How best to find a FMF?

[Ymie1]

My husband and I are new to this and this is our first posting. We have not tried a 3some yet but are absolutely convinced that we will love it.

We have been propositioned many times but have never had the nerve to got through with it. Now we are looking for a female to try it for the first time. We are both a little intimidated about starting out with a couple. Not sure if we should feel that way or not?

I'm not sure how to go about finding a participant, particularly since we travel quite extensively during the week. For example this week we will be all over the state of Florida. Most of the swinger clubs are only open on the weekends and we don't have weekends available to meet other swingers. Does anyone have any suggestions? HELP

[TNT]

Welcome to the Board, Ymie1.

What you are looking for has been referred to as the "Holy Grail". Virtually almost impossible to find. Now this is not to say that it can't happen, but it will not be easy.

Although a couple may seem a little intimidating there are a lot of them out there looking for the same thing you are and that will probably be your best bet in finding one who would allow a FMF while the husband of the other woman watched and then changing and allowing the other couple to also have that fantasy happen for them as well.

This particular topic has been discussed many times here on the board so look through some of the other threads, I'm sure there are other suggestions on finding a single female in them.

Teresa

[fun_pairTX]

Time, Patience, Prayer, it took us over a year.................

[BradAndJanet]

Let me also say Welcome! Finding a single swinging female isn't impossible, but they are very elusive.

Tell us, why are you intimidated about a couple? Perhaps we can help alleviate your concerns. We have found that the various combinations that are possible with four people are quite satisfactory, as Teresa said.

-B

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by TNT
This particular topic has been discussed many times here on the board so look through some of the other threads, I'm sure there are other suggestions on finding a single female in them.

Here's just such a thread:

Finding Single Females

[Avantgarden38]

We have experienced the fmf threesome a few times. Honestly, we prefer the dynamic of a couple, especially in a social "dating" arena.

We love to watch another couple in love together. The variety of the foursome is also quite excellent.

We are probably at risk saying, in our opinion, that couples who only desire a fmf threesome aren't entirely honest or comfortable with the swinging environment. Someone somewhere in the relationship has an issue. Not that there is anything wrong with that issue, we are just noting that it exists. Many men fear another man it seems. Many women say they don't "need" another man. You don't need a Hummer SUV either, but there are millions of them out there.

It's worth talking through those issues and trying to find a compatable couple. The fmf was fun, we prefer the fmfm.

[J & K]

Originally posted by Avantgarden38
We are probably at risk saying, in our opinion, that couples who only desire a fmf threesome aren't entirely honest or comfortable with the swinging environment. Someone somewhere in the relationship has an issue. Not that there is anything wrong with that issue, we are just noting that it exists. Many men fear another man it seems.

Wow---this is so true in our opinion. Someone is laying down big ground rules in order to swing. We also like the m/f/m/f thing because we have no hormone battles going on.

The f/m/f thing is all good, but at the same time how about the m/f/m thing in return? I call it an "even" score, but an easy way to not do that is play with a cpl, but most cpls who just want a f/m/f play the man is calling the shots. Not always, but it seems to be more like that trend.

Everybody is different in this lifestyle so we say always talk out things first before the play begins. As time goes on your rules will change. Best of luck finding the playmate(s).

[thekolonel]

We've tried a bit of everything and keep coming back to where we started--the FMF threesome. There's just something intimate and deliciously soft about it. Not that you shouldn't keep an open mind regarding couples, but couples aren't your only outlet. I don't think it's anyone's place to say people's sexual preferences are suspect.

The elusive single bi females are certainly out there, but you probably won't have much luck at swingers clubs (at least those outside of a few major metro areas) or trolling adult friend finder--most aren't hardcore lifestyle afficionados. A more subtle approach is required--widen your circle of sex-positive acquaintances, place understated ads on sites like nerve.com and craigslist, get out there and start meeting people.

When you meet someone, be gentle, be genuine, and understand that the third is in a somewhat vulnerable position. She doesn't want to be your disposable sex toy, but she is looking for the same excitement and fulfillment that you are.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Avantgarden38
We are probably at risk saying, in our opinion, that couples who only desire a fmf threesome aren't entirely honest or comfortable with the swinging environment. Someone somewhere in the relationship has an issue. Not that there is anything wrong with that issue, we are just noting that it exists. Many men fear another man it seems. Many women say they don't "need" another man. You don't need a Hummer SUV either, but there are millions of them out there.

Since you've already acknowledged being "at risk," I'll go ahead and respond here. (I probably would have anyway, tho'.)

Why on earth would you assume that a couple interested in only a FMF isn't being honest or isn't entirely comfortable in the swinging environment? Couldn't I just as easily state that any couple that was interested in ONLY a MF/MF encounter was not being entirely honest and comfortable? You and many others would probably interpret that as a rather absurd and presumptive statement, wouldn't you?

And someone somewhere in the FMF relationship has issues? I honestly do not understand your assumptions on this one. Is it entirely unreasonable to think that a woman might not be interested in another man, but rather, is interested in exploring and/or sharing her bisexuality with another female? And that would have nothing to do with a spouse/SO having "issues."

