Masturbating at a swing club/party?

[Auden_76]

Hi all,

I am a male exhibitionist, who loves to be watched while I masturbate. So if I am at a swing club/party, and there is nothing better to do, is it acceptable for me simply to begin masturbating? Perhaps even invite people to watch me masturbate? I imagine positioning myself somewhere conspicuous, but not too conspicuous, so that people would not feel like they were spying on me, but could also ignore me if they preferred. Can I do this, or would it just be too wierd?

Thanks,
Auden_76

[Spoomonkey]

We had a guy do something like this once...

Our club had just installed a "room with a view" - a window that allowed you to look into one room while a couple/group was playing. It was quite the curiosity the first time a threesome got the courage up to us it.

Couples and singles crowded the floor - milling about like people in an art gallery, walking to the window to watch for a minute and them strolling off to talk allowing another couple to walk up and look in.

This single guy grabbed a towel, threw it over his crotch and walked up to the window when it was free and had himself a little party right there...

It sort of ruined the atmosphere for everyone and turned a lot of people off on the idea of using the room - since he put off an especially creepy vibe.

This was our experience and not every club or party would feel this way, but it certainly isn't something that go over well here.

Spoomonkey

[bear_and_babe]

The club I go to also frowns on this. The guys who are known for doing this are given a wide path and no one talks to them let alone plays with them. It is a little creepy to see a guy masturbating in the open. This is a swing club that is ment for people get together, not a "peep booth" for guys to get off on their own. Sorry, but this is just my opinion.

[tribbles]

It's simple......

ASK before you go in to a club if it is ok.

If it is, the club will also tell you to ASK others in the group room if it is ok as well.

See the Club Listings here for which ones are near you.

S

[apex]

When my wife and I go to a swing club and don't find a couple or a single male to hook up with we enjoy having guys/gals watch. We also enjoy having the guys masturbate. The only problem is guys who try to get involved with the wife without asking. Generally guys will ask if they can touch but a few have needed to be reminded!

The one thing we haven't done which would be exciting is an open room mfm with guys masturbating around us. The other guys we've picked so far for mfm's haven't been up for it .

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Auden_76

So if I am at a swing club/party, and there is nothing better to do, is it acceptable for me simply to begin masturbating?

No. Unless, of course, the "party" you're referrring to is being held especially to honor lonely, clueless, social misfits who don't have anything better to do than jack-off, in which case, it's OK.

Originally Posted by Auden_76

I imagine positioning myself somewhere conspicuous, but not too conspicuous, so that people would not feel like they were spying on me, but could also ignore me if they preferred.

Kind of like dog shit on the lawn, you mean? I take it that you feel you'll only be bothering the people who know you're there and what you're doing?

Sorry..but as in the example above, just knowing you're there will bother them, and they'll ask the host to "scoop you up" if possible. If you want to jack-off, stay home and do it. Or invite all your buddies over to watch you (I'll bet that makes you a popular guy! Be sure to stock up on lots of chips...and Kleenex!).

Better yet, buy a web cam and you can broadcast it to the world! Just don't waste their time, and kill their buzz, by doing it. People don't pay $40 to attend swing clubs so that they can watch some lonely guy beat his meat.

[Auden_76]

Hi again all,

Well, I think I detect a consensus forming here--albeit mostly negative--and I want to thank you all for your honest feedback. That is precisely why I asked.

I must say, though, that I am a bit surprised at the tenor of disgust I detect in some of the replies. After all, in the eyes of many mainstream people swinging itself is a creepy and degenerate practice. So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

But I did ask. So again, thank you for your frank and honest feedback. I guess I'll just continue to keep my self-pleasure to myself.

Peace,
Auden

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Auden_76

I must say, though, that I am a bit surprised at the tenor of disgust I detect in some of the replies. After all, in the eyes of many mainstream people swinging itself is a creepy and degenerate practice. So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

Well, I guess it was better that you get answers here rather than get thrown out of -- or at the very least get ridiculed -- at a club.

As those of us here know, swingers are people, too. So, just like the vanilla world you'll get a range of opinions. There are other sexually-oriented activities -- aside from intercourse and oral sex -- between or among consenting adults for which you will find a wide range of views, some accepting, some not. C'est la vie.

Single men are already suspect in SchwingWorld. A lone man masturbating in the corner, or the hot tub, or wherever at the club, indicates to the other club-goers that their stereotype of the single male fits. He can't find anyone to have sex with him, so he beats-off, just like at home watching porn. A double standard? Sure! If a single woman at a club (if she can find a moment alone) starts masturbating in even a remote area, she will be at the very least watched by many people if not downright assaulted by any SM, SF, or couple who is remotely interested. (I exaggerate a tad here, but you know what I mean. I hope.)

