So do we ignore her or what???

[takemedown8307]

I let everyone know we had our first threesum this past weekend and it didnt go as we wanted it to . The female we brought in had told us she was bi so we expect her to be shared with us two. She warmed up to my husband more so , which was ok. I didnt have a problem until she wanted to cuddle all over him and push me away. We just both decide it wasnt working and nicely came up with a reason to stop it early. We learned from this and are ready to move on. BUT... now she is sending messages to him calling him baby and how much she enjoyed doing things to him and wants to do so again.. What do i do ? I trust him and know he will not do anything behind my back or push me into this. So do we ignore her or what.??????

[BiloxiCouple]

Drop her if you are feeling anxiety. Communicate this with your husband also and he needs to drop her.

Your post sounds like she wants more and you don't.

The lifestyle is about what you and your spouse want. If you are not ready for something don't do it. Don't let outside people dictate what you want or do.

[des1re06]

Whoa! Put a stop to her immediately!

This is exactly how one of our dearest friends split up.

She moved in and took control.

Good luck in your next adventure. Not all are like this.

Mrs. D

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by takemedown8307

...she is sending messages to him calling him baby and how much she enjoyed doing things to him and wants to do so again.. What do i do ? I trust him and know he will not do anything behind my back or push me into this. So do we ignore her or what.??????

Thank you for the follow-up.

You and your husband have all the control in this situation. You didn't like what you discovered when the three of you played, and it sounds to me like you don't want to play with her again.

I presume that you (or your husband) have not yet replied to her messages.

Send her a nice little email from the two of you (worded as "we") so that she knows it's from both you and your husband, thank her for meeting you, but also let her know that you are not interested in getting together again. Leave it at that, you do not need to explain why. And if she writes back asking for your reason, do not reply.

When any swinger makes you uncomfortable, break it off with them.

LM

[cocpl2007]

It takes TWO. Both you and your Husband have to get straight on this experience. UNDERSTAND each other, and the rest will be easy, and you'll have your future ahead of you instead of dwelling on this bad experience. Was it bad for him? What did he have to say to you about the experience? Is he flattered by the affection?

In couples play, BOTH members of the couple have to be in agreement, and understand each other. Perhaps the Green Monster has entered the room?

The other posters are right on point, it is important that you and your hubby communicate to her that there is NO future in continued communications.

Instead of reflecting on the negatives of this encounter, maybe you can use it to further understand yourself and why it is that you are upset about what happened. Was it her, or was it your hubby?

"She warmed up to my husband more so , which was ok. I didnt have a problem until she wanted to cuddle all over him and push me away."

Good luck, many of us have had similar "first" experiences and have been richly rewarded for taking the time to figure out what went wrong, and how to prevent it in the future.

[takemedown8307]

Thanks everyone.. I understand all you have had to say and agree. I may of not really made myself clear on here. We are both in agreement not to see her again. We just are not sure on how to go about it. He was the first to say that she stepped over the lines to him and seem to be asking for more than we had offered to give. I suppose what i was asking was am i right to feel like she is out of line or was i being silly for this? and if so how did i go about this in a nice way not to hurt anyone? We will continue and make the best from this all.. and talk it out as we do so. THANKS everyone...

[BiloxiCouple]

It sounds like your husband has to use the "no" word now. Don't lead her on at all. Will make things worse. Gently or harshly, say no. You don't think you can be compatible might be gently said. Or don't bother us anymore and screen your phone calls before answering them which would be a harsher answer or all the way to a restraining order...

You are going to have to say "no" in a way that is right for you, otherwise the problem could get much worse in many different ways.

[sweet_tna]

You're not silly for feeling this way at all. But you two do need to say NO to this couple ASAP. Be polite, but firm. Don't offer an explanation, and do not answer any further communications with them.

Best of luck , and I hope your next experience is more positive all around.

=)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by takemedown8307

Thanks everyone.. I understand all you have had to say and agree. I may of not really made myself clear on here. We are both in agreement not to see her again. We just are not sure on how to go about it. He was the first to say that she stepped over the lines to him and seem to be asking for more than we had offered to give. I suppose what i was asking was am i right to feel like she is out of line or was i being silly for this? and if so how did i go about this in a nice way not to hurt anyone? We will continue and make the best from this all.. and talk it out as we do so. THANKS everyone...

You are not being silly at all. Go with your gut and others said sit down together and send her an email making it clear that you don't want to see her again. I would also go so far as to say exactly why you don't want to see her and let her know that you feel she stepped over the boundaries that were made clear up front.

[Additude]

You and your husband will have to just tell the other woman straight up that you thought she was "bi" and apparently she is not and your looking for a "bi" and therefore this is not working out for either of you.

So you have to pass, thanks and good luck.

[Playful1]

You weren't silly at all for feeling that way. Besides, emotions aren't rational things, there isn;t really a "right" or "wrong" reaction to a large extent.

Send this woman a note from both of you, being clear and firm. Don't need to go into details or explain anything, just say it didn't work out. Ignore any future e-mails from her.

