Were they better than me? Should you answer?

[harleycouple24]

ok i know we should be very honest with each other.but lets say on our way home after a play date questions come up like was he/she very good?or were they better than me in bed?should you answer honestly or maybe tell a little white lie if it is needed.i wouldnt want to hurt their feelings or cause insecure thoughts.lets face it,if i told my wife that the other woman was unbelievable and gave better bjs she would not like it even though we are ok with swinging.thanks for any help.harley

[Miss_Piggy]

You're treading in dangerous territory when you start comparing the sex partners you've had. I would never ask Kermit if someone he'd had sex with was better than me. And I wouldn't expect him to ask me such a question either. It seems like a pretty silly thing to bother getting into. I don't need the ego boost if he says I'm better and I don't need the sore feelings if he says I'm not. So why bother?

I know he enjoys me and I know I enjoy him. This is not a game of finding out who's better in the sac. And if I did find someone who did something better than Kermit. Instead of telling Kermit that so and so was so much better than him I would simply try to give him some pointers on some new thing I'd found I enjoy. I expect him to do the same.

[DBL D]

Couldn't have said it better my own self, Miss_Piggy.

Sounds like a nice long talk with your wife about how you feel about each other is a good idea. Good thing Valentines Day is coming up. You'll have your chance.

Male D

[VegasLee]

We keep it simple.

I ask Laura, "Did you have a good time?" and she says either "yep, or I have had better" and we leave it at that.

As long as we each have fun in our play times that is ALL that matters.

[two4youinswva]

We keep it simple too. "Did you have fun?" "I sure did, how about you?" "Yeah, me too!". "We may throw in a comment such as "She/He is pretty good at oral".

Realistically, there is really only a very very remote possibility that someone will be a better lover than your SO. I mean, it takes a LONG time to learn how to push all his/her buttons, so how likely is it someone can come in and outperform you the very first time? I would think not likely at all.

I want Mrs Naughty to have the wildest, hottest, wettest, most erotic time she could possibly have when we swing.

That's the whole point insn't it?

I would be a fool to believe that I am the best at everything. And I am not jealous or insecure when someone does something better than I do. In fact I like it. That is what this is all about. Bringing Mrs Naughty to pleasures she has never experienced before.

If he wasn't as good or better than me, it was a waste of time IMHO.

[biblonde]

We always compair notes..and that also gives us an idea not only for trying something new on each other but what they like and dont like...after all dont we start out like we do with our own spouses? It helps for the next time..or gives us something new to try!! which is fun. We dont have hard feelings is someone is better but usually they dont push all the buttons like we do to each other!! So no worries from either of us!!

just my 2 cents for the day!

[twoplayful2]

I'm with Mr&MrsNaughty. We do talk about it, though not in great detail. But I really want her to have a great time and I love to hear about it. Unfortunately nothings been that great yet. We're still fairly inexperienced so sorta learning what kind of people we like and are comfortable with, etc. I think she sometimes still needs to loosen up a tad. But she knows I'm all for her having a good time and that when I ask her it's not that I'm hoping to hear that I'm better, but hoping to hear she had a great time. There is really no equal comparison and we both know that so we're not worried about it. The freshness of a swinging experience can't really be compared to the comfort, familiarity and love between you and your SO (yea! I finally figured what SO means!).

[EvilMJ]

We look at it like Vegas Lee does......did you have a good time?

We see it as being different...not better. If something comes up that was particulary nice and we might like to see it again we just explain it and try to replicate it....it is not considered a commentary as to how good or bad we are, just "hey that's something new."

If you start comparing it just leads to hurt feelings ...

[harleycouple24]

thanks to all who replied.i have a different outlook on the subject now.i am so glad that i found you guys,alot of good info here thanks,harley

[HotMoCpl]

Here again, communication and honesty! Go fig. If your play date did or does something you like, then tell it to your partner; and maybe they will try to duplicate the act. Maybe they'll just get off on hearing the answer. Please try to understand that you CANNOT keep all this to yourselfe, if you two are a couple....then SHARE! That's what being a couple is all about.

[Pepper & Drew]

This is a classic example of something that I learned early in life. I don't ask questions about things I don't really want the answer to. I think asking if you had a good time is great. Having a good time is what swinging is about for us. However, the is she better in bed than me is a loaded question for which there can be no positive outcome and is not really relevent, IMHO. If you want to share something that the other person did that you really liked with your spouse, that's one thing. But, the comparison says to me that the spouse is worried about having to "compete" with the play partner. Last time I checked, this was not a competivie sport.

Pepper

[HotMoCpl]

Okay, maybe there is something wrong with me. If the day comes when the wife and I actually swap partners......on the way home I'm going to ask questions and would graciously appreciate answers. IF that guy did something BETTER then me, then I want to know so I can try to be better for her..... though that is a little incoceivabel. I believe that we need to be straight up with each other. How else can we improve ourselves and our relationships?

[ready2play]

I would agree with Pepper that is not a place I want to go, but would love my man to share things that feel good so we both can go from there. I always tell him before, during and after what feels good to me!

[MrSnozzberryBlu]

My wife and I from time to time compare notes as well. I know from her perspective she at first was afraid I would be jealous or feel inadequate.

The main thing I look to find out though (and she does this too) is whether there is something that a new partner does that I can learn from and do too. Even though she may have liked something new that someone does with her...she always wants me to be the one to make her happiest.

I did run into one thing though that I can't do anything about in our adventures though. Don't get me wrong...I am not threatened by it. But the guy had been in an accident and the scar tissue turned the last inch of his penis up at a 90 degree angle...sort of his own personal G-spot finder. She likes it in many respects but does have a little trouble with it hurting her cervix occasionally. So even though there was an upside to him (no pun intended LOL)...it's not always perfect.