Yes, I'm a single male. I've seen single males labeled as "creepy" (but not degenerate) at clubs and swinger campouts, house parties, and other venues. If your thing is masturbating in front of others, then you'll have to do a little more work, because a lot of swingers think it is weird. You'll have to meet some SFs or couples who like what you are into. You can tell from this thread that people who accept your kink exist and enjoy it. So, use that, but apparently you're going to have to expend some energy to find out who likes it and who doesn't.

Good luck,
Thrax

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by Auden_76

I must say, though, that I am a bit surprised at the tenor of disgust I detect in some of the replies. After all, in the eyes of many mainstream people swinging itself is a creepy and degenerate practice. So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

I think you'll find that this is because the majority of swingers' thrills are social in nature, not solitary, self-oriented thrills. Primarily, people who swing do so to participate with others. What you suggest gratifies only yourself. Even the one, more positive response you did get indicates that particular couple enjoys it in the context of part of a broader social interaction.

I'm not even gonna get into the idea of consent, which your suggestion also bypasses. That should be obvious with a bit of thought.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Auden_76

I must say, though, that I am a bit surprised at the tenor of disgust I detect in some of the replies. After all, in the eyes of many mainstream people swinging itself is a creepy and degenerate practice. So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

I think what you are not understanding is that what you propose is not swinging it is exhibitionism which are two different things. If you asked a group of exhibitionist/voyeurs this same question you would probably get a completely different response. I have no problem being tolerant or accepting what you want to do, I just don't want you to do it around me, because I am not into that. If this is what blows your dress up or turns you on then find others that are into that and go for it. I don't think you will find many of those people at a swingers club though.

[intuition897]

Hi Auden, Welcome to the board!

I am sorry that you've received such a negative response to your question. I'm sure that you "have a life", and I'm equally sure that it's not pathetic. You've responded to some rather stern negativity with grace and intelligence, and I respect that.

As part of a couple, I would have to say that watching a guy jacking off at a club is not at the top of my Turn-On list. This is because it IS a solitary behaviour, as Paphian suggested. It's going to make more work for you, if you really want to be accepted in a swinger's club/group expressing this kink. For me, I think, the turn-off is that I don't know you, and it does reinforce the already-there suspiciousness that we have of single men. I apologize for that, but the fact is that we've heard too many horror stories about callous, self-centred, presumptuous single men who aggressively push themselves into situations where they are not wanted. It gives me the impression of a dog humping your leg at a cocktail party. Please bear in mind I am not implying this of you, but this is my general impression of it. It strikes me as a very self-centred activity - for men OR women - who choose to stand somewhere conspicuous and masturbate. And because it is not done privately, it can't really be ignored. In a way, you ARE sexually interacting with others, whether they like it or not.

Now, as part of a 3some, would I mind watching a guy masturbate? No, not if we were very comfortable with him, and understood ahead of time that this was just a particular kink he has. In swinging, our (Mr. intuition's and my) philosophy is that everyone is on equal ground, and deserves equal respect and recognition. I don't consider anyone's sexual needs less important than mine. I just don't want to get the impression that MY sexual needs are going to be ignored.

If a club is the only thing that cranks your tractor, you're going to have to A) find a club that is single-guy friendly, B) is likely a little more "hard core", and/or C) get to be well-known as a decent guy around the club by the regulars and by the staff. If you aren't just a "wanker" walking in off the street, trying to find something else to jerk off to, because regular porn just doesn't do it for you anymore, be prepared to work for the respect you deserve. It is unfortunate, but in swinging circles, this is part of the etiquette.

The other suggestions are good, too. Webcamming is a good alternative, as is finding a small group (even a couple of other people) to participate. These may work for you. Good luck!

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Thrax

I've seen single males labeled as "creepy" (but not degenerate) at clubs and swinger campouts, house parties, and other venues.

Just to clarify my earlier comment about the "creepy vibe" the single put off - not every single male we have ever encountered was "creepy". In fact, most of them were not - even if we were not interested in them as playmates.

"Creepy" is something, though, that some singles seem to have mastered - but there are some married men who have mastered it as well...

Originally Posted by Auden_76

So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

What I have noticed is that quite often when people ask for an opinion on their interest - and the feedback is less than positive - they pretend to be stunned under the guise that swingers "of all people" should be pretty much tolerant of everything. Swingers are certainly open to the idea of consentual non-monogamy, but nothing within our choice of lifestyle dictates a tolerance for any and every other sexual kink.

Personally, I don't ever remember pleading for "tolerance and acceptance". I enjoy what I do - have found others who share that interest - and discuss those interests here. In the same way - that is all that we have suggested to you. Seek people interested in that. They are there and there is nothing wrong with what you do when it is agreeable to the people it affects.

