After 1st Meeting Etiquette Question

[destin-ez]

Hi all,

Been a long time....I hope this is the right forum to post this on

I have a question for all of you, we were contacted on our Swing Lifestyle ad by a single male. No problem, our ad states we are open to playing with single males. We e-mailed back and forth for about a month, everything was positive and even humorous so, we decided to meet him person and exchanged cell phone numbers.

The meeting went well, he was on time, good looking, lifestyle experienced and, a bit quiet. The wife was attracted to him, even though he's close to her lower age limit of 30. We don't play during or just after 1st time meets, so we headed home.

That was last Sunday, today is Friday and no e-mails. I suggested to the wife that since he's a single male he should contact us 1st. We haven't received an e-mail or follow phone call.

Am I wrong, should we have taken the 1st step and e-mailed or called him, or should it have been the other way around?

Thanks for you time, have a great weekend everybody.

[Mr. HW Sharona]

My opinion - If she liked him, send One e-mail to him letting him know you had a good time and would like to get together again.

He might be checking his e-mail and phone messages and thinking the same thing you guys are. WTF?

Like you said, he has lifestyle experience. Maybe he has learned to wait to hear from the couple after a meet.

Personally, for us, if Sharona likes a guy she has no problem contacting him, and I have no problem with her doing it. She won't chase him down, but she'll contact him at least once to see what happens after that.

You might be missing out on a great time, send an e-mail and find out!

[VegasLee]

I am going to agree with Mr. HW Sharona on this one. The way many couples in the lifestyle beat up on single men I would suspect that he is waiting to see if he is one of your chosen few.

If you want to play with him, contact him and let him know. I am sure he will let you know if he is not interested at that point.

We mostly play with single men and Laura is more then happy to let the ones know that she wants to party with.

Have fun!

[SouthBond]

Why the rule about not playing the first meeting? With all the emailing, you should have had a pretty good idea of what you were getting. If he is experienced, you probably moved a little slow for him. If he is as described, he shouldn't have any problems finding couples ready for action. You just need to find someone that operates at your pace.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by SouthBond

Why the rule about not playing the first meeting?

Why not a rule? There's a fair amount of us out there that prefer a no-pressure/no obligation meeting, and then each party can decide after that meeting if it's a go or not. YMMV, obviously.

Originally Posted by destin-ez

That was last Sunday, today is Friday and no e-mails. I suggested to the wife that since he's a single male he should contact us 1st. We haven't received an e-mail or follow phone call.

Am I wrong, should we have taken the 1st step and e-mailed or called him, or should it have been the other way around?

We have seen it both ways as to who e-mails first, whether it's a couple or a single man. Generally for us, there an email from someone within a day or two. Perhaps the single man doesn't want to appear pushy? Or he wasn't interested? Who knows? If you are interested, or even if you aren't, an email from the two of you might well be appreciated, especially if he is under an impression that the next move should come from the two of you.

Rebecca

[beachzen]

In total agreement with VegasLee on this one, I suspect he's not wanting to appear pushy, or has had a bad experience when emailing first. As a single guy who has found himself in this situation a few times, I usually like to wait for the couple to indicate that they're interested before emailing after date. On occasion I will email first, if there is an obvious attraction and chemistry. But I know that the couple is going to want to talk about next steps, and like to give them time to make the decision together.

He's a nice guy, there's attraction, he's experienced...and hey, he showed up, which means he's not a flake or fake! You should email him.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Most singles that we have encountered wait to see if the couple is interested in him first. They don't want to come across as pushy. Sometimes we'll get an email from the SM saying he enjoyed the meeting and to let him know if we are interested. We always just take the responsibility to let them know with an email with in a day of the meeting whether or not we want to move forward or not. I suggest emailing him and let him know that you are interested if he still is and then go with it from there.

As for the no play on the first meet...that is usually how we handle meetings. Like rpu3 said, it is no pressure and everyone can just get acquainted and then decide after the meeting if they want to go further.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Edison Carter]

Yes, you need to email him first. The etiquette with the good single guys is not to be pushy at all. You had a nice get together and it's actually a good sign that he's not panting away with email after email. Odds are you have a gentlemen and a fun sex partner in the making. Good luck .

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Mr. HW Sharona

Like you said, he has lifestyle experience. Maybe he has learned to wait to hear from the couple after a meet.

Originally Posted by VegasLee

The way many couples in the lifestyle beat up on single men I would suspect that he is waiting to see if he is one of your chosen few.

Dito In our experience, the single guy is waiting for the couple to contact him - it's up to you to invite him and let him know you're interested.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

As for the no play on the first meet...that is usually how we handle meetings. Like rpu3 said, it is no pressure and everyone can just get acquainted and then decide after the meeting if they want to go further.

WHAT???!?



I just thought I was never very cute the first time out...

I had no idea this was a rule. Geez, hon, I apologize for the post meeting crying fits I go into. Totally uncalled for...

Spoomonkey

[ShellyM]

I have never heard that he is obligated to contacting you first. As a matter of fact, I would think it was the other way around. He is asking to play with you, so if I were the single I would wait for the couple to respond I think.
If y'all like him email him!!!
Shelly

[destin-ez]

Hi All!

Thanks for taking time to resond.....and they're all very good. It does make sense he doesn't want to come off as pushy, never thought of that way and not too many of us like pushy playmates.

She's going to e-mail him and see what happens.

As far as the not playing the 1st time we meet singles or couples, we're like the Spoo's....it's typically been our experience that we have to have our discussions in private afterwards to make sure we're both on the same page. Given how busy everybody seems to be these days, thay might change, who knows?

Thanks again for all of the great feedback!!

The Destin-ez

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by destin-ez

She's going to e-mail him and see what happens.

Please let us know how it turns out! It's always nice to hear the outcome. Good luck!

[curiousagain]

He is probably not wanting to appear pushy. He's probably been checking his email and waiting.

[bethncole]

This is not high school. Who cares? If you wanna fuck - call or email him. However, it is probably the most frustrating thing about the lifestyle - there are 100 fold single men than couples and a lot of them are horny and agressive. However, when it comes to actual actions - it's almost impossible to have a good experience. Half of them flake out, and another half is so abnoxious and clueless - then you end up cancelling on them. We had very few good experiences with single men over many years.