Single female... do *NOT* want to scare away

[Bigun]

Me and my wife have been looking for a single female for years.... we may have met a likely candidate. We meet at a goth-fetish event.

She started to talk to my wife... I invited her over to out booth. Her and my wife were modelling for this event. And while they were getting ready they were holding hands. She also said... and I quote.. (to my wife) " Your hot... but I'm not lesbian or anything". I'm thinking she likes my wife but doesn't want to admit it.

This girl also has gotten over a marriage and is advantly single. She says she just wants to have "fun".

Is it me or does this girl sound perfect?

To top it off... she's *HOT* as hell... me and my wife both think so.

So the question is... how do we reel this girl in safely?

[EternallySingle]

Be careful. It might just be that this girl is starting to admit her feelings for other women, or she may think SHE is going to ease you and your wife into a swinging encounter. You have to somehow approach her as if both those statements were true. Meaning find a way to bring up fantasies about threesomes, watching, being watched, whatever, and let her make the next move. Usually when people initially meet in person and not through a personal ad, somehow you tell each other your rules and the first swing encounters just seems to happen. Its only at clubs and through online sites that you go through the "OK, this is what you can and can't do, this is what we will and will not do" routine.

Don't think of your relationship with this girl as you and your wife reeling her in, but as you and your wife learning what she has to offer you and you have to offer her. By the time it is time for the three of you to get together, you won't worry about how to get her but how long it will be until you get together again.

BTW, when I say relationship, I'm talking about how you the three of you get along together and nothing more. Everyone has a relationship with everyone else. Its just a matter of how intimate and exclusive our relationships are with various people we know.

[Bigun]

New2this1: We (me and my wife) are looking for a single female. Which is quote common.

EternallySingle: My biggest fear is that my wife and this girl will forget that one and the other exist, and never call each other back. Is there anything *I* can do?

[EternallySingle]

Your wife may think this woman is hot and she might LIKE to include her in a 3some, but that doesn't mean she WANTS to include her in a 3some now or in the future. Unless your wife acutally says she wants to try and hook up with this woman, it isn't going to happen, no matter how hard you try to make it happen.

Back off, ask about her every once in a while, but otherwise leave it alone. I had to do something similar with a friend thats going through a rough time trying to balance swinging, her life as a single mom, and keeping the people from church from finding out. I tried to tell her, without using the S word, that I knew what she was going through and was available if she wanted to talk, but while she says her door is always open, she shuts me out if I talk about anything other than computers or accounting. You have to let her come out and say whats what. If you don't press the matter, she may start the ball moving. If you do, she'll resist, even if she really wants to do what you are suggesting. Women are weird that way, and they won't change. You just have to accept it and love them anyway.

[starlinn]

Bigun,
What kind of vibes did your wife receive from her? Was it "I really think that she is interested in me" or "Wow, I am really interested, and I need a way to get this woman interested in me" Did you get her number? Is she a friend, or did you just meet her at this event? Does she know that you are swingers? If you were friends before the event, that is a totally new thread...LOL If you just met her through this event, then there are possibilities. If you have her number, maybe you guys should call her and meet for dinner? Ask her then that you recall that she was ready for some fun, and wondered what kind of fun she was talking about. Before all that, discuss with your wife how she feels about the woman. Being in the same boat as you both, (always looking for the single bi female) if I were interested, I would definatly pursue it based on the above mentioned advice. (did I feel an interest, and am I interested in her) I hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.

[tribbles]

Be aware that if this single F is just out for FUN and not in the lifestyle or just starting out, she may not be good at respecting your boundaries as a couple. BTDT and still getting over it. That said, just treat her as a person and be kind. It's not hard to develop a friendship but most if not all single F would HATE to think anyone is "reeling" them in.
JMHO

I wish you the best outcome possible. Don't forget to update us with details

[EternallySingle]

BTDT? I'm kinda slow today.

[EternallySingle]

oh, been there, done that.

I told you I was kinda slow today

[Bigun]

Yeah, we got her number. Me and my wife both discussed that we would live to have a single female. And in my wife's words, "I'd do her".