Just know your audience before you start your show

Spoomonkey

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Auden_76

I am a bit surprised at the tenor of disgust I detect in some of the replies. After all, in the eyes of many mainstream people swinging itself is a creepy and degenerate practice. So I guess I simply did not expect swingers themselves--who often plead for tolerance and acceptance--to react quite so negatively to a kink they do not happen to share.

OK, I'm sorry if I came down on you a little bit there. You're right, most swingers would like to see a little more "tolerance" and "acceptance" for swinging. BUT...

...what you're doing ISN'T swinging!

It's not even sex, in my book. In fact, it's an avoidance of sex, or of consequence for your failure to find somebody to have sex with.

It's one thing to "polish your bishop" when having real sex simply isn't an option. A soldier stationed at a remote outpost, or at 4 A.M. after the bars have closed and the single-female stragglers have left the Waffle House, for example.

But at a swing club? Allow me give you a little hint here...most people go to swing clubs so they won't have to play with themselves.

I'm not even sure that self-pleasure in a swing-club enviornment is, as you put it, "exhibitionism." If anything, it probably comes more under the classification of "humiliation" or "self-debasement."

If you want to jam with this band, you have to play something besides "air guitar..."

[Auden_76]

Once again, hi all,

Well, I must say, this has been very helpful indeed. I posted this question in the newbies' forum because I am very new to the scene...and I admit, my assumptions about swinging were a bit naive, certainly simplistic.

I think my mistake was to assume a more or less "if it feels good, do it" environment at a swing party. And I still think this is mostly true. But you are all very right to point out that each group has the right to draw the lines as to what is acceptable and what is not. Upon reflection, it occurs to me that there are certainly things that I myself would not find acceptible, even in the context of swinging--non-consensual sex, for example, or non-safe safe, or of course anything involving children. So I have to respect the fact that my particular kink is viewed as out of bounds by others.

And if my first reaction seemed a bit defensive...well, it was. So I apologize for that. I think being compared by someone to dogshit on a lawn stung a bit. I should have taken a few more breaths before responding. But my surprise really was genuine--again, naivete on my part.

Well, those are the main things I wanted to say. For those who are interested, however, I would also like to share a little bit about my kink--if only in the interest of mutual understanding. If you are not interested, then by all means stop reading. After all, the last thing I want to do is impose my thing on anyone else--as if I were one of those pathetic exhibitionists or something! [Wink, wink.]

I believe my kink arises from a deep need for acceptance. My ex-wife and I used to masturbate for each other. I used to love to watch her pleasure herself--it may be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen--and of course I loved it when she watched me with similar appreciation. I don't think I have ever felt more completely and unconditionally accepted. After all, it goes without saying that masturbating is a very personal act, an act in which we are completely exposed and therefore supremely vulnerable. To share this deeply personal part of ourselves with another appreciative human being, then, is an absolutely delicious form of intimacy--at least for me. Why do I want to share this kind of intimacy with the people I meet at swing clubs? I don't know. Like I said, I think it has to do with acceptance. We all want to go where "everybody knows your name." I guess I imagine a place where everybody knows more than your name--they know everything about you, and they still embrace and accept you. I know that this is hopelessly utopian, but this is what masturbating for a group symbolizes for me.

So, your objections notwithstanding, I do believe that my kink is fundamentally social. In fact, if I have made myself at all understood, I hope you will see why it is not something that I can do just as well alone. Of course I can masturbate alone, but then it really is just about me.

And I believe that it is also about sharing. In fact, I think that is what prevented me from simply indulging myself at a party without first asking the question. If what I am offering is not welcome and does not also give others pleasure, then there is no appeal in it for me. So I am absolutely sincere when I thank you for sharing your perspective with me. I really DO NOT want to impose my thing on other people. As some of you have suggested, I just need to keep looking for the right group. In the meantime, by your frankness and honesty, you have spared me a lot of potential pain. So really, thanks.

Finally, thanks for reading this far. I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out. I cannot speak for all those other creepy guys masturbating at swing parties, of course, but I do feel better at least having spoken for myself.

So you all stay kinky, okay? It's beautiful, and I for one am glad you are out there.

Peace,
Auden

[tribbles]

Well said, Auden_76. Hopefully you gave a few people a new insight.

Try some of the clubs....I would start with the Yahoo groups but remember that a club is different each time cuz different people with different limits and kinks are there.

BTW, for the rest of you......did you notice California has 39 clubs on this sites links?

And I know of a few that aren't on the links...which means we have LOTS of possibilities for this guy to find what he likes.....and he is good at explaining himself and even gracefully took the not so polite replies.

I have a feeling he will find what he wants if he is patient.

S