How Much Do People Talk

[shy_couple2001]

Hi,

We're fairly new to swinging. We've met several people at "meet and greet" style parties socially. We've also met several couples for dinner and ended up full swapping with one of those couples. All of the couples we've met have been from a site called Swappernet which uses usernames much as this site does.

The question we have has to do with telling others who you've met. Is it appropriate for one couple to ask another couple who they've been with? Specifically, one of the couples we've become friends but not swapped with asked us about our first time. It seemed innocent enough, so I told them who we'd been with (referring to them as their username). Later I found out that they had told yet another couple/friends about our experience. We aren't mad at anyone, just not sure of appropriate etiquette.

What is the norm here? Can/should you even mention one couple to another couple, even if you've only met socially? How about if you've We don't want to be "kiss and tell" people, and we certainly don't want to make anyone mad because we mentioned their name to another couple.

Any advice would be appreciated. This seems to be sooooo different than "normal" social situations.

Shy_couple2001

[VegasLee]

If others ask if we know someone we will tell them yes or no but we do not pass on details about if we have played with them or not. That is not anyones business except ours.

[biblonde]

With us we may mention situations but dont mention any names or ID's. We might say yes we know them if asked if we know someone, but that would be all.

There is a lot of Drama in this lifestyle even though everyone claims in their profile not to want any. We think it is inappropiate to talk about others we have been with unless of course thay want us to (ie: a single male who will sometimes use as as a reference.). We haven't swung with anyone local for that reason. We have chatted with a few and almost everyone of them would talk negatively about someone else in town.
Thats just something we are not into. Its not suppose to be a soap opera but it seems around these parts thats exactly what it is. We get e-mails all the time trying to get us to join the local group and we tell them NO Way We do not swing local. But they keep trying :rollseyes .

If we do talk about our swinging events we keep it very generic as to who we are talking about. It could be the person next door or it could be someone from another state.......

[Dave_kat]

We do our best to try to keep who we've been with to ourselves, other than to admit that we have done things. In fact, we've got so far as to specifically tell people we met on Swing Lifestyle that we'd prefer them not to Authenticate us, and that we'd prefer not to authenticate them. We live in a very small community and have seen and run into some soldier's who are on there, and we'd very much prefer to keep our business to ourselves

[sensuality]

Okay,out of curiousity...say you are a member of one of these sites and you are approached by a couple who has been "authenticated" and you would like to ask the couple{s}who authenticated them general questions about their experience, like were they respectful of boundaries and etc??But, not anything about the actual sexual experience???BTW...besides Swing Lifestyle,which we've heard tons about already...is there any other site recommended site out there on the www???

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by shy_couple2001

Any advice would be appreciated. This seems to be sooooo different than "normal" social situations.

Shy_couple2001

Hi shy_couple...and you are so correct...this is soooooo different.

In the past, there have been numerous discussions on this very issue, and like so many other things, where you find two people, you'll probably find two opinions. Know what I mean?

I would suggest that you use the "search" feature at the top of the board and simply type in ~ discretion ~. That will lead you to many different discussions on the topic and most of them make for some very interesting reading. Then, too, as you read, you'll probably find other topics that will strike your interests or spark a question.

EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by sensuality

Okay,out of curiousity...say you are a member of one of these sites and you are approached by a couple who has been "authenticated" and you would like to ask the couple{s}who authenticated them general questions about their experience, like were they respectful of boundaries and etc??

Even in this situation, sensuality, I would ask the people I was talking with if they had objections to me contacting the authenticators. I would not just do so without discussion. The other thing to keep in mind - actually two things...if someone has authenticated someone, they are most likely going to provide a positive report. The other thing is that just because I like someone and they were respectful, etc., with me does not assure the same reaction to others. We all act different with different types of people -in part based upon their responses to us.

Personally, I feel you are better off trying to get to know the person for yourself - asking questions that suit your needs, talking to them, getting a feel for the type of person they are...just as you do in other situations...rather than relying on the judgement of other unknowns.

That is my opinion, but others have different opinions. - EBF

[shy_couple2001]

Thank you Elusive BFem. We've already begun reading other threads.

[good times]

I agree pretty much with what everyone else has said but if someone contacted me about someone we had authenticated we wouldn't give them any more details than we had put in the authentication. And we would expect the same discretion of anyone else we had played with or met.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by shy_couple2001

Thank you Elusive BFem. We've already begun reading other threads.

You're welcome! Actually, I did a search, planning to post a few links for you, but I got so engrossed in reading, I forgot what I was there for. Typical for me. Glad you found them. There are some interesting threads... - EBF

[sensuality]

I read in another thread on here that even though someone put a good review online for a couple they'd been with, they still talked about them in an unflattering way to another couple,and the people writing were concerned about the couple for other reasons ...I think it was the couple trouble thread ...So, though we haven't joined any sites yet... I have to agree that it probably wouldn't matter what anyone else said,since everyone has their own opinions and you can never be too sure anyone is being 100% truthful

[Sexygirltina]

While we would all agree that it is inappropriate for someone to talk about another couple behind their back it happens all the time. However having experienced this situation you now have a choice you can give into the tempation to join the crowd or when ever your observe the Catty talk going on you can walk away signaling your displeasure and thereby encouraging the couple to refrain from doing this again in the future.
You can rest assured that couples that engage in this type of behavior are often rewarded appropriately. I know of a couple who on everyone's scale appears to be great couple to play with, but no one plays with them. And the reason is simple they have a reputation for giving a blow by blow accounting of their encounter and usually with far more negatives thrown in than positives. In short no one wants to play with them because no one wants to hear from someone else that they were talking about their sexual performance behind their back. But since two wrongs don't make a right I think the next time I see them I am going to tell them. It might not make a difference but then again it might.
However there are times when I think that it is appropriate to share someones preferences with another couple. There was a couple that I was interested in but I was warned by several couples that they were into S&M. Had I been with this couple it would have been a miserable experience for all involved so I think that it was appropriate especially since this couple never volunteered the information on their own.
On a side note for those who don't play locally I have to tell you that I never met anyone that I knew outside of the lifestyle until I travelled to a Canadian Swing Club. Turns out that these clubs are being populated by American's trying to avoid meeting people they know from their local area. At one of the clubs it turned out that over half live within a 20 mile radius of each other. You will run into someone you know at a function it is inevitable if you stay in the lifestyle for any amount time. How you handle it is up to you.

Tina

[xxoticangel]

You will run into someone you know at a function it is inevitable if you stay in the lifestyle for any amount time. How you handle it is up to you.

True statement. A few months ago we were hanging out at a local swing club and started chatting with a couple towards the end of the night. While there was not a strong physical attraction we all seemed to get along really well and chatted for about an hour about swinging in general, the club, etc. We exchanged email addy's and left without knowing their names. Two weeks ago I was transfered to another division in another precinct. When I walked into the supervisor's office to check in I was greeted by the male half of the couple. Neither one of us said anything and after a long pause he took me through the check in procedure. To date neither one of us had mentioned anything about the club.

[JustAskJulie]

Discretion is a major part of swinging and naming names is almost always a bad idea.