Should you ever swing with your recent ex?

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey
The best thing is if you decide to stay in the lifestyle as a single female you will be the golden egg. Wives can trust you and knowing you from all your posts you would be a nice addition to a couples play (I mean that in the nicest and most respectful way).

As far as finding a well hung male playmate... After saying that here I wouldn't be surprised to find you pm box full

Mrs Spoomonkey

Thanks Mrs Spoo... I appreciate your comments. Yes I guess I would be the golden unicorn or egg... cool...I have a higher value than a true "single"..lol

I think I might... as I really don't want to get back into a realationship and ...well... I have a really high libido.

The problem is in my area, so far...my Darter is the only man who I really felt the heat for.

And that begs the question... should you swing with your recent ex? I somehow think it would end up ruining a good freindship... but damn it is hard ( pun intended) not to think about carressing his body and making whoopie all night long.

It is not going to be an easy transition for me in that area... I have lost my favorite food... so to speak...I can see it on the shelf... but I am forbidden from eating it.

That begs the question ( and perhaps I should start a new thread) Should you ever continue to "play" with an ex? Under any circumstance ?

the ever questioning

~Cat
__________________

[BodyScape02]

Background for the uninitiated:

I was part of a couple and we recently amicably split. We remain good friends. But, forgetting the great sex and the joy of making love to him is proving difficult to manage.... so it begs the question...should I give in to my desire?

You can read about the details on the post entitled " what exactly is it?" and tell me your opinion. Should I keep as just a sweet memory... or should you ever...swing with an ex? Has anyone done it and had the friendship survive? Or is it just too close... to dangerous to remain intimate?

sorry for the double window

[EvilMJ]

ohh what a tough one eh!

Myself, I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole. Not because I feel it is wrong to have sex with him, but because I would just end up getting hurt. I would start wanting more and I would not be able to have it.

Ugh...there is nothing worse then wanting something you can't have. I guess you have to determine if you are able to handle having just sex and nothing more.

I had a boyfriend before hubby that I was crazy in love with, he broke up with me and left me absolutely crushed, however I remained very pleasant with him when I ran into him from time to time as I don't see the point in being petty. So one night we met up on the street, he was really amazed that I could be so nice to him and invited me over to a bar where some of our friends were. Long story short we eneded up getting together that night for one last fling. It ended up being a bit ackward (despite the fact that our sex life used to be wonderful), I guess it was due to the fact that the intimacy and trust were missing. I will always have feelings for him, but in the end just sex was not enough.

Isn't it funny how I can have sex without a realtionship with a couple but I can't have sex without a realationship with someone I used to date...no one said I was normal.

Good luck, I guess in the end only you can answer your question.

[Ofrdcple]

That's a tough question. The current Mrs and my ex are very attracted to each other. So I could see us and my ex and her husband ending up in bed. But that is fourteen years later and a little different scenario. Right after a recent split? That involves so many variables that only you can figure this one out. Will it slow you from moving on? Will it open you to being hurt? And about a million more questions you need to examine. After you answer all of them, then go back and make sure you're not lying to yourself. Everyone lies to himself or herself sometime.

For safety sake you probably shouldn't. You probably won't believe this now, but he's not the last great lover you will have. And the longer you stay around him, the longer it will take to find another. When the ex and I split, it took almost three years till I got into the relationship I'm in now. And though at the time I felt the same way you do now, I'm with someone that for me the ex can't start to compete with. For those three years I had a great time with some great female friends. And it was a time I needed to be on my own. I think it was almost two years that the ex and I didn't speak a single word. Now we are friends. We talk and go out pretty regularly. (And I don't use the word friend lightly) We are even at a point where I could see her and her husband and us in bed as not impossible.

Just remember to have faith in yourself. Nobody really needs anyone else. But you will find someone you want really badly again. Having any kind of sex with him might be a way for you to keep him or you from moving on. Maybe that's the right thing for now. Maybe it's not. Sounds to me you need to figure out in your heart whether it is truly over with you two or not. Good luck, and whatever you do, realize your heart and your head might be at odds. And who knows witch one is ever right? (Both of mine have made some bad decisions in my life! LOL)

Mr Ofrdcple (Who can still remember the mess my head was in, fourteen years after the fact!)

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

ohh what a tough one eh!

Myself, I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole.

...

