Why stand people up?

[Pepper & Drew]

Negacpl mentioned this in their thread about another subject:

Oh we chatted with both, it was confirmed and even got e-mails of can't wait to meet you....swapped info and cell#'s. No calls, no e-mails.....neither showed.....And now neithers profiles are there.....

which got me thinking about a similar situation that happened to us. We met a couple via Swing Lifestyle, IM'd a couple of times and really established a connection (we thought). We made a date, talked that day and [bam], they don't show. We sent them an IM saying that we hated missing them, but that we still were interested in a get together...and nothing. They took their profile off, no yahoo IM. They disappeared. So, what is the thrill behind pretending to show and then not showing? You have to hide out and lay low, which doesn't sound fun. What's the appeal?

[LikeMinds321]

Was this couple new to the lifestlye - newbies with no previous swinging experience?

I have seen couples disappear in thin air after even months of being on an ad site searching, but when they get close to the big day of a meet they can't handle it...I'm guessing that's the reason they don't show.

Some people are lousy at facing difficult situations. They struggle with what to do. Telling you they changed their minds is difficult for these kind of people and running away is how they handle struggles.

I think it had more to do with a weakness within themselves than anything to do with "thrill."

We can only guess as to why they disappeared without a word.

LM

[fun_pairTX]

Although we have never run into that type couple it seems that there are some couples get off just on the set up and never have any intention of following through. It issms that they "play at swinging" instead of swinging. This is likely an urban legend, but I heard a story of a couple flying to Vegas and meeting two other couples there only to be told that "they get off on the fantasy of swinging", and they have never actually swung nor would they consider it.
The only other explanation is that they are rude and classless.

[VegasLee]

Since the Internet has come along and changed the show face of the Lifestyle and swinging we are very set in our way on how we will meet people.

There is no less then six things per month that we are at and many times more that people can meet us at. Bar meets, the club we host or other things. We keep a list of them online and we send people to that list. They can meet us at one of those things.

We have found that online less then half of the people that swear they want to meet you ever show up so by us just telling them where we are we don't end up wasting our time sitting in some bar or other place waiting on that magic person/couple to show up.

Back when the only way to hook up with with personal add's and phone numbers most everyone would always show up. Not as many flakes as there seems to be today that claim to be "swingers."

I know that we miss getting to miss out on getting to meet a few people because of this but we are very busy people and don't like wasting our time waiting on people that are playing some kind of game online.

[sugarcheeks44]

I have been stood up so many times that one time I decided to not even bother showing up myself ....turns out it was the one time THEY did!
It is rude to not state in plain words that you are new....I have had limited experience in swinging, but only because I have been stood up so much Surrender .
It is hard enough to be single and indulge in the life style, then to be stood up by a couple, (or even another single professing to be interested in the life), it just makes it disappointing.
You would think thata two people would be braver than a single, but I suppose not in some cases. I may be more courageous than the average person....what with risking it as a single female...especially these days! LOL..Oh well, it just makes the real people that much more special!
Hugs,
Sugarcheeks facelick

[good times]

Dito what Vegaslee said for us. We have always told anybody who contacted us from Swing Lifestyle that we would meet them at the club. So far everyone who has contacted us online has shown up, and it is interesting to note that, so far, after meeting these people, we were no longer interested in them for various reasons and always went our seperate ways. Since we are at the club though everyone has a good time and we can go our seperate ways without any further obligation or feelings of commitment.

It is kind of funny the first time we did this it was because the couple that contacted us the first time expressed interest in going to the club we regularly attend. After we met them and talked for a bit we decided that we weren't compatable and we mingled with others for the rest of the night. Later we got to talking about it and we both decided that if we had met for dinner or drinks or something it would have been a very uncomfortable and unfullfilling evening. So we decided that from then on if they want to meet us, we tell them what club we will be at when they want to get together, and it has worked out great.

[BradAndJanet]

good times, we agree with you and VegasLee on that idea and that's what we're trying to set up with one couple we've been talking to. As you say, that way if we don't hit it off for some reason, everybody still can have a fun evening.

-B

[De and Ci]

We just started posting on Swing Lifestyle, we aren't going to meet people for dinner. Just tell them when we're going to the club and meet us there. A couple we're friends with, they posted personal ads for a couple of years, frequently they met couples for dinner and their photos must have been taken 10 years previously. I don't understand why some couples do that-post misleading photos, what do they expect?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

good times, we agree with you and VegasLee on that idea and that's what we're trying to set up with one couple we've been talking to. As you say, that way if we don't hit it off for some reason, everybody still can have a fun evening.

-B

This is all great for you lucky folks who have an on-premise club near you; it's open for business each week and makes for an ideal place to meet where you can be comfortable being sexy with others and in front of everyone in the place. If you don't click with the people who came to meet you, you can move on to meet other people the next table over.

We don't have that luxury. An on-premise club is not available to us.

LM

[Bu&Sandra]

Bu and I have had the same expereince with many people. We are not the type to carry on these long drawn out email, phone, IM relationships with people. We feel we are adults and we are all supposedly interested in the same thing. We will exchange a few emails and then ask to meet for drinks or dinner, we find that once many of these couples come face to face with actually hooking up they chicken out.
We find that with a great deal of people on the websites are more into being mind swingers or use it to add fantasy to their sex lives. When it comes to an actual meeting they can't do it. Which is why we do not invest great amounts of time with people online or thru email. We do our meeting and swapping at clubs , where at least newbies are upfront and honest about not being ready.

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We don't have that luxury. An on-premise club is not available to us.

I hear ya! After attending the on-premise this weekend that just seems like the best way to go. But that was a 4 hour drive, so it looks like we'll have to keep going the way we have been. I could never stand anyone up, I would just feel so guilty and it would ruin my whole night thinking I ruined someone else's.

[De and Ci]

What about an off-premise club? Thats pretty much all we have here in the Austin area.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

What about an off-premise club? Thats pretty much all we have here in the Austin area.

We have one off-premise club locally which meets only once a month. Waiting for one date a month to meet a couple at a club is too inflexible and costly ($40) for us.

We can be very flexible when setting a meet-up time and place of our own choosing and it only needs to cost us a couple of drinks. If a couple would stand us up there would be no great loss.

LM

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We don't have that luxury. An on-premise club is not available to us.

LM

Dito for us. The nearest on-premises is 3.5 hours away. Now, I don't want to sound like we haven't met couples via Swing Lifestyle---because we've met 3 really great ones that way, and I think even if there were a club nearby, we'd prefer meeting people online. I guess I'm like Aliloeverything, I'd really feel bad for not showing. I guess my thoughts are this: it's just dinner. Just because you show up doesn't mean we're going to end up in bed, at least not that night. So, what's the harm in a little dinner? I guess I expect too much of people....

Pepper

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

. . . I guess my thoughts are this: it's just dinner.

The first (and only thus far) couple we met with didn't want to go out to dinner - they said it makes them feel sluggish - and we agreed it does the same to us! None of us are big drinkers either, only two drinks each.

We were very cheap fucks for each other.

LM