Clingy Girl

[youngin26]

Ok so my man and I tried swapping for the first time. We've done threesomes and that was fine. But the girl in this couple is scandalous to me. She continues to leave my boyfriend messages and talk to him on im everyday. She talks about how she wants him to dream of her and says kisses and all this stuff. Yet she has a boyfriend. My boyfriend is honest and tells me everything. I really am not comfortable swinging with someone who obviously thinks its more than sex. Yes, im sure my bf is the hottest guy and the best sex she has ever had but i don't think we should do it again based on her actions. I need some advice here. What do you think I should do?

[ohash01]

First, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him you're feeling uncomfortable. Explain why.

Second, together, as a COUPLE...talk to her.

It's tough sometimes...but he's not her boyfriend...he's yours. She should probably back off a bit. If you 3 together think you can come to an understanding and she'll back off and yuo can still swing happily, then I'd say no reason to cut if off completely. If she gets hysterical or pissed - she's got emotions invested - you need to cut it off.

[havefuninsun]

How much swinger experience does the other woman have?

When we talk to play couples, we both flirt a lot on IM. We both always save chat sessions so the other knows what is said. When I "hear" (or read) another girl say to Mr. Fun "big kisses to you" or "dream of my hot body" tonight, I take it as flirting ... just keeping him interested. BUT, I know exactly how you feel b/c the same thing happened to me one time. I think what bothered me in that situation was the fact the female wasn't talking to me anymore ... only him.

So, engage her. See if she's as friendly to you as she is to him ... then you'll know if she has alternative intentions in mind, or if she's just trying to keep his interest.

[Mr. Truelove]

In my IM chats I try to flirt (although I am not very good at it). But the things you mention are things I would say to flirt. It doesn't mean I want to have an emotional attachment. It just means I want to be friendly, flirt, and to be friends.

If you are having issues with his statements and vice versa you need to talk to your boyfriend. Let him know you are feeling a bit of jealousy and if you as a couple so desire, terminate this contact with the girl.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. You'll hear it over and over.

Mr. Truelove

We are alot like many others listed above when it comes to flirting. We do the IM thing and also PM's and emails to other couples that we play with. We use the words "kisses" and other comments that have been mentioned here. These types of conversations on IM are just flirting but I understand where you are coming from as there are those that do more than that. However, the only thing I would say is communicate, be honest with your bf and tell him how your feeling. Talk with the other lady and maybe you are just reading more into it than just innocent flirting.

MrsVan

[good times]

What I think you should do is talk it out with your boyfriend, as the others have said.

I have to say though, that what you related here isn't uncommon at all. My wife loves to flirt with play partners via email and PM's, I on the other hand prefer to do my flirting in person, I just don't flirt well in writing. In our case though, it doesn't bother me a bit that Mrs. GT likes to flirt a little with playmates, she knows who her husband is, it is just a little extra fun for her. She does share these communications with me, doesn't have any secrets, doesn't do it behind my back, so I don't see any harm in it.

[youngin26]

I am the original poster here and it goes way beyond flirting. She continues to send text messages, won't talk to me, and almost acts as though she is trying to get into a relationship with my bf. she tells him how awful her bf is and everything. I really don't want a girl around like this. Do you guys think its wierd? She is young and doesnt understand that its just sex. She contacts him like a girl who just lost her virginity for real...

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by youngin26

I am the original poster here and it goes way beyond flirting. She continues to send text messages, won't talk to me, and almost acts as though she is trying to get into a relationship with my bf. she tells him how awful her bf is and everything. I really don't want a girl around like this. Do you guys think its wierd? She is young and doesnt understand that its just sex. She contacts him like a girl who just lost her virginity for real...

Well the bottom line is, YOU are uncomfortable with her and it's making YOU unhappy. That's reason alone for your b/f to put a stop to this.

It's all fun and games when we're playing with other folks. When it becomes NOT fun and you feel like others are playing games with you that are not of the fun variety, time to stop it. He just simply needs to say, "My g/f and I are looking for fun playmates, and at this time we're pursuing other interests" or something. He needs to be firm (not mean) so she understands what is what. And, don't play with her anymore. Sounds like she's full of that dreaded DRAMA.

Good luck! And please don't let this one experience turn you off in exploring other fantasies. For the most part, we're all normal people. Sex freaks, maybe, but normal nonetheless.

[prettylady]

I was inline with everyone at first. She is just flirting, but even so if it was bothering you, you are right in wanting it to end. Some people make me uncomfortable, they maybe acting with in the swinger code of conduct, but if I am uncomfortable the situation must be changed or stopped. If she is turning to him with her problems and you are only playmates that would be more disturbing as well.
If it were me, I would ask Dog to please put a stop to the situation, if your boyfriend is being honest with you about the IMs then he will hopefully understand your feelings.
Best wishes
Your friend,
Prettylady

[MoonLightKiss]

Anytime someone becomes uncomfortable its time to STOP immediately. There are different levels of stop though for each situation. There is the "stop and talk about something that made me uncomfortable and then resume, "stop playing with that particular person until we talk", "stop playing with that particular person but its okay to still be friends.", "Stop any contact whatsoever with that particular person", and "Stop playing altogether."

This falls into the stop any contact whatsoever with that particular person. This a case of drama neither you nor your boyfriend need. A nice little email about how you had fun but you are not looking for long term commitments and you just don't feel a chemistry there for friendship is all that is needed. If she tries to call or send a text message, don't answer. She will eventually get the hint.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

This falls into the stop any contact whatsoever with that particular person.

I agree!
Good luck, and let us know what happens!
Sarah

[youngin26]

Thanks to all of you! I appreciate it.

[youngin26]

Ok, its me again who originally posted. This situation has gotten totally out of hand at this point. We came to the library tonight and she was sitting two tables away. Proceeded to IM with my bf all night and told him shoed do a threeway with us behind her mans back, SCANDALOUS. I dont want any part of it and i want her gone. Then she asked him (my bf) to walk her to her car and she has been whining about her bf to him for over an hour now. I trust him and no nothing is up but i cant stand this drama. I want to ring her fucking neck....HELP

[Mr. Truelove]

What does your boyfriend say about all this?

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by youngin26

Ok, its me again who originally posted. This situation has gotten totally out of hand at this point. We came to the library tonight and she was sitting two tables away. Proceeded to IM with my bf all night and told him shoed do a threeway with us behind her mans back, SCANDALOUS. I dont want any part of it and i want her gone. Then she asked him (my bf) to walk her to her car and she has been whining about her bf to him for over an hour now. I trust him and no nothing is up but i cant stand this drama. I want to ring her fucking neck....HELP

If you've told your b/f this isn't working for YOU, why is he still talking to HER? If they're IMing all night, it's more than a one way conversation ... if he's interested in ditching her, he wouldn't be communicating with her.

Think about it. If you email/IM/text/call whatever someone three or four (or more) times and they don't return the email/IM/text/call/whatever, wouldn't you get the hint?

I'm concerned about the fact that you CLEARLY see red flags everywhere, you do not want any part of this woman, but yet your b/f is still in contact.

You need to have a serious heart to heart with your man and find out what the hell is going on. You may trust him, but girl, as a complete outsider (and stranger) looking in, the way you describe things makes me think he's not being honest with you.

If Mr. Fun continued communication with someone who I felt uneasy about (founded or unfounded), WE would have big BIG issues.