Isn't it funny how I can have sex without a realtionship with a couple but I can't have sex without a realationship with someone I used to date...no one said I was normal.

Good luck, I guess in the end only you can answer your question.

wow EvilM... you are not alone ... I feel the same way.

I am not going to go there... to be honest the only reason I felt the urge , was the fact he sent me two very erotic e-cards, on Valentines Day ( he always did know how to get my motor running) then ended them with " now go play with your rabbit"...(my favorite toy).

I called him and asked him what the heck he meant by that? That he was sending mixed messages. I mean I sent him a silly talking monkey that said " you have to kiss allot of frogs..." I got two cards designed to be aphrodisiacs!”

He said he sent them " because I am very sensual "

I told him ... don't you dare do that again... it is not appropriate.

I would say that it was cruel, in retrospect; Perhaps not intentional but cruel none the less.

For that day it did make me nuts... conditioned response, I guess. Lucky for me I have good friends and the wisdom of those on the SB. The honesty to admit my short commings and the wisdom to ask the baord for help! Thank you ... thank you...for saving me from my libido!

And

Ofrdcple you are so right... that is the fear... that he will be the last great lover I will ever have.

The good news is I let that go and the powers that be have already started making my world a potentially more wonderful place. The other good news is... I am at the least...able to focus on the good and not dwell on the bad.

Now if I could just get Hilltop to come and clean my kitchen with his shirt off… live would be grand!lol

A purring,
~Cat

[ohcpl43952]

Personally, if someone were to leave me, amicably or not, they lose bed rights. It's just a principle thing.

And having met you, Cat, at a ski trip last year, I assure you that you'll have no touble finding someone to keep your mind focused on the present and future. Youze one purrrty kitty.

[sexyshelby]

I agree, I wouldn't do it, no matter how tempting it is. It'll just get too messy and stir up some unwanted emotions.

But hey, you're now the unicorn! Have fun with it!

~SS

[sereneiders]

Cat,

Is isn't clear to me why you two "broke", and this is not a question requiring an answer from you.

The question comes because I believe that a couple may find out they cannot, let say, live togheter, but they still may love eachother, enjoy hanging on togheter and so.

I know of a pair of couples who find out they weren't able to live under the same ceiling, but even so they knew she lved each other and went on with their relationship by dating and living each one in their own place.

So, you said you two "amicably split", and I believe the limits you'll set for your friendship from now and on deppends on the motivations you had for splitting.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by ohcpl43952

Personally, if someone were to leave me, amicably or not, they lose bed rights. It's just a principle thing.

And having met you, Cat, at a ski trip last year, I assure you that you'll have no touble finding someone to keep your mind focused on the present and future. Youze one purrrty kitty.

AW...Made me blush...

thank you

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Cat,

Is isn't clear to me why you two "broke", and this is not a question requiring an answer from you.

.

Thank you we prefer not to go into details... but it had nothing to do with a lack of love.

lved each other and went on with their relationship by dating and living each one in their own place.

So, you said you two "amicably split", and I believe the limits you'll set for your friendship from now and on deppends on the motivations you had for splitting.

We were an engaged couple and kept separate homes comming together often... so no... there is no going back to that. We are a forever split. I agree with all the advice above... better to try and find the female equivalent of salt peter where he is concerned than return and destroy the love we have left for each other.

By the way he really is a great guy all in all. And when he is ready... he will be the golden unicorn of single males.

[hilltop]

Originally Posted by BodyScape02

Now if I could just get Hilltop to come and clean my kitchen with his shirt off… live would be grand!lol

A purring,
~Cat

I'll be there as soon as I can find that damn apron!

[BodyScape02]

Good news on the "I have a Jones for the ex" front... it is finally fading... I have felt no urge to call or to flirt... nothing...in the last week.

This may be in part to the fact , I am enjoying the pleasure of seducing someone new.

What a joy the chase part of all of this is. It made me realize... it is my favorite part. I missed it...now I am reveling in it...lol

Hilltop... I have an apron you can use.

[hilltop]

Ok, lessee - got my plane ticket, squeegee, oven cleaner (can I get on the plane with that?) 5 days o' food laid out for the pups . . .

Hell, honey - I'm almost there . . .

[fun_pairTX]

I wouldn't touch any of my Ex's with a ten foot pole, even if I were so blessed......

Mr F