the "scouting report"

spiffyandredhot · 10-11-2002, 06:10 PM

talking with a couple in our area, we got to the subject of other couples near us. now, the person i was talking to mentioned a few names that i recognized, and i also got the impression that there were some horror stories to be told about them (none of them sexual in nature).

should i ask this person about these other couples, and the horror stories that go with them? or should we find out for ourselves, and maybe end up with the same horror story?

is it wrong to ask about other couples?

Mycouple01 · 10-11-2002, 10:32 PM

We had this happen to us. We met with couple "A" and it was a disaster. Then, another couple told us they were meeting with them. We didn't say anything bad about the encounter, and when couple "B" got back, they told us they had a great time. So, just because one couple doesn't click, doesn't mean the same thing will happen with others. We have also heard two different stories about the one other couple. So it is hard to believe anything unless you find out for yourself.

SwingerSet · 10-12-2002, 12:28 AM

Yes it is wrong to discuss other couples. Discrestion is so very important in swinging, just ask yourself if you would want others talking about you.

so our best advice is to don't ask don't tell. Now if you want to tell someone what you did, with no names, thats just fine.

IndyDuet · 10-12-2002, 12:28 AM

I'm a firm believer of reserving judgement until I get an opportunity to get to know someone for myself, even if I've been told specifics. What you are getting is one side of things and obviously not everyone is going to hit it off with everyone else, and what one couple may be turned off by, may be a total turn on to another. If the information is offered, then listen, but take it with a grain of salt. Good luck!

the wife

L&K · 10-14-2002, 07:08 PM

Not so fast here , lets be more specific . You dont like a couple , dont bad mouth them for insignificant reasons , that i agree with . <img border="0" alt="[kiss]" title="" src="graemlins/kiss1.gif" />

On the other hand if you run into a couple that have a hidden video cam in there play room , be the rat my friend . This couple needs to be know about . There are reasons to make them well know i feel

Just dont make accusations that your not sure of , dont repeat somthing that you only heard about . Let those that know the facts do the talking but take warning for your selfs . Use good judgment and play to the safe side , unless it is somthing that is just totally wrong such as a hidden camera , over look it and move on .

M

TeamSoBe · 10-14-2002, 09:57 PM

Okay, the hidden camera in the bedroom is a kind of obvious one. Here's a hazier issue though: what if you end up getting a lot of drama from a couple, the whole thing goes horribly and you just have a terrible time. You get the impression that they aren't cracked up to be swingers because they cause so many problems.

If somebody asks you, do you mention that? Or do you just chalk it up to incompatibility and keep mum?

youngswingers · 10-15-2002, 12:18 AM

We've actually been warned and have warned other couples about people who were rude, unready to swing, or where one member of the couple is into it and the other ones is obviously not(one of the worse situations in our opinion). We don't get to swing all that often (about once a month) so avoiding bad situations is very important to us. We have a pretty good group of friends who we trust and listen to when it comes to other couples. So far they have yet to let us down!

SwingerSet · 10-15-2002, 12:21 AM

"If somebody asks you, do you mention that? Or do you just chalk it up to incompatibility and keep mum? "

I am going to stick to my guns on this even though others have made some good points. We never recomend talking about others, in detail no names, descriptions ect... do unto others comes to mind. <img border="0" alt="[fun]" title="" src="graemlins/fun.gif" />

spiffyandredhot · 10-15-2002, 12:15 PM

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by youngswingers:
We've actually been warned and have warned other couples about people who were rude, unready to swing, or where one member of the couple is into it and the other ones is obviously not(one of the worse situations in our opinion). We don't get to swing all that often (about once a month) so avoiding bad situations is very important to us. We have a pretty good group of friends who we trust and listen to when it comes to other couples. So far they have yet to let us down!<hr /></blockquote>that's pretty much what i was thinking too. what was mentioned all pertained to the initial meeting (didn't look like the pictures, etc..). nothing about actual encounters, and no names were offered in conjunction with the info that was given.

and i didn't ask.

SpacemanSpiff

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-19-2002, 12:30 PM

This was posted in another topic <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=000656" target="_blank">here</a> ....

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Alura:
There used to be a swinger-oriented book store here in town. They had a "swingers board." We answered a few ads and got some replys. While having dinner with one couple, they asked if we'd gotten any other got replys. We told them one other couple had agreed to meet for dinner two nights hense.

"Was it John & Jane?" they asked.

"Well, in fact, yes," was our surprised reply.

