?

No, as a matter of fact they were quite experienced, certainly more so than us. To the point that they'd even solo as well as swing together. We were really puzzled by their rather possessive attitude, at least that's the way we perceived it. Plus, they also made a point of telling us (many times during our several months long relationship) that they're never involved with more than one couple at a time. Fine for them, but they insinuated strongly they expected the same in return, and that's what we had a problem with. Not a major one, but one nonetheless.

Dan

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
I agree that they had the right to ask you that question. We ask that of our swing partners. It's just a part of our pre-swing discussion. We ask because of STD's, and that's the only reason.

CyberHusband

I would agree with your theory, however if that is indeed their reasoning, perhaps it wouldn't hurt for them to explain why they're asking. If one can request that protection be used against STD's, asking for one's history for the same reason isn't out of line either, in our opinion.

By the way, we met with a new couple this afternoon, and this one's quite promising. Like us they're not "ken and barbie", but came across as genuine and down to earth people. They left us an ICQ message afterwards, telling us they felt very comfortable talking with us (something most important to them), and want to meet us again soon. We feel the same, and let them know.

Dan

Glad to hear your having good luck with your new couple.

If it bothers you that they are putting this idea across to you, then simply bring it up. Tell them that if this is what they are telling you, then your'e sorry, but you don't agree.

Frankly, if I were you, I'd simply say that I think your being pushy about it and if it's a problem, then too bad. I can understand that it may have been awhile, but is it worth putting that kind of stress in your own marriage? If it's not going to work, then it's not going to work.

CyberHusband

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 08-19-2001).]

[JustAskJulie]

It could have been for either reason.. but my guess is that if you felt it was because they wanted to know if you guys were going to be exclusive with them.. then you were probably right. Especially if they made a point to let you know that they were into exclusive relationships and wanted you to be it. Basically, if they ask, my opinion would be to, tell them the truth.. that that's not what you are into.

As for asking because of STD risk.. I suppose anyone has that right.. but unless you are getting tested after every swing partner, it really makes no difference if you are involved with more than one person now or if you were a month ago. But if that was their reason they should have stated that.. and based on your other comments I would tend to agree it was because they wanted you exclusively.. not because of STD risk.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Flori_DAMAN]

I agree that they were most likely looking for a couple to have an exclusive sexual relationship with. That sounds more polyamorous (polyagamous? poly something anyhow) than swinging to me.
On the pre swing meetings we look for reasons NOT to swing with people. That practice reduces the chances of bad experiences due to miscommunication down the road.
As soon as they said they swing exclusively with one couple you should have piped in that "we may not be a good connection then", and taken it from there......John

Personally, we wouldn't ask another couple to be in an "exclusive" relationship with us. That's what your spouse or partner is for.

I think, if a couple is asking this of another couple, it would be due to STD's, keeping the percentages down as far as possible. My question is, even in exclusive swing relationships, do they still and always use protection?

Are there any couples that are in exclusive swing relationships? Any input or suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thanks! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif


CyberWife

[JustAskJulie]

Polyamorous is the right word there.. the Love of many..

However, there are many swingers who prefer to only swing with one other couple, rather than spreading it around and that could be for many reasons.

As for whether or not they use protection wiht that couple.. I guess that would probably differ from swingers to swingers. I can see how that would be an incentive for some to stick to one couple at a time if that was one of their "things". I think for some it may just be a desire to have a good solid
friendship built up as well and they may not have time to develop that with many people at once, so by sticking to one couple at a time they can feel more comfortable in general.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
Personally, we wouldn't ask another couple to be in an "exclusive" relationship with us. That's what your spouse or partner is for.

That's along the same lines as we felt. This is recreational sex, and anyone expecting some sort of pledge to remain "true" to them is taking things too far. We each have a spouse, and neither of them were it.

I think, if a couple is asking this of another couple, it would be due to STD's, keeping the percentages down as far as possible. My question is, even in exclusive swing relationships, do they still and always use protection?

They said they did, and even related a couple of funny condom-related stories involving past swing partners. But then there was one occasion when an off-hand remark by the other woman made me wonder. Who knows, all we can do is trust we're being told the truth.

Dan

I remember when we first started into the lifestyle, we thought if we could find just ONE couple that we can build a friendship with first, then have a sexual relationship with this ONE couple, then that's all we'll need, is that ONE couple! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

We figured, that'll cut down on the percentages of STD's, etc., yada yada yada...

Yeah right! It doesn't happen that way, at least not for us. That was us then though, "Newbies". http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif *LOL*


CyberWife

[Alura]

We've always been involved with only one couple at a time but it has nothing to do with "Polyamory" and little to do with STDs. It is not easy to find a couple you can develop a playful relationship with and we've never been able to find more than one at a time. Three couples would be cool, with little more risk of STDs than just two, if, of course, a couple chooses wisely.

[CanadianCouple]

Well, right now we've got two serious prospects, one locally and another in a neighboring city, about an hour away.

I have to admit, I've always been intrigued by the idea of having two couples on the go at once. Every man's fantasy of being a stud-muffin. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Dan

[JustAskJulie]

This topic kinda fits in with some of the other things we've been discussing recently.