Finding Single Females

[JustAskJulie]

I get asked quite a bit why it is so hard to find single females to play with. I get asked this by both couples and single males. The general answer is that there really aren't many single females in the lifestyle. And the few that are are only interested in playing with couples/ threesomes/ female/ female fun. This explains why it's hard for single males to find females to partner with them for clubs/ socials. Does any one have any tips on finding the elusive single females?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[MiCpl]

Wish I did have some answers here.. we're still looking for a single female.. and would love some tips. Seems like all we can find are other couples wanting to take me away from my husband and play with me.. and I'm not about to leave him at home alone when he should be able to join in.

[LIZA]

Why do so MANY couples even want single women? I posted an ad on Yahoo and got responses from like 30 couples........don't even know where they all came from but all but about 5 thought I should leave my hubby home and join them alone! If you are a couple you should look for other couples, single women don't WANT couples and married women aren't going to ditch their husbands for a couple of strangers!! What is the deal where a man can't deal with having another man around? Just because you meet a couple doesn't mean you have to fully swap, you can do whatever you all agree on!

Yes, It's true that there are quite a few couples, and singles that only want a single female, and some that will even attempt to get a wife to swing without her husband. Obviously, the correct way to handle such people is to ignore them and move on.

Yet, there are also single females that WANT to be with a couple for a number of reasons. One that I have chatted with says that she prefers couples because she does not want a relationship with a man. She just wanted someone to swing with, and she much prefers a married couple. That way, she does not worry about him trying to get her into a long term relationship. That is their choice, and it is not up to us to pronounce judgement on them for it. If you are not into singles, then simply ignore the response to your ad. It's really just that easy. If you get all upset over it, then perhaps this lifestyle is not for you. There are far too many emotional pitfalls that one can fall into in this lifestyle, and you should not allow yourself to be dragged down to someone elses level.

My wife and I choose to seek out couples for a number of reasons, some of which we have already discussed in these forums. We might someday choose to have a single female join us, or a single male for that matter. We do not limit ourselves to any one particular type of swinging relationship. Many other couples only want a single, male or female, and that is the choice they made. We can either respect it, or keep silent about it.

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[JustAskJulie]

The reasons why couples seek single females are various and usually have nothing to do wtih the male being insecure about having another male around.

We swing with singles as well as couples (that includes single males as well as females and more often than not single males). Personally, we like 3somes better than 4somes because it allows for all of us to be involved moreso than a 4some would where we end up off in two pairs. As for a single female... I'm bi and I'd love to have a FMF threesome with my hubby.

There are couples who do swing solo (without their partners) and there is nothing wrong with that if that is what you are comfortable with doing. However, pushing someone else do so when they aren't into that isn't cool.

Whether you are a couple, single male or single female read an ad before you respond and make sure you are what they are looking for and they are what you are looking for. If someone responds to your ad that shouldn't be, let them know that that's not what you are interested in and that you put that in your ad (maybe if they hear it enough they'll stop chasing the wrong people).

Julie
Http://www.swingersboard.com

[LIZA]

Just us personally, the single female we HAVE met were not just women who wanted no strings sex and found a couple the best way. We met a few women who seemed to be just a bundle of issues, very needy and neurotic. For me PERSONALLY, single women and men are just not the way to go. As a woman who has been single in the past, the idea of being with a couple is very unappealing. even if you do get no-strings sex (I just don't there are TOO many women who want that) you are also the 3rd wheel who ends up going home alone. I don't judge people for their desires, but I do get annoyed with people who I feel are narrow minded. And the number of couples I have talked to who are totally against another man present........yet thing their man is entitled to unlimited threesomes........well it numbers in the 100's, maybe 1000's. I personally DO believe there are a LOT of men out there who are uptight and cannot handle being sexual in the presence of other male. Alot of couples just seem so dead set on finding that elusive single woman that they miss out on other opportunity's and end up not doing anything

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by LIZA:
Alot of couples just seem so dead set on finding that elusive single woman that they miss out on other opportunity's and end up not doing anything

I agree. Too often I think couples starting off get the idea that it will be easier to start with a single female.. whatever their reason.. for some they may just think that it will be easier to find a single female they both agree on than to find a couple that they both agree on.

However, the same thing goes.. couples who only swing with other couples may be missing out on lots of great fun and friendships as well. Each couple has to find what they are comfortable with and go with that, but that doesn't mean skipping out on trying different things in the process.

From everyone I've talked to that has had success with finding single females to play with (including my own experiences) it seems to work out best when it's someone you already know and have established a friendship/relationship with. No matter what situation you choose for your swinging you will get out of it what everyone puts in, so you have to make sure that EVERYONE involved is clear on what is going on and what is expected.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[JustAskJulie]

Another thing to consider is that this isn't always about couples seeking couples.. what swinging is about is about couples fulfilling fantasies together and how common is the fantasy of a guy with 2 girls? I don't know many guys who don't have that fantasy. So quite often that's what it's about not just about finding a single female for the female to play with but about finding a single female that they can share as a couple without having to have another guy involved. It isn't always just the guy wanting to have 2 women for himself.