"They'll be there but they will not approach you and won't talk." It seems these folks were well known to the swingers community for just this reason. We were given a good physical description of the two.

On the night of the meeting we sat and waited. A couple who could not likely have been anyone else, entered, sat across the room. argued quietly for several minutes and left, just as our other friends had said they would.

Is it immoral to share this type of information?

Alura<hr /></blockquote>For those who say that you shouldn't share information on people, what is your take on this?

Personally, I think that in cases like this where you know that someone is going to be dissapointing you probably should warn others. The same in cases where you know a couple isn't ready to be swinging or that one partner is trying to push the other partner in.

We have a case of that here. A couple that my hubby has known for years, the hubby is trying to push the wife into swinging. She has told us that she has no interest in this lifestyle. Yet he is regularly online looking for playmates. In at least one case we've been talking to another couple and found that they had been conversing with this guy. We let them know what the situation was there.

IndyDuet · 10-19-2002, 02:57 PM

I concur, Julie. I think whether or not it's a good thing, depends on the intentions of the teller. Is it to warn and keep on from being disappointed or in a bad situation...or is it gossip and meant maliciously against the couple they are talking about...also is it information attained first hand, or simply spreading rumors?

I do think it is still best to reserve judgement, depending on what the info is, but be wary and keep in mind the info that is imparted to you.

Angie

bulb15 · 10-20-2002, 02:25 PM

Hi all...since i am in your area too,spiffy....do tell! Wife and i had a situation where we met a guy online and thru him, also met a girlfriend. we met the guy and he kinda didnt sit well with us, so no play time. talk to the girlfriend sometime later and come to find out many bad things about this person.things that could have got us in trouble with the law. lucky for us that we followed rule #1....follow your gut...we knew on some level that he was bad news...on the other hand i wish the girlfriend would have warned us about his history. not even with specifics, maybe just a "i would avoid him if i were you" could have saved us. in the mean time this person knew who we were and where we worked, could have been very ugly for sure. so....i would vote for telling on other people if they are not being honest or ethical, but not if they are just hard to get along with....

dave_susie2001 · 10-22-2002, 09:05 AM

We regularly attend off premises dances. There are several other couples that are regulars as well. Over the course of time, and as everyone gets to know each other, it comes to pass that you have the opportunity to play. Sometimes the play isn’t all that great...for what ever reason. Some examples would be:

Just didn’t do it for me.

Choice of condoms. (Long story)

The other couple being into things that we aren’t. (Spanking until the ass cheeks are red)

Even with the experiences that we have had above, we are still friends with these couples…we just don’t have any desire to play with them again. But people who are regulars at the dances will notice if you’ve been “hanging out” with a couple or not. You can usually tell when a couple is going to hook up.

While I still dance and flirt with the women, and Susie does with the men, it’s intuitively obvious to the most casual observer that we’re not acting the same with them as we did before we played.

Now, remember that at one time or another, I think everyone in our little group of regulars at this particular club have played with each other. No one told us about the spanking, or any other issue with anyone. When someone asks us about what we know about these couples, we just simply tell them the truth without going into detail. That they are nice folks and friends of ours. Only if we’re specifically asked do we tell them that we're just not sexually compatible. And we leave it at that. Just because we’re not into a particular thing, doesn’t mean that the couple asking us isn’t as well.

Now as far as disclosing other types of information I think that would have to be a moral judgment at the time. It would depend on what it was, if I knew for a fact that it was true (I don’t believe in spreading rumors), and what the consequences would be to the people asking if I DIDN’T tell them. Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

[ October 22, 2002, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: dave_susie2001 ]

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-22-2002, 02:30 PM

Good point Dave. There are a lot of reasons why couples just may not be compatible with each other and it's not up to them to go telling the whole world why that is (the whole world being all their swinger friends). Just because you weren't compatible with them doesn't mean that someone else won't be.

There's a big difference between simple incompatibility and say a situation where a couple just shouldn't be swinging....

darling · 10-23-2002, 02:12 PM

My husband and I can usually tell within a few minutes that we are or aren't compatible with another couple. Does that mean that we don't want to strike up a friendship with someone we don't find compatible? Certainly not.

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10-11-2002, 06:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
spiffyandredhot Active Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 42 Location: US of A	the "scouting report" talking with a couple in our area, we got to the subject of other couples near us. now, the person i was talking to mentioned a few names that i recognized, and i also got the impression that there were some horror stories to be told about them (none of them sexual in nature). should i ask this person about these other couples, and the horror stories that go with them? or should we find out for ourselves, and maybe end up with the same horror story? is it wrong to ask about other couples?