And yeah...Hummer SUV's...lots of them out there...along with Caddy's, Honda's, Chevy's, Fords, etc., etc., etc.....

Sorry...don't mean to sound so harsh, and maybe you can add to this post for the purposes of clarification. Maybe I missed something.

- EBF

[Avantgarden38]

It seems that many of the couples we have communicated with (and even met) originally started their adventures looking for the fmf threesome. Two main reasons were given for their preference only for a fmf threesome:

He said: "I don't want my wife with another man."

She said (coincidentally): "I don't need another man."

After trying couples, for whatever reason, those negative thoughts about other men changed to something much more positive. Their issues were resolved once they communicated together, or actually tried swapping with couples and found it was more pleasant than they had originally anticipated.

We also shared these same thoughts and feelings when we first started swinging and found it fascinating that other couples were experiencing the same emotions and discoveries.

These were the facts we used when forming our opinions as stated. They are just our opinions and observations and weren't meant to offend anyone

[RnLinohio]

I had to post on your generalization here. I really don't like being automatically put into a catagory, when people don't even know our situation. flamethrow


We have been swinging for 2 yrs Actively. And we ONLY have FMF encounters. It isn't that my husband says he doesn't want me with another man. It is MY preference. He has said MANY times that if I ever want us to try couples or even single men all I have to do is says the word.

As EBF said, I am in this to explore my bisexuality with another women, and my hubby is GLADLY along for the ride.

And it isn't because I don't NEED another man (which I don't, but I don't NEED another women either). It is because I don't WANT another man.

Isn't this lifestyle supposed to be about what people WANT, not NEED?

We have been married 14 Years, and we were happy before this and if it ever stopped we would be happy after it to. So I really don't see how you can say that people that only want a FMF have issues. Couldn't you also say that couples that only look for couples have insecurity (SP) issues, that if they only go MFM or FMF that one might get to attached to the single person???

I am not generalizing couples that only want other couples, I am just giving an example.

Ok, I will got off my soapbox now.................... you can flamethrow away at me.

Robin

[VegasLee]

Issues because someone has set their bounderies?

The fun and great thing about the lifestyle is that it is something different to each and every person in it.

In 25 years of it I have seen alot but I am sure not everything.

I have seen couples that will play apart say that "she can not play tonight because I did not get any last time."

Other couples that will come to the club 10 times and go home each time without playing because they could not find that "perfect couple" that they both liked.

There is people out there that say things about Laura and I because she gets to play ALOT and I play when I want to. We do not keep "Score." Damn, if we did she can't have sex for the next 100 years so that I can catch up.

As I said, it is different for everyone. What ever makes both of us happy is all that works for us. I have found that as long as she is Happy I can promise you that I am very happy.

All these titles and idea's of what the Lifestyle should be is totall BS. The lifestyle is what works for you and no one else, nothing less, nothing more.

Everyone on this board has their rules for theirself and boundries. Just because someone only wants to play in their idea of what the lifestyle for them does not mean they have issues.

For what should be such open minded people I have found that many people in the lifestyle are the harshest and first to judge others.

[Elusive BiFem]

Thank you, Avantgarden38, for clarification of your post. With your experiences, I can see how you have arrived at your conclusions. However, because a man doesn't want his wife with another man, and his wife has determined she doesn't need another man is not necessarily the definition of a couple with "issues." I would tend to agree with VegasLee in that they have determined their personal boundaries and the lifestyle is comprised of many with differing boundaries. Then too, for many, as time goes by and they become more comfortable with themselves, each other and other swingers, they change their boundaries to include aspects of swinging they may have been opposed to initially.

I can appreciate your opinions and experiences. However, your original post read as more "fact" than opinion and that is what I had issue with. Again, thanks for the clarification. - EBF

[Avantgarden38]

An issue is merely a dispute.

Over what is right or wrong, good or bad, works or doesn't work for each person.

We all resolve many issues every day.

We also said it is okay to have them. When you make a decision one way or another, you have resolved an issue. A matter of dispute. Vanilla or chocolate, swing or no swing, mfm or fmf. . .

We didn't choose that word in judgement or assign it as some form of mental instability.

[Curious&scared]

[quote]Originally posted by Avantgarden38
[b]
We are probably at risk saying, in our opinion, that couples who only desire a fmf threesome aren't entirely honest or comfortable with the swinging environment. Someone somewhere in the relationship has an issue. Not that there is anything wrong with that issue, we are just noting that it exists. Many men fear another man it seems.

I couldn't agree more. The reason we are looking (we've not had an experience yet) for a 3some is because Mr. Curious doesn't feel he'd be comfortable seeing his Mrs. with another man. I, in turn, wouldn't be comfortable not knowing if he was ok with the situation. We've actually been in contact with a couple and could have had our first experience this week, but decided that the two of us weren't on the same page and decided against it. So, we will go on looking for that elusive female.