I agree with Julie, swinging isn't just about "couples seeking couples". It's about sharing your fantasies & sexual desires with your partner! No matter what your choices are in swinging "combos", may it be 3somes/4somes/Moresomes, FMF or MFM, etc. Why would it bother you, whatever the choices are of others? Like Julie says, if they're not for you, then let them know, and move on with your search! It's THAT simple. I would hate to "miss out on other opportunities", such as making good friends, which is much more important to me. Again, it's MY/OUR choice, and NO one can make our choices for us, THAT'S for sure! *VBS*

There's no wrong or right, as long as it's exceptable and agreeable between ALL involved, in what you're looking for in swinging partners. Again, to each's own.

Have FUN & ENJOY! ;-)


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[LIZA]

No I agree......it is FAR from all couples seeking couples! From my experience, it is mostly couples seeking single women and single (or married) men seeking ANYTHING!

But then there are those that are just right, too

[watcherone]

We are not into single females but one thing I do know something on,single males in the lifestyle. It is our feeling that none of the men we have played with are affraid of having sex with another man present. Myself, I get off better with another male present. The other men have never had a problem with me being there either.

[LIZA]

I have talked to a lot of couples where the woman and I hit it off but the husband does not want any other man around........Of course these are novice couples answering ads, I don't think you will find expereinced swingers at a club with the same issues. A lot of "curious" couples seem to be out there thinking they will find a lot of single women to fulfill the 3-some fantasy.

I don't think my husband MINDS another man, he isn't one of those guys who is into seeing me have sex with other men, but seems totally ok with another man there......I am just waiting for the day he loosens up and try a little guy-guy fun

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by LIZA:
I don't think you will find expereinced swingers at a club with the same issues.

Have you ever been to an on-premise swinger club?
Things are very different when you haven't had the opportunity to pick the people in the room with you. Also, soft swinging does make a difference as well. There is no chance of contact or of worry about the guy pleasing your wife better than you do, because rules have already been set against that.

This is an issue I've seen everywhere. They may not say they mind, but actions speak louder than words. I've seen it in many instances. A lot of guys don't even realize they will have a hard time with having other guys around until they are in that situation.

I've seen it at swinger clubs and I've seen it with gangbangs. We set one up for me as a birthday present. The guys all THOUGHT they'd be fine but yet they get in the situation and it's another story. 2 of the 5 could barely get it up at all.

I don't think it has a lot to do with being insecure even. I think it's just one of those things. Luckily, my hubby has no problem with other guys in the room, not sure what would happen if one of those guys tried something on him.. that might change things a little...lol.

Liza, I think you make too many assumptions based on the limited experience you have had. There are many situations that are very hard to predict until you are in those situations.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[LIZA]

Yes, we have been going to On-premise clubs for 3 years (Freedom Acres, Four Palms, Veronica's) all in Southern California. Have also met couples online in private.

So I am not just blindly making assumptions! My personal experience is there are a LOT of couples with the unrealistic experience that they will find single bi females.......a LOT of single or cheating men with the unrealistic assumption they will find lots of willing couples/females. In MOST cases these people have very dissapointing results. We have always sought out only couples, so these are not issues for us.

I would never DREAM of partipating in a gangbang or any situation where men were expected to have sex with me one after another...........I can understand where THAT would create some performance anxiety!

When I talk of men being uncomfortable around other men, I was speaking more of them being a bit homophobic. And when couples have progressed beyond the curious stage and are attending clubs, the men SHOULD have gotten past that, I would hope!

A few observations.

Originally posted by LIZA:
I don't think my husband MINDS another man, he isn't one of those guys who is into seeing me have sex with other men, but seems totally ok with another man there......I am just waiting for the day he loosens up and try a little guy-guy fun

Ok. What if he NEVER loosens up and tries a little guy-guy fun? Will you love him any less? Maybe he's waiting for you to loosen up to try penetration with another man? Something to think about? Or maybe it NEVER occured to him.....

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
The guys all THOUGHT they'd be fine but yet they get in the situation and it's another story. 2 of the 5 could barely get it up at all.

Wow. As bad as that sounds, it sounds about right to me. From my own experience of myself and others, I have to say that experience does overcome 99% of that. It's usually just that there is suddenly so much of everything sexual in front of you, that you just have to relax and let it soak in for a moment. It's pretty common and it's really no big deal. Usually you just have to lay back and get your mind on something else. Before you know it, it's back and ready to play.

Originally posted by LIZA:
My personal experience is there are a LOT of couples with the unrealistic experience that they will find single bi females.......a LOT of single or cheating men with the unrealistic assumption they will find lots of willing couples/females. In MOST cases these people have very dissapointing results. We have always sought out only couples, so these are not issues for us.

Ok, so maybe that's the way you see it. I'm not you and I don't see it the same way. I choose to see it rather that, We are so picky, that the ones that you are complaining about, we weed out anyway. Just as we did when we decided on who to marry.

Originally posted by LIZA:
I would never DREAM of partipating in a gangbang or any situation where men were expected to have sex with me one after another...........I can understand where THAT would create some performance anxiety!

Ok, with all of your experience in visiting clubs and of meeting couples and others, right here, you mark yourself as still being relatively innocent to the deeper aspects of swinging. That's fine. That's why it's called Soft-Swinging. *Smiles* Not everyone wants to get that deep into things. Some of us do, and we hold many different and some wholly different understandings of this than you do.
That's cool. That's why Julie created this website. A central location for us all to learn from each other.

Thanx Jules:
Husband of CyberMWCouple

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 10-27-2000).]