10-11-2002, 10:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mycouple01 Registered Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 5 Location: Ft. Worth,Texas 76118 Status: Couple	We had this happen to us. We met with couple "A" and it was a disaster. Then, another couple told us they were meeting with them. We didn't say anything bad about the encounter, and when couple "B" got back, they told us they had a great time. So, just because one couple doesn't click, doesn't mean the same thing will happen with others. We have also heard two different stories about the one other couple. So it is hard to believe anything unless you find out for yourself.
	__________________ mycouple01

10-14-2002, 09:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
TeamSoBe Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 507 Location: South Beach, Florida Status: M. Half of Couple	Okay, the hidden camera in the bedroom is a kind of obvious one. Here's a hazier issue though: what if you end up getting a lot of drama from a couple, the whole thing goes horribly and you just have a terrible time. You get the impression that they aren't cracked up to be swingers because they cause so many problems. If somebody asks you, do you mention that? Or do you just chalk it up to incompatibility and keep mum?
	__________________ i love everybody. you're next.

10-15-2002, 12:15 PM	#9 (permalink)
spiffyandredhot Active Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 42 Location: US of A	</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by youngswingers: <strong>We've actually been warned and have warned other couples about people who were rude, unready to swing, or where one member of the couple is into it and the other ones is obviously not(one of the worse situations in our opinion). We don't get to swing all that often (about once a month) so avoiding bad situations is very important to us. We have a pretty good group of friends who we trust and listen to when it comes to other couples. So far they have yet to let us down!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">that's pretty much what i was thinking too. what was mentioned all pertained to the initial meeting (didn't look like the pictures, etc..). nothing about actual encounters, and no names were offered in conjunction with the info that was given. and i didn't ask. SpacemanSpiff

10-12-2002, 12:28 AM	#3 (permalink)
SwingerSet Active Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 72 Location: Northern MN Status: Sexy Couple	Yes it is wrong to discuss other couples. Discrestion is so very important in swinging, just ask yourself if you would want others talking about you. so our best advice is to don't ask don't tell. Now if you want to tell someone what you did, with no names, thats just fine.

10-12-2002, 12:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
IndyDuet Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 12 Location: Indiana Status: Couple	I'm a firm believer of reserving judgement until I get an opportunity to get to know someone for myself, even if I've been told specifics. What you are getting is one side of things and obviously not everyone is going to hit it off with everyone else, and what one couple may be turned off by, may be a total turn on to another. If the information is offered, then listen, but take it with a grain of salt. Good luck! the wife

10-14-2002, 07:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
L&K Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 197 Location: michigan Status: couple	Not so fast here , lets be more specific . You dont like a couple , dont bad mouth them for insignificant reasons , that i agree with . <img border="0" alt="[kiss]" title="" src="graemlins/kiss1.gif" /> On the other hand if you run into a couple that have a hidden video cam in there play room , be the rat my friend . This couple needs to be know about . There are reasons to make them well know i feel Just dont make accusations that your not sure of , dont repeat somthing that you only heard about . Let those that know the facts do the talking but take warning for your selfs . Use good judgment and play to the safe side , unless it is somthing that is just totally wrong such as a hidden camera , over look it and move on . M

10-15-2002, 12:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	We've actually been warned and have warned other couples about people who were rude, unready to swing, or where one member of the couple is into it and the other ones is obviously not(one of the worse situations in our opinion). We don't get to swing all that often (about once a month) so avoiding bad situations is very important to us. We have a pretty good group of friends who we trust and listen to when it comes to other couples. So far they have yet to let us down!

10-15-2002, 12:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
SwingerSet Active Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 72 Location: Northern MN Status: Sexy Couple	"If somebody asks you, do you mention that? Or do you just chalk it up to incompatibility and keep mum? " I am going to stick to my guns on this even though others have made some good points. We never recomend talking about others, in detail no names, descriptions ect... do unto others comes to mind. <img border="0" alt="[fun]" title="" src="graemlins/fun.gif" />

