Are they blowing us off?

[Beaverbumper]

We met a ouuple and really seemed to hit it off while standing outside the resturant. We all kissed each other (twice) and later my wife said he felt up her butt which I though was a plus. But since then they have made what possably may be valid excuses but none the less they say they are interested but keep putting us off for differant reasons. The question is have we been blown off without them say so?? Yes we are newbees..

[WesternSwing]

You could have been, or they may have been just busy. You'll just have to ask them "Did we hit it off well enough that you would like to get together again?" Then you'll have your answer.

For most, swinging is something we do when we have time. It's not OUR LIFE, it's PART OF OUR LIFE. When we were newbies it took up much more of our life than it does now, though. It was exciting and new. And that was good at the time.

So in short, ask them. If they say they didn't think there was enough chemistry, than take it for that. There are many couples we have gone out with that there just wasn't the chemistry needed to go further. We are still good aquaintenances and we hang out and talk at parties and such, just sex will never happen with them.

Mr. WS

[Beaverbumper]

Then from what you are requesting us to ask them in a way has been done. We emailed them and asked if they were still interested and they replied yes but with another activity they had to attend. This made four reasons for not meeting with but as you said they may be just busy ...We will keep an open mind. Thanks for your response..Diane & Allen

[clutch]

Personally, I think everything's cool. Our society does move at a freakishly maddening pace. Everyone is slathering super-busy on top of just busy.

When we first started out swinging, I'd always get nervous and paranoid about what was happening (or not happening). My wife, being a cooler head, would tell me just relax and things will work out.

And, as usual, she was right.

Just try to project yourself 5 years from now, and how you'll look back on your first couples interactions and smile to yourself about what you thought it was and wasn't, and how things turned out to be.

[Beaverbumper]

Seems your wife and mine have something in common as she also is the one that is cool headed and telling me to relax and be patient. However, that seems to be easier said than done lol. Thanks for your response.

[Alura]

Do they have kids?

I remember a time when we had made a play date only to have our older son say, "Mom & Dad, y'all need to be getting ready."

"For what?" I asked.

"My concert," he replied. "I need to be there in half-an-hour. Did I forget to tell you?"

Our kids have always come first, so we made a phone call. Fortunately, our friends understood and we were able to make it up to them the following week.

I'd be patient. You never can guess what may be going on in their lives.

By the way, we once found that playdates with a certain couple worked better in the late morning or early afternoon. Since we both had our own businesses and didn't need to punch a clock, it worked out fine. The kids were in school, giving us the whole house to ourselves.

Mr. Alura

[Beaverbumper]

Well they do have grown adult kids and one of the problems is that they also have front door keys.. We will just be patient and let them come to us if in fact they really are interested in playing with us. Its strange but when one pushes the reaction is to push back.

[BradAndJanet]

Beaverbumper, while you're doing that (which is a good plan), there's no reason why you can't continue to move on at the same time and find some other couples to play with. Lots of fish in the sea.

-B

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Beaverbumper

We met a ouuple and really seemed to hit it off while standing outside the resturant. We all kissed each other (twice) and later my wife said he felt up her butt which I though was a plus. But since then they have made what possably may be valid excuses but none the less they say they are interested but keep putting us off for differant reasons. The question is have we been blown off without them say so?? Yes we are newbees..

Rule number one. Don't pull a Shelly and freak out! LOL
They are probably busy. I know we were going to meet a couple this evening, and wonderful Aunt Flo showed up at their house. And thats cool! Not for her, but generally speaking lol. Don't send any nasty emails or anything like that, because then if they are busy you can forget ever playing with them. Perhaps send them a polite email saying hello, do you want to meet for dinner or drinks sometime soon? Then if they just don't respond you will know that maybe they aren't into you or whatever. DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY!!!!!!! I have to be honest. I'm really picky. I can't help it, and hate to admit it, but I am. But I do email everyone, even when I tell them we aren't interested...and I'm never rude. But yeah, I would drop them a friendly line to say hello.

[LFM2]

Some people just seriously have busy lives. Unfortunately, Mr. LFM and I have turned down the same couple about seven times now because of either his or my schedule. A couple of those weekends we actually had off, we visited our adult daughter at her college and our anniversary was the other weekend.

We've played with them before, had a fantastic time, yet because he only has one job and she doesn't work and both my husband and I have a couple jobs apiece, it just makes getting together a bit more difficult. I know... we sound like we're trying to blow them off, and we're not -- We only hope that when we explained that we weren't blowing them off, they believed us.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by Beaverbumper

We met a ouuple and really seemed to hit it off while standing outside the resturant. We all kissed each other (twice) and later my wife said he felt up her butt which I though was a plus. But since then they have made what possably may be valid excuses but none the less they say they are interested but keep putting us off for differant reasons. The question is have we been blown off without them say so?? Yes we are newbees..

In the vanilla dating world, "conveneint excuses" are the preferred methods for ditching an admirer - this is often considered more polite than saying "no". This protocol is less prevalent among swingers - but after several rejected invitations you should probably read between the lines and move on. If you want to retain hope, just tell them you are putting the ball in their court...

[JP51]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

In the vanilla dating world, "conveneint excuses" are the preferred methods for ditching an admirer - this is often considered more polite than saying "no". This protocol is less prevalent among swingers - but after several rejected invitations you should probably read between the lines and move on. If you want to retain hope, just tell them you are putting the ball in their court...

Dito

Time to move on and see if they really want to meet up.

[rpu3]

The one thing I have learned about participating in swinging is that scheduling is a real bitch and it often takes a while to get together. You are dealing with 3 or 4 different people's schedules. We don't even have kids, but we do have travel, have outside obligations, family, etc. Point being, you or they can be sincerely interested, but be booked up for weeks due to life's obligations.

The trick is, like others have said, is being patient, not freaking out, and not taking it personally, and not assuming that they are not interested unless you have evidence to the contrary. Life does come at everyone fast, and even when you schedule something, it can be cancelled at the last minute.

Hope it works out in the end for you, and good luck in your exploration of patience! :-)

[northindycpl]

I agree. Scheduling around work, family, etc... can be a real bitch. If I were you I would send them a polite note saying that you really enjoy spending time with them, you would like to get together with them again in the future, but you understand that they have a lot going on right now. Ask them to CONTACT YOU when they would like to get together.

And leave it at that. There are many, many couples out there for you to get to know, too. Move on and meet someone else. When they are ready the will contact you and then you and your wife can decide if you would like to persue their invite.