In the future, if a woman does something like that, don't let them, use body language and if needed, say something. Swinging with a single female can be awkward, and issues like this or other possible ones, are why I generally recommend that folks start with a couple and work up to a single woman. Single women are sort of like advanced swinging.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by takemedown8307

Thanks everyone.. I understand all you have had to say and agree. I may of not really made myself clear on here. We are both in agreement not to see her again. We just are not sure on how to go about it. He was the first to say that she stepped over the lines to him and seem to be asking for more than we had offered to give. I suppose what i was asking was am i right to feel like she is out of line or was i being silly for this? and if so how did i go about this in a nice way not to hurt anyone? We will continue and make the best from this all.. and talk it out as we do so. THANKS everyone...

We, too, found ourselves in a similar situation with a couple. They became clingy and we began to feel that perhaps our participation with them was enabling them to damage their own relationship. At the risk of sounding like the marriage police, we decided that we would be pro-active in protecting their marriage to what degree we could: by breaking it off with them. Many people disagree with this, but our actions were not intrusive or damaging. Quite the opposite, they were very passive. We didn't feel right about allowing ourselves to be the tools another couple used to harm themselves. If we knew it was happening, and we did nothing, it's as good as doing it ourselves. Part of the solution or part of the problem, we all have to choose.

One of the reasons we haven't yet had a 3some is because of situations precisely like this. There are very few sane, level-headed, "together" singles out there into swinging. I attribute that to the fact that they, as single people, are cheated out of the pleasure of sharing the experience with someone they love very much. Instead, in the case of Miss CandyPants, it's a competitive game of divide and conquer...and she's playing for keeps. This shows a TOTAL lack of respect for you (as your husband's chosen life mate), for your husband, and for the institution of marriage as a whole. It shows that she is completely clueless as to what swinging is all about, and that, just because you choose to invite her into your bedroom as a guest, it doesn't mean you've lost your minds or morals, that you don't love one another or value the relationship anymore, or that you're a weak woman and your hubby is yours to lose to a hot piece of ass like her. However, I'm afraid, she may be thinking just this. If not consciously, at least at some sub-conscious level.

Stop communication with her entirely. Ask your husband to do the same. Acknowledge that you know it's flattering to be the object of another woman's infatuation, but you don't feel that she is being respectful of your marriage or of you. As you said, I'm sure he's in agreement. It just doesn't hurt to point out that this is not jealousy talking. She's a bitch (pushing you away from your husband to cuddle with him???) and she doesn't deserve to be a guest in your bedroom - or house - anymore.

If you have pointedly avoided her and she persists, have your husband explain to her that neither he nor you are interested in meeting or playing anymore, and if you feel you MUST give her some answer to get "closure", simply tell her that you (as a couple) do not feel that you are compatible anymore. If she asks why, you can let her know that it's rude to ask why.

[Playful1]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I attribute that to the fact that they, as single people, are cheated out of the pleasure of sharing the experience with someone they love very much. Instead, in the case of Miss CandyPants, it's a competitive game of divide and conquer...and she's playing for keeps. This shows a TOTAL lack of respect for you (as your husband's chosen life mate), for your husband, and for the institution of marriage as a whole. It shows that she is completely clueless as to what swinging is all about, and that, just because you choose to invite her into your bedroom as a guest, it doesn't mean you've lost your minds or morals, that you don't love one another or value the relationship anymore, or that you're a weak woman and your hubby is yours to lose to a hot piece of ass like her. However, I'm afraid, she may be thinking just this. If not consciously, at least at some sub-conscious level.

Ok, not to threadjack here, but, as a single female, I have to say I disagree with this. While there may be few put together single women out there, I truly don;t believe it's because of thinking like you describe.

I think it is simply a case of most of them don't care. Simple as that. They are looking to have fun, and not really thinking about it beyond that. In addition, because so many couple treat single women like they walk on water, many singles have come to think they can do no wrong...no matter how rude/inconsiderate/etc their behavior is. Even the ones that cause issues/drama are not going into it thinking about breaking anyone up/stealing someone, and yes, even the drama ones do know what swinging is about...at its heart anyway (before people started coming up with a million and one varieties of it)...it's about having sex with someone other than your main partner.

Also, there is no being "cheated out of" experiencing it with someone you love...swinging can be and often is just as enjoyable single as in a couple situation. Being single has nothing to do with a single womans bad attitude.

This is not to say there are not the <b>rare</b> ones who are looking to cause trouble, but, they are very rare.

[fun4Ds]

You say that she is e-mailing him ? Who initiated the contact and play with this woman ?

It seems there may be some miscommunication somewhere.

We have never encountered this situation, and have a few single playmates. I can see where your not comfortable with the outcome of the night. But what if you talk to her, and be up front about this. She may have felt that she played by the rules given, if most of the contact was through your husband. Would It be possible to let her know that you wanted equal attention ? Perhaps try again ? If not, you just need to say we are not compatible and move on.

I suppose as for us, the playmates are actually through Mrs.fun. And as well, the stoping would be through her as well. Unless she asks me to take the stand. That dosent look like our future at this point though.

[takemedown8307]

thanks everyone.. i think we have fixed the problems and ready to move on...