The Age Old... why haven't they replied?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

This is a specific example of a general issue. All those cases of people wondering why someone hasn't responded to their message yet... I have to wonder if some of them aren't cases similar to what we are experiencing below (we are the ones who haven't responded yet).

 

 

Ok, so we have this message in our inbox on SLS and it's been there for a couple of days. We know it's there and we've read it through our mail history (but haven't actually opened it). We've been on there quite a few times, so why is it we haven't opened it?

 

Because this is like the 10th email on SLS from this couple, the first came in about a week and a half ago. They live 90+ miles away so it's not like we get a lot of opportunities to meet them. They contacted us FIRST and now it's like they want to have this online friendship or something, which is all great. But I'm just not in for talking about all the details of YOUR day with someone I don't really know and haven't met and may or may not meet. We visit the area where they live quite often (Nashville) and we might meet them at some point if they get out to Menages...

 

So anyway, I was looking at this message sitting there for the 7th or so time and thinking.... I wonder if the people on the other side of this message are the same ones we see posting here asking "why haven't they responded?".

 

It's not that we won't respond, we will. But hell, as soon as we respond they will respond again and I just don't have the time to keep that conversation going, let alone the interest (yet). And to be honest, the constant back and forth is tiring and is (if anything) making me lose interest in them rather than building it. So, we wait a few days in between responses, to cut down on the number of responses we have to give.

[sexcupid 809]

 

Ok, now that I've had a good chuckle out of this...

 

I know what you mean, sometimes you just want to convey information or just keep in touch in general...not carry on like super-best-friends.

 

I'm sure you've probably tried, but maybe pin-pointing a date you'll be in the area would keep it from happening...'So, we'll be at Menages on April 2nd. Hopefully we can meet you there then. I'll be the awesome red-headed girl gettin' down on the dance floor to 'Low' as many times as I can get the DJ into playing it (I am LOVING that song right now BTW...having it on repeat is not out of order lol). We get busy with RL stuff and don't always get to respond to emails in a very timely manner...kthanxbye'

 

Are they pretty new? I don't know that there is a way to say 'can you stop messaging so much...we're interested, but settle down' that might be taken well.

[des1re06 200]

Ten emails in a week and a half? Are they desperate or in love? In either case, we'd drop them like a hot potato. Sorry to be blunt, but that's just too much interference in our personal lives for comfort.

 

Mrs. D

[sweet_tna 680]

 

Ok, now that I've had a good chuckle out of this...

 

I know what you mean, sometimes you just want to convey information or just keep in touch in general...not carry on like super-best-friends.

 

I'm sure you've probably tried, but maybe pin-pointing a date you'll be in the area would keep it from happening...'So, we'll be at Menages on April 2nd. Hopefully we can meet you there then. I'll be the awesome red-headed girl gettin' down on the dance floor to 'Low' as many times as I can get the DJ into playing it (I am LOVING that song right now BTW...having it on repeat is not out of order lol). We get busy with RL stuff and don't always get to respond to emails in a very timely manner...kthanxbye'

 

Are they pretty new? I don't know that there is a way to say 'can you stop messaging so much...we're interested, but settle down' that might be taken well.

 

I'm with Maria on this one--including the song!!

 

Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans

Boots with the fur . . .

 

=)

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

And to be honest, the constant back and forth is tiring and is (if anything) making me lose interest in them rather than building it.

Ten emails from them in 10 days would have the same affect on me that it's had on you. I don't know that I'd even want to meet them for fear of them being cling-ons.

 

I'm not a chatter online. When a couple contacts us, or we them, we usually exchange three emails each and have a date set to meet within two weeks, three at the most. And if we can't get a meet set in that time we also notice our interest in meeting them wanes. We have learned from experience that the longer we put off meeting the more likely we'll never meet.

 

If I was getting too much mail from someone, but was still open to meeting them, I don't know what exactly I'd say to them...we've not been in this situation. But I'd have to find a way to let them know not to expect me to write often because I'm not big on writing. You have already set up a pattern though, presuming you've responded to their previous 9 emails, so you may not be in a position to give them the reason I gave.

 

When a couple contacts us who we know we're unlikely to meet soon (because of distance), we usually put something in the second/third email like "when we plan to be in 'Nashville' we'll drop you a line...take care." We don't ask any questions in that last email so they won't have a reason to write back immediately. This approach seems to work for us. We haven't had any problem with cling-ons.

 

LM

[good times 990]

Must be something in the air, we have two emails in waiting on SLS right now. One is from a couple that has written us many times. The other is from an out of town couple wanting to meet when they come to town.

 

In the first case, we are at a loss as to what to say to them, how many ways can we tell them we aren't interested in them before they get it?

 

The second one goes back to the thread here recently about how soon before you go out do you make the decision to do so. When folks write us several weeks before they come to town, we have no idea if we will be available or not. So it makes it kind of hard to respond to them if we are interested in meeting them. If we aren't interested, it is easy, we just send the standard "thanks, but no thanks" response. If we are interested though, the emails tend to sit their until it doesn't matter any more, simply because we can't give them a atraight answer. I guess that is why the ad sites really suck for us as a way to meet people.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Are they pretty new? I don't know that there is a way to say 'can you stop messaging so much...we're interested, but settle down' that might be taken well.

