A question about drinking?

We go to a somewhat local swing club. The last time we were there I drank a six pack. I can say yea I was drunk but, by far not SMASHED. I was being very playful with just about anyone "who aproched me." I love to flit but, just because I'm sitting on someones lap or flirting DOSE NOT MEAN I'M TAKING THEM TO A ROOM!! As we were about to leave a guy I did find attractive came up to me and said he'ld love to play but, i'ld have to be SOBER. I may be out of line but, at the time I took it as an offence. What he said was more along the lines of I'ld love to play but, you'ld have to be sober. He then made some kind of comment about how i'ld been on the men all night. Who the hell is he to say who I can flirt with? BTW he just assumed I was into him by coming up and making it know he'ld screw me sober. What made him think I was going to screw him? We are not new to swinging but, we are new to clubs. I love beer and I like to drink. Is it a major turn off for some guys to see a women drink? I am confused about the drinking thing at clubs. My husband dose not drink. I know it's taboo to be toasted but, I was not. NEG OR POS I'ld love to hear views on women drinking and being flirty. For those who care I told him good LUCK with the sober. I am who I am and I think it's shitty to push a personal prefrence on ANYONE! THANKS

[OhioCouple]

xerogirl,

That is a pretty difficult situation to analyze. In my opinion I think for the most part that society is still driven by the thought that "Girls should be Ladies" and "Boys can be whatever they want". Meaning that I feel it is frowned upon by women drinking and they are seen as sloshes and men are just good old boys having fun even when passed out in the middle of a busy intersection.

Couple this with the fact that you were drinking, your husband wasn't and you were being a flirt. Are you a natural flirt or does it just come out in you after you have a few drinks? That would be my first question.

Since the guy approached you, I am confused as to why he would just blatently say he wanted to play with you but you would have to be sober. That isn't a normal pick up line even in the non-swing world. Another fact to be considered is that many people do not like the smell of beer breath and despise even more so than the do smoker's breath. Since that was your beverage choice he could have noticed that by talking to you and was turned off by it. I don't find that unusual at all. My husband loves to try all sorts of new beers and there are times that I just have to say "Ewwww that stuff leaves an icky smell."

What does your husband say? He would know you better than anyone. Did he think you were toasted? Often times many people don't think they are when in fact they are three sheets to the wind. I've seen it and done it myself. I'd say if your husband says you were fine, I wouldn't worry about it and just chalk it up to a remark made by someone that very well could have been innocent.

Lori

[fun_pairTX]

Personally I dislike drunks of either gender. That fact not withstanding, your choice to drink or not, is ultimately yours. You have to live with you no matter what you choose to do. If you do have a problem, you will be the last to know.

I am a FLIRT drinking or sober. I am not one of the persons who has to drink to swing. Yes, i agree beer breath is nasty. This guy who made the comment to me was not like a total stranger. I've seen him several times at the club and we even have mutal friends. I supose because we know some of the same people he felt he could aproch me more upfront then someone who he knew little about. More so then the drinking comment I was annoyed by the comment about me not be slective about the men I was flirting with. "he said I was all over all the men". I guess I should just let it go. After asking someone who knows us both about the comment, they said he is a pompus ass that's all. I can party sober but, I enjoying drinking. It cost us 70-100 dollars to go out. We have to get gas pay a babysitter get in the club and eat exc. So when I get time away from the house the kids exc. I want to cut loose!!!!!. My hubby said I was drunk but, he say's I was not being out of line. I did not lay down anywhere or need any help out to my car I was not stumbling or anything. I DO PLAN on not drinking our next visit just to prove I can be goofy sober. Either way I will not give that guy the time of day. He blew any chance of getting me in the sac. I feel strongly if you don't have anything nice to say to someone and they are not asking your thought....you should live and let live and keep your comments in your own mouth.

[JustAskJulie]

If you are a flirt regardless, then my guess (based solely on what you write) is that the guy was just taken aback by your flirtatiousness with so many guys. Perhaps he is the type who ASSumes that just because a girl flirts with him (and even more so in a swing club situation) that she is interested in HIM, and thinking that figures that since you were also flirting with all these other guys that you are just a "slut" there to screw anyone who will take you.

Or, not knowing you outside of that given situation, assumed that your actions were soley because you had been drinking.

Whatever, the case I wouldn't worry about it. As someone else said, if you choose to drink it is up to you, so long as you keep it to moderation and not let the drink control your actions.

[mopek]

Hi,

From what you wrote about him, it sounds like he needs to check his etiquette. It doesn't even sound like it was about the drinking to me. He just walked up to you and said

"I'll play with you but...."

