who's responsible for guiding play after it's initiated?

[esjay]

hi everyone this is my 1st post, so bear with me please, very nervous. We've found locally a swingers club, all professionally run with rules and etiquette etc. Both of us, (my wife and I), are new at this but are interested in going, initially to view as you are allowed according to their rules. What I want to know is, what happens if I/We are invited to join in. By this I mean, do we just let the "invitie" initiate the moves or do we just do what comes naturally. How far do we take it or is there some form of communication between parties. God I am sounding very naive LOL.

[CA91709]

This post by Mr. CA...
I honestly can't be of much help, since the Mrs. and I are still discussing whether or not to jump into this lifestyle, we have, however, talked about this point. We are presently leaning toward finding some fellow newbies to start with. In reading the posts on this forum (great reads and info by the way) it may be that in going with Newbies, we may be setting ourselves up for some `drama'. We may see some wild emotional expressions/arguements by a couple that isn't really ready. We do feel that fellow newbies would be more likely to go at a slower pace, maybe just Softswing to start. I don't know if its true, but the vets seem (at least to us still in the talking stage) as wanting to move a little faster then we'd want to go at first.

One thing I have picked up from the forums is the importance of communications between couples. Definately talk about what you want and expect. Also LISTEN to other potential couples.

Hope this helps esjay.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by CA91709

One thing I have picked up from the forums is the importance of communications between couples. Definately talk about what you want and expect. Also LISTEN to other potential couples.

Mr. CA has offered good advice.

esjay ~ Your questions are great. There are exactly what MrLM and I were wondering before we attended our first club.

First, remember YOU are in control. I think it can be natural to go into a club thinking you have to go with the crowd or you'll be outcasts, or will offend someone, or will look like nerdy newbies.

Think of the club as any social environment - only you'll see more flesh, hands gliding over bodies, lots of kissing, and once you get to the play areas you'll see much more.

Move around and introduce yourselves. Talk to people. Observe. If you want to accept someone's invitation to play, do so, but know what's being expected of you. If you want to ask someone to play, you can if you feel ready.

Let us know how things go.

Welcome

LM

[BorisNatasha]

We are in the same shoes. Please let us know how it goes! My biggest problem is being the only one who is different in the group, and I feel like that's going to happen and I will feel so uncomfortable.

Natasha

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

My biggest problem is being the only one who is different in the group, and I feel like that's going to happen and I will feel so uncomfortable.

Natasha

There will be other newbies there just like you and Boris.

LM

[curiousduo30]

I just posted a similar reply today, but I will keep this one much shorter (as I am already typed out, lol) I was SOOOOOOOOo nervous about going to a club the first time, so we went to an off premise party held by a group in our area. I was nervous and did have some "issues" our first go, but we went home and talked about things in depth over the course of a month and then we went again. Everything was a little different the second time around and I, for one, am really glad we chose to try it again. We were not pressured at all to join in the party games they played our first time, although we chose to do so, we believed it helped "break the ice" so to speak, and they did...lol But as far as playing with another couple or single our first time out, we were not prepared to do that and everyone there seemed to understand and respect that as a thanks but no thanks kind of deal. No one was pushy or judged us and we were propositioned once or twice, but upon simply conversing with those people we politely told them that we felt we were too new with this yet and jokingly asked one couple for a "raincheck". All worked out in the end for us and we were NOT the only newbies there. Although, it did seem to feel that way at times, it just wasn't true and we befriended the other newbies, both times we went, as well. Then we could all safely hang out in the "Just curious about the whole swingin' thing group".lol I think your experience will always be different from others and you will just have to find out for yourselves. Just make sure you both communicate with each other before, during and after you go to see where your personal comfort levels lie.
Ok. So much for a short post....sorry!

[txduo2000]

Ok, I am going to come across as sounding like a raging alcoholic, but I do best in nervous situations when I have a couple drinks and let my inhibitions fall to the wind. I am NOT an alcoholic by any means, but I AM a very modest and conservative person by nature, and loosening up is the only way that I can relax in nerve-wracking situations. lol

Also getting out there on the dance floor is a good ice-breaker. It seems as though when we have gone to parties or crowded dance clubs (of the swinger variety), things tend to loosen up on the dance floor as well.

Also, rest assured that you won't be the only newbies there. And the first few times you go to a club/party, you will be pretty much getting accustomed to the environment and increasing your comfort levels. Just try to relax, and act as you would in any party/club setting ... let things kind of flow naturally and don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.

[curiousduo30]

Originally Posted by txduo2000

Ok, I am going to come across as sounding like a raging alcoholic, but I do best in nervous situations when I have a couple drinks and let my inhibitions fall to the wind. I am NOT an alcoholic by any means, but I AM a very modest and conservative person by nature, and loosening up is the only way that I can relax in nerve-wracking situations. lol

I would just like to note that I had more than one drink at both events I attended and will admit to it having had some sort of "loosening up" effect on me as well...lol You are not alone txduo!!!!!

[txduo2000]

Thanks, curious!

I try to qualify my "alcohol-laden" responses because SO many people on this board say, "if you have to drink to swing, then swinging isn't for you". LOL So I guess I am a little self-conscious because of that.

I DO have to loosen up to swing ... and I do that best by drinking some. But, guess what ... I have to be totally loosened up to be completely open and uninhibited when it is just me and my husband as well. Believe me, I am a much more rowdy and wild bed partner with a few rum & cokes in me than I am with a couple iced teas!

[curiousduo30]

AMEN, SISTA!!!!!!!!!!!! As soon as I read your post I knew why you had to clarify ( I had just read something about alcohol myself) Just thought I would lend some support, I am the same EXACT way....lol

[FunCoupleCnS]

Originally Posted by txduo2000

I DO have to loosen up to swing ... and I do that best by drinking some. But, guess what ... I have to be totally loosen up to be completely open and uninhibited when it is just me and my husband as well. Believe me, I am a much more rowdy and wild bed partner with a few rum & cokes in me than I am with a couple iced teas!

Mrs. FunCouple's the same way. She gets alot more adventurous after she talks to The Captain (Captain Morgan that is) .

[txduo2000]

And you know what it is?

I have no doubt in my mind that the confines of the social mores and restrictions have caused so many of us to be overly modest and inhibited in our sexuality ... to the point that it can even be embarrassing to really let go when you are with your own spouse! :rollseyes

And EVERYONE knows that we "can't be accountable" for what we do when we are drunk .... LOL So, it's a perfect excuse for letting our hair down and getting wild and crazy and doing and saying those things we would NEVER do when sober!!! Surrender

At least that's MY take on it ... my situation, that is.

[esjay]

Hi everyone, Thanx for all the re-assuring advice, I will inform you all of how it goes when we decide to do it, and we will drink or no drink, lol. It's nice to know there is so many friendly helpful folks out there.