 

Ten emails in a week and a half? Are they desperate or in love? In either case, we'd drop them like a hot potato. Sorry to be blunt, but that's just too much interference in our personal lives for comfort.

 

Mrs. D

 

Ok, I exagerated just a little. I just checked, the email that is waiting to be answered is the 6th from them in about 10 days... 7 if you count the fact that they emailed us on our Yahoo account once and then copied the same email to SLS just to make sure we got it.

 

They are new to the area, just moved to where they are from about 6 hours away, so I do think they are desperate to make friends... although why they picked us - 90 miles away I don't really know. They initially made contact RIGHT before we went to Nashville the last time and of course we invited them to join us at the club. I think at least one, if not two, of their emails went completely unanswered by us. I looked at it and said "god that's a lot of words". I really didn't care about her new blinds she needed to hang or how their unpacking is going. I don't know them well enough to care! LOL

[pervgeeks 119]

Unless we know them or have met them it's, "We prefer to talk further at lifestyle events". If we're interested, we'll tell them what lifestyle events we'll be at. They have to be pretty damned interesting (which can occasionally happen) for us to continuing writing regularly when there's been no real life contact. We get at least 3-4 new couples a week interested in us and 1-2 days a month to go out (and we like to get together again with a few established lifestyle friends also), so the math on it just doesn't add up otherwise.

[Ellyanne77 81]

Okay I'm completely understanding this one today. We have this couple we have met a few times and really like them but again its about their day to day lives everytime they email us like what they did today etc etc. I can barely keep up with my own friends so although I think they are really nice and we really like them its just too much. We haven't emailed them in over a week just to hopefully slow down the emails a little. For instance last week when they emailed us we really didn't think they were asking for immediate responses on anything they said so we just deleted and went on our way. But then I get on today and its again hey cuties how was your week etc etc etc...I just responded and said doing great just busy with work and spending time with friends and hope you have a good week...that was it. I didn't leave anything open for discussion. I figure we will see them again but just not anytime soon so no need to email what our plans are.

[two4youinswva 3,067]

I looked at it and said "god that's a lot of words". I really didn't care about her new blinds she needed to hang or how their unpacking is going. I don't know them well enough to care! LOL

 

I bet they send out one hell of a Christmas letter. "It was a banner year at the Firecrotch household. Bob got a promotion, but has to work a lot of hours now. Iva is the library committee chairperson, and brought a new vision to book lending......."

 

Sometimes we just don't feel like answering right away. Especially if we feel like it's turning into a month long email party. So, we too will delay our response, using the mail history link to keep the message new.

 

We're also on the team that says "We go to the club, and we would be happy to meet you there on Saturday"

[Tybee Swing 286]

I think at least one, if not two, of their emails went completely unanswered by us. I looked at it and said "god that's a lot of words". I really didn't care about her new blinds she needed to hang or how their unpacking is going. I don't know them well enough to care! LOL

 

Julie, I wonder if this is the type of person who needs to "become friends" before she can move forward with meeting/possibly having sex with others?? Maybe she needs to feel bonded like bff's before she can be comfortable swinging? Just a guess.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

Ok, so we have this message in our inbox on SLS and it's been there for a couple of days. We know it's there and we've read it through our mail history (but haven't actually opened it).

It's interesting to know we aren't the only ones who use this trick!

[two42lovers 273]

Tricky situation, because of course you do want to connect with this couple, you just don't want to do endless emails.

 

Maybe just fire back a very short note saying "got your email and wanted to say a quick hello - but things are hectic this month, so we'll write further later in the week, or next week, just to touch base. We do get busy sometimes and there just isn't enough time in the day!"

[VegasLee 1,486]

Julie,

 

How about just using the truth.

 

 

"Hi folks, we are very busy people and not sure when we are going to get your way but if we see we are going to in the future we will contact you and let you know, you do the same if you are heading this way. We are not into a lot of email contact as we and have a lot of time save the getting to know people for our in person time."

 

What's wrong with using the truth in todays world?

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

Nothing wrong with the truth. Actually, my last message to them was short and sweet letting them know when we plan to be in their area again and that we will let them know for sure later on. Haven't heard back from them. (maybe they read the board, who knows).

 

At any rate, it wasn't so much a search for advice but just wondering if this might sometimes be what the situation is when we get people on here whining that they haven't gotten a reply (since quite often it is literraly within a day or two of their message).

[two42lovers 273]

Yep, it's likely they are inexperienced and feeling eager, and want to get to know you and flirt a little online, especially since you are far enough apart to make the "let's meet for a drink tonight" thing unworkable. Problem is, some people have a big appetite for emailing and chatting online, even with people they have no plans to meet anytime soon. (Not to mention that over-eager isn't real attractive.) As for your question, hmmmm - most posts from people whining about not getting their emails answered are a little different, aren't they? Usually come from people who recieved no answer to an initial inquiry.

[Fantasy01 11]

Hummmmm We have just the opposit luck with couple, if thats really what they are, not responding to our email. To us thats rude.

[prettylady 221]

Dog and I don't live under the same roof, combine that with wicked busy lives, sometimes it takes awhile before the other one can read the message.

When I open one and I am not expecting Dog in a few days, I will email back and tell them that he is away and as soon as he gets back we will get back to you. but I don't do that all the time. Probably should though.

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface: