For the Ladies, PUSHY or FLIRTING

[28volts]

PUSHY or FLIRTING...this is my issue I love to flirt and use touch,massaging or caressing as a sign of my approval
I have seen in some of the threads and ads that people do not want pushy males.Please help me realize the difference between both or what is your interpretation of either.I would not like to push any women away that I feel I have a connection to.
This is just my way of showing affection Any suggestions would be helpful. :surrender

Mr S

[good times]

In my opinion, pushy is when someone is trying to get us to do something we don't want to do, or someone who is doing things uninvited. It is kind of funny though, I have never had anyone we found desirable to be pushy, on the other hand, we have met a lot of people who we felt were pushy that we didn't find desirable. I think it is kind of like what someone once told me about sexual harassment in the work place. If the woman finds the guy making the sexual innuendo attractive it is flirting, if she doesn't find him attractive it is sexual harassment.

My advice is, if the person you are flirting with seems receptive then it is all good, if not then move along. How to determine whether someone is receptive or not I can't really tell you. An interesting thing I have found out about myself since we started swinging is that I am naturally good at sensing someones mood toward me. Maybe that is what separates the people who are considered pushy from those that aren't, the ones that aren't can tell when their advances are being well received or not.

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by 28volts

PUSHY or FLIRTING...this is my issue I love to flirt and use touch,massaging or caressing as a sign of my approval

This is just my way of showing affection Any suggestions would be helpful. :surrender

Mr S

Read the lady/couples body language. If she moves off, or either of the couple seems to disapprove, move back some. I would get a little "verbal" flirty feel before I just rushed up and started to touch someone I liked the look of. I certently(sp?) wouldn't mind a little heavier flirting, and it is a turn on for my husband to see me flirt/nibble/massage/do a little close dancing Where in GA are u by the way?

The Mrs.

[ohash01]

The word "massaging" made me flinch...and I'm not sure why...except that perhaps next to "flirting" it was such a sudden change. Flirting is goofy and fun. Massaging is intimate and sensual. Massaging may be a bit much for flirting...but that depends on who you're flirting with. Like caresses on the arm or back when flirting are more than acceptable, but once again, I don't know what kind of caressing you're talking about. If I'm talking with a guy who I'm considering, but haven't TOTALLY made up my mind, and he caressed my ass, I'd probably kick him.

Pushy to me is not taking "no" for an answer. Or always bugging me. Example: I see you at the club, dance with you one night, the next time you and I are there you're all over me cause I saw you once before. Or not taking hints. If I'm not looking you in the eyes and listening intently, and you just keep talking and touching, chances are you're being pushy.

I think I sound cranky tonight...and I'm not meaning to...but I hope you can see what I mean.

[iapr]

I've struggled with this as well although in fearing that I would come off as pushy or grabby I usually do nothing and have let potential opportunities slip away as it was interpreted as lack of interest on my part. I would rather error on the side of not being too assertive as that may at least give me a second chance someday where as if you come off as pushy you have shot yourself in the foot and your chances with that person are over.

I think the fundamental difference between flirty and pushy is how the other person's level of attraction and interest to you is. If they are attracted to you and interested in you to begin with they may view your actions as flirty and of showing interest. Where as if they are not attracted to and interested in you to begin with your actions will be labeled, grabby, pushy, aggresive, mashing, pawing, pressuring etc etc. Your best bet is to establish some type of rapport to begin with and see if there is any interest on their part before you start to flirt.

[sexyshelby]

I agree with what Good Times said. If I like the person, it probably wouldn't be too pushy, but if I don't like him then it would probably be too pushy very quickly.

You just have to gauge how she is receptive to your flirting. Start off lightly with some verbal flirting, then a little touching and she how it goes.

And like Ohash said, massaging, depending how you mean it, does seem like way more than flirting to me. I would hope you are only doing this after quite some time and with some sort of invitation or permission.

~SS

[Randies']

I (Mrs. Randies') suggest a little slower than you sound like you want to go. We (women) don't usually like to talk to a man and just jump into it. We need to be comfortable before we keep going. Just because you are comfortable and ready doesn't mean that she is.

Be ready to stop if she gives even the slightest sign of no. If she gives signs of no and you keep going and massaging then you have just crossed into pushy.
good luck.