As far as boundries go, this girl has stated too many times that she enjoys being single. And no, this was someone we both just met.

[wetpanties]

Consider yourseld lucky. Most couples considering another woman for a threesome NEVER find one. This girl is obviously attracted to the two of you, she says she is just looking for fun - well so are you - Let you wife make ALL of the decisions here because she is the most important person in the threesome. NEVER meet with the other woman alone even if your wife "says" it's OK because yes means "NO in this situation . If your wife want's this other woman to join you for a threesome - have a great time and keep your wife in the drivers seat.

[Bigun]

Originally Posted by wetpanties

Consider yourseld lucky. Most couples considering another woman for a threesome NEVER find one. This girl is obviously attracted to the two of you, she says she is just looking for fun - well so are you - Let you wife make ALL of the decisions here because she is the most important person in the threesome. NEVER meet with the other woman alone even if your wife "says" it's OK because yes means "NO in this situation . If your wife want's this other woman to join you for a threesome - have a great time and keep your wife in the drivers seat.

Roger... so no nudging or reminder her to call this girl. Leave all contact up to her?

[Bigun]

Wow.... things turned out better than I thought.

This weekend me and my wife were bored off our asses. So I suggested she call her new friend and see what she was up to. This other girl was hanging out with one of her girlfriends and me and my wife were invited with them to a club. I wasn't expecting anything to happen. When we got to the club, it came out that we were swingers after a few drinks. They both thought it was cool and wanted to know more. We told some stores, talked of limits, and some experiences. The night was a lot of fun. It also became apperant that both of these girls were bi-sexual. Now I thought finding just *one* single-bi-sexual female was lucky..... but two?! Things went on, I still didn't expect anything. Then we got invited back to the girls place. At about 3 in the morning, the girls decided to sneak into the complexes pool and swim (since I had no suit, I couldn't swim). After the girls got in the pool, my wife decided to go nude, and began stripping the other girls.

At that peak, I'll drop the story, because that is about all that had happened. I got a very nice private show, and I had a nice memory. After the swim, we went back to the apartment, and spoke more of swinging and then said our good-byes. At one point in the night I was able to talk privately to one of the girls and asked (in reference to swinging) if she was attracted to me and my wife.... she said yes... then I asked if her friend felt the same way... she said yes. Am I dreaming folks? Or should I thank my lucky stars that this is happening?

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by Bigun

Or should I thank my lucky stars that this is happening?

I'm thinking a "thank you" to the swinging gods might be in order. Good for you!

[EternallySingle]

You definitely got lucky. I know from experience that it is far easier to swing when the woman wants to do it for her own reasons than if you bring it up to her. At first I thought you were making this up LOL but then I remembered I got involved with a group of women the same way when I was in Washington. I started dating a woman that everyone KNEW was a lesbian. A few weeks later she did something strange and said to meet her at a coffee shop and she described what she would be wearing. When I got there another woman was wearing exactly what my girlfriend said she would be wearing. It turned out to be her roommate. We talked for a while then my girlfriend arrived wearing the exact same thing. My girlfriend said her girlfriend had watched us a few times and asked if she could join us. A week after that they invited me to a club in Vancouver. Two weeks after that they suggested I open an account at a particular bank and to go there at a particular day and time. One of the women that worked at the bank asked me out after I opened my account. After what I thought was a major deception, I met her husband and we worked things out. He took me to a strip club and I met another woman. Turns out the four women heard about swinging while in college and had been swinging as a group ever since. They met me and decided to let me in their inner circle for a while (until I met ... well, thats another sad story I told too many times here).

I'm glad something similar has happened to someone else besides me. Now I don't feel so weird...and believe that theres a small chance that maybe it will happen to me again sometime in the future. Before your story, I thought those days were long gone.

[HotMoCpl]

I believe that we are all basically programmed while growing up that same sex is not good, but I have never found anything in the bible that says woman should not do this. :rollseyes I believe that is the reason my wife says she does not want another woman to touch her.....and deep down inside I'm thinking that she would explode in orgasm if it ever happened. But hey, to each they're own.