10-19-2002, 12:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	This was posted in another topic <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=000656" target="_blank">here</a> .... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Alura: <strong>There used to be a swinger-oriented book store here in town. They had a "swingers board." We answered a few ads and got some replys. While having dinner with one couple, they asked if we'd gotten any other got replys. We told them one other couple had agreed to meet for dinner two nights hense. "Was it John & Jane?" they asked. "Well, in fact, yes," was our surprised reply. "They'll be there but they will not approach you and won't talk." It seems these folks were well known to the swingers community for just this reason. We were given a good physical description of the two. On the night of the meeting we sat and waited. A couple who could not likely have been anyone else, entered, sat across the room. argued quietly for several minutes and left, just as our other friends had said they would. Is it immoral to share this type of information? Alura</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">For those who say that you shouldn't share information on people, what is your take on this? Personally, I think that in cases like this where you know that someone is going to be dissapointing you probably should warn others. The same in cases where you know a couple isn't ready to be swinging or that one partner is trying to push the other partner in. We have a case of that here. A couple that my hubby has known for years, the hubby is trying to push the wife into swinging. She has told us that she has no interest in this lifestyle. Yet he is regularly online looking for playmates. In at least one case we've been talking to another couple and found that they had been conversing with this guy. We let them know what the situation was there.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

10-19-2002, 02:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
IndyDuet Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 12 Location: Indiana Status: Couple	I concur, Julie. I think whether or not it's a good thing, depends on the intentions of the teller. Is it to warn and keep on from being disappointed or in a bad situation...or is it gossip and meant maliciously against the couple they are talking about...also is it information attained first hand, or simply spreading rumors? I do think it is still best to reserve judgement, depending on what the info is, but be wary and keep in mind the info that is imparted to you. Angie

10-20-2002, 02:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
bulb15 Registered Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 4 Location: detroit Status: couple	Hi all...since i am in your area too,spiffy....do tell! Wife and i had a situation where we met a guy online and thru him, also met a girlfriend. we met the guy and he kinda didnt sit well with us, so no play time. talk to the girlfriend sometime later and come to find out many bad things about this person.things that could have got us in trouble with the law. lucky for us that we followed rule #1....follow your gut...we knew on some level that he was bad news...on the other hand i wish the girlfriend would have warned us about his history. not even with specifics, maybe just a "i would avoid him if i were you" could have saved us. in the mean time this person knew who we were and where we worked, could have been very ugly for sure. so....i would vote for telling on other people if they are not being honest or ethical, but not if they are just hard to get along with....

10-22-2002, 09:05 AM	#13 (permalink)
dave_susie2001 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 284 Location: Michigan Status: Married Couple	We regularly attend off premises dances. There are several other couples that are regulars as well. Over the course of time, and as everyone gets to know each other, it comes to pass that you have the opportunity to play. Sometimes the play isn’t all that great...for what ever reason. Some examples would be: Just didn’t do it for me. Choice of condoms. (Long story) The other couple being into things that we aren’t. (Spanking until the ass cheeks are red) Even with the experiences that we have had above, we are still friends with these couples…we just don’t have any desire to play with them again. But people who are regulars at the dances will notice if you’ve been “hanging out” with a couple or not. You can usually tell when a couple is going to hook up. While I still dance and flirt with the women, and Susie does with the men, it’s intuitively obvious to the most casual observer that we’re not acting the same with them as we did before we played. Now, remember that at one time or another, I think everyone in our little group of regulars at this particular club have played with each other. No one told us about the spanking, or any other issue with anyone. When someone asks us about what we know about these couples, we just simply tell them the truth without going into detail. That they are nice folks and friends of ours. Only if we’re specifically asked do we tell them that we're just not sexually compatible. And we leave it at that. Just because we’re not into a particular thing, doesn’t mean that the couple asking us isn’t as well. Now as far as disclosing other types of information I think that would have to be a moral judgment at the time. It would depend on what it was, if I knew for a fact that it was true (I don’t believe in spreading rumors), and what the consequences would be to the people asking if I DIDN’T tell them. Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong. <small>[ October 22, 2002, 09:06 AM: Message edited by: dave_susie2001 ]</small>

10-22-2002, 02:30 PM	#14 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Good point Dave. There are a lot of reasons why couples just may not be compatible with each other and it's not up to them to go telling the whole world why that is (the whole world being all their swinger friends). Just because you weren't compatible with them doesn't mean that someone else won't be. There's a big difference between simple incompatibility and say a situation where a couple just shouldn't be swinging....
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

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10-23-2002, 02:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
darling Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 180 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	My husband and I can usually tell within a few minutes that we are or aren't compatible with another couple. Does that mean that we don't want to strike up a friendship with someone we don't find compatible? Certainly not.

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