[gatorvol64]

I'm all for flirting and I'm a "touchy, feely" person myself. Because I know that about myself, and that not everyone is the same way, I try to be careful about this. Besides, there are people I've met that I don't want to touch and certainly don't want touching me. If I were you, I'd err on the side of caution until you knew for sure it was welcome.

Now, I have to agree with others who have posted on the massage thing. A little touching or a light carress is one thing but, massage is a whole different game. I have to say that when I read that I shuddered (literally). Some things you have to think about and decide if you would or wouldn't like to happen. This is not one of them. If I had just met you and you tried a massage, you probably wouldn't appreciate my reaction at all. I can't tell you if it would be physical or verbal because it may depend on where we were but, I can guarantee it woudn't be pleasant. Nor would you ever be able to get close enough to me to try that again.

Vol

[28volts]

Originally Posted by curiouscouple4f

Read the lady/couples body language. If she moves off, or either of the couple seems to disapprove, move back some. I would get a little "verbal" flirty feel before I just rushed up and started to touch someone I liked the look of. I certently(sp?) wouldn't mind a little heavier flirting, and it is a turn on for my husband to see me flirt/nibble/massage/do a little close dancing Where in GA are u by the way?

The Mrs.

I think some people don't give enough to go on or they just don't tell you,you get to the end of the night,you say goodbye and then you wonder if you might have been to pushy. Live close to Macon.

Mr S

[28volts]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

I agree with what Good Times said. If I like the person, it probably wouldn't be too pushy, but if I don't like him then it would probably be too pushy very quickly.

You just have to gauge how she is receptive to your flirting. Start off lightly with some verbal flirting, then a little touching and she how it goes.

And like Ohash said, massaging, depending how you mean it, does seem like way more than flirting to me. I would hope you are only doing this after quite some time and with some sort of invitation or permission.

~SS

Yes sexy,I do go in progression..and the massaging does happen only if they allow,which answers my question on that one.I usually start with verbal then it increases to caressing,it's just like I said about some people not giving any signals,the nightends and you are left to wonder.

Mr S

[DGrey]

I'll give you an example. Both males in question are 1/2 of a couple we've played with before.

Pushy: Greeting me with a kiss where he tries to force his tongue down my throat
Flirty: Kissing me lightly on the lips while gently brushing his hand somewhere along my body

Pushy: Coming up to me at various points in the evening trying to kiss me as outlined above or blatantly grabbing something
Flirty: Walking by and gently kissing my ear

Pushy: Rubbing up against me while I'm bent over for a shot during a pool game
Flirty: Making eye contact with me and blowing me a kiss forcing me to lose said pool shot

E

[38and9]

Mr 28 volts,

At the first meeting.....do NOT assume that I want to fvck you just because we are there and in the lifestyle. I already assume (just as you do) that the prospect of fvcking is open. I will invite "your affection" because I want it, or like it. When I do....please knock yourself out showing "affection", but please respect that if I do not want an ear-full of your spit in my ear, and you continue...I might not like you. If you do....then I will consider THAT pushy.

My advice.....take some time to ask/learn what your prospective partner likes and wants. Do not assume that James Bond did everything right in all of those damned movies! Do NOT assume that I like giving you head, if you do me in an obligatory fashion.

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by 28volts

I think some people don't give enough to go on or they just don't tell you,you get to the end of the night,you say goodbye and then you wonder if you might have been to pushy. Live close to Macon.

Mr S

Believe me, my husband and I are very honest and I love to flirt alot....If i think you're being too pushy I say so, if not, you'll like the response We live in Savannah...

The Mrs.

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by DGrey

I'll give you an example. Both males in question are 1/2 of a couple we've played with before.

Pushy: Greeting me with a kiss where he tries to force his tongue down my throat
Flirty: Kissing me lightly on the lips while gently brushing his hand somewhere along my body

Pushy: Coming up to me at various points in the evening trying to kiss me as outlined above or blatantly grabbing something
Flirty: Walking by and gently kissing my ear

Pushy: Rubbing up against me while I'm bent over for a shot during a pool game
Flirty: Making eye contact with me and blowing me a kiss forcing me to lose said pool shot

E

Dito

Especially like the ear idea.....

The Mrs.

[28volts]

Originally Posted by curiouscouple4f

Dito

Especially like the ear idea.....

The Mrs.

I'll make sure when we head that way I'll blow you a

Mr S