explaining swinger etiquette to newbies

[fun4usNala]

Can anyone give me some advice on how to explain to a cple new to the lifestyle that talking about parties and naming names of people that attend them, is improper without hurting their feelings? Looking for a polite way or a web site to send them to that explains" what happens at parties, stays at parties" kind of thing.

[Pinmonkey]

I would think that just telling them in a straight forward but friendly way may be the best approach.

Welcome to the board.

[fun4usNala]

Thanks Pin..am looking forward to reading everyones comments!

[looking2swing]

I think that straight forward is the way to go. I would make it clear that it is inappropiate to name names.

[SluttyWife]

I like Zac N' Zoey's. They've got their advice column on Lifestyle Lounge now.
Great place for beginners. Perhaps you could ask your friends what their swinging
nics (nicknames) are...and start calling them by that. That should make it ring really LOUD and CLEAR that discretion is de rigeur in swinging circles. If they still don't get it,
slap stickers with the word SWINGER in big red type onto their foreheads.
If that doesn't do it, what will?

Hope I've been of help! I'd love to hear how this one goes. :-)

Yours,

Slutty Wife

[TwaKanPlay]

I think privetly and politely but straight forward explain that for most people sex is privet stuff and shareing what happens at parties could hurt someone if the wrong people found out. How you worded it in your post sounded good to meTalking about privet parties to all who will listen is a great way to become suddenly uninvited to future parties. AA is what is said there stays there and sex acts at parties should stay at parties.

[JnCC]

If they're new to the Lifestyle, just tell 'em...tactfully, of course. If they're so sensitive that they can't deal with that, they're gonna have problems with you sooner or later anyway.

Most of the "Swinger Etiquette" writings I've seen don't directly address the subject anyway...it's just something you learn from being around.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by JnCC

If they're new to the Lifestyle, just tell 'em...tactfully, of course. If they're so sensitive that they can't deal with that, they're gonna have problems with you sooner or later anyway.

Most of the "Swinger Etiquette" writings I've seen don't directly address the subject anyway...it's just something you learn from being around.

Yup... some thougts here. Typically I think it is the wife that will name names and be chatty (atleast in my experience)

If it were me, I would pull her aside for some girl talk in the restroom, and very politely mention to her that it is inappropriate to name names. I have been listening in on some couples at a club we go to, and one of the women there was doing a very similar thing as your friend. One thing I did with our nebie friend was made a point to tell my friend how much I hated hearing such things, and I even said to her that I completely lost respect for the woman gossiping, and would never, ever talk to her about anything private, and would make sure that our door stayed closed! LOL... My friend got the hint real quick and I have yet to hear another bit of gossip!

Sometimes it is easier to be direct (and somewhat cattie with care) when you are talking about someone else.

[Spoomonkey]

We had this happen. A couple that we played with (newbies) played with someone else the next weekend - a couple that we had played with but didn't like much. We just told them...

Pretty straight forward...

"Kissing and telling will probably bother a lot of couples - we are one of those couples."

We haven't heard a peep from them about their adventures and have been fine with them ever since. Most newbies want to learn the "rules". They'll appreciate it.

Spoomonkey

[NotsoNew]

Ditto both Northindy and Spoo. Just tell them tactfully.

I can understand that newbies may get caught up in the moment, but it is not cool to name names.

Letting them know the basics will help them in the Lifestyle.

[intuition897]

I agree with most of the folks on here. I think Spoomonkey's response is well said. It's firm and to the point without sounding accusatory. Making a faux pas like this is embarrassing (and we've all screwed up as newbies, right?); we were grateful to couples who corrected us as we were learning etiquette and appreciated it when they went out of their way to let us know that little mistakes were no big deal.

[DBL D]

We all know people who think they have the best of all intentions and "trust" whom they speak with. We've made a couple boo-boo's ourselves. It's one of the things that has to be covered though or all hell could break loose. Simple and direct: as in "one of THE rules".

You could use false names...Yuck!!!

Maybe they want to be known as an openminded couple and this is their way of doing it. They should do it without names or places though.

Male D

[JustAskJulie]

I think this is something you have to just come out and tell them. It's one of those things where you can't worry about hurting their feelings. It's one of those rules that often gets left out of lists because it is common sense (or you would think so).