That in itself tells me that the problem started with him. You just don't approach people like that out of respect.

The drinking was secondary...to me anyway.

mopek

[LadyandLordAro]

It strikes me odd that someone would consider another person in a swing club too "flirtatious" be they drunk or sober.

I realize there is a difference between a flirt and outright acting like a pro lap dancer ( it that a bad thing? ) but hey..if the guy didnt want to see lewd behavior..methinks he hangs out in the wrong place.

BTW..I'm a drunk. I can be sober too, but ah wubs mah beah.

[Vjklander]

We might enjoy a drink or two when out for the night, but we would never play drunk and won't play with someone who is drunk. Sorry, just not that appealing to us.
Jamie

[Fatcat_Lynx]

Well I love to flirt also. Drinking or sober.I do drink and last nite I was at a Swingers party. I don't care who likes it or not. I am over 21 and if I want a drink that is me.
If a man wants to sleep with you it don't matter if you are sober or drunk. That to me seems like a EXCUSE he came up with. I dont know many men who turn down sleeping with a woman. I might be wrong but hey who knows...
Lynx

[Alura]

It sounds to me like the guy is, indeed, a pompous ass, xerogirl. Not because he chooses to play with sober women; I do that myself and Mrs. Alura won't play with someone who's blitzed. Still, he was out of line. If he didn't want to play with you there was no reason to approach you. That he did tells me he had something else on his agenda. Perhaps turning a woman down for sex makes him feel superior and he jumped at the chance.

If you had approached him, and he turned you down because you were drinking, it would have been quite different.

Mr. Alura

[river248]

All new to me. I doubt that I could swing without a drink or 2 at first meeting. I'm too uptight/shy; whatever you want to call it. I don't flirt at all sober and with a couple of drinks, it still isn't something I do overly well.

I thought flirting was appropriate at clubs and drinking too.

I think that guy has a thing for you and was really upset that you were not flirting with him and only him! Possessive type! Where was his wife in all of this and what was she doing?

Also, I would never under any circumstances go the next time and play "sober" just to show him. He isn't worth your effort!!!!

A&M

[flacpl736]

Yeay, what Julie said!! Why worry about comments for an obviously pompus a*@hole. Go forth and be flirty...with our without the beer...

[Flori_DAMAN]

I would have dumped a beer on his obnoxious head. That was rude, crude and disrespectful.

I can see saying, "I'm not going to get in your airplane if you are the pilot". But what he basically did was cross the lines of etiquette. Like you said you weren't falling down drunk, and if you had 6 beers, depending on your tolerance, at the worst considering you were probably there for hours you may have been a bit lubed. He was judgemental, arrogant, and downright rude and deserved to have a beer dumped on his head.

I would definately not change your drinking habits for him unless you have a drinking problem, which is easily figured out by how many problems drinking causes you.

john.

[ciscosv]

I love to drink. On the weekends of course! I married my designated driver as my wife would say. It is typical for me to stay sober while at swing clubs nowadays so that I can get my wife home safely. More so because she is always carting my drunk ass around and it is her turn to have fun. But I will most certainly have atleat a pint of beer in the early evening. My wife and I dont have a problem around controlled drunk people. It's the rude obnoxios ones that we will avoid.
Enough about us.


You and your husband deserve to get loose and have a good time away from the kids.

It sounds to me that you were well within your limits (as you recall the events) and need not conform to others expectations. Great advice from all. This guy is arrogant. The type that needs to feel superior above all others for welf worth. And posessive to say the least.

Your husband was not concerned so nor should you.

Eat, drink and be merry........

Here is a little phrase that comes to mind:

This is MY HOUSE. If YOU don't like it, YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT!

[Greg & Sheryl]

While your friend certainly committed a faux pas in making those comments to your face, I (Greg) must admit that I am somewhat sympathetic to his opinions. I, too, have a problem playing with a lady who is drunk. This is not because I have a problem with drinking, per se, but I would feel as though I were taking advantage of the woman’s condition. Drinking can impair a woman’s judgment to the point where I don’t feel she can legally consent to sex. Not only do I feel a moral obligation to avoid having sex with a woman who is drunk, but I refuse to put myself in a situation where a woman might later accuse me of rape.

Furthermore, your style of flirting doesn’t agree with me. There’s nothing wrong with flirting with multiple men, especially in a setting where it’s acceptable to have sex with multiple men. But if a lady sat on my lap at a swing club, I would take that as a signal that she wanted to play with me. If she told me afterward that she wasn’t interested, I would feel deceived. While it may not be your intent to deceive anyone, I think you might be sending to wrong message to some people.