Drugs and Swinging

[MoonLightKiss]

Hi all! Hubby and I ran into a problem our first time out of the gate, and I am feeling a little gun shy now, and wondered if this was normal. Hubby found a couple for us for some soft swinging. We want to take things one step at a time and thought this might be a good way to start. We agreed to meet at their house about an hour away from ours, since we have children and a mother in law who lives next door. (Probably not a good idea for her to walk in the house while we are "entertaining".) When we get there we are all sitting around having a couple of drinks and getting to know one another. The entire time, my gut, womens intuition, something keeps telling me that there is something wrong. We move to the living room where we will be more comfortable and the husband of the other couple asks me to get something out of the drawer in the end table. When I open it up, I see cocaine in there. I know this is what it was. I am a recovering coke addict, been clean eleven years now. And as with all addicts the temptation is still there. I squeezed my husbands left hand twice, (which was our silent sign to leave immediately if there was a reason we didnt want to discuss in front of the other couple) We started to make our excuses to leave and they became very hateful. I decided to tell them what I had found and that I was not comfortable being around it and why. They tried to explain it was for recreation, blah blah blah. I told them it didnt matter, I could not and would not be around it. Alot of it is fear I will give into the temptation. They were very mad at us, but we left anyway. In all honesty, I really didnt care how they felt. I cant go back to using, I dont know if I am strong enough to walk away a second time. My question is, did we do the right thing? And does this happen to others or is it just my bad luck? Are drugs a part of this lifestyle normally, and if so, whats the best way to deal with them? I guess I am a little scared now that this may happen again and not sure what to think, any advice is appreciated and I am sorry if this post is a little long.
Mrs. Kiss

[jennandjamesinm]

Yes - you absolutely did the right thing!!! We would have ran like hell also. In our experience, we haven't ran across any "heavy" drug users, a few pot smokers and drinkers, but never anything worse than that. You did the right thing and if they were ugly towards you, then they really weren't worth getting to know. Congrats on being clean for 11 years, that is awesome!!!

Jenn

[BradAndJanet]

Congratulations on finding the strength to leave. *hugs*

I don't believe that drug use is any more prevalent in the swinging community than in society at large, no.

You did the right thing, absolutely.

-B

[Paphian]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

The entire time, my gut, womens intuition, something keeps telling me that there is something wrong. We move to the living room where we will be more comfortable and the husband of the other couple asks me to get something out of the drawer in the end table. When I open it up, I see cocaine in there. I know this is what it was.

Yikes.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

I am a recovering coke addict, been clean eleven years now. And as with all addicts the temptation is still there. I squeezed my husbands left hand twice, (which was our silent sign to leave immediately if there was a reason we didnt want to discuss in front of the other couple) We started to make our excuses to leave and they became very hateful.

Great! Twice. You had the strength to bail out of a situation that was not for you, and a pre-arranged signal so hubby knew what to do. I'm impressed, as I know from friends that are also recovering just how difficult that is.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

I decided to tell them what I had found and that I was not comfortable being around it and why. They tried to explain it was for recreation, blah blah blah. I told them it didnt matter, I could not and would not be around it. Alot of it is fear I will give into the temptation. They were very mad at us, but we left anyway. In all honesty, I really didnt care how they felt.

Assholes. Doesn't matter what their reasons were. What mattered is that your reasons were the right ones for you. Reading this, I'd bet you could walk away from a similar situation in the future, although I sure hope you don't have to.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

I cant go back to using, I dont know if I am strong enough to walk away a second time.

Good for you! It takes a strong woman (who sounds like she's blessed with a supportive husband) to stick to her guns. As mentioned above, I'm betting you could walk away again.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

My question is, did we do the right thing?

Of course! In swinging, "no means no" and the reason doesn't have to be something directly related to sex or attraction. Not wanting to be around drug users is just as valid a reason.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

And does this happen to others or is it just my bad luck?

I expect it happens as often as it happens in any other aspect of life outside of swinging.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

Are drugs a part of this lifestyle normally, and if so, whats the best way to deal with them?

I don't happen to believe that drug use is any more common in the lifestyle than it is in other aspects of life--that's what's true from my experience. The best way to deal with them is the way that's right (and safe) for you. I won't knowingly be involved with drug use either, so I would make the same choice you did. Others might not.

One advantage of clubs (at least any that I've attended) is that absolutely no drugs are tolerated. So while there's no assurance that people don't arrive that are already using, at least you're more assured that drugs won't be present.

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

I guess I am a little scared now that this may happen again and not sure what to think, any advice is appreciated and I am sorry if this post is a little long.
Mrs. Kiss

I wish I could tell ya, "It won't happen again." But we both know that no one can assure you of that. What you can do is make "No drug users!" a part of any profile you may have... and remember to ask about that when talking with new people. If you get any answer you're not comfortable with, then you can politely decline to meet, which should be much easier than the situation you found yourself in. I'd think that pre-screening like that should help cut the chance of it happening again to next to zero.

