Group Etiquette - What's kosher?

[undercovercpl]

Ok guys we have a question.. Any advice would be appreciated..

We have been full swap swinging for a year and have only been in couple/couple situations not a group. We were recently invited out by a couple who we have played with before. In there invite they mentioned another couple and a single guy were going to be there. Everyone is going to stay at one couples house and the other two couples there have played together before. We aren't sure how a group setting usually works especially with a single individual in the mix. We know it will be a comfortable situation and everyone will get a long we just don't know how the playing aspect of a group usually works. Do we go into the situation knowing that if everyone gets along then everyone plays...or is it rude for Hubby to play with a wife but me not play with her hubby etc... We would appreciate any insight and advice you guys might have to us group newbies

[JustAskJulie]

It's really going to depend a lot on the people involved. I would think if everything is expected to be group play then it would be pretty much whoever wants to play with whoever does... the key is making sure no one ends up getting left out.

[des1re06]

I guess it depends on the group. Since this is a small group, it would be a good idea to discuss with the hosts beforehand. When we have or go to house parties, he and I separate and do our own thing. So, we're not worried about who's with which spouse, but it's usually a larger group. I would say that you would all end up in a pile at some point.

I really wouldn't keep a tally. It's much more fun that way.

Mrs. D

[TNT]

Agree with the others. It really does depend on the group.

We've been to house parties where it was kind of expected that everyone would be playing with everyone else...these are usually parties where we've all played with each other before anyway so it really wasn't a concern.

We've also been to larger parties where whatever goes, goes and like des1re06 said, Ted and I will just mingle separately without keeping tabs as to who we are or are not playing with...it's fun at the end of the night when we get back home and ask each other "So, what did you do tonight"?

You could also ask the host couple what you should expect from the night, that way there wouldn't be any misunderstandings.


Teresa

[undercovercpl]

Originally Posted by TNT

You could also ask the host couple what you should expect from the night, that way there wouldn't be any misunderstandings.


Teresa

Wow, you know for being such a simple suggestion it really is the best. We were thinking we didn't want to seem like we wanted to exclude anyone if we asked but thinking of it that way make it just seem polite.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by undercovercpl

Wow, you know for being such a simple suggestion it really is the best. We were thinking we didn't want to seem like we wanted to exclude anyone if we asked but thinking of it that way make it just seem polite.

Ummm, not so fast. While this is good advice and I highly recommend you do call and ask them I would bet there is a 99.9% chance they will say the company line of, "there are no expectations and there is no pressure for anyone to play." that is the standard mantra of party hosts and for all purposes it is said in sincerity.

The problem is that does not actually address the concerns you have posed here. In order to give you a nuts and bolts answer on your questions one would really need a crystal ball.

As some general guidelines though,

#1 never go into any situation thinking everyone is going to play. You will always come away disappointed and it will also make you more anxious than you already are. Just because it is a house party and just because people have played before does NOT mean that people are going to play on this night at this place and at this time. There are just too many variables.

#2. just because there is going to be a group does not mean that people are going to play together as a group. Many people have this image of house parties as a big pile of bodies on the livingroom floor and while that does occasionaly occur more often than not people just discreetly slip into a bedroom by 2s and 3s and 4s. Even if some people do start messing around in a public area there will be others sitting around talking or fixing drinks or eating munchies as if nothing is happening while others may be watching or playing with some one else at a different area in the room. We were at one house party once and 4 ladies were playing on the kitchen floor while a group of men stood at the kitchen counter fixing drinks and having a conversation about something totally unrelated to sex and appeared completely oblivious to what was happening 3 feet away.


#3. depending on the size and comfort of the group it is not uncommon for house parties to be pretty free-flowing and without as much structure as other venues. You posed the question of is it alright if your hubby plays with a wife but you not play with her husband. the answer to that is it depends on you, your hubby the other wife and the other husband. Many times house parties do lend themselves to people finding their own interests and comforts without the rigid "either we both play or noone plays." Sometimes even couples who typically only play together will play separately at a comfortable house party. The thing to do is if there is any question whatsoever is to just ask. I think as just responsible etiquette if someone wants to play with someone alone they need to get permission from all interested parties first. Ask politely and respectfully and be prepared for a no.


#4. As far as the single male, if he is worth his weight in beetle dung he will be sociable and friendly and will avail himself to whoever he is willing to play with but will not pressure anyone to play with him. I am going to keep my fingers crossed and assume the hosts know him and trust he is legitimate and if he is, If someone wants to take him into a room they can but he most likely will not be overtly hitting on anyone. As long as he knows his role and plays by the rules his presence should not have any negative impact.

Hope this helps

[sweet_tna]

Excellent points, iapr! Sure wish we'd read your post before the last house party we attended!

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Vjklander]

Let the group know you are new to more than two couples. Ask them for their understanding and to go easy on you. They should be kewl with you.
Have fun.

[ncmd_couple]

iapr's response was excellent. I have never been in this situation myself, but I would imagine that it is like being in a public room at a club. If we were playing together, which does happen, in a public room and someone/couple watching wanted to join in, I would expect them to ask if they could first. Just as we would ask before we did more than just watch. I would ask even if the rules of the party was that anything was ok to do just out of common curtousy.

[des1re06]

So, what did you do tonight

Isn't that fun! Oh, I love those post-party talks. Revs up the engines all over again for weeks after.

Mrs. D