Manners and etiquette

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Hi everyone,
We're very new. We went to dinner and a night club with a group from our local swing club and had a great time! Great people and flirty fun.
However, being a guy brought up with stuffy traditional values I'm worried that I might not understand proper manners and etiquette in the swinging world. I don't want to offend potential playmates. What's the best reading material to help improve my swinging manners?
Thanks!
Jeff

[biblonde]

The best advice I can give is act like a gentleman. Dont be rude and I dont think you will have any problem. Flirting is great but dont sit and stare...same as in the vanilla dating world. After all this is a type of "dating" and most exspect the same thing from people. Believe me, I also watch how a man or woman treats their SO...it gives an idea of how we will be treated.

Respect goes a long way! best of luck.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

I just read through the "Traits that you hate" thread. That seems to be a great "how-NOT-to" guide. I'd strongly recommend that one to anyone asking the same questions I am.
Jeff

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by biblonde

Believe me, I also watch how a man or woman treats their SO...it gives an idea of how we will be treated.

I have to Dito this statement. Mr. LFM is VERY hard to impress. Seriously... The couple we played with this weekend impressed him so much, we knew within 5 seconds this was a couple that was worth consideration. The other husband, we could both tell, was sooooooo protective and loved his wife so much and he showed that in the way he looked at her, talked to her and touched her.

biblonde is right. We were treated with the utmost respect by both of them. It was a wonderful experience.

[ShellyM]

I dont think there are any rules other than good manners that you should use with all people. For instance. Yesterday I was talking with a gentleman we had emailed from Swing Lifestyle. At first he seemed very nice and respectful. However, not 5 minutes into our conversation he proceeds to ask me where I like men to cum on me. In my mind I was thinking "what the F*** did he just ask me?" I politely dismissed it, and we ended our conversation. I will not be talking with him anytime soon.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

However, not 5 minutes into our conversation he proceeds to ask me where I like men to cum on me.

YIKES!
Rest assured all that you'll never hear such a thing from us unless you ask us to talk dirty. WOW!
I almost feel like an idiot now. The big manners question that caused me to start this thread was this. (You people are gonna laugh at me!) We went to a night club with some people from the local swing club. My wife is nursing a sprained knee right now so she gave up on dancing pretty quickly.
There were 2 other couples sharing the table with us. One ladies husband didn't dance much. (Dear God you folks are gonna have a laugh at me!) I wanted to ask one of the beautiful women around me to dance but wasn't sure of the protocol. Where I grew up and when I last dated asking another guys date to dance was about the same as saying to the guy "Hey, lets go out back and cave each others skulls in!"
Laurie has already had her giggles at me on this one. It would seem she was right. (As if there was any surprise in that.) I thought there might be some unspoken understanding of how that was supposed to be done. I also didn't want to leave Laurie feeling neglected.
OK now that I've given you something to giggle about and brighten your day I'll slink away quietly. Surrender

P.S. If you WERE one of the ladies at the table, that is why I was so quiet and watchful. I was trying to figure out the rules. Sorry.

[MoonLightKiss]

I have never been to a club for swinging, but I have been to many parties and bars where people danced with people other than their SO...In each instance when I was asked it happened one of two ways.

Either the guy asked me to dance, completely ignoring my husband who was sitting right there with his hand on me in some way like holding my hand or his arm over my shoulders. In which case I found to be rude. Not because he asked me to dance but because its obvious my husband was there and to just ignore him like he isn't sitting there offended me. In this case I politely said no thank you.

OR, the guy approached both of us introduced himself to both of us and asked me to dance. Then looked at hubby and said, if it is okay with you. Nice respectful men make it much farther than those who think my husband is an accesory I wear with me like my boots and jacket. He is my husband. I do not NEED permission to dance with others, but it makes me feel better about dancing with someone if they at least acknowledge he is sitting there. But thats just me. At a club for swingers things might be different but thats how we do it in the vanilla clubs.

[JustAskJulie]

The best advice I can give you in a situation like that... watch those around you and see how they are acting. If you see others doing it and no one is taking offense at it, it's probably ok.

OR, the guy approached both of us introduced himself to both of us and asked me to dance. Then looked at hubby and said, if it is okay with you.

I really like it when before a guy asks me to dance he asks my man first (not to dance but if he minds if someone asks me to dance). I like this mainly because I'd hate to see someone come ask me to dance and whisk me onto the dance floor just as my man was about to take me out there himself. Basically, he's always going to be my first choice and I never want him to feel otherwise.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Thanks for the advice.

[Amanda69]

Do what you would do swinging or not. Manners and respect go a long way to impressing people. I usually take my cue from others around for actual behavior with a particular group or the way people talk to one another.

[Pepper & Drew]

Don't wait until a woman's partner leaves her side to go up and talk to her. It will make the hubby think that you are just trying to move in on her while he's out of the picture.

Never pay more attention to a playmate than you do your wife. After all, you've got to live with your spouse....and the couch is really uncomfortable.

Don't kiss and tell. A swinger with a big mouth is never attractive. You never know who may be listening and what damage you can inflict by running your mouth. I cringe when I hear, 'oh, you know so-and-so? They're really into drama'. Uh huh, and so are you because you don't know when to be quiet.

It's ok to be assertive. Men who don't flirt with me, I think they're not interested. Touch me, complement me.

Don't do anything sexual before asking the limits of the other couple or person.

Those are just some that I can think of. As for reading material.....well, you've found it. Read the boards for a week or two, you'll have all the reading material you'll need.

Pepper

[2inVT]

The dancing issue is interesting. We've been learning to swing dance, and the etiquette there is that you don't dance more than two or three times a night with the same person. It's expected that you dance with many people; kind of like the pre-60s social dancing.

It's interesting that it's been all turned around and evolved into a culture where it's almost risque to dance with people you aren't married to or partnered with.

I've heard from several people that they wouldn't feel comfortable swing dancing with someone besides their husband or wife. It's all in a vanilla context, of course.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Hi Everybody,
It would seem that I did better on Saturday than I thought. Laurie and I have our first dinner date with another couple from the local swing club. Thanks so much for all your advice. I'll try to apply what you've taught me. Wish us luck!
Jeff

[JustAskJulie]

Good Luck!

[crazy4u]

where can i find this thread, "Traits that you hate"?

Thanks