[Alura]

I tried cocaine once, about thirty years ago. I was unimpressed with the high but the worst head-cold I ever had started the next day. I've had no trouble saying "No!" ever since. I suspect you will be the same way.

I met a very intelligent, talented and beautiful lady in Spain many years ago who did no drugs. Some folks brought out some "snow" at a party. She tried it. From that time on she would do whatever it took to get coke. The last time I saw her, she was "on the streets" on an island in Spain. Some folks said she was sleeping on the beach or with anyone who had cocaine.

It's an insidious drug. Never relent. Never think "one line can't hurt." It can, and you were absolutely right in fleeing. If I were you, I'd make it a point to never see those folks again. The fact that they were pissed off only underscores the rightness of your decision.

I think the incidence of drug use is about the same among swingers as the general population.

Mr. Alura

[cumhungrycouple]

Well dont think I am a prude but drugs to me in general and for swinging are not what I want or want to see as;

- I was brought up to associate drug takers = loosers with no personality
- never found anyone to disprove that! (I am too young for the 60's) and where the wife comes from I see druggies and they are like "ghosts"
- drugs screw your brain up. I have one brain prefer to keep it in good condition!
- I get high as a kite from sex and having fun - why I need an artificial stimulant?
- they are illegal - who wants to be caught in a drugs raid (random drug testing happens where I lived for a long time - in clubs!) and go to jail
- someone high might do something risky like forget the condoms....spread an STD say
- if someone screws with their brain and body with drugs - do they take risks with HIV/STD's?

If I see drugs. I walk away. Bye Bye druggies!

[BiWoman33]

Brava to you for knowing yourself. It's too bad they were so awful about your feelings. I don't think you will encounter it too much, though it's not likely that you never will again. Your well being is paramount, so you should continue to do whatever you need to to stay healthy.
I was at one small private party where a few people were doing cocaine( I am afraid of trying, as Alura's post demonstrates-plus I was growing up in Boston when a well-conditioned top college athlete dropped dead from doing it ONCE) and the host continued throughout the evening to offer me a "bump", even though I had told him I don't do coke. Ever. I really do feel the majority of swingers find drug use and even excessive alcohol use to inhibit actual sexual performance. If someone is heavily intoxicated it can make you feel that they are not in full control of their faculties, and perhaps unaware of their actions. Not the experience most people want. Good luck in the future- I think it would help you to state up front that you want to meet drug-free couples, and saying so would offend very few.

[djjwp]

Right move. They are losers.

[Alura]

Cumhungrycouplewrote:

I was brought up to associate drug takers = loosers with no personality
- never found anyone to disprove that!

I have. An excellent example was a black American who was a professor of Literature at a German University. He was also a writer whose ambition was to have as great an effect on Western Literature as did Dostoyevsky. I don't know if he ever succeeded, but can assure you that his writings, which I was privileged to read, were way above average.

I don't think he did coke, though.

I would agree that many "druggies" fit your description, Cumhungrycouple, but like most prejudices, there are astounding exceptions.

Mr. Alura

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

...the husband of the other couple asks me to get something out of the drawer in the end table. When I open it up, I see cocaine in there.

That was his way of saying, "Hey, would you guys like to do a little coke?"

Your leaving was your way of saying, "No thanks"

In the West-coast city where I grew up, Coke was "cool" for about 2 years in the early 80's. Since then, it's been pretty much a "losers drug-of-choice."

You won't see that much of it in the lifestyle, because neither the clubs, nor the folks who host private parties, want to give the police ANY justification for entering the premises.

[BradAndJanet]

I tried it once too, Al. I couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about. Damn expensive stuff too!

-B

[MoonLightKiss]

I want to say thank you to you all for your kind words and support. You can believe that there will be better screening from now on, and any and all profiles now specifically state NO DRUGS NO EXCEPTIONS. I don't want to screw up my family and my life for what some call "fun" so thank you all so much for your support. It is a comfort to know that each and everyone of you are compassionate and understanding. Hugs to all of you!!

[Lovinlife59912]

Congrat's on staying clean If that's the only way those people can loosen up to have fun then thats too bad for them.
Always follow your heart... it normally won't lead you astray.

[WesternSwing]

MoonLightKiss, you did exactly the right thing. And no, drugs are not a big part of the swinging scene. In fact, I've never, ever seen coke at any party we've been to. Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. There are plenty of prospects out there that are better for you.

Mr. WS

[singleagain]

My best friend tried cocain one time...his last time...actually his last time trying anything. We had his funeral about two weeks later. It would have been sooner but no one found his body until about a week and a half after he expired. Cocain doesn't mix with anything...swinging, marriage, being single, driving a car, baby-sitting...the list goes on.

You did exactly what you should have done. Me...I would have squeezed my partners hand and left without saying a word. I don't know what you say in your profile but when and if I put up a new one it will say...no means no...and that includs no drugs! I want to